Notes:

I know its been forever since I've updated and I apologize for that deeply; there have been so many things going on, especially a really horrible dry spell that I'm finally getting out of. Thank you so much for sticking with me and there should be on more chapter after this. Again my sincerest apologies..

Chapter Text

Chapter 32

The next morning, Matt knocked at Lawliet's apartment door. "Lawliet, It's Matt," he called. Lawliet ran to the door and let him in

"Thank you, for coming," Lawliet said. "We need to work together to make sure we can put this together tomorrow for graduation." Matt nodded as he walked into the apartment.

"Thank you for helping me with this," he said, and Lawliet smiled.

"Really? I thought his parents have disowned him?" he said. "They're willing to come to his graduation?" Lawliet shook his head.

"No, they're not coming. But his sister is," he said with a big smile. "I've arranged for that too."

"They're letting her come to the graduation?" Matt asked in surprise.

"They refused at first of course, Sayu begged them, appealed to her mother who had been wavering in her conviction anyway. She finally got through to Mr. Yagami and gave her permission, but he refused to pay for it, but that wasn't a problem; he didn't plan on me." Matt laughed as he began to stand up.

"You're a devious bastard and I love it," he said flipping thru the papers again. "I'll give them a call on my way to class and make sure they have all of this information. Thanks again, Lawliet."

"You're welcome. I'm looking forward to seeing how all of this works out tomorrow," he said with a smile. "See you later." Lawliet watched Matt leave then immediately went back to work

Light decided to stop in the cafeteria for coffee before going back up to the apartment. He knew Lawliet was working, and he might as well be invisible at the moment. He hoped that soon he'd be able to assist him in his cases when all of this was said and done. He had just poured his coffee when he heard a voice he hadn't missed.

"Light! Light, I'm so glad I ran into you!" Misa said as she walked over to him.

"Misa," he said still angry at her attack on L earlier. "What do you want?"

"Please don't be angry with me," Misa said, hearing the edge in his voice, "You can't still be angry about what happened to Lawliet."

"I can't? You could have really hurt him, Misa. Why shouldn't I still be angry?"

"Because I told you I was sorry, I didn't mean to hurt him, I was just angry and hurt. Light…he took you away from me."

"You never had me, Misa. I told you for ages, but you didn't listen to me. I never loved you, I couldn't love you, I love Lawliet."

"I…I know," Misa said softly, "I understand that now. But Light we had plans, a future our parents planned for us. You can't tell me that you don't miss your parents, they're not going to speak to you anymore unless you come back to me." Light flinched slightly at the mention of his parents, looking down at his hands.

"I don't want that future, Misa. I never did but I felt I had no choice, I had nothing else available to me. That's not true anymore, I have a future with Lawliet now and that's what I want. Even if it costs me my family. I'd be miserable without Lawliet; I can't be without him."

"Light, I could make you happy, I promise I could. I'll be whatever you want me to be, I'll do more for you than Lawliet ever could. My parents will be here tomorrow and they're willing to forget everything that's happened if you just come back to me. They'll fund anything you need or want for our future. Light, I can't be this horrible to be with that you'd give up all of this just for…just for…"

"Lawliet. His name is Lawliet and no, you're not horrible Misa, I just don't love you."

"I can give you children, Light. Keep the Yagami line going like your father wants; Lawliet can't do that. You're disappointing your family…" Light stood up suddenly spilling his coffee across the table.

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I've taken all of this into consideration? I have spent my life doing exactly what was expected of me, perfect grades, perfect behavior, accolades and awards all for my family." He ran his hand thru his hair in frustration. "But this once, this one time I have to think about what I want, what makes me happy and that is Lawliet and will always be Lawliet." He picked up the fallen cup and cleared the mess with a napkin. "I am very sorry that I've hurt you, Misa, I am but I warned you, I never lied to you. I'll see you at graduation before you leave." He told her, then walked away from the table.

