"it takes great deal of courage to see the world in all its tainted glory, and still love it."

After what seemed like an eternity, shooting was over, and it was nearing nighttime. Lily hadn't had any more awkward encounters with James. They would occasionally make eye contact– a nasty, hateful glare– but otherwise there had been no more spiteful conversations.

Lily started packing her bag when Malcolm came up to her.

"Good first day?"

No. "Yes. Thanks for giving me the job."

He grinned. "Thanks for taking it. Apparently you're a really good director. At least, that's what the people are saying."

"Which people?" she asked skeptically. It had only been one day, after all.

He shrugged. "Just people. Actors, costume men, setmakers, cameramen, really everyone. They're saying you know what you're doing and you take charge well."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"You should be. Clearly you were the right woman for this job."

This elicited a genuine smile from her. "Thank you."

"Are you planning to go home or stay the night?"

She frowned. "Stay… Stay the night? That's an option?"

"Of course it is," Malcolm said. "In fact, that's what most people do. It's just convenient for people who live far away. We have a hotel just nearby that comes with free dining and rooms. Most important roles– lead actors, directors, producers– normally stay too. So they can be around the action, and so they don't ditch halfway. It's happened before."

"Oh." This news took Lily by surprise. She'd been planning to head home right after filming wrapped up. This seemed rather convenient, though, and it would give her a chance to know the cast better.

She grimaced, thinking of what Benjy would say. He would most definitely not approve if she chose to book a room in the hotel, but… It would be a lot easier on her.

"Sure, I'll stay." How things had changed. She'd used to be so meticulous about things. A year ago, she would never have made a decision under two minutes like she just had.

"Perfect," said Malcolm. "I'll book you a room…" He pulled out his wand and murmured something. A blueprint of the rooms in the hotel projected into the air. "Any preference? The ones with the red x's are unavailable."

"I assumed as much," she muttered. "Any one is fine, seriously."

"Would you prefer it on the ground floor? Or closer to any other people? Or farther, from that matter."

She grimaced. Why did this keep happening to her? "No, I don't have any people preferences."

He shrugged. "All right. Third floor, room 2267. Is that okay?"

"Sure," she said. "It sounds cool. Don't worry about me."

He smiled. "Lovely. I'll see you at breakfast. Good night!"

"Good night," she murmured.

One day down, infinity more to go.

The next morning, Lily woke up early as usual. Normally she would go outside for some fresh air, but she was rather exhausted after the previous day. She instead started tidying up her hotel room to make it feel more like home– she would be in the room for a long time, after all.

She started looking through what had already been done with the filming and what was on the agenda today. Her heart stopped cold when she saw that the full interview of James's life would be done today. He would be talking.

About everything.

His history. His relationships. His career. His friends. His family.

She willed herself to calm down. It was ridiculous that she would even imagine the possibility of being mentioned. It was as if she and James were strangers.

And it was better that way, wasn't it?

Lily could almost feel her heart shaking as her feet dragged her towards the set. She knew it was silly to be so scared. So many people were going to be there, it wasn't like he could do anything.

Deep down, though, she knew that wasn't the issue.

"Hey, Lily!" said Marlene, jogging towards her and forcing her out of her thoughts. "Excited for today?"

No. Not at all. "Yeah."

"You know, everyone was talking about how good you were. You're a lot better than our last director," Marlene grumbled.

That elicited a smile from Lily. "What was he like?"

"Really grumpy. I think he was forced to do the job, honestly, he hated all of us and was really mean. We think he got drunk a lot. Because once, when we were shooting James flying, the director just chucked a bludger at him. It was so random. James was flying phenomenally– well, that's what you get from a national player, but still."

Lily winced. "That's rough." She paused. "Is he okay?"

"He is now. He was sent to St. Mungo's, though. He was there for two days. It practically blew his head off. I mean it. Blood was gushing everywhere, and fifteen of the make-up crew and twelve of the cameramen had to carry him to the stretcher and clean it up. It was horrific."

"Wow. That sounds awful," she mumbled. And she meant it. Maybe James didn't care what happened to her, but she did care if James got hurt.

She wished she didn't. At least not that much.

"It was," agreed Marlene as they pushed their way through the AD department. "He was fired the next day." They finally reached the set. "Okay, well, see you around! You'll do great. I need to go make sure they've got the outfits right."

"See you." Lily waved at her before entering the room.

It wasn't much of a set-up, really. There were a few cameras, a green screen, and a chair. Presumably for James to sit on.

"Ah, Lily!" Malcolm waved her over. "There you are. So you can sit right here…" He conjured a chair with his wand and gestured for her to sit. She sat. "James will be here in just a few moments. Sydney will be reading the questions."

"Okay," she agreed. "What kind of cameras are shooting this one?"

"Ah, right. 35 milimeter lenses, with a 3-axis lens control. I think it's a 15-megapixel sensor."

"Perfect. Have we put the Clarior curse on it? It will make the quality much better. Especially in this lighting."

