Garrus doesn't go back to his apartment after ensuring that Liara and Tali reach their respective beds; instead, he takes a CRT train back to C-Sec's headquarters on Tayseri. Emily Wong's report replays on a screen above the empty seats across from him as the hypertrain moves along the ward's inner ring bound line, and he has no choice but to listen now that he's alone.
"-has issued a statement." A very grim-looking Anderson flickers onto the screen, standing next to that picture of Shepard that Garrus already sees every time he closes his eyes. He remembers the former captain of the Normandy well and knows that this can't be easy for him either.
"I stand before you today with tragic news that cannot be delayed a moment longer. While defending Citadel Space from the last of the geth threat, the SSV Normandy was destroyed, and Council Spectre and Alliance Commander Artemis Shepard was killed in action. Twenty-one members of her crew have also been declared killed in action…" Anderson solemnly lists the ranks and names of the Alliance crew that were lost in the attack.
Liara and Tali didn't readily offer to list all the casualties, and he really hadn't wanted to ask. Some are friends, like the requisitions officer who taught him how to play poker or the Draven sisters, who were among the first members of the human crew to speak to him. Most he knew only in passing but respected nonetheless. Liara's words about the lower decks come back to him as he realizes that most of the lost crew were a part of the rotating team of engineers that tended to the Normandy's revolutionary drive core, although Lead Engineer Adams is not among them.
"The Council and the Systems Alliance commend the actions and diligence of these brave men and women, some of the finest humanity had to offer. They will be mourned by their families, friends, and crewmates; they will be mourned by their homeworlds, scattered across the stars; they will be mourned by the people of the Citadel, who they strove to protect; they will be mourned by a Mother Earth that dared send her sons and daughters into the unknown. Thank you." Emily Wong returns to the screen as Anderson leaves the podium and allows a moment of solemn silence to pass before resuming her report.
"If you're just joining us this morning, that was Councilor Anderson's statement concerning the destruction of the SSV Normandy. A Council press conference will be held in the Citadel Tower later this Presidium day cycle, and a private memorial for Commander Shepard has been scheduled for this evening. We will bring you the latest as this story develops, but for now: I'm Emily Wong, and this has been Citadel NewsNet."
As he suspected it would be, C-Sec's Tayseri HQ is abuzz with activity by the time he exits the elevator that stops at the main lobby. Many officers move briskly around the station, some watching reports on their omni-tools or reading datapads; others are engaged in hushed conversations that tend to pause when he walks past.
"Vakarian!" The crowd of officers make way for his father to fall into step beside him as he enters the locker room, a bottle from the vending machine in his left hand. "Good you're here. Take this."
Garrus accepts the drink automatically, subvocals clicking contemptuously at his father as he recognizes the label. "Is this Paragade an apology for threatening to kick me off the ward or for my commander dying? You didn't even get me a Tupari."
"We're fresh out, and you look like you've been up all night. It's to give you electrolytes for the situation I'm about to send you out to. Focus up, son. I know this is hitting you hard, but you came here because you knew we'd need all the help we can get. We have a lot of calls coming in." He stops inspecting the sports drink and takes a look at his father instead; he's wearing the bright orange and blue armor meant to publicly signify him as a high-ranking C-Sec officer, but he's somehow more subdued than usual. Garrus hums an affirmation, and his father jumps right into his assignment as they reach the locker where he stores his C-Sec issued equipment and personal belongings.
"About fifty Terra Firma party protestors are crowding ward access to the embassies. We need to keep them under control and away from the press conference in a few hours. I'm sending you down there with a human officer to support onsite security. Go to the executor's office and they'll brief you." His father scans the room quickly, eyes finally settling on a nearby woman that he beckons over. "Lamont has the nav-point. Keep it clean. Come back here to debrief before the memorial and I'll make sure you're off-duty in time to make it back to the tower."