Misa watched him walk away, tears falling softly from her eyes. She still wasn't ready to admit that she had lost any hope of a future with Light. He loved Lawliet and that was the end of it, but maybe there was still something she could do. She cared enough about him that she didn't want to make his life miserable, but she'd try one more time after graduation. Maybe when he saw her parents and saw how forgiving they were going to be that he'd change his mind. She could only hope.

Light made his way back to their apartment, trying to keep himself together before he faced L. He didn't want to fall apart in front of him but hearing the fact that he was estranged from and disappointing his family like that hurt him more than he thought it would. He had purposefully not thought about the situation, burying it as deeply as he could, but now realizing that he'd never see them again brought it all to the top again. He stopped at the door taking deep breaths before opening it.

Lawliet looked up from his desk as he heard the door opening. He still couldn't help the immediate panic he felt when the door opened, and he wasn't expecting anyone. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath when he saw Light.

"Hey, welcome back," he said standing up to go meet him, "believe it or not I did miss you." Light tried to smile.

"Glad I was missed," he said reaching for him, "I didn't even think you noticed I was gone." Lawliet laughed as he leaned into kiss Light.

"Just because I don't acknowledge you while I'm working doesn't mean I'm not aware you're there," he said before Light kissed him. He welcomed the kiss but then became aware of just how hard and desperate the kiss became. Light was holding him tightly, tighter than he normally did and it began to worry him. "Light…Light are you okay?" he managed to get out before Light moved to kiss him again. He pulled away, forcing Light to look at him.

"Has something happened?" he asked softly, "Are you okay?" Light smiled and nodded.

"Yes, I'm fine," he said, "I guess I missed you more than I realized." He moved away from Lawliet and towards the kitchen. "I'm going to make some coffee, want some?" Lawliet watched him as he walked away.

"Sure, let's have some coffee and we can talk," he said following him into the kitchen. "Getting cold feet before graduation tomorrow?" he offered.

"No, not at all," Light answered as he turned on the coffee machine, "I'm not going." Lawliet blinked at the statement and stopped walking.

"What do you mean you're not going? You're the one who talked me into going when I thought it was foolish. I don't understand, Light." Light finished the coffees and brought them to the table, sitting down before he answered.

"I've simply changed my mind, Lawliet" he said before sipping his coffee, "There's no reason for me to attend." Lawliet sat down at the table next to him.

"What has happened to change your mind so suddenly?" He noticed Light was staring deeply into his coffee cup and not looking at him. He placed his hand over Light's. "Please tell me, this isn't like you." Light pulled his hand away, his eyes finally moving to meet Lawliet's.

"Because I have no reason to; no one cares that I'm graduating, no one will be here to tell me I did a good job or that they're proud of me. As a matter of fact, I no longer exist to them, why would they be proud of my achievements? So, I see no reason to bother." He stood up and walked away from the table.

"I know it's not the same as your parents, but you know I care, and so does Watari. You're not alone here, Light. I love you; and I'll always be proud of you." Light stood up and moved away from him. He was afraid he was going to say the wrong thing; he was in more pain than he thought he could be over his family; he had been sure he'd made peace with the situation. He loved L and he had no intention of giving him up just to make his family happy, but at the same time he was angry he was forced to have to make the choice.

"Lawliet, that means everything to me, it really does. I just…I just…I always knew this would happen which is why I hid it from my family for so long. I knew I wouldn't be accepted for who I am, but I just thought that maybe…there was a chance." He put a hand to his face to cover his eyes. "I'm sorry, if you want me to go to graduation, I'll go with you." He added.

"Light..." L moved to where Light was standing, putting his arms around him and pulling him to his chest. "I'm so sorry I've caused you so much pain, it's the last thing I ever wanted to do." He said as he held him.

"It's not your fault, Lawliet. I fell in love with you, I couldn't help it. I shouldn't have to choose between my family and the person I love." Light said as he rested his head on Lawliet's shoulder.

