A/N: Back with another chapter of this one. The majority of this chapter is on the lighter side. However, trigger warnings for PTSD and mentions of Lewis still apply, as well as discussion of Olivia's past struggles with suicidal ideation since there's a therapy session at the end of this so please proceed with caution. Thank you to 13Starbuck42 for beta reading.

Olivia woke with a startled yell, and momentarily panicked when she felt a strong arm around her waist as she tried to get up.

"Liv?" Her partner's raspy, sleep-filled voice calmed her instantly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm sorry. I'm fine. It wasn't even a nightmare. I'm just restless for some reason."

Elliot rubbed her stomach soothingly and turned on the lamp next to the bed. "Do you want some tea?"

She huffed in frustration. "I wanna sleep."

"I know, baby." He kissed her temple. "You had a long night."

"I had friends over for dinner. I don't think that's considered a long night by normal people's standards."

"It is when you've been through a severe trauma and are trying to get comfortable being around people again."

"I hate this."

"I know. Please tell me what I can do. Do you want a massage? Medicine?"

Before she could respond they heard Nick's voice from the other side of the bedroom door. "Liv, are you ok? I heard you yell."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course I would be feeling like this on a night when both my overprotective partners are close by," she muttered before yelling back to Nick. "I'm fine. Sorry I woke you. You can come in." She added the last part knowing he, like Elliot, needed to see for himself that she was ok.

"Do you need anything?"

She smiled; as annoying as their overprotectiveness could be sometimes, they both made her feel safe and loved. "No. Like I told El I'm just restless for some reason, but I'm ok."

"Do you wanna try sleeping on the couch? I can take the floor."

She was tempted to roll her eyes. "You don't need to sleep on the floor. I'm fine."

Elliot chuckled. "Nice to know I'm not the only one she does the 'I'm fine when I'm really not' routine with."

Olivia swatted at him. "Shut up. I really am fine. I promise."

Nick looked doubtful and raised an eyebrow. "If you're fine why can't you sleep?"

"Because…I don't know. It's February. Maybe I'm cold."

"Well then I'll go get an extra blanket and turn the heat up." Elliot kissed the top of her head sweetly, deciding not to push her further. "Promise you'd tell me if you weren't fine?"

"I promise, El. Like I said I don't remember having a nightmare or anything. I just had a weird, panicky moment, but it's gone now. I've got both my partners to keep the monsters away tonight." She tried to give them a reassuring smile. "I know you guys have my back."

"Always." Elliot laid a second blanket from the closet on their bed after turning up the thermostat.

Nick nodded. "Alright. Night."

Olivia spoke softly to Elliot for a minute before speaking again.

"Nick, wait." He turned back around at the sound of Olivia's voice. "Do you-would you want to stay in here? There's room."

He looked skeptical. "Are you sure? I don't want to intrude."

She paused to choose her words carefully. "I know that-even though not in the same way-the family and friends of a victim can have secondhand trauma. You, Elliot, Cap, Fin, Munch, Amanda, you're recovering too. I know you all probably need to see for yourselves that I'm ok, and I just thought-I know you've all gotten even more protective of me than you already were, so I thought that might ease your worry. Plus, I like the idea of having both my bodyguards with me tonight. It makes me feel more secure."

He looked at Elliot who smiled and added before Nick could say anything. "Olivia's permission is the only one that matters."

"Of course." There was nothing non-platonic between him and Olivia, and he and Elliot had become good friends as well, but Elliot Stabler was fiercely protective of his girl. Nick didn't want to overstep any boundaries or overstay his welcome.

He laid on top of the covers as Olivia scooted closer to Elliot to make room, using the extra blanket Elliot had brought in. He watched as Olivia moved off her pillow completely, opting instead to use Elliot's chest as a place to rest her head.

"Just a heads up." She turned to face Nick, moving her head to Elliot's shoulder. "Elliot snores."

"I do not!"

"Yes you do, Stabler."

"So do I." Nick chuckled and Olivia groaned.

"Dear lord, I'm in trouble," she joked.