Castis stalks out of the room as Garrus' former partner approaches, leaning on the row of lockers next to his. He knows the dark-skinned human well; she was the only human in his class at the Academy, and he remembers how she quickly earned the begrudging respect of their turian instructors with a perpetually level head and steady aim. She was also the only one of his classmates that was culturally oblivious to his connection to the already-famous Officer Castis Vakarian, a perspective that he once cherished. Garrus murmurs a greeting as he retrieves the last few pieces of his gear.
"Sorry to hear about the Normandy, Garrus. Sure you'll be up for whatever the Terra Firma whackjobs are pushing?" He secures a stasis gun to his hip, standard equipment for public event security.
"Better than doing nothing. Ready to get yelled at?" She snickers and nods before checking her own equipment one last time and pulling a helmet over her closely cropped purple hair. With a small noise of disgust, he leaves the subpar sports drink in his locker.
Four hours later, he sorely misses those electrolytes.
"How many human lives will be thrown away for this Council? How many more while they cower in their gilded tower and pay lip service to humanity's needs?" The red-faced man's words continue to work the other protesters into a frenzy, and Garrus does his best to look impassive as their movement disturbs the temporary barrier that is preventing the crowd from coming any further into the Presidium using very low-strength mass effect fields. His aching head is disturbed too.
Lamont is on the other side of the crowd, and several of C-Sec's embassy security staff are scattered throughout the area. Fifty protestors have become almost two hundred in the last hour, and they show no signs of stopping anytime soon. Several are waving holosigns, plastered with slogans disparaging the Council or the faces of dead Alliance soldiers, including Shepard.
He's always been suspicious of the Terra Firma party on principle, especially after a particularly obnoxious conversation he, Wrex, and the commander had with one of their pushier politicians; watching them try to use her death to push their xenophobic narrative for several hours hasn't improved his opinion. They have the right to be here , he reminds himself dismally. Even if she wouldn't agree with what they're saying.
Luckily, the crowd eventually moves locations without any major incident, retreating back into the wards several hours after the press conference. After receiving assurances from on-site security that everything was covered, Lamont walks with him back to headquarters, obviously a bit tired after working in such a charged environment for hours.
"Gonna be at the memorial later?" She yawns behind a five-fingered hand, trying to conceal the extent of her weariness. He's used to seeing this in humans; this kind of single-minded determination and drive to overcome any perceived limitations was all too common on the Normandy.
"Probably." His father had mentioned it and he supposed it was expected of him, but a return to the familiarity of Nirvana was far more appealing.
"You should go. It's important, closure. I lost friends during the battle, you know." She sighs, seeming even more weary than before. "C-Sec, mostly. My partner, the one I was assigned after you…"
She trails off, unwilling or unable to finish her sentence. No one was really sure what he had done after joining Shepard on the Normandy, besides chasing down and defeating Saren. Even he wasn't too sure now.
"Did Ridgefield make it? Haven't seen him around." He changes the subject by mentioning another friend from the old days, another human that joined the force before they even had a spot on the council. He'd spent the first few decades of his life as a government agent on Earth.
"Yeah, got reassigned to Kithoi. Hopefully he can ride the next couple of years out to retirement there."
"Doubt I'll get so lucky." Lamont snorts, gesturing for him to enter the elevator down to C-Sec ahead of her. "If you want, you can have that Paragade my dad gave me. Might need the electrolytes."
Despite his earlier uncertainty, he goes straight back to the Presidium after the standard debrief in Castis' office, sitting outside a cafe near the embassies with a cup of dextro-safe coffee for a few hours. As the artificially generated darkness of evening begins to fall over the pristine lakes and gardens, he drags his feet up the steps of the Citadel Tower, stalling even though the memorial is supposed to start soon. Although the Tower was the worst casualty of last month's devastating battle that all five wards were still struggling to recover from, the Council's seat of power was already perfectly restored to its former glory. As he reaches the top, he apathetically registers the small crowd of dignitaries, ambassadors, and Alliance officials, seated just beyond the place he first met Shepard.