"No, you shouldn't," he said thinking. He wanted to surprise Light tomorrow, but Light needed to know he hadn't lost all his family. When he heard the first of what sounded like a quiet sob, he knew he had to tell him now.

"I have something to tell you," he said softly as he rubbed Light's back. "There is a member of your family that wants to share this with you." Light pulled his face from Lawliet's shoulder slowly, then stared at him.

"What…" he started as Lawliet reached up to wipe away tears from his face.

"Sayu will be here tomorrow," Lawliet told him. Light blinked and stared at him. "Sayu will be here tomorrow, Light." He repeated.

"Sayu's coming? But…how…how's that possible? How do you know?" he demanded.

"Because I sent for her, Light. Because She wanted to be here and see you and I knew you needed to see her." Lawliet told him. "Because I love you."

"I…can't…I can't believe…Lawliet…" he grabbed Lawliet and hugged him tightly. "I don't know how you did it, but thank you, thank you so much!"

Lawliet hugged him back, relieved to feel Light's body relax against him. "It's okay, Light, you don't have to thank me; I enjoyed doing it." He said as he pulled away slowly. "I guess that means you're graduating tomorrow?" he chuckled.

Light nodded with a wide smile. "Well, I can't very well disappoint my sister, can I?" he said before hugging Lawliet again.

"No, you'd better not," Lawliet chuckled, "As I recall she can have quite the temper." Light nodded and grinned.

"Yes, she can so believe me I'm not going to disappoint her in any way," he caressed Lawliet's cheek. "Thank you, again, Lawliet. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"I think I do, which is why I set it up. Now, let me refill the coffees because now I need your help with something." He said getting the coffee and refilling their cups.

"I'll try, what kind of help?" Light asked as he reached up to take his cup. Lawliet put the coffee pot down and sat back down next to Light.

"I've got to see Beyond today," he said looking down at his hands as he felt them begin to tremble slightly at just the mention of his brother's name. "I must talk to Watari about what to say and what not to say. Will you please come with me?"

Light nodded. "Of course, I told you I was going to be with you thru this, Lawliet. Whatever you need me to do."

"Thank you," Lawliet said wrapping his arms around him. "I think we should go as soon as we've finished up, so I don't lose my resolve to do this." He suggested.

Light nodded then pulled L into a kiss. "I agree, we'll talk to him as soon as you're ready." he said running his fingers thru Lawliet's hair.

"Okay, I'll call Watari and see if he's free." Lawliet said going to his desk and getting his phone. After a quick conversation he put his phone away. "He's coming over now," he said going back to him and reached for his hand. "I can't stop shaking and I'm only talking about him."

"I know, why do you think I'm going to be with you until it's done? It's going to be okay, Lawliet, I promise."

"I love you," Lawliet said before leaning over to kiss him.

"I love you too," Light said leaning to meet his kiss.

"I hope I'm not interrupting," Watari's amused voice made him jump back.

"Oh…sorry," Lawliet said. "No…not at all." He stammered making Watari chuckle.

"There's nothing to apologize for," he said as he walked into the main room and sat down. "Now, have you thought about what you would like to say to your brother?" he asked.

"I'm not…sure. I don't know what to say that won't upset him," Lawliet started.

"Well, what we're trying to do is get some closure on the situation. It's important that everyone stays calm. I've spoken with BB, and he's surprised you even want to speak to him, so anything you say he will want to hear, I'm sure, and help with his recovery. He has expressed extreme remorse over what he's done."

Lawliet nodded and took a deep breath, "What does A think? Does he know I'm coming?" Watari nodded.

"He does and will be there as well to keep BB steady."

"I'm so afraid to even look at him, how can I talk to him?" Lawliet asked squeezing Light's hand.

"Just remember that you're safe, nothing will happen concentrate on what you want to say. It's going to be fine, Lawliet, trust that." He leaned closer to Lawliet. "I'm very proud of you."

Lawliet offered a small smile and nodded. "Thank you, I hope I earn it and not do or say anything stupid."

