Fall & Winter Semester, Sophomore Year, 2014

"Shea… Hello, earth to Shea!"

Shea snapped to attention to find her friend Millie only a few inches from her face, her pierced eyebrow arched with curiosity and frustration.

Shea's heart skipped a beat. She smiled sheepishly and stuffed her phone in her back pocket, forgetting to swipe away from the open Facebook profile on her phone—that of one Rodrick Heffley. "Whoops, you caught me."

"Again," Millie said flatly. Her dark bob barely moved when she shook her head with disapproval—Shea credited the half a can of hairspray that her friend used. Her winged eyeliner also made her look more annoyed than she actually was.

At least, Shea hoped that was the case.

"I know, I know," she conceded, holding her hands up in defeat. "We're at a party. I shouldn't be on my phone."

"You're not even giving yourself a chance to move on," Millie argued. Uh oh, so she was as annoyed as she looked. "Zack has been giving you eyes all night. Why don't you go talk to him?"

"Come on, Mill."

"Seriously. You're being ridiculous. At least try to move on."

Sheesh, did Millie think it was that easy?

But… Zack was pretty cute, even Shea had to admit it. He was a dedicated rugby player, and it showed in his biceps. They had chatted a handful of times before at various frat parties, bonding over their mutual hometown of Chicagoland and love of amusing stoner comedies.

"You've got a choice, Baker," Millie said, standing tall in an attempt to look intimidating. In reality, Millie was barely an inch or two above Shea's short stature. "Go talk to Zack… or I'm going to take your phone."

Shea faux gasped, and her friend rolled her eyes.

"I mean it, I'm worried about you," Millie said with a gentle smile. "I know you have a big history with Rodrick, but…"

Shea wished that her reignited friendship with Rodrick would have helped her move on. In some ways, it did—they didn't text nearly as often as they used to, but her heart did cartwheels when his name flashed across her screen. Millie had caught her red-handed, staring at his new profile picture, willing him to message her. It was, admittedly, pretty pathetic.

In her fantasy world, Shea and Rodrick would have fallen back in love right away. He would have realized how much he missed her and, in a grand gesture, gotten the first available flight out to Baltimore. They'd ride around the city in a rental car, sneaking into metal bars and watching the sunset like old times.

But in reality, Rodrick was still working full time at the country club while balancing two classes at community college. He had picked up the drums again after a brief hiatus and was seeing his therapist once a week. He was, for all intents and purposes, doing pretty well. But he never took Shea's flirty bait—Rodrick seemed to deliberately ignore the chemistry between them.

Maybe Millie was right… She was being a little ridiculous.

"Okay," Shea said finally, holding up her hands in defeat. "You're right. I accept this intervention."

"Duh," Millie laughed good-naturedly. The bangles on her wrist jingled as she touched Shea's shoulder. "You know I love you, girl. You deserve to have fun and be happy."

Shea glanced over at Zack again, who was gripping a red solo cup and chatting with some of his frat brothers. He was surprisingly easy to talk to, and it wasn't like she needed to marry him…

"Alright," Shea said confidently; Millie looked positively delighted. "I'm going in. I'll text you if I'm in trouble."

"That's my girl," Millie winked.

It didn't take very long for Shea to get tangled up in all things Zack: his lips, his sheets, and his social life.

They were taking it slow—Shea wasn't ready for a big, new relationship, and Zack was content to hang out and make out. Millie and her other roommates, Noelle and Alex, were relieved they were no longer subjected to hear about all things Rodrick.

In fact, as the semester inched forward, Shea surprised herself by thinking less and less of her ex. They still chatted, and she was always delighted to hear about shenanigans in the Heffley house, but she was starting to fall for Zack. He was handsome, thoughtful, and could make her laugh so hard she thought she might pee. Sometimes, when they weren't shotgunning beers at a party, he would teach her the Japanese words he remembered from his grandparents while they cuddled up on the couch.

Shea was reluctant to be called his girlfriend, though. Even though they were dating, one last stubborn part of her wanted to be available for Rodrick. Though Priya and Sam were aware of Zack, Rodrick had no idea… And she wanted to keep it that way.

"Oh my god," Ben's voice echoed into the dark Plainview night, "She's alive!"

"Hey!" Rodrick and Chris choired, holding up their drinks in celebration.

"Hey guys," Priya smiled and waved. "It's been so long!"

"Yeah, aren't you usually in India by now?" Chris asked.

"Usually," she explained, "but we decided to stay home this year."

"Well, hey, welcome!" Ben said. He gestured to the empty chairs around the bonfire. "Take your pick. There's liquor and beer inside."

They didn't have to be told twice. After a brief detour to get a hard cider for Priya and a rum and coke for Shea, the girls wandered back into the yard and found empty spots close to the fire.

Ben had texted Shea earlier that afternoon asking if she was free to come over for a big announcement. She had to admit her curiosity was piqued—what could he possibly have to say? Did the band book a new regular gig? Did he get a girlfriend? Even Priya wanted to learn what was going on, so the girls got dressed up and headed over.

"So what's the big news?" Priya prompted. "We've been sharing theories all afternoon."

"Yeah. Have you launched a new plan for world domination?" Shea wondered.

"Maybe," Ben said with a grin. "Because… drum roll, please."

Rodrick and Chris stomped their feet to mimic a drum roll.

"I flunked out of school!" Ben finally said.

"What!" Priya shouted, visibly upset.

"Oh no," Shea said at the same time.

Rodrick and Chris stared with wide eyes at their friend—it was clear this was news to them, too.

"How the fuck did that happen?" Chris asked, bewildered. "I know you weren't doing too hot, but… you're done?"

