What the hell am I doing here?

That thought kept replaying itself in my head. It's already been a month. I was sitting at the same table, in the same chair, the same drink.

He was here. Taking orders and chatting with some of the regulars. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. The fact I'm even here is bad enough.

My head was threatening to split itself open. Ignoring my reaction for a month, proved to rather detrimental.

Then again, there have been no winging's as of yet, still two months before the first batches of Sekirei are to be let out into the city.

Meaning that there have been no tests or knowledge of what happens when a Sekirei avoids their reaction for an extended amount of time.

Guess I get to experience it first-hand.

"Is everything alright?"

I looked up without thinking. He stood at the side of the table. His eternal smile infecting my face.

"Yes, quite so." I try my hardest not to wince, the pain and pleasure I received from just being near him was almost unbearable. "Might I have a refill?"

I pick up my empty latte glass for emphasis.

"Certainly." He quickly jotted it down on his notepad. "Would you like to try any desserts? We are currently serving both western and local desserts and treats."

I wanted to slit his throat. I wanted him to die. That stupid smile of his was infuriating.

It wouldn't take much effort. The spoon in my empty glass would do. No one here would be able to stop me from killing him, and then everyone else in this place.

I tried my hardest not to dry heave, it felt as if all the veins and blood vessels clenched shut. I could feel the taste of bile on my tongue, and I could feel my stomach clenching. I focused on not throwing up. Trying to make it seem that I'm considering my choices by looking at the menu.

I turned back, smiling 'earnestly'. The action became easier for me to do, my cheeks no longer hurt after straining them for more than five seconds.

"How about you choose for me?"

He paused slightly. Turning his head, he looked at the manager. I followed with my eyes, the manager was smiling at him and nodded her head encouragingly, but when her eyes met mine, her face immediately twisted into a sneer.

I smirked in turn.

I will enjoy killing her.

"Well. . ." I turned back to my dearest. His face contemplative, a playful smile on his face. "We have a cherry and almond pie, that we server with either vanilla ice cream or custard. A Bramley apple pie topped with cinnamon flakes, also served with either Vanilla ice cream or custard. We also have traditional Mochi, Taiyaki and Coffee Jelly. Those are my personal recommendations as far as our desserts go."

I wasn't all that interested in the desserts. But hearing him talk was enough to calm my body. He had such a pleasant voice.

I suddenly felt as if I lost all control of my body, it moved without my will. My chin resting in the palm of my hand. My eyes half lidded; lips tugged into some form of smirk.

"Pick for me. I'm sure I shall enjoy whatever you bring me."

At the time I did not know why I took enjoyment from seeing him blush, his eyes wide and lips quivering slightly.

He looked so adorable.

He jotted something down on his notepad.

"Okay. That will be a few minutes. Excuse me" He bowed, pink still dusting his cheeks as he walked towards the counter.

I couldn't help but laugh softly. How fun it was to tease him. It was odd though. Why was my face warm?

I stifle a moan of pain as I dislocate one my fingers, snapping myself out of that accursed state.

I take a few deep breaths. The pain is not much. I faced much worse. I relocate my finger without drawing any attention to myself.

I wonder if I poisoned the water in this place would anyone notice. Certainly worth a try.

The place was fairly empty. It was Wednesday midday, so it was not that surprising. A handful of 'regulars' was strewn around the café. A pair of waitresses was chatting quietly in a corner. From what I've seen, the manager usually didn't allow for idle chatter during working hours, but seeing as it wasn't busy, she must have allowed it.

He came out from the kitchen. It's odd really, even after stalking him for over two months, I still don't know his name.

I don't want to call him boy. And while nicknames such as 'dearest' 'sweetest' 'darling' and of course 'my ashikabi' were good. But I want to know his name. I'd commit it to memory. I'd never let it go.

I felt the coppery taste of blood fill my mouth as I bit me tongue.

I hate it. I hate that state. I hate how he makes me feel, yet I love it at the same time.

I was no fool. I knew exactly that avoiding my reaction will only have further consequences it has on my body.

But I refuse to get winged to that weakling. I refuse. I will not become his obedient little puppy. I refuse. I do not love him.

I refuse.

"Your order Miss."

He broke me out of my thoughts. His sweet voice easing my rising anger. Oh, how I loved that voice.

He placed another latte in front of me and a slice of some kind of pie, covered lightly in a yellow custard.

"One hazelnut latte and a cherry and almond pie with custard. I hope you enjoy."

His smile was dazzling, and yet it was not one you would find on the likes of a seducer. Its purity is what made it special.

"I'm sure I will." My smile must have reverted back into that accursed state because he smiled back at me before bowing and walking off.

The pie was admittedly not bad. Quite sweet though.

I was in no rush. Apart from waiting for the adjustments to be finished at the apparent new members of the disciplinary squad, there was not much for me to do.

So I took my time. Despite myself I once again had to admit that the coffee here is quite nice, and the pie isn't bad either.

I wonder if he made it?

A tug on my core forced me to look. He was cleaning a recently departed table. Skilfully stacking the plates and cups atop one another and transporting them somewhere to the back. Most likely the kitchen. Only to return not even a minute later and start wiping down the table.

He must have practiced a lot. He was doing it much quicker and better than the waitresses did. They usually took their time. I wonder if it was dedication, or fear of failure that made him work so hard.

"Is everything alright with the pie?"