"We have not. I don't think we've ever tried that before. I'll tell the director of cameras about that."

"Sounds good," replied Lily.

The doors burst open. She knew exactly who it was, and she didn't want to look, but she had to look. Her heart burst into shambles as she slowly turned around to see him walking in, surrounded by his make-up crew and Quidditch team.

She didn't know why it affected her so much. She'd seen him yesterday– and she thought about him everyday– and he was clearly not caring at all, so why couldn't she?

But she had just answered her own question. He didn't care. And as much as she would never admit it, she did. She would never stop caring, because he was her first love. He'd opened her heart.

How could she just let that go? She wasn't him. She couldn't do that.

"Looking good, James!" cried one of the people in the back. Some others sniggered.

Lily wanted to vomit, but then she actually looked at him, and woah.

Whoever had said that was correct.

James looked stunning. He was wearing Quidditch robes the shade of royal red. The English team symbol was printed on them. His normally out of control hair was swept back, only one strand dangling out in the front. He'd clearly put some gel on it, because it wasn't sticking up like it used to. He just looked… good.

Snap out of it! You have to direct!

Ugh. She needed to stop getting so sidetracked.

"All right," she said loudly. Everyone fell silent, turning to her. Her heart started slamming against her chest. Annoyingly. "Let's get started, then. J– Potter, today we're filming your interview. Sydney's going to ask you the questions. You're going to sit right there. I presume you already have seen the questions, right?"

She finally met his gaze, telling herself that it was all right, she was in control. Which was good.

He raised an eyebrow just the tiniest. Something almost like amusement flickered across his face, and it annoyed her to no end. "I have."

"Very well. You can have some time to think up answers before we start recording. Or are you ready already?"

"I'm ready," he replied, his gaze unwavering from hers. The slight amusement was still on his face, like he was making fun of her. She could've sworn there was a smirk on his face.

What happened to the cold, steely James Potter from yesterday?

She honestly preferred that. At least she knew what had made him act like that.

"Great," she said coolly. "Quiet on the set, please. Positions?"

"Yes."

"Lights."

"On."

"Cameras."

"Rolling."

She steeled herself. "Action."

"Hi, and welcome, James!" Sydney said cheerfully.

"Hey. Thank you for having me," replied James warmly, a smile gracing his face.

"Of course, of course. Congrats on winning the World Cup!"

"Thank you!" he said, and in that moment, his happiness looked genuine.

"That was super impressive, you know. The Talirek Twirl, seriously, that was incredible. We all thought you were going to fall off your broom there, but nope. You never make mistakes."

He laughed. "Of course I do. We all make mistakes. But I don't make them during a match."

"Well said, well said. So we have a few questions for you, yeah?"

"Go for it."

Sydney smiled. "To start us off, when did you decide to become a Quidditch player? How did you get into the hobby? Was it your childhood dream, or more of a recent discovery?"

He looked thoughtful. "I always liked playing Quidditch. My dad and I would always play in the backyard when I was really little. Nothing fancy, obviously, we would just throw fruits at each other while hovering on our brooms. Sometimes we would race around. We never played with proper balls or equipment because I was young, and he didn't want to injure me."

"Ah, makes sense."

"Then school started, and we had flying lessons, and I just fell in love. My mates and I would always go and practice. I think they got kind of tired of my obsession, honestly." A fond smile played at the corners of his mouth. "And I also supported the Arrows from a young age. They were just amazing."

"The fan fire," agreed Sydney.

"Yeah, that!" James brightened. Lily could tell he felt comfortable in this interview. Was this really the same person who'd been so harsh to her merely minutes ago? "It was epic."

"Totally."

"I had a dream of becoming an Auror in fifth year," continued James. "That didn't last long though. I mean, most bad guys have already been taken care of. I wanted something with lots of excitement, you know?"

"Mm, understandable."

"So then, after I graduated, I went straight to the minor league. I tried out for the Appleby Arrows, and I was selected. I was so thrilled! I'd been to all of their games when I was younger, and now I was… part of them. People would be shooting arrows for me. I could just imagine hundreds of younger versions of me in the crowd, really excited and firing arrows from their wand for me. Well, for the team."

"Congratulations," said Sydney.

"Thank you! I was really happy then. After two seasons, I got a call from a selector for the English Team. They told me I was flying phenomenally, and then… well…" He trailed off, not wanting to brag.

Yeah, right. He just wanted the world to see him as humble.

Lily resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"And then you got selected, became captain three seasons later, and then you won your team the World Cup," Sydney summed up.

His face flushed the tiniest bit pink, but he was still smiling. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Well, all of us in England are very glad you chose to stick with Quidditch. I think the Bulgarians are going to wish you became an Auror instead, though."

He laughed. "Sorry, Bulgarians."

"No need. How did you feel after winning the cup?"

"That was… That was unreal. It was a dream come true, really. There were times– afterwards, in that big party– that I was like… Is this really happening? Did I really win?"

Sure you did, thought Lily. How modest of him.