"Do you need a pillow, Liv? I can get mine off the couch and use that, and give this one back."

"No, actually I usually-sleeping like this helps me feel safe." Elliot wrapped his arms around her waist securely and kissed her temple. "Being this close, skin-to-skin, being able to smell and be surrounded by him keeps me grounded. I know that probably makes me sound clingy but I haven't slept on my own pillow since before the abduction."

It wasn't the first time he wanted to go to Rikers and murder William Lewis and it wouldn't be the last. His heart ached for her and he wanted to bash the monster's head in who had taken away her ability to feel safe even with something like sleeping on her own pillow.

"It doesn't make you sound clingy. I would never judge you for that."

"I appreciate that."

Nick watched as Elliot rested his chin on Olivia's shoulder and seemed to be murmuring something to her. Whatever it was seemed to make her relax further against him. She closed her eyes and he stroked her hair slowly and kissed her forehead, as if his gentle caresses would be what helped her drift off to sleep. They seemed to be working. Elliot didn't close his own eyes for a few minutes; helping Olivia to sleep was his first priority.

Even once they had both fallen asleep, she and Elliot still held each other securely. It was easy to see how the latter of the two could appear intimidating to those who didn't know him. His hold on her was protective. He would never hurt her. She got his soft, loving side, but hell hath no fury if anyone were to break into this apartment tonight and try to take her out of Stabler's arms. They wouldn't be breathing when he was done with them. He'd slaughter them until there was nothing left.

X

Nick woke up before Elliot and Olivia and decided to make them coffee as a thank you for letting him stay. They were pretty much in the same position as they had been when they fell asleep: nestled tightly in each other's embrace. He thought about making breakfast, but they looked peaceful and he didn't want to disturb their rest by making noise in the kitchen, so he wrote a note to let them know he decided to run to the diner and would bring them back something.

Olivia woke up a few minutes later and snuggled deeper into Elliot's chest as she stirred. She felt him press a kiss to the top of her head and she smiled lazily.

He cleared his throat and nuzzled his nose in her hair. "Morning."

"Hi." She trailed kisses up his chest, neck, and jawline before her lips met his in a soft kiss.

"Feeling better?"

"Mmhmm. Much." She laid her head in the crook of his shoulder, closing her eyes again, and he chuckled.

"Ok sleepyhead. I'll go make us some coffee."

"I'm not sleepy. I'm comfortable." There was something about being in Elliot's arms that made her forget the rest of the world existed. "It's your fault."

"How so?"

"Your ego doesn't need me to answer that question." She yawned and kissed him one more time before standing up and seeing the note on the dresser. She'd forgotten Nick had stayed last night and felt momentarily embarrassed at the PDA she and Elliot had just shared, but thankfully they had been alone. "Nick went to get breakfast."

Elliot nodded and stood up himself. "How late did we sleep?"

"It's almost 10:30. I don't remember the last time I slept that late." She followed him into the kitchen and poured coffee into mugs for each of them. "El, now that we're alone can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course." He reached for her hand. "You can tell me anything. You know that. What's wrong?"

She was tempted to roll her eyes. "Nothing is wrong. Things have been really good lately." She paused to take a sip of coffee, allowing herself time to think of how to say this next part. "Good enough that I've decided I'm gonna talk to Cragen today about going back to work."

Elliot couldn't help the worry that rose in his chest. "Are you-"

"I'm sure. Not this week. Lindstrom wants me to try other things to get used to being in public again, but soon, yeah. He'll obviously have to sign off on it, and I'm sure Cragen will have me on desk duty first, but I'm ready to take that part of my life back."

"How soon?" He wanted to support her, he did, but he was terrified.

"In a couple of weeks. I'm sure I'll need some evaluations first." She saw him open and close his mouth a few times, unsure what to say. "I promised I'd give myself until after the trial. You were right, it wouldn't have been the right time before, but, it's over Elliot. Lewis is locked up, the trial is over-"

"The PTSD isn't over. Trauma doesn't end with a trial, Liv."