More interesting to him than the politicians, several of his former crewmates are in attendance. A still heavily-bandaged Joker sits sullenly next to Doctor Chakwas, who is whispering something to Ashley. In front of them, Liara, Tali, and Engineer Adams are sitting in a row; Liara, spirits bless her, has saved a seat that he hopes is for him.
As he scoots past the last already-seated attendee to reach them, Liara notices his arrival and leans in to whisper to him. "Garrus, where were you?"
"Went to C-Sec HQ after I dropped you off. Didn't really feel like going home or to the press conference. Thanks for saving me a seat."
"Of course. The press conference… is probably best discussed later."
As silence falls over the already subdued crowd, Garrus realizes that he doesn't know who will be leading the memorial. He is not surprised when Councilor Anderson approaches the podium on the small stage in front of them, nodding in greeting as he shuffles some papers. As the former captain begins to speak, Garrus realizes that he was the best choice.
Garrus knew where Shepard came from, that her family were killed in a batarian slaver raid on Mindoir, but Anderson was there . He was one of the Alliance marines that rescued her, and it's painfully clear that the scared sixteen-year-old he watched become the commander of the Normandy was like a daughter to him.
As he works his way through a short retelling of the story of Shepard's life and career before she entered the public eye and became a Spectre, Garrus is filled with a deep sense of regret that they didn't have the time to really get to know each other. Would Liara's revelation have surprised him if they had?
He's struck by another piece of Shepard's past that he was vaguely aware of, but never discussed with her: Akuze. To lose your whole squad in such a devastating, surprising way and eventually be able to live with it implied an inner strength that he wasn't sure he possessed. A memory flashes back to him: Shepard's knuckles bone white against the Mako's steering mechanism as she spins it to the right, a thresher maw screaming above, the vehicle's machine gun close to overheating as he fires round after round, rocket after rocket. A joke about it, somehow, in her last message.
Garrus leaves the memorial with the knowledge that he knew less about Shepard than he thought, a revelation that surprises him less than it would've a few days ago. It was hard not to think of her as a mystery that he now had no hope of solving, a pile of unanswered questions and useless regret now forever lost to space. As he stands near the front of the room, having the last conversation he would in a while with the humans he'd spent several of the most important months of his life with, he pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind. There were more immediate problems now, and he would have all the time in the universe to decode his feelings about Shepard.
True to Liara's word, she leaves on a commando scout ship bound for Thessia a few days later. After the events of the last few months, she claimed to need nothing more than to spend some quiet time on her homeworld. She was also still responsible for settling her mother's affairs; Benezia was a well-connected matriarch with many assets, including a large home in the capital city and an apartment on the asari world Illium.
Tali remains on the Citadel for almost two weeks. Her recent experiences with travel and the importance of the geth data recovered during their hunt for Saren make her reluctant to leave on anything other than a quarian ship, and the infrequent arrivals from the Migrant Fleet delay her return to the massive collection of starships that she calls home.
During that two-week period, Garrus spends most of his free time with her, visiting the dextro restaurants and entertainment hotspots that are still open in his sector of the ward. He tries to forget what Liara told him and concentrate on spending time with his friend, but it's hard when Shepard's face is everywhere, plastered on vidboards and posters and beautifully, hauntingly painted on a half-destroyed wall in Tayseri that he stares at for a full minute the first time he sees it. He takes comfort in Tali's familiar presence, especially when the Council starts to turn down questions about the Normandy during press conferences a week after Shepard's memorial.
The final official line is that an investigation is being conducted by the Alliance, and that the geth threat is fully eradicated from Citadel Space. C-Sec finds another piece of Sovereign on Tayseri at least every week, but the Reapers are never mentioned. Eventually the press conferences stop, and life on the Citadel tentatively returns to some semblance of the way it was, as much as it can while reconstruction is still ongoing. A public that so fiercely mourned Shepard is willing to let her go if it means that they're safe again.