"I'm sure you'll be fine," Watari said with a smile. "Light, you are coming of course?

"Yes, I can't let him do this alone." Light answered.
"How are you feeling about this yourself? He attacked you first." Watari said.
"I…haven't really thought about it that way, I've only thought about Lawliet." He answered.
"Well, make sure you're in control as well. We both remember how Lawliet suffered with his injuries even after you were released from the hospital," I don't want you to let your anger about that and your own injuries get in the way of what they have to do. You have every right to your anger, but let's not let it out today."

"I won't, I understand," Light said softly.

"Alright then, I'll be ready to take you there in about an hour," Watari said standing up. "I'll see you then." Lawliet stood up and walked over to him.

"Thank you," he said before hugging the older man. "We'll be ready in an hour." Watari nodded then went to the door.

"You may carry on with whatever I interrupted," he said with a grin. "But remember I'll be back in an hour." He chuckled before he left the apartment.

Light smiled and looked at L. "Well, let's see what we can get done in an hour," he laughed leaning down to kiss him.

"So? Are we visiting BB today?" Matt asked over his sandwich in the cafeteria. Mello played with his own sandwich for a few minutes before answering.

"I don't think today is going to be a good day for that," he said finally. "You know Lawliet's going to see him this afternoon." Matt nodded as he took another bite.

"I know. I just wanted to know if you wanted to be with him for a little support," he said.

"I would but A's going to be there for him, and Light's going to be there with Lawliet. I don't think they'll allow anyone else in." he sighed and picked up his sandwich finally. "I hope everything works out okay."

"I'm sure it will, Mello don't worry about it. B has calmed down quite a bit; he was even feeling remorse over what happened. He told us that yesterday when we visited. Maybe today whatever animosity there is between he and Lawliet will finally be laid to rest at least, I know it'll probably never be completely erased but maybe they can at least go forward."

"Yea, maybe, I hope so. I keep thinking this was all something someone made up and every day I remember exactly what happened and its like it was yesterday. It really fucking sucks, this is not how I expected this graduation to go."

"I know, none of us did, babe. But look at it this way, tonight we're going to go out and celebrate the fact that we're all graduating tomorrow, even B. Then tomorrow more celebrating afterwards. We've got this whole detective thing waiting for us, our own place together with A until B gets out. So much to do; this is going to be great!"

"Your brother and sister coming tomorrow?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

"Yea, I told you that already, you getting senile already?" Matt asked laughing.

"No, I was just making sure one of us had someone coming. I think Light and I are the only ones with no one coming to celebrate with us." Mello said.

"Well, just between you and me, Lawliet arranged to have Light's sister attend tomorrow, and he doesn't know." Matt told him.

"He did? That's great, I'm glad his asshole dad is letting her come," Mello said in surprise.

"Lawliet seems to have his ways with things; a talent we didn't know about till now." Matt laughed.

"See what getting fucked regularly can do for you? Clears out all that brain fog and you find talents you never knew you had." He laughed. "Well, I'm glad for Light, he's had a really hard year." He added still playing with his sandwich.

Matt could see the sadness in Mello's eyes, and he knew where it was coming from. He reached across the table and put his hand over Mello's.

"I know what's got you down and I'm sorry you haven't heard from Dieter about whether he can come, but don't give up hope. He might just be really busy."

"Fuck it, you think I really care? His wife is probably keeping him away from me in case I ask him if I can come home now. Can't have those gay germs in the house again."

"Stop it, I'm sure that's not the case and yes, I know you care quite a lot. So do I, and I'm not giving up hope that they'll be here. So don't be a dick and mope around unless you have reason to." Mello

looked up at him and finally smiled

"Alright you optimistic ass, I'll stop thinking about it. If only to shut you up." He said.

"Good, now eat your sandwich, there are people starving in China." Matt chuckled.

"Name two and you can send it with my compliments," Mello answered

"Why are you such a Jerk!" Matt laughed.

"Because you love it," Mello said and chuckled, "finish your sandwich I want to take a nap before tonight."

