"you will always be fond of me. i represent to you the sins you never had the courage to commit."

Lily looked at herself in the mirror. She surveyed her outfit: a burgundy coat with a white crop and black tights. Her lips were glossy and she'd put a minimal amount of make-up. Not too much– it wasn't her style– but just enough.

She took a deep breath, looking herself in the eye. She was going to face James today. In a matter of minutes. She could feel the butterflies in her stomach.

The more you act like this, the more clear it is to everyone that you're not over him.

She sighed. Sirius was right. She had to do this, for herself, for everyone. She needed to move on.

However, it was going to be hard, seeing James. He was going to be there, and he had moved on. He was going to be laughing, smiling. What if he talked to her casually? Like two long-lost friends? It was just going to hurt.

Sadly, the time had passed. It was too late to back out now. She was going to have to face him, whether she liked him or not.

She grabbed her wand, put it in her purse, and Apparated to the filming location that Malcom had told her. She landed there and was greeted with a bunch of faces. She greeted them, talked to them, but she was getting more and more nervous.

"Hey. I'm Marlene, make-up specialist," a woman with dark hair and red highlights introduced, holding her hand out. Lily shook it. "You're our new director, I presume?"

"Yeah," replied Lily. "Nice to meet you."

"Same. It's going to be a lot of fun working with me," Marlene said, before laughing at her own joke. She seemed like a fun person to be around. "Just kidding. I'm excited to work with you."

Lily smiled at her. "Thank you. You too."

"Yep! Anyway, as you probs know, we started shooting already. You should know some things. So, naturally, James is the lead, right. He's always kind of late, which is fine. He's not the only one. His girlfriend, who we're also covering, is like… super punctual. Her name's Danielle. She's nice. And funny. All that good stuff. Then there's this guy on his team we're taking an interview about, his name's-"

"Marlene!" cried a voice. A man with side swept blonde hair came jogging up to them. "James is ready for you. He's waiting in the make-up room."

"Got it," Marlene said. She grinned at Lily. "It was fun talking to you. I'll catch you later?"

"Yep," said Lily, her insides twisting over themselves. James. James. She was about to see James. In person. For the first time since… so long. And they hadn't left on pleasant terms either. "See you."

She quickly jogged away, adjusting her walkie talkie by her belt as the blonde dude smiled at her.

"Hey. Lucas."

"Hi," Lily replied. "Lily Evans."

"Yep, I know. Cool to finally meet you, Malcolm's been talking about you for ages." He shook his head. "Anyway, I work on costumes and stuff. But honestly I'm kind of useless, 'cause Marlene dominates. Half the time, I find her in the closet getting the costumes for actors. She's so dominating."

Lily let out a laugh. "She seems the type, yeah."

"Overall, she's a good person, though."

"Are you two dating?" Lily asked, before mentally shaking her head. Stupid Lily. No tact. Why was she always wondering about other people's relationships? It was like she wanted to live vicariously through them.

Ugh. Her mind needed to shut up.

He tilted his head to the side, a slight smirk curling up his face. "Nope. I'm single, totally up for a date. If anyone was interested."

Lily wasn't an idiot. She knew what he was implying, but she didn't say anything about it. She started it, anyway.

"And you? I mean, someone like you probably wouldn't be single, but like… you know."

Wow. Talk about unprofessional.

"Oh, oh, I'm sorry. It's absolutely none of my business," said Lucas, stumbling over his words. "Like, seriously, I… ugh. You probably hate me now. Can we forget that conversation happened?"

"Yeah." She gave him a small smile before the doors to the studio opened, and outside came James Potter.

Her eyes immediately locked onto him… How couldn't they? He looked like he hadn't aged at all. (It had only been one year, but if anything, he looked younger.) His hair was normal and shaggy, strands falling into his face. He was wearing a grey sweatshirt and dark blue jeans. He had a very light designer stubble which looked surprisingly amazing on him. She watched as he pushed a hand into his hair and brushed it to the side. Just the movement itself was grand. Everything about him was grand now. He was a celebrity.

She braced herself for the moment in which he looked back at her, but it was pointless. He pushed right past her like he hadn't even seen her, followed by his escort of specialists and random people.

Her heart was thumping wildly, and while part of her was relieved that he hadn't seen her, the other part of her was disappointed and… let down. Had he really not seen her, or was he just… purposely ignoring her?

"What's wrong?" Lucas jerked her out of her thoughts.

"Nothing," replied Lily with a forced smile. "Everything's good. Are we shooting now?"

"In around an hour. Right now we're preparing sets and making sure everyone's got lines and outfits. We're gonna be interviewing James's teammate, I think. A bunch of different people who've worked with him, actually. Teammates, girlfriends, managers, I dunno. People who are influential in his success and are gonna say good things about him."