The Admiralty Board finally schedules Tali's departure on the Garzhvog, a quarian freighter that will soon dock at the Citadel on a supply run. Her improved mood at the prospect of returning to her people is infectious, and almost makes Garrus forget about the uneasy political maneuverings surrounding the seat of galactic power. At her insistence, they attend the annual C-Sec charity ball together the night before she's set to leave.
Per usual, it's being held in the Citadel Tower; they arrive late and spend most of the night on a ledge overlooking the large chamber, beautifully decorated with thousands of twinkling lights that hang from the high ceilings and drape across the trees. There are noticeably less attendees than last year, a grim reminder of the deaths and station-wide understaffing caused by Saren's attack.
Only a few minutes after they arrive and get drinks from a passing waiter, he realizes uncomfortably that this place will forever remind him of Saren's broken frame crawling on the walls and Shepard's memorial, no matter how dressed up it is.
"Thank you for this, Garrus. It's going better than I expected. Not many quarians have been surrounded by this many C-Sec officers without getting arrested recently." A bit sarcastically, Tali raises a glass of Edessan blue, directly imported from the colony and highly favored by the Citadel's turian population. She's wearing more fabric over her envirosuit than usual, a lighter, swirling lilac material that loosely flows over her shoulders and past her knees. Garrus can't help but admire the way it accentuates her waist.
"Thanks for coming with me. These things are usually painfully boring, but the food's worth it. They got catering from that sushi place on Bachjret Ward last year." Tali's glowing eyes widen behind her mask, and Garrus adjusts the stiff collar of his rarely worn formal clothing uncomfortably.
"The one with the fish tank floor? I've always wanted to go there, and I bet you're respectable enough to get reservations now. Maybe next time I'm on the Citadel, we can–"
"Anderson!" Garrus hisses as he abruptly moves towards a nearby set of stairs, confident that Tali will follow him. The human councilor is leaning on a high balcony on the opposite site of the room, alone for the moment. Garrus is almost desperate to reach him, to have a candid conversation with the man that knew Commander Shepard better than anyone else in the galaxy.
"Garrus Vakarian, what are you doing?" Tali easily catches up with him as he makes his way through the gardens, quickly ducking around a pillar to avoid greeting Executor Pallin and Ambassador Udina.
"I have to talk to him, find out what the Council is up to. You were at the memorial. He can't be happy with what's been happening recently." She does not protest, and three flights of stairs later they reach the balcony. Garrus is relieved to find Anderson looking down on the party, still unaccompanied by his usual entourage of security and advisors. The councilor turns to face them warily when their footsteps reach his ears, visibly relaxing when he recognizes Shepard's crew.
"Ah, Officer Vakarian. I heard you rejoined the force. Miss Tali'Zorah, I'm glad to see you up and about." He greets them both with a firm human handshake; Garrus is reminded of the last time he grasped the man's hand, as he was pulled out from under a pile of rubble in that very room.
"Good evening, Councilor Anderson. Were you expecting someone else?" Tali inquires innocently enough, and Garrus is glad she asked; the human seemed unsettled by their approach.
Anderson chuckles wearily, resting an arm on the railing next to him. "I'm always expecting someone, and they tend to have bad news for me more often than not these days. We didn't get a chance to speak at the memorial – my apologies."
"We wanted to tell you that we're sorry for your loss. No one knew Shepard like you did." Tali's condolences are sincere, and Garrus hopes that they'll make Anderson more willing to speak openly.
"I appreciate that, but it's your loss just as much as mine." The old soldier suspiciously checks the stairwell they climbed to reach him and continues after he's confirmed that they're alone on the balcony. "When you watch someone dodge curveball after curveball their entire life, it's hard to believe they'll ever get stopped in their tracks. Shepard always deserved better."