"Sure," Matt said as he finished up, "Let's see how much napping we get done."

"Are you suggesting I have ulterior motives for wanting to go to our room? For shame…" Mello feigned surprise.

"Naw, just saying you want to fuck," Matt answered standing up and leaving the table. "Well, come on." He said and then laughed when Mello practically knocked down chairs to catch up with him.

"We'll be there in just a few minutes," Watari said from the front seat as he drove. "You need to make sure you're relaxed and ready to have a conversation." He added.

Lawliet held tightly to Light's hand as he listened to him. "I'm as relaxed as I can be," he answered quietly.

"It will be you and Light, along with Alexander and BB's doctor. It's going to be like a group session, so that the pressure of you being alone with him is gone and his doctor will make sure he stays calm as well."

Lawliet nodded and took a deep shaky breath as Watari pulled into the parking lot. "You're not coming?"

"No, too many people might overwhelm him, Light's with you, you'll be fine." Watari said as he parked the car. "I'll walk you in."

Lawliet and Light got out of the car; Light feeling slightly anxious as well as it was the first time he'd seen BB since the attack. He felt Lawliet's hand tremble in his and held it tighter.

"It's going to be fine, Lawliet, you're going to be fine." He assured him. Lawliet nodded again and headed inside behind Watari.

"So, this is going to be a big deal then?" Beyond said as his doctor walked into the room and sat at the table.

"I believe this could be a very big deal for both you and your brother and lead to some permanent healing." He answered.

Beyond chuckled darkly. "We couldn't get along before I tried to kill him, what makes you think we can heal now?"

"Well for one thing you'll both be able to say the things that keep you apart in safety," the doctor said. "Have you ever bothered to tell Lawliet why you hold such animosity toward him?"

"What would be the point? Doesn't change anything," BB started and then looked up when the door to the conference room opened and Lawliet and Light stood at the entrance way. Lawliet started and moved back against Light when he saw BB raise his eyes to meet his. Light could feel his heart banging against his chest, his mind replaying the moment he tried to cover Lawliet's body with his own, the sound of his cries when the knife…he stopped and shook his head to clear it, he couldn't think about that now.

"Don't hang in the doorway, didn't your mother teach you manners?" BB said with a chuckle. Lawliet nodded and walked into the room. "S…sorry," he said holding Light's hand tightly as he walked into the room.

The doctor stood up to greet Lawliet and Light and show them to seats at the table. He introduced himself and offered them something to drink. Lawliet shook his head, unable to face BB's gaze from across the table.

"Alright then let's started," the doctor began as he sat and opened his folders. "I think we need to break this tension first of all," he said, "Let me go over what I'd like to accomplish today. The two of you have a history of animosity between the two of you that I'd like to try to find the source of. That is the root which grew into the problem we have. You must be honest and truthful if we're going to get to the bottom of this."

"I-I didn't know we had a problem until we started going to Wammy's," Lawliet started. "We only saw each other after the divorce on special occasions, holiday…and we always got along then." Lawliet said without looking up. "It seemed one day the little jabs began to get nastier and more hurtful. I never knew why." He looked at the doctor. "It got so bad sometimes that over the summer I learned martial arts to protect my self as he became increasingly more violent when we did fight."
"Beyond, why did you start harassing your brother?" the doctor asked. Beyond chuckled.

"Because it was too easy and I felt he deserved a bit of hassle, he had everything else." Lawliet blinked.

"What do you mean everything else? I didn't have anymore than you?" he said and Beyond laughed and looked at his brother.

"You had mom full time," he said, "I had dad, but he was gone more often than not."

"You think Mom was home full time? My nanny was more of a nurturing parent than Mom was. I kept wishing that Dad had taken me instead." He said.

"Then you got a surrogate dad in Mr. Wammy. For some reason he took you under his wing, you became his favorite, and he would move heaven and earth if there was something you wanted."

"He reached out to you as well, but you wouldn't reach back, he tried Beyond."