Lily could feel a bitter feeling rising. She had been the number one reason for his success. And naturally she wouldn't get credit.

She didn't want credit.

But she didn't want someone else taking her credit.

"Oi, Lucas!"

Lily looked up as Danielle jogged up to them, and Lily wanted nothing more to punch her in the face at the moment.

She was pretty. No doubt about it. Prettier than Lily. She had light brown hair pulled up into a bun and she was wearing a white sweatshirt and denim shorts. Her eyes were a dark shade of brown, and gosh, they were pretty. She was gorgeous in a casual way. Like she didn't even have to try.

No wonder James chose her..

"Hey, Dani," said Lucas cheerily. "Lily, Danielle. Danielle, Lily."

Danielle turned to Lily and gave her a smile. "Hi, Lily! Have we met before? You look familiar."

Lily didn't say anything, resentment sweeping up inside of her.

"Oh, I saw you at that cafe the other day, right? With James?"

Lily took a deep breath, willing herself (again) to stay calm. She was not going to flip out and start screaming at Danielle, she told herself. She managed a small nod.

The worst part was that Danielle was being nice. Lily wanted a reason to hate her (other than James), and Danielle wasn't giving her that. Ugh.

"Ooh. What a small world. You're the director?"

"Yes," she replied shortly.

"Great. It's going to be lots of fun working with you, I can tell." She turned to Lucas. "Dude, where did my dress for the take go?"

"What?" Lucas asked, and then his eyes widened. "You mean the blue one?"

"Mhm."

He looked like a deer caught in headlights. "I, uh, gave that to Marlene to wash."

"You washed it?!" asked Danielle, her eyes widening. "That's got dye on it, it's going to fade out! And Marlene? Come on, Lucas. She's the make-up specialist, not the costume one!"

"Look, she asked for it and I gave it to her. Isn't there a spare outfit?"

"What, the red one I wore last time?" She scowled at him. "Or the Gucci one that is flowery and cut too short and not at all Quidditch appropriate?"

"We can alter it," offered Lucas easily. "Just chill out."

Danielle rolled her eyes. "Easy for you to say."

Lucas laughed. "Sorry, sorry. I'm sure we can get that yellow sundress, right? That'll work for this take?"

"Why on Earth are you even a professional?" grumbled Danielle, but it was clear she didn't mean it. "Fine, fine. Thanks. I'll get that one."

Just then, a new voice interrupted them. "Danielle, whe-"

Lily's heart stopped just as the voice did. She looked up, and sure enough, there he was, the Quidditch star James Potter. Standing barely inches away from her.

"Hey, babe," greeted Danielle with a smile, snuggling into James's sweatshirt. The sight made Lily want to vomit. No, that wasn't right. She should've been the one snuggling into his sweatshirt. She should've been the one James's arm immediately wrapped around like it was a reflex reaction. It should've been her, not Danielle.

It wasn't that she wanted to. It was that she was used to it. She wasn't used to seeing Danielle in his arms.

James's face looked cold. Hard. Unreadable. His face was impassive, and the eyes… Those warm eyes of comfort, that shade of hazel she'd learned to love, looked distant. Cold.

Lily gulped. Why had she assumed anything would be different?

James looked away from Lily and to Danielle, a grin taking over. But for some reason, Lily didn't think it reached his eyes. "Hi."

"Isn't this exciting?" asked Danielle.

"Yeah, it is," murmured James as she leaned away from him for a second to pull off her lilac scrunchie. Her hair fell loose, and Lily was just seeing more and more how much more beautiful Danielle was. Her brown hair cascaded in layers of waves, and it was just perfection.

It was obvious why anyone, forget James, would love Danielle more.

"Sure, ignore my presence," grumbled Lucas. "I'm just that useless costume dude."

James grinned, this time actually reaching his eyes. "Sorry, mate. How are you?"

"Meh. Your girlfriend got kinda mad at me for her outfit fiasco, though."

James laughed, and Lily thought she could melt in the sound for ages. That laugh, the true James. Not the intimidating, stone ghost that had taken over. "I heard. The blue one, right? It's ruined. Marlene was apologizing over and over as she gave it to me."

"It's ruined?" Danielle asked. "Oh c'mon, that was my favorite one!"

Lily watched as James's hand found its way into her hair, running it down her gorgeous brown locks. "It's alright, love. I can buy you a new one, yeah?"

Lily took a deep breath, getting angrier and angrier. Were they ignoring her existence?

As if reading her thoughts, Lucas spoke up. "Anyway, James, this is Lily. Our new director."

She tensed as James's gaze travelled to her, his smiling face turning cold again. There was something in his eyes that she couldn't quite read, but he sure looked angry.

Could she blame him, though?