"Done," Ben repeated. The smile faded from his face as he explained, "College isn't for me. I dunno. I just couldn't get into it."

"Oh Ben," Priya said sadly. "What will you do now?"

He shrugged. "I dunno yet. Community college, maybe. Working, probably. Trying not to get evicted from my parents' house, most definitely."

Chris snorted. Rodrick offered, "I can probably get you a job at the country club."

"Thanks, man," Ben smiled. "You know me—I'll land on my feet. But hey, now that I'm back home… Loded Diper, anyone?"

"You know I'm down to jam," Rodrick said. Chris nodded in agreement.

"Speaking of flunking things," Ben said, swiveling in his seat towards his friend. "How's school going for you, Rodrick?"

"Not bad, actually. It's boring as shit, but I'm doing okay," he answered.

"Love to hear it," Ben said with a smile. Shea wasn't sure if his cavalier attitude was because he was actually feeling okay or if he was drunk. "Part of me's relieved I'm out, to be honest. Maybe I'll take up welding. Burning shit sounds cool."

"Welders make a lot of money," Priya said encouragingly.

"Or you can live a life of luxury at the country club with me," Rodrick said.

"Don't you, like, pick weeds all day?" Chris countered. "That sounds fucking miserable."

"Like I said," Rodrick took a long drink from his glass, "Luxury."

"Hey, it's not so bad," Shea said.

"You only do the summer," Rodrick countered. "Plus, you get to sit in your air conditioned palace all day."

She grinned sheepishly. "Okay, you got me there. But remember how you begged me to find you a job?"

"I wasn't begging!"

"You bribed me with coffee," Shea said. "It was, like, 9am and you were banging down my door."

"I don't think that's how it went," Rodrick shook his head. "It's not like me to be up that early."

"It was after the show at Pitchfork," Shea explained, and suddenly, the memories were flooding back: how Ben froze on stage and how Shea officially joined the band as a singer.

"Was that the night with Dion?" Priya scrunched her nose. "That was… a time."

"Oh fuck yeah, Priya's college boyfriend!" Chris guffawed.

"So embarrassing," Priya shook her head.

"He was cute," Shea said.

"Hey!" Rodrick pouted. "I'm right here."

"Okay," Shea shrugged, but her face burned at his words. "Doesn't change the fact that he was attractive."

The group chuckled, and the conversation changed to stories from the semester—how Ben accidentally burned bacon in his dorm's microwave, which forced all students to evacuate the building at 1 in the morning; how Priya was leaning towards Johns Hopkins in Baltimore for grad school, though she had yet to commit to a major in undergrad; how Chris was chosen to perform a solo in his college's jazz band, which is allegedly unheard of for a sophomore at his school; how Rodrick was given keys to the country club's truck, which he now drove more often than the van; and how Shea and her friends entered a costume contest at a frat party and won first place.

During the back and forth, Shea wasn't able to shake Rodrick's gaze. She was sure he was at least buzzed since he didn't seem at all ashamed to be watching her. Shea was secretly drinking up his attention. She admittedly missed how special Rodrick made her feel when they flirted.

But, Shea's phone was able to tether her to reality—Zack was snapchatting his night's adventures, which included an intense gingerbread house building competition with his family. She couldn't help but smile at Zack's competitive nature and his dedication to using gumdrops on nearly all aspects of the house.

Around midnight, Priya started to yawn. The conversation had died down a little, with talk about moving inside for Mario Kart. Shea caught her tired eyes and mouthed, "Ready to go?" Priya nodded in response.

"Alright guys, I think we're gonna go." Shea stood and stretched for dramatic effect. "It's bedtime."

"Bed time? Are you 80?" Ben teased.

"Next year," Priya quipped.

"You sure you can't stay?" Rodrick asked with a slight pout.

Shea's heart leapt instinctively. But then, she thought of Zack and his face covered in frosting, laughing good-naturedly with his siblings and cousins. He was a good egg; she wasn't quite ready to let him go.

"Maybe next time," she answered.

The group exchanged casual hugs and "see you laters." When they got inside, Shea excused herself to the bathroom and told Priya she'd meet her in the car. When she finished her business, she opened the bathroom door and nearly stumbled into Rodrick.

"Oh, hey!" she said brightly, surprised he was standing so close. "Your turn?"

Rodrick wobbled a little as he smiled. The air around them buzzed with anticipation; in the background, Shea heard Ben and Chris singing "Make Damn Sure" off key.

Then, suddenly, Rodrick cupped Shea's face and kissed her.

Shea tried to gasp, but her mouth was stuck on her ex's. Without a second thought, she forcibly pulled herself away.

"Rodrick," she said with concern, her heart pounding in her chest. "What are you doing?"

Rodrick closed his eyes and lowered his head once more, but Shea gently pushed him back. "Rodrick, no. Come on, man. You're drunk."

Rodrick straightened up and shook his head. It may have been the light reflecting his eyes, but Shea swore she saw tears.

"Are you okay?" she asked, worried.

"I'm just…" he paused, searching for the right word. "I'm just sad."

The word hung between them. It was like the air had evaporated from the room, and instead, Shea and Rodrick were trapped in a vacuum of sadness. She wanted to touch his arm to comfort him, but she thought better of it.

"I know," Shea admitted. After a beat, she said, "I'm sad too."

Rodrick closed his eyes; Shea was unsure if he was steadying himself or about to lose it. After a few awkward moments of silence, he met her gaze.

"I'm sorry," he said genuinely.

"It's okay," Shea said reassuringly. "We'll be okay."

He shook his head once more and then slipped into the bathroom behind her.