"That's bullshit and you know it. I knew he was only reaching out so it didn't look badly when he took you in, it had nothing to do with me."

"Is this why your animosity went violent?" the doctor asked.

Beyond looked at Lawliet before answering. "I guess so; I got tired of everything going his way. Then this year, Wammy made him the head of his little detective plan. Then asked the rest of us to be his little lackeys."

'I didn't ask for that, Beyond," Lawliet protested, "things just happened to work out that way. How can you blame me for things that I had no control over? None of this was my fault." Beyond's face contorted in anger as he rose to his feet.

"Because it was always for you, Lawliet. Everything and everyone came easy for and to you while I had to work at it. Mom came to visit you in the hospital, didn't she? Do you think dad came to visit me? You almost cost me A!"

"B sit down, please…" A said pulling him back down.

"I…didn't know, how could I?", Lawliet said as his eyes filled with tears. "At least I know why you hate me, even though it doesn't make any sense, why you tried to take away the one person who means everything to me," he said. "I did nothing to you, or to A, except to help him when he asked. Yes, I knew it would probably piss you off but not like this." It was his turn to be angry. "I wasn't responsible for what happened to A, you were. If you'd just listened to him, praised him for working so hard to impress you, none of this would have happened. But no, you treated him like he was your personal property, unable to make decisions on his own, too feeble to know what he was doing. You drove him to it Beyond, not me!" Lawliet was now on his feet, pushing the chair behind him as he leaned on the table. His voice a mixture of anger, pain and fear. "I still loved you as a brother Beyond, in spite of our problems because you are my brother. Now I'm just afraid of you and I don't think that will ever change." Light put his arm around him and gently pulled him back to the chair, then holding him as he felt him completely break down. There was so much he wanted to say but he couldn't be sure he would fly across the table and try to beat the hell out of B, but that wouldn't help anything.

The doctor watched B flinch with every word L had said about how he treated A. He looked at A as he held onto B, reassuring him softly that everything would be alright

"It seems to me that a lot of hidden anger and aggression has finally been released, truths said out loud to be examined and dealt with,' he said. "Do you agree with what your brother has told you?" he asked B. "Do you believe you are at least partly responsible for Alexander's suicide attempt and nearly killing your own brother and Light Yagami?"

B was still staring at Lawliet, every word he said going thru his mind again. He looked up at the doctor, a single tear running down his face.

"Lawliet…I'm…I'm so sorry,' he said then turned to A. "He's right, I never thought about it till now, about how much you've accomplished and done for me since I've been here. I'm surprised you even bother with me now after everything I've done, to you and to Lawliet and Light. I'm so sorry." He said burying his face into A's shoulder.

The doctor closed his notebook and sighed. "Obviously there's more work to be done, but this is excellent work. To finally admit your responsibility in this is a major lead to your recovery, B."

B lifted his head and looked at Lawliet again. "I…don't want you to be afraid of me, Lawliet. Maybe in time, you can find a way to not be anymore. I never would have attacked you like that if I hadn't thought I'd lost A and been out of my mind with grief. I never really wanted you dead."

Lawliet looked up at him. "I don't know, I can't say how I'm going to feel. But…maybe in time."

"I think he's had enough now," Light finally spoke up. "I'm taking him home." He said helping Lawliet up from the chair. "Let's go into the waiting room and I'll call Watari." Lawliet nodded against him and walked with him to the door before he stopped to look at B again.

"B, I am sorry things were so difficult for you, I didn't know." He said softly then walked out of the door with Light.

"I'm going to order something for you to help you sleep, Beyond," the doctor said. "I'm sure you're exhausted but I believe you'll need the help tonight. Let's get you back to your room." B nodded slowly then leaned against A as they went back to his room.

"I love you," A said as he helped him back into bed. "That's why I'm still here and always will be." He kissed his cheek and sat by his bed. "I'll be here until you fall asleep."
B nodded without a word and reached for his hand as his eyes closed slowly