I don't understand how I never notice his presence until he is right on top of me and announces himself. Why my heart happily skips a beat when I hear his voice. Why I wanted to touch him. Why I wanted him to touch me.

But I certainly understand why I want to watch him choke on his own blood. To carve his face off and keep him alive while doing so.

"Yes. It was delicious. Thank you."

His smile was like sweet poison. Like an aphrodisiac combined with cyanide. It made me lose my breath at its beauty and it made me want to strangle him.

"I'm happy to hear that."

He looked around briefly, and I wonder why I didn't kill him. He was distracted. He was right next to me. He was within my arm reach. He would not escape. That manager of his was nowhere in sight and the waitresses would not be able to react in time. It was perfect.

So why haven't I killed him yet?

"Do you like it here?"

I'd like for you to die.

"What gives you that idea?"

No matter how much I wanted to. How much I tried to do it. I could not be angry at him. I couldn't say anything hurtful to him. Instead, all I could do is talk to him with a pleasant tone, to stare at him longingly from a distance.

He blushed lightly. Visibly embarrassed at asking such a question. He looked so adorable.

"I'm sorry if my question offended you." It didn't my love. "But, you always come here on the same days. The same hour, the same seat by the window. The same order."

He continued to grow more flustered as he kept talking. Ah, how I wanted to embrace him and place his head to my bosom. How much I wanted to hold him in my arms.

Until he suffocated and died!

This wasn't good. I kept going in and out of that state. I won't last long like this. Maybe another month, but why do I fucking hesitate to kill him?

"Hmm." I looked out of the window. Just so I didn't have to look at him. Just so I didn't have to see his cute face. "Yes. I quite like it here. Really, there's only one thing that always has me coming back."

Focus on the outside. Focus on the garden. Ignore him. Why am I even answering his questions?

"Oh, and what would that be, if you don't mind me asking."

I turned my head to him. His face still slightly red.

I felt myself smile. It was no doubt a seductive one. Well, as seductive as I could manage anyway.

I was no fool. I know that I was attractive to the many worms of this planet. But they all repulse me. Vermin all of them.

But seeing him blush because of me. My body. My beauty. It made me very happy.

"A lady has her secrets." I winked at him. And had It not been for the fact that I am still under the influence of the reaction, I would have probably thrown up.

"Ah. I'm sorry."

I laughed. It wasn't condescending or anything like that. Which was odd. Seeing as this was prime time to make him feel miserable.

Instead, it was a laugh of genuine amusement. I couldn't help it, really. Every time I interacted with him it just got better and better. For some reason, I really couldn't bring myself to hate him. I wonder, is it because he is my ashikabi?

"Don't be. I do not mind." I finished off the rest of the latte. Idly licking off the leftover foam from my lips. "Right then. May I take my usual for take out and have the bill please?"

"Of, course, just a moment." He picks up the used glass and plate before walking off to get the bill.

My eyes never left his retreating form. Not when he noted down the additional order. Not when he put it through and prepared the bill, nor when his manager took the bill and started bringing it to me.

What an insufferable woman.

"Here's your bill."

Her voice was deep. And her tone was about as pleasant as a homeless drug addict who took a bath in the local sewage system.

She offered me another glare before leaving. And just like that, my good mood was shattered. A shame I stopped bringing my sword along with me.

The price was nothing worth thinking over, MBI covers all my costs, the only they were good for. Well, that and making sure the rest of my 'siblings' are brought out without any problems.

"Here's your order."

Again, he gets within an armlength. Again, I do not notice. Again, I don't kill him. Again, my body trembles in desire.

"Thank you. Here you go." I handed him the bill and got up to leave. Moving past him, I slip a few thousand Yen into his pocket. And just to piss off that insufferable manager I leaned down very close to his ear. "My name is Karasuba. I'll be seeing you later."

My face was burning. I forced myself not to pin him down. Not to wing myself. Not to utterly ravage him.

I noticed him shiver oh just so slightly, much to my twisted delight. I quickly walk past him. Past a few glaring patrons. And past the seething manager.

"Thank you for your patronage." I heard him stutter out just as the doors closed.

Ah, if only I brought him with me. On second thought, why didn't I? It was just a matter of getting him in a position in which if I dashed away, he would not be injured. None of those pathetic vermin would be able to follow. And then I'd be free to do whatever I want with him.

I was suddenly assaulted by a chocking sensation. My tongue burned; my throat felt as if I was being force fed solid gelatine.

When I hunched over to throw up I expected bile mixed with coffee and chunks of dessert, instead I spat out a mouthful of blood.

As I hunch over and leave my mouth open the blood does not stop flowing.

Instead of bile stinging my tongue, it was my own teeth that cut through it. Yet even that wasn't enough to break me out of the trance. I had to start chocking in order for that to happen.

This is bad. I won't last any longer like this. I'm not stupid. My body is constantly drawn to him, as befits a skeirei when they meet a compatible, or in my case ideal, partner.

I knew it down to my very tama, to my very core. That boy, he was the most compatible for me. The only one who could make me feel like this. My true destined partner, the one I will love above anything else. . . .

And that is why I must kill him.

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Author's notes:

Hello. I do apologise for not updating anything for a while. I have been very busy with other tasks in my life as well as having been burnt out and unable to find the passion for writing.

I do hope you enjoyed this chapter. Review if you wish, don't if you don't.

Stay safe and see you later.