The following is a non-profit work of fiction based on a much greater work. My Hero Academia is owned by Funimation, Studio Bones, Viz Media, Shueisha, and Kohei Horikoshi. Please support the official release.

After committing serial murder of a man's unhealthy obsession, it was time for Izuku to get to his next fight: the literal embodiment of an anime protagonist. It may be an important fight televised for the world to see, but what he was doing was just as important, if not more:

He was trying to convert the outdated-as-hell cell phone into an untraceable decryption device for his own nefarious shenanigans . It should have been going smoothly if he didn't encounter several viruses that were no doubt from the questionable dating apps. 'Cone Inside Me?' 'Bridging Gap?' 'Draw me like one of your French Cones?' 'Tikky Tokky?' Izuku has seen some shit in the dark web, but this shit was fucked up.

Shoto only stood there in fiery focus that definitely didn't imitate his Quirk that he definitely won't use in this fight.

Just a quick checklist of Shoto Todoroki's requisites for his position as the protagonist:

Tragic backstory involving the disappearance of his mother? Check.

Eldest brother dying in a fire caused by his own Quirk? Check.

Abusive father with an obsession of being the best by any means necessary and thus leading him to his refusal to use his fire? Check.

And to top it off:

All of the backstory resulting in an angsty, edgelord attitude so sharp you could cut a cable on a suspension bridge? Check. Check. And check.

Despite the fact that his mother is living peacefully in a Tokyo penthouse she rigged with enough ice-based traps to make Endeavour think twice about his manhood's safety and his eldest brother moving away for boarding school before Shoto's long term memory could kick in (so like before he turned 6 months old), he was convinced his life was a tragedy worthy of being a Hero.

It would only be solidified with the man that has humiliated him since he arrived there.

Izuku Midoriya made him use his fire when he praised his father in the locker room.

Izuku Midoriya punched him in the No-No Square earlier today.

And Izuku Midoriya was responsible for his father texting him about how much he hates cold tofu!

If he had the ability to swear, he would have let the obscenities flow like hot fire at a beach festival.

"Okay, are you boys ready?" Midnight called out through the speakers from her skybox booth. The ref from earlier would have been calling the match but he's been comatose since he found out his girlfriend was burned to death in front of him. So, Midnight took it upon herself to call the match… only for a short moment since it looked like Tsuyu was about to wake up and she needed to get Nezu as far away from her as possible. "If you're not, then lie down and die. GO!" What followed was a string of 'shit shit shit' that descended in volume, as if someone was running away from a microphone. There was also a demonic screech that also faded in volume.

"Now, Midoriya," Shoto said as he started his protagonist speech that he definitely didn't rehearse in front of the mirror all day, yesterday. "I have been waiting for this moment since the day you humiliated me in our first week of Hero class."

"Okay, rebooting the system didn't seem to work, not entirely, anyway," Izuku muttered as he watched a GIF of a woman pole dancing whilst wearing a traffic cone costume. At least it got rid of the ransomware that kept asking for this thing called Bit-koin, whatever the fuck that stuff is. Sounds like a child with high expectations: Nothing but a disappointment with the occasional success that 'justifies' its existence.

"Since that day in the locker room, you have been all I can think about."

"GAAAAAAY!" shouted Denki from the stands before getting shot with a dart gun and passing out. No one paid any mind to him since the Hero-Types were too engrossed in the epic battle that hasn't even started yet and the others didn't care enough to see if he was okay, much less help him.

Koda was the only one that even seemed slightly concerned and even he didn't go to check on him. Understandably, he didn't like him all that much. In his own signed words, 'He scares me and I don't want to be near him. Also he smells like ravioli and bath salts.'

No one even batted an eye when some shady looking characters took him away from the stands.

"And after your actions towards me today, it only further cemented my resolve to defeat you! Prepare yourself, Izuku Midoriya! For I am here… to defeat you!"

Izuku was trying, in vain, to remove the troublesome GIF from the phone so he can properly set it up for his own purposes when he heard that stupid phrase leave Shoto's lips. At first he wasn't going to take the fight seriously because fuck Endeavour and he needed to win just this match to win his compensation. So in short, do what he was doing and kick ass. But of course, his triggered ass had to get triggered.

'Oh right, I forgot I had to kick this dickless dumbass in the nutsicles,' Izuku said through hardened eyes. 'Let me guess: he's going to open with a Piercing Heavens to end this quickly.'

"Ice Style: Piercing Heavens!" Shoto shouted.

'Fucking called it.'

An iceberg the size of Katsuki's ego burst forth, engulfing half of the stadium in ice. People have been frozen to their seats as a result of the overly flashy move. Hero hot dogs became as cold and shriveled as a male shitaake mushroom in January. Cases of freezer burn and frostbite would be reported for the first time in a spring month that wasn't at a high elevation or in some rich asshole's freezer containing their collection of decomposing dictators.