"Hi," Lily managed softly. Her heart was beating quicker and quicker.

James looked away from her and back to Danielle. "Love, don't we have to go now? Get ready for the take, yeah?"

Danielle seemed oblivious. "Oh, yeah. I forgot." She leaned up and pressed her lips to James's cheek, and Lily instinctively turned away. She heard James scoff at that, the first time he'd acknowledged her presence since she'd shown up.

It made her blood boil.

What gave him the right to scoff at her?

How dare he scoff at her? She hadn't done anything to him. Anything. He was the one who'd dared do… what he'd done. And he dared ignore her? Scoff at her?

She took a deep breath and looked back.

Lucas was smirking. "These two are the definition of a PDA couple, Lily. If you think this is bad, you haven't seen the worst of it."

"People nowadays," James said. Lily's heart immediately jumped up at the sound of his voice. "They think a peck on the cheek is inappropriate."

Just as sudden as it had jumped up, it sank. Her eyes narrowed at him. "I don't think it's inappropriate, Potter, I feel like it's a private moment of intimacy in which I feel intrusive in watching. I have nothing to do with either of you, so it's not something I feel right watching."

A flicker of something passed in James's eyes (was it hurt?) but it was gone in a flash and his face was impassive and cold again.

"Fine," he said indifferently, before turning back to Danielle. "Come on, babe. We have filming to do."

Danielle, who seemed oblivious to all this, nodded. "Okay! I'll see you around, Lily, you seem really cool."

She noticed James scoff once more.

"See ya, Dani," said Lucas casually, "James."

James rolled his eyes and left with Danielle.

"Well, that was kind of awkward," said Lucas. "I wonder why he was so angry with you."

"He isn't like that with everyone?" Lily asked.

"Oh, no. He's super nice and friendly and all that good stuff. He's super respectful, too. He doesn't get along well with me, though. I'm not sure why, to be honest. He's always been a little… eh, I don't know. He's nice, but… not."

Something told Lily that there was more to what Lucas was telling her, but she didn't bother to pry. "Okay," she replied simply. "Good to know."

"Maybe he was rude to you because you were with me…?"

Lily couldn't help but let out a snort at that. If only. "Yeah, maybe."

"Do you, you know, know him from before?" Lucas went on.

Suddenly, she felt sick to her stomach. "I, uh, can we please drop it? I don't…" Lucas seemed like a nice enough guy, but she'd only just met him. She couldn't dump all this on him. She didn't even trust him yet.

"Oh, yeah, of course. Sorry, it's really none of my business…"

"Lucas!" someone called. A man with a thick white beard made their way towards them. "We need you in the green screen room."

"Has filming started?" Lucas asked.

"No, but there's some issues with the light and mic."

"I don't know anything about light and mic-"

"Just come on," the man said. "Something happened with the costumes anyway." Then he turned to Lily. "Oh, hello there!"

"Hi," she replied with a small smile.

"I'm Alexei Lebedev. In charge of lighting," he said. "You're the director, correct?"

"Yeah, I am. Lily Evans."

"Nice to meet you!" he said. "Looking forward to working with you. Come on, Lucas."

Lucas sighed with a roll of his eyes and waved at Lily before he followed Alexei into the building.

Lily sighed and made her way to where one of the sets was being put up, and some people were going over their scripts.

"All right, is everyone ready?" she asked. "We're going to be interviewing his teammate Carlos, right?"

The man, Carlos, nodded.

"You have your lines?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Okay, good. Take your position."

Carlos sat down in the chair in front of the green screen, and one of the women stood behind the camera.

"How's James like as a person?" she asked.

"You know, he's truly amazing. And I'm not just saying this, I mean it. Whenever he walks into a room, he shakes everybody's hands and he makes sure everyone's okay. He talks to people, helps them out, and he immediately notices when something's wrong. But at the same time, he himself doesn't look happy. He's like a candle. Burns himself to help others."

Ouch.

That truly stung.

He'd used to be like that. That was the James that Lily knew, that Lily had fallen in love with. The today James, the one she'd seen today, who treated her like a piece of trash…

What had happened?

Lily had seen James today, he was nowhere near as respectful and polite as Carlos was describing. He'd been rude. And why wouldn't he be happy himself? He had everything he needed. A world-cup winning team. A documentary. A life partner.

There was no reason why he wouldn't be happy.

If there was anyone that shouldn't be happy, it was her, and she wasn't. So James h-

"Uh, Lily? You're supposed to call Cut," a girl on the side said.

Lily jerked back to reality, where all the people on set were looking at her.

"The take finished," she went on to explain. "You zoned out for a sec. Is everything okay?"