"You're right. It doesn't, and I promise I will keep going to therapy, I'll keep talking to you, but I need this, El." She pleaded. "It'll be good for me." She stepped closer and placed a hand over his heart, seeing his conflicted expression. "It will. Being able to help people again. Doing the job I love. It gives me purpose, honey. You know that."

He sighed. "I do. I just-"

"It's risky. I know. I knew that when I applied. We both did, but someday when I do give it up? When I do retire? I want it to be on my terms. Not William Lewis's."

"I hear you."

"Good. Because I don't need your permission."

He was taken aback. "I know that. I would never-"

She cut him off. "But I would appreciate your support. I would appreciate my partner having my six."

"You have it, always, and I'm so damn proud of you no matter what. Just-let me know when your first day back is so I can make an appointment with a cardiologist in case my heart isn't strong enough to handle it." He kissed her forehead. "I love you, Benson."

"I love you too, Stabler, even when you're an overprotective pain in the ass."

"Because I'm your overprotective pain in the ass?"

"Something like that."

X

She took a deep breath as she looked at the building that had been her second home for over a decade. She'd called Cragen and said she wanted to talk to him but wanted to wait until the rest of the squad was at lunch or on a call. Yes, she'd seen them the other night, but she needed to take this one step at a time, and going into the precinct for the first time since her abduction while everyone was in there working may be too overwhelming at first.

The uni at the security desk nodded to her as she walked in, and she was thankful that he greeted her with a small smile and not a look of pity. "Welcome back Detective Benson."

She swallowed her nerves and returned the smile. "Thanks Randall. I think we're on a first name basis now after all this time, aren't we?"

"Good to see you back in here, Olivia. Madison brought donuts this morning. There's a couple left if you want some, and Marissa and Christine made coffee and hot chocolate.

"Maybe on my way down. Thank you. I'm going up to talk to my Captain."

There were flowers on her desk when she got into the squadroom with a card attached from Fin, Amanda, and Nick.

This place didn't feel the same without you. Welcome home.

"Liv?" Her Captain stepped out of his office to greet her.

"Hey Don."

"How does it feel?"

"It's a…I can't believe I've been away this long." She looked around the room. "Everything looks nice. Clean." She raised an eyebrow as she walked around to the desk across from her. "Except my partner's desk apparently." She tidied things up on Nick's desk, putting his pens in the coffee mug and stacking his paperwork.

"Organization isn't one of his strengths."

"It's never been Elliot's either." She laughed.

"No it hasn't." He cleared his throat. "So, you think you're ready to come back?"

"Can I?"

"I have to tell you, the brass will have certain conditions."

"Of course they will."

"Lindstrom will need to clear you. You'll start out on desk duty at first, and still need to continue therapy."

"I will. I promised Elliot I would."

"We'll need to get you re-certified to use a firearm since it's been so long, and a physical exam to make sure your wrist has healed enough, but the most important thing is how you are feeling. You went through a really traumatic experience and we don't want you to push yourself."

"I know. I'm feeling good, and I know I'll need to ease myself back into it, but I'm ready. If you're ready to have me back."

"It'll be nice to have someone to help keep the rest of the team in line," he teased. "You've always been my favorite."

"Even with all the headaches El and I gave you back in the day?"

"Well…those were mostly his fault, but we won't tell him that."

She laughed. "Lips are sealed."

"You're the daughter I never had, Olivia. This place really wasn't the same without you. You're the heart of this unit."

"At least you had the pancreas." She joked, remembering Munch's comment at his retirement party about Fin.

"The pancreas missed the heart too." Fin interrupted as he, Amanda, and Nick returned to the squadroom. "Welcome back, Liv."

"I'm not officially starting back for a couple of weeks, but thank you. It feels good to be here."

"Hey! Who rearranged my organized mess?"

Olivia rolled her eyes at Nick's comment but laughed with the rest of the squad.

Yeah, it felt damn good to be back.

X

Elliot sat in Dr. Hendrix's office and sighed. "I don't quite know how to start. It's been awhile."

"It has. Your last appointment was before the trial. Do you feel up to talking about that today?"