All to eliminate Izuku Midoriya from the Tournament in one fell swoop and to prove to everyone that he can be a Hero! He had done it…

"HEY, CHILLY-BITCHSICLE!" called out a voice that didn't sound like it was chilling in several metric tons of ice. "I THINK YOU MISSED!"

…Except he did not done it. Unfortunately, off the side of the massive iceberg, literally standing on the corner of the combat field, was Izuku, looking as done with life as ever. About a meter away from him was the attack that was meant to freeze and defeat him, both of which remain untrue. It wasn't even that hard to dodge. All he needed was to see the trajectory of the iceberg and move away from it accordingly. An expanding sheet of ice from a supernatural human, yet it was more predictable than a death in a North Korean soap opera. (Spoiler: Everyone dies.)

"No…" Shoto whispered in despair as he fell on his knees. He nearly shattered the entire right half of his body from collapsing on his knee as his right side was entirely frozen. This should be a major concern for his health, but there was something far more important on Shoto's mind.

His foolproof plan had failed. The plan was perfect:

First: Start epic Hero Monologue. (It was short and shit.)

Second: Say 'I am Here!' to spite Endeavour. (1 outta 2. Do better.)

Third: Think about his deceased mother to gain big Hero power. (Had about as much thought put into it as an artist that doodled on a candy wrapper and priced it for $20,000 at an art auction.)

Fourth: Finish him with the biggest, flashiest move in his arsenal. (That move can go right up his arsenal.)

And Fifth: Give a little prayer to his deceased mother at the shrine in his room after his victory. ( has encountered an error.)

It was a perfect scenario that he made up in his head.

Unfortunately, he was not an omniscient god that controlled reality. If he was, he would have been kidnapped by the Hero Commission of Public Safety and sent into another dimension to live out his fantasies. Then they would destroy the machine, burn the blueprints, wipe the hard drives, and subject the scientists and engineers involved to 1000 straight hours of amatuer K-Pop groups. Then feed them a painkiller/heavy water/greens/laxative/anthrax cocktail to finish off whatever knowledge still lingered.

All the planning, all the expectations, wasted… He failed.

"Don't give up, Todoroki," spoke a gentle voice. "You didn't fail, yet. You can still win."

The dual haired/eyed boy looked up to see a figure coated in a glowing, white aura. Eyes as green as emeralds, hair as green as a pine forest, and a smile that could light up an abyss. This was an angel in front of him.

"Midoriya?" he asked in a shaky voice. "But… what do you mean I can still win?"

"It's not hopeless, Todoroki. You still have your other side."

"But… but I vowed to never use my fire. How can I go back on my word after everything my father has done? Why should I use his Quirk?"

Izuku's eyes softened in understanding. "Oh, Todoroki. You silly Hero. It's not his Quirk." The greenette leaned his head down until he was touching foreheads with Shoto. "It's your Quirk."

'It's your Quirk.'

'It's your Quirk.'

'It's my Quirk.'

'It's my Quirk!'

"It's my Quirk!"

Like a bucket of match heads, Shoto's left side burst into flames. The inferno was enough to melt the ice on his right side, as well as the glacier he unleashed just moments ago. Nevermind the rapid change in temperature caused some people's skin to peel off from the muscle. He finally used his fire and refused to give up.

"Midoriya…" Shoto said as he raised his left hand, dancing with orange flames. "Thank–"

Before he could finally defeat the greenette with his fire, he had been hit in the forehead by a cell phone… followed by a punch to the face that hit him with enough stopping power to not only knock Shoto off his feet, but knock him out long before the back of his head hit and cratered the concrete.

"NO!" Izuku shouted with wide, crazy eyes. "YOU ARE NOT RUINING THIS FOR ME, YOU HERO-FUCK PRICK!"

Izuku was on the verge of passing through the second round after effortlessly dodging that glass cannon of a move. Since his opponent did the dirty work for him, all Izuku had to do was knock him out/knock him out… of the ring. Then, for some fucking reason, his opponent started looking at the sky. It would have been nothing more than an oddity that Izuku could just shrug off, had Shoto not muttered his name. It wasn't Momo speaking into his ear in an effort to seduce him, but it was still unnerving to hear his name in such a tone.

It only got worse from there. Shoto had broken through his mental block as part of his protagonist journey: 'The Hero must break through his limits to become a better Hero.'

Then the Hero-Type's left side burst into flames. It was Defcon 1 for Izuku at that moment. Like a lactose intolerant man making a desperate beeline for the bathroom after a heavy poutine meal and punching the guy that takes selfies in the crapper, Izuku quickly sped towards Shoto to knock his ass out.

He had to sacrifice the crappy phone in order to reach Shoto in time. He had made progress on trying to get rid of the viruses. But like his mom's therapist trying to get her to stop the recreational kush, he realized it was a waste of time. The software was outdated enough that it required an actual password instead of a sample of his DNA. Fucking Canadians,man. They steal the moniker of the most free country in the world from the USM (United States of 'merca) and the first thing they do with it is make a phone company that recognizes you via blood sacrifice. Typical.