"I… Yeah," she replied. "Sorry. Won't be happening again." She mentally chided herself. If it wasn't for her high reputation, she could've been in serious trouble. "Okay, Carlos, that was good. Now we're going to show a few pictures of Potter on the screen. Soundcheck?"

"Working."

"Mics?"

"Working."

"Projector?"

"Standing."

"Okay, perfect. Cameras?"

"Rolling!"

They started flipping through the powerpoint, showing pictures of James one at a time. Lily tried not to look, but her eyes were transfixed to the screen. For some reason, he didn't look happy. His eyes were downcast in one of the pictures in which he was with Danielle. She couldn't help but feel a glimmer of happiness at that, though she knew it was wrong. She should be happy for James, sad for James. Not happy for herself. And on top of that, he was probably just having a bad day- or she was overthinking things.

Probably the latter. She had a habit of doing that.

The slideshow continued flipping. Lily's eyes were glued to the screen though she wanted nothing more than to look away. She overanalyzed every one of his expressions, every one of the backgrounds, poses, faces, outfit, the way he stood, the way Danielle stood, the angle, the everything. She felt like a fan- this was fan behavior.

Is that what Lily had been reduced to? A fan?

Shooting finally came to an end that day. Lily was exhausted. She'd been planning to dodge and ignore James every chance she got, but she didn't need to. James was the one who steered clear of her way. She didn't see him once throughout the day. She didn't have to direct a scene of him today; she only needed to watch a few videos of him that had already been filmed. Luckily, she managed to avoid talking to him.

Which wasn't going to continue, obviously. A documentary couldn't be directed unless the director talked with the lead actors, star, or filmed scenes of them.

Lily walked to where everyone was packing up

She recognized some people from the team. Most of the members had been fired or left over the past year, but some of them were the same. Luckily, nobody knew that they'd been dating. Except one of the guys…

"Lily!"

Her heart dropped to her stomach. The timing couldn't have been any worse. And what was he doing here?

"Lily, Lily, hey! You're the new director? That's so cool!"

She took a deep breath, willing her words not to become sour as she turned around to see the guy with shaggy blonde hair, wearing the red and gold jersey that looked a size too big on him.

"James never mentioned it! Does he know? Should I go tell him?"

"Peter," greeted Lily tersely. "It's been a long time."

"Yeah, it has! James doesn't talk about you as much anymore. He wouldn't even give me your phone number! Your last one was out of reach. Do you not use it anymore?"

Lily calmed herself. It was a documentary about James. She had to expect his name being brought up. She couldn't act like a baby forever.

But it was hard, because now not only was Peter talking about James, he was talking about James and Lily. Did he think they were still friends? Together? But how? Did James not tell him?

Then it dawned on her, of course he hadn't told Peter. James probably wanted nothing to do with her, probably didn't even remember her. Probably didn't care for her.

And why should she expect him to?

The thought hurt her insides, and all she wanted to do was resign. There had to be a way. She could fake sick, or fake some problems with the staff members.

The more you act like this, the more clear it is to everyone that you're not over him.

"Yeah," she replied. "I have a new phone."

"Oh. Does James have your new number?"

"I wouldn't expect him to," Lily snapped.

He frowned, looking slightly oblivious. "Wait… Are you two…"

"Broken up and swimming in a pool of mutual hate? Yes, took you a while to figure out."

Peter blinked, and Lily sighed. She couldn't be so harsh to him. It wasn't his fault he was rather daft.

"I'm sorry," she said slowly. "We're both just fine."

"Right." He looked rather confused. "You guys broke up? Who called it quits? Oh wait, sorry. It's none of my business. Are you guys on good terms though? I mean, your relationship was the best. You all were so sweet! I seriously thought you two were still together."

Lily let out a bitter laugh. "How could we still be together? He's dating Danielle."

He looked even more confused. "You don-"

"Peter."

Peter whirled around and Lily looked behind him to see the messy-haired, tall man standing there, glaring down at the short lad.

"Hiya, James!" Peter said. "I was just talking to Lily, here. Were you eavesdropping?"

He looked slightly offended. "I'm a bit above that, Peter."

Egotistical jerk.

"Oh, okay, good. Anyway, I was just telling her-"

"They're calling you at the set," James interrupted. "You should better go for the interview. And then say some good things about me, obviously."

"Oki, mate. See ya round!" Peter waved at the two of them and jogged off.

She started to walk away, not wanting to be left with James, but she caught a look at his eyes as she did. Something in his expression looked different from the cold, hard-as-rock one that he'd had just a few hours earlier. It looked pained, almost strained. Like he didn't want to act the way he was acting.

But it didn't matter. He was acting like a selfish jerk, and Lily wasn't going to go soft on him again. Make excuses for him.

She'd done it once, and it had ruined her life.

She wasn't going to let it happen a second time.

A/N: So there's that! Reviews are appreciated :)