"It wasn't the geth, was it? Is that why the Council is keeping everyone quiet about it now?" Tali chokes violently mid-sip of her wine, shocked by his direct line of questioning and thinly veiled accusation; Garrus is thrown off by it too, because the words have escaped his mouth without a second or even first thought. Anderson's congenial expression hardens into something more serious, but he doesn't seem surprised. He waits until Tali has cleared her throat before shaking his head slowly.
"No. No, it wasn't the geth. Listen Garrus, I know that it isn't…I believe just as strongly as you do that the Reapers are out there, but I'll tell you what I told Shepard the last time I saw her. She may have made me the most politically powerful human in the galaxy, but I'm still just one man. I'm forced to pick my battles even more carefully than I did in the Alliance. This is one worth fighting, but I have to play the long game." Garrus feels a bit guilty for the response he provoked; the human's public-facing decorum has slipped somewhat, and any energy he had left seems to have drained from him. "I know it's infinitely more maddening than how they ignored her warnings when she was alive, but part of me is content to let her rest peacefully. That's…the least she deserves."
"We understand, Councilor. We know you're doing your best." Tali reassures him easily, and Garrus is pretty sure he's on the receiving end of a dirty look.
"Thank you, Tali. If either of you ever have any concerns, my office is always open to you. For now, I should rejoin the party. Ambassador Udina must miss me terribly." The human gives them a small smile and regains most of his stately aloofness as he moves to leave. "Thank you for your service to the Citadel, Officer Vakarian. Please enjoy the ball."
They watch him disappear down the stairs together, and Tali is already shaking her head before she turns to face him. "Keelah, Garrus. That was abrasive, even for you."
"I know. I'm sorry." He takes Anderson's place on the railing, and she joins him after a moment. "I just don't feel like I'm doing any good here. I'm not making things better and no one is listening. Never should've come back to C-Sec."
Her tone is much less accusatory, more understanding. "Then leave , Garrus. Didn't they want you to be a Spectre?"
"Yeah, I would have to go back to Palaven for specialty training. It's…worth considering, but I came back for a reason, and we're still understaffed." He watches as Anderson's arrival interrupts Udina and Pallin's conversation; the pair don't look happy to see him at all. "I think I'm stuck for now. Sorry if I ruined your evening. Want another drink?"
"Maybe later. You know, it doesn't have to be a total loss. We're alone up here, and this tower has the cleanest air on the whole Citadel…" She steps towards him and tilts her head suggestively, already reaching her free hand toward his shoulder. He suddenly remembers a conversation he had with a bunkmate in the Hierarchy, that quarians kiss their partners in a way very similar to humans. Feeling a bit sick, he decides to stop her at the last moment by taking a quick step away.
"I'm…ah, flattered by your bad idea, but we shouldn't." She takes this in stride, returning fluidly to her leaning position on the railing.
"Oh…is it because of Liara? You had a pretty serious conversation at that bar the night we showed up at your apartment."
"No! Well…yes, but not for the reason you think. She told me something about Shepard. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I'm sorry, you shouldn't…" He lowers his head apologetically.
"Yes, I can't go back to the Flotilla sick. I don't know what came over me. I haven't–I've been impulsive since… I'm sorry." She sighs and seems chastened for a moment, but a glimmer of her usual curiosity quickly wins out. "So, you and Shepard? I guess I understand why you spoke to Anderson like that."
"No, we weren't…ah. Liara saw something about me in Shepard's head." Tali snorts, and then grows solemn for a moment.
"I wonder what she thought of me. I thought she was so fearless, so heroic…both of you."
"What about now?"
"Now more than ever. No hard feelings." The quarian pats his hand lightly, her words earnest.
"For what it's worth Tali, I think you're witty, brave, and the best engineer I know. And I didn't need to be any closer to Shepard than I was to know she did too."
"It's worth a lot. Flatterer." The turian and quarian spend the rest of the evening eating too many dextro appetizers and avoiding small talk with unsavory political figures, the next quiet moment that they will have together years and lightyears and lifetimes away.