AU where Retasu stays unaware of Pie's feelings for her after years of knowing him. Despite this, they are close friends.

Warnings: none

She thought she'd be happy for them. She thought she'd respond with jubilation that her friend's dreams were coming true.

Masaya had finally proposed to Ichigo, but all Retasu could feel was pain.

As everyone else showered the redhead with congratulations and compliments, Retasu backed into the kitchen to allow herself a moment of reflection.

As much as her mind was telling her to cheer up and not be so selfish, her heart ached.

Why her?

Why did she have everything right?

Was she more deserving of love than Retasu was?

Retasu's sobs started more quickly than she expected. Trying to hide them, she choked out small whimpers, almost as if she were in physical agony. Her legs buckled from underneath her, and she fell to the floor.

Why? Why was she so lonely?

"Retasu?"

She froze.

Pie.

Oh no.

She didn't want anyone to see her like this. Especially during such a wonderful occasion.

She forced a sentence. "I'll be out in a—" Her voice choked before she could finish.

" ... a minute," she finished under her breath. She sighed. Standing up, Retasu faced him from behind the counter.

Pie didn't say anything for a moment. He looked out the doorway at the crowd before he turned, closed the door behind him, and walked to her side, hoping they'd have no intrusion.

"Is something wrong?" he said.

Retasu looked away. "It's ... complicated."

Pie furrowed his brows, contemplating what she meant. Retasu's expression gave away very little. Pie chose another option.

"... Tea?"

She blinked. "Huh?"

"Tea. Would you like some?"

Knowing she couldn't escape his company anytime soon, she nodded.

He led her to the table. She watched him in silence as he prepared one of the only things he was capable of making in the kitchen.

He was a science and engineering genius, but, much to her amusement, cooking and baking were far from his comprehension. He had proven to be a fire hazard many times. Fortunately, he could at least make a decent tea despite not caring for it himself. His coffee wasn't bad either, but the both of them knew she wasn't the fondest of that beverage.

"Mew Strawberry certainly seems joyous from the recent news," Pie started. "May I ask why you aren't celebrating with her?"

Retasu squirmed uncomfortably. "I don't know how to describe my feelings about it without sounding selfish ..."

He poured the boiling water into a small mug. "I am not here to chastise you for your personal emotions."

She folded her arms on the table and laid her head upon them. "I know ...

Pie glanced at her sympathetically, though slightly frustrated at her stubbornness. He sighed.

"You don't need to tell me anything, but I have found that you seem much calmer after sharing your thoughts." He placed a tea bag in the cup.

Retasu gave him a sad smile. As he placed her mug in front of her, she muttered, "Thank you for caring so much."

His expression softened. "… I dislike seeing you so downtrodden."

Retasu sighed and gestured for him to sit down in the seat beside her, and he complied.

"I think ... I'm jealous," she admitted.

He cocked his head. "Of Mew Strawberry?"

She nodded slowly. "I thought I'd be happy for her. And I want to be …" She bit her lip. "... But I want what she has."

For a moment, his expression changed to one she couldn't read.

"What would that be?"

She curved her brows and took a sip of her tea. Pie watched her in expectation as she took her time.

"Someone who loves me," she said, placing the teacup down.

Pie looked down at her hands which were gently wrapped around her mug. His hands were craving hers.

"... You think you're unloved?"

"Well, it's not that I think my friends don't love me," she continued, "but I want someone to fall in love with me ... for once."

He was avoiding her gaze now. He had known about her initial interest in both Norihiro and Ryou. Neither had ended without terrible heartbreak on her part.

"Pie-san ..."

He finally looked at her. She was staring into her mug, eyes glassy.

"Am I ... too pathetic?" she whispered. "Am I not attractive?"

It was Pie's turn for his heart to ache.

"You're not pathetic, Retasu."

She was crying now. He let himself grab her hands. "I don't want you to compare yourself to Mew Strawberry. You are not her, and you don't have to be for someone to love you."

She didn't respond. Her tears fell onto his hand.

Pie blinked and inwardly cursed at himself. He sighed. "I apologize. I'm not very good at this."

She shook her head. She parted her lips, but no words were heard. Pie looked down at their hands.

"If it's any consolation, Retasu," he said, "I … don't believe Mew Strawberry is quite as attractive as you."

She paused and looked back up at him. "... Huh?"

His face was unreadable, but his drooped ears and crimson face were what gave his feelings away. She sat up straighter, and her eyes grew wider with realization.

"Pie-san, I ..." she started.

He quietly cleared his throat. "If you would like to be alone, I can leave."

He stood, but Retasu held on to his hands tighter. He looked into her eyes in surprise.

Retasu's mouth stayed open as she tried to find the right words. Feeling lightheaded, she broke eye contact.

"Thank you ..." she whispered, immediately regretting the poorly chosen words.

Pie watched her. He nodded slowly, and Retasu felt her stomach churn. She hurt him, didn't she?

She finally let go of his hands. Pie stood upright, but didn't leave yet.

"Can we … talk later?" she asked.

She caught the red on his cheeks grow to his ears. His eyebrows twitched downward for a moment—something that she knew he did when he was nervous.

"Yes." He looked away and cleared his throat. "P—please enjoy the rest of your beverage."

Retasu watched him hurry out of the room.

Looking back down at her hands, she reflected in astonishment. Pie never stuttered.

Written in early 2021.