A/N:

Dear readers, thank you for your lovely and encouraging reviews, all the follows and favorites as well as you bearing with me.

Here we go with another chapter. I hope you like it. Let me know what you think.

Brief Christian x Leila pairing in this chapter, for those who'd like to skip.

I appreciate your input very much. Have a nice weekend! x

Trial of the Senses

by

Ava LeBeau

Chapter 10 – It is torture to love you

Left?

Right?

I needed to find her and turned right.

I wouldn't let her go.

„Leila", I yelled as I sprinted rashly towards the other side of the street, avoiding a honking car or maybe two.

I turned a corner and spotted her, her long auburn tresses billowing in the wind.

„Leila", I screamed again but she wouldn't stop.

I jostled several party-goers as I hurried to gain upon her.

Moments later Leila darted into a dark side alley, lined by brick houses, but she was already within arm's reach.

„Stop!", I grabbed her boney shoulder, she gasped and looked back up at me, her eyes wide.

„Master", she breathed and stopped immediately.

„Leila", my hands were grasping her shoulders and I rushed her against a house wall, staring down at her.

I could feel her quivering against my grip yet she held my gaze defiantly, just like she had done in the playroom so many times before. Arousing!

But finally she gave in and lowered her gaze, just like I had always forced her, more or less violently so, to do back then. Good girl!

Bittersweet memories were washing over me as we stood in silence, a lump in my throat at the very thought of it, her tiny frame fragile against the unrelenting cold brick while I towered over her, trying to catch my breath.

Leila was still staring at the floor, obedient, probably awaiting her orders just as she had always done in the years that she had been mine and only mine, when my slender fingers reached out to lift her chin, forcing our agitated gazes to meet again.

It had been a while. Quite a while.

I brushed my thumb across Leila's flushed cheek, my brow furrowed with pain and memories and worry for her as I gently stroked a strand of her hair out of her face while she was silently staring up at me, still panting, her lips slightly parted.

„Leila", my voice was low while I studied her pale features, trying to find answers, almost losing myself in that familiar gaze for a moment, fraught with memories, good and bad, my heart was hammering against my chest.

She closed her eyes, apparently trying to blink away the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

But maybe she was just avoiding my unrelenting gaze.

„Christian.", she breathed, her voice barely there.

I loosened my grip on her and took a step back to give her room, willing to let her win, but Leila's tiny hand grabbed my wrist.

I looked down at her hand, noticed the sullied bandage peeking out from underneath her cuff, her touch cold but claiming against my pulse.

„What have you done now, Leila?", I whispered, my free hand reaching up to cup her gaunt face again.

Leila pressed her lips together, biting back a sob, as she leaned into my touch.

She drew several deep breaths before she pressed forth,

„You can't tell me that I'm crazy."

„I won't", I replied calmly and she gasped.

The muscle in my jaw was twitching while her grip tightened around my wrist.

„You don't know me like you used to, Christian."

My insides clenched when Leila uttered my name again.

Dire memories of that last conversation were back, it had been a fight, tearful as much as it had been hurtful.

The pain had been unbearable, too much for her and admittedly for me, but I hadn't let her see that.

The world that we had created around us had seemingly fallen apart. Forcefully. Within minutes.

„Do you want me for who I am?", Leila asked and her clear, high voice jerked me out of these somber memories while she grabbed the front of my shirt, pulling me closer.

It had always been a very violent game that we were playing and apparently she was still back craving more.

„You need help, Leila.", I pressed forth.

She glared up at me, her eyes flickering pleadingly,

„It's torture to love you."

I froze, her stare was haunting.

„Let me get you help, Leila. Let me call Taylor", she shook her head and started sobbing.

„I can't be somebody else for you", she whimpered.

„You'll be fine. I'll see to it", I urged, my voice tender.

Leila grasped the front of my shirt tighter with both hands, her chest against my torso now, that sudden strength inside of her however crumbling right before my eyes.

She was shaking badly, that sudden switch apparent, every ounce of her changed, in regression.

„May I kiss you, Master?", she lowered her gaze, awaiting my answer, her grasp still firm on my shirt, though.

„Leila", I hissed through gritted teeth, impatient and worried at the same time.

„Please?", she sobbed, tiptoeing now, craning her neck, her pout red and aching for me.

„Leila, I-", I ground out, resistance futile now, closing my eyes as our lips met.

It had been quite a while.

My strong arms slid around her slender waist while Leila's shaking hands moved up to cup my chiseled face.

A blatant breach of contract for sure.

The taste of her lips was sweet. So intoxicating.

Leila's gentle touch sent shivers down my spine.

For a moment our tongues were dancing vigorously before they engaged in a playful fight for dominance. Of course she let me win.

„I've lost my mind.", Leila whispered against my lips abruptly, her cheeks wet with tears now.

I hugged her closer to me, claiming her lips again.

Unwilling to talk.

Unwilling to admit to all that had gone wrong between us.

Wishing we could turn back time.

„I need you, Christian.", Leila had withdrawn again, imploring now.

But pressing my taut body against hers, rushing her against that cold wall once more, I only kissed her again.

And again.

And again.

Something about her had brought us back together. Like so many times before.

I had always wanted for her to stay forever.

Yet our ideas about our future had been incompatible. So irreconcilable.

My tongue explored her mouth again voraciously, fighting for dominance.

All of her sudden Leila's mood shifted and she tried to push me away, screaming and lashing out at me.

„Let go of me!", she shrieked, panting. That dark, oh so familiar cloud was back again.

She struggled out of our embrace when my arms dropped.

A man appeared in the alley.

„Hey! What's going on here?"

I stepped back, Leila folded her arms in front of her chest, staring at me.

„Let me get you some help.", I tried again while she glared at me.

„No!", Leila shrieked.

„Hey, bro, leave her alone!", that guy again. „I'm gonna call the cops, dude!"

„Leila, please."

She shook her head, tears running down her cheeks.

„No, Christian. Please."

Before I could reach out again, she ran off.

„I don't know where she is now."

Taylor was staring at me in disbelief.

The Macallan's vintage single malt would keep me good company tonight, Scottish perfection soothing the raging confusion inside of me with spicy notes of cloves, ginger and cinnamon as well as hints of peat and smoke.

I couldn't care less about tomorrow's hangover.

It is torture to love you!

A/N:

Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think. I appreciate your reviews! x