He clenched his jaw and shook his head, feeling a lump in his throat. "Seeing her go through that." He sniffled. "I just-it was horrible. They fucking let that monster represent himself and torture her on the stand, and she-" He broke off with a sob. "I almost lost her, doc. Again. I almost lost her again."

"What happened?"

"The fear, trauma, pain was all too much for her. She wanted to stop hurting. I get that. I would've done anything to take her pain away." He paused, swallowing the lump in his throat. "There was one night when things got particularly bad that I thought she might hurt herself."

"She was having thoughts of suicide?"

He didn't think he could speak without it turning into a sob so he nodded.

"I won't ask for details out of respect for her privacy, but knowing you, you got her help."

"I did, but it broke my heart that I couldn't keep her home with me."

"She needed more help than you could provide. Love is powerful but it isn't enough to heal everything on its own."

"I wish it was." He sniffled. "I wish it was just a matter of giving her as much love as possible, and she'd never have another nightmare again. She was so scared, so upset at first, and I know she didn't mean it but to know part of her thought for a second that night that I had stopped loving her-" He trailed off, unable to complete his sentence.

"Sometimes love means making difficult decisions. Heartbreaking decisions. I'm glad you two were able to work through that."

"I know it was a lot harder for her than it was for me, and I never want to make her feel guilty that I was upset too. I never want her to feel like she has to comfort me when she is the one suffering. I know that would be selfish, so I haven't talked to her about it since, but-" He didn't hold back the sob this time. "She told me to shoot her, and when I said I wasn't gonna do that, she told me to give her my gun. The thought of finding her like that…I don't know how I would've survived that loss. She's the love of my life. I've known her for so long I don't know how to live without her." He shook his head and wiped his tears. "I can't even think about-can we talk about something else?"

"Of course." Rebecca leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs. "Things have been better recently?"

"Yeah. Now that the trial is over, I mean there are still good days and bad obviously, but more good lately."

"I'm glad to hear that."

Elliot sighed. "She's talking to the Captain today about going back to work. She feels ready."

"But you don't?" Rebecca read between the lines.

"I mean I can't-I'm her partner, right? I'm supposed to support her. I'm not gonna control her. It's her choice. Not mine."

"I think you do a great job of supporting her, and you're right, it's her choice, but that doesn't mean you can't be nervous."

"There's part of me that's so glad she's healed enough to be able to do the job she loves again, and there's part of me that is completely terrified she's gonna be around the scum of the earth. It seems irrational because she's been at SVU for fifteen years. Hell, we did the job together for over a decade, but God I just, what if it happens again? What if the next perp that comes along…" He didn't know how to say it. "What if she doesn't survive if it happens again?"

"I think that your fears are valid. It's a risky job, but you have to trust Olivia's ability. Like you said she's done this job for fifteen years and she's pretty good at it. Regaining her independence and control has been an important part of her recovery and going back to work will allow her to do that. I'm sure part of her is anxious too, but these aren't decisions you can make for her no matter how valid your fears are."

"I know. I know that. I would never want her to think I don't trust her capabilities. She's the toughest person I know. She's a badass and there have been plenty of cases over the years where this didn't happen, so…" He trailed off and swallowed hard. "I just want her to be happy. That's all I want. I want her to have reasons to smile. Reasons to laugh. I hate seeing sadness and terror in her eyes. I'd do anything for her to be happy. If that means supporting her returning to work, I'm gonna do it."

"The two of you have a special bond. You always have. You've been through a lot together, and you know you can lean on each other when you need to. That's important, and it's also important to trust that the other person knows when to lean on you and when to take charge of their own healing."

"Right."

Rebecca smiled. "So tonight, go home, give her a hug, and remind her that you love her and are proud of her no matter what. Spend time together not necessarily talking about things that are bothering you but just allow yourselves some normalcy. Allow yourselves to be proud of the progress you have made in healing, her especially. Remind her that you're still here no matter how today went."

"Always."

A/N: Thanks for reading! I have a certain point in this story I would like to get to before the shows start again so hopefully the muse will cooperate and let me write a few more chapters of this in a row.