And with as much tact as a teenager taking out the trash, Izuku dragged Shoto's unconscious form by the hair and threw him out of the ring… Or at least as far as on could be thrown by the hair without having it rip from the scalp. The different colored hair in Izuku's hand can attest to that. At least he was out.

Taking out his own phone, Izuku dialed his toasting buddy. Speed dial: *420

"Hey, toasting buddy," Midnight answered almost immediately. She sounded a bit winded from the light panting Izuku could hear from the other end. "What's up?"

"I gave Todoroki an extra firm Bakugo spa treatment," Izuku replied. "Can you call the match, already? I don't want to be in the vicinity when he wakes up."

"Okay, but just to be sure… You didn't fuck him up too much, right? I'd rather not have to deal with Endeavour bitching about how his son was defeated by–"

"I ripped off some of Todoroki's hair. Now he partially looks like one of those friar guys with the shitty haircut."

"Oh goddamnit, Izuku."

"Can you just call the match?!"

"Ugh, fine. I just finished trapping Tsuyu in a giant fish bowl, anyway, so I'll send a message to the jumbotron. By the way, pick up Tsuyu in Powerloader's workshop before you leave."

"You'll send the compensation to my account, right? We had a deal."

"Izuku, I'm a woman of my word. I'd sooner trade in my sex appeal for a set of muscles than go back on a deal with my toasting buddy. Speaking of which, come to my office after you bail on the Tournament. I got something nice for you."

"Does it have anything to do with your sex appeal?"

"No, but it does have something to do with our sessions."

"Fine."

And so, Izuku's day came to an end.

Next Match

Katsuki couldn't believe the luck he had today. First he gets frozen in mid-air after he tried to beat the shit out of Shoto during the 'Show Off like a Hero' event. Then he was tied up by the tape guy during the 'Great Hero Pose-Off' while the other Hero-Types did their damn poses. It's been four hours since the festival started and he hadn't blow up a single fucking thing! But now…

Now he believed fortune was on his side. He had beaten the little grape midget in the first round of the Fighting Tournament. It was so easy, he didn't even know if his opponent died. A terrified, mummified Minoru in the infirmary would disprove that, though it was difficult to know if he was more scared of Katsuki or Recovery Girl.

His second opponent was the spiky redhead. That victory was more cathartic. He took more shots than any of his targets ever did… Okay, it was only Izuku, but at least Mr. 'Get Hard' didn't cry after taking a shot. This guy took twenty shots in a row and didn't cry once. Suck it, Deku!

And speaking of his favourite punching bag, Deku was the next victim in his rampage through the Tournament. Oh, he can finally see him, now. Quivering in the corner of the ring, begging for mercy, trying to butter him up in an effort to go easy on him. He would never do such a thing, but that didn't mean he couldn't lie to him to lure him into a false sense of safety. Once Deku let out a breath in relief, he would destroy his sternum and then rip out his lungs so that he couldn't call for mercy. Mercy doesn't exist when Katsuki Bakugo is–

"And Katsuki Bakugo moves on to the next round!" Midnight called out over the speakers.

…

…

"Wut?" was the intelligent response Katsuki uttered when his brain caught up to his ears.

"Izuku Midoriya has withdrawn from the Tournament due to issues with his leg that he broke from falling out a window. Therefore, Bakugo moves on by default."

The cheers of the crowd were not enough to drown out the unyielding rage in his soul. He did the only thing he could do at that moment.

"FUU–"

One Mile Away-while

"Oh yeah," Izuku whispered under his breath as he watched his bank account inflate to astronomical numbers. Being dragged on a wagon was a giant fishbowl with an agitated Tsuyu running headfirst into the glass. "That is the good shit. Now we'll be able to pay off those psychologist's therapy sessions without forcing her to pay for some of them herself."

"–UUUUCK!"

An explosion equal to a 4.0 magnitude earthquake rumbled under Izuku's feet as he thought aloud. From the U.A. campus was a mushroom cloud the size of the stadium. Knowing what that was and who donnit, Izuku let off a satisfied smile in a job well done.

"Yeah, money's good, but pissing off that dumbass is priceless."

Job well done, indeed.

AN: Still getting back into the groove of things, but this is like how I first started. Still finding the fixin's and other shit. Yeah… thinking back, things were much easier back then. My brain had actual function instead of shutting down everytime I get home.

So, anyway, I'm still working on 'Hakai and Souzou', but, in no fault of mine, I've lost my notebook where I had all my outlines for my stories… I'm still fucking pissed about that. So, I've had a grand 'ol time getting back what I had lost… I still have a few key moments in mind because I think they're unique and significant, but the meat that went before and after it?... Ugh… Writing is so difficult sometimes. Anyway, that's it for my real life shit. Enjoi and stay safe out there…

-OmegaBox