"And do you think you'll win again?" Sydney continued.

He shrugged. "I don't want to jinx anything, but I hope so. Our team is phenomenal. I couldn't ask for a better one, really."

"How sweet. Well, we all hope you win next season too."

She continued asking James questions about Quidditch. Lily wasn't too into Quidditch, so she just pretended to follow along while not exactly paying attention.

"–so how's your family been with all of this? Are they supportive?"

"Oh, loads," said James. "They come to a lot of my matches, and they're really happy. I'm lucky I got them for a family."

"Yes, yes. Do you have any siblings?"

"Nope. Just me and my parents." He smiled a little.

"Is that nice?"

"Sure. They're awesome. Sometimes you wish you had siblings, you know, to wreak havoc with and play with. But I've got lots of people that I'm close to. It's not so bad."

"That's awesome. You went to Hogwarts, am I correct?"

"Yep."

"What was it like?"

"It was awesome, really," he sighed. "It's like a home away from home. I made really good friends. The teachers are great, the students are great. There's so many things to explore there– passages, classes… I miss it."

"Were you more of a troublemaker or a model student?"

Against her own will, Lily cracked a smile at that. Was that even a question? She and James hadn't been close at all in Hogwarts. They weren't on bad terms, but they weren't friends either.

It didn't matter, though. The entire school knew about James's reputation for getting into trouble. He and his gang of friends were notorious to teachers and students both for causing mayhem around.

Lily had hated it at first, but hey. Everyone needed some fun in their lifetime.

"Why don't you ask Professor Dumbledore?" James replied cheekily. Dumbledore was the headmaster of Hogwarts.

Lily felt the people on the set stifling laughs.

"Judging by that, I don't know if I want to," said Sydney, laughing. "So you were talking about your friends. Who are your closest friends?"

"Really anyone who's been with me all this time," he replied. "Not people who left me earlier, or people who just suck up to me after I became famous. True people."

Lily internally scowled. The first one was literally describing him. Hypocrite.

"Oh, yes. I'm sure everyone is regretting leaving you now."

He smiled. This time it didn't reach his eyes. "Right."

Lily could've sworn his eyes flashed to hers for a millionth of a second. She told herself she was just imagining. He didn't care about her. And even if he had looked at her, it did not matter. Lily was above this. She was past this.

"And you have led us to the final question. This one is one we all want to know– especially all the ladies out there." Sydney winked at the camera. "Tell us about your love life!"

Lily's breath caught in her throat. She'd known it was coming, but…

James looked amused. "What about it?"

"You're with Danielle now, and we've already heard your opinions on her. Want to recap it for us?"

Lily was confused at first, but then she remembered that James and Danielle had probably done an interview with their previous director. Oh, well. At least she didn't have to witness that. They gave her a sick feeling in the stomach.

"She's incredible," said James. There was this look in his eye that made it look real. He clearly really meant it. "She's stuck with me through everything. I can be a lot sometimes. She puts up with me. She puts up with all the hate, all the lows, the bumps, the downs, everything. For me. I couldn't be more grateful for someone like her. They're once in a lifetime."

Lily bit her bottom lip. Did she not do that? Was she not incredible? She'd stuck with him through everything.

Stop comparing, she told herself. You're wonderful and he's not.

Yeah, well. It was kind of hard when he was gushing all the good qualities of Danielle that had applied to Lily too.

She really needed to get a life.

"If that isn't love," sighed Sydney dreamily. "What about all your past relationships? Are there any stories of heartbreaks or first loves that you would like to share?"

Lily didn't know what she expected.

Truly, she didn't.

This time, James didn't even look at her.

He seemed just as normal as he replied.

"None of them are important now. I couldn't care less about them."

Lily stumbled into the first dark hallway of the hotel. She needed somewhere to let it all out.

She didn't even bother going up to the third floor. She didn't care that she couldn't even see where she was going.

That's when she started crying. Full out sobbing– tears streaming down her face as she let out hot, teary sobs. People could probably hear her miles away.

She didn't care.

It wasn't fair. It was downright unfair. How could she not get credit?

"I was part of it!" she said to no one in particular. She'd never felt so sad before. She'd been keeping these emotions in for a year. It had never been quite so bad before.

But now it had, and she felt so overwhelmed with sadness. She felt insignificant.

"It's just not fair," she whispered, sinking to the ground. She hugged her knees, tears dripping down her face. "I know it's my fault, b-but I wasn't that bad of a girlfriend. W-Was I not important to him? Do I not matter?"

How could he not care?

"D-Did we mean nothing to him?" she continued."I loved him, and I really t-thought he loved me. Guess I was wrong."

It felt really nice, actually saying the words aloud. She was getting it out there, coming to terms with it. Saying it aloud made it… more real, almost. She continued sobbing like this for a while, allowing herself to let it all out. She needed it.

Meanwhile, unknown to her, the very man she was crying about was listening to her every word.

A/N: Hope this one wasn't too sad? Please please review!