"So, how does it feel to have the cast off?" Henry said with a smile. They were returning home from an early morning doctor's appointment in which they were able to remove his wife's hard wrist cast in favor of just a brace.
"Great! I mean it feels kind of funny. My wrist is weak but it's so nice to actually touch my skin there again and itch it!" Henry laughed at her exasperation. She continued with a grin, "Showering will be a bit easier now."
"That is true. No more plastic bags and tape," Henry smirked. "Shame though, you may not need my help to shower pretty soon."
Elizabeth gave him a sly smile before saying, "Oh, I can think of plenty of ways you can help in the shower."
"Hmm, that sounds intriguing," He pulled her close to his side and kissed her gently. "But I am not sure you are ready for the excitement you are suggesting."
Elizabeth sighed and shifted away to look at him with a bit of annoyance. "My legs are doing alright these days. Not totally great but you have to admit they have improved."
Henry conceded and nodded, "Yes, they have." He knew her well enough to know she was going somewhere with this and could tell by her tone that he would do well not to interrupt.
"Well, I think I'm ready to start doing more," Elizabeth said with conviction.
Henry held her hand, "Babe it's not that I don't want to…get intimate with you. I mean if you're up for it I am more than willing-"
Elizabeth interrupted him, "It's not just that. Henry, I want to go back to work."
"What?" Henry had not been expecting that. He wasn't prepared for this. He wasn't ready for her to re-engage in her job. He knew how much it took out of her and he worried about it affecting her health.
"It's been almost a month Babe! I need to go back."
"Need to or want to?" Henry said, trying to keep his irritation out of his voice.
"Both! Henry, I am bored to death at home! I can't just sit around anymore. I don't have to go back full time. I could do half days for a week or something."
"You know your intended half days have a way of turning into full days," Henry said.
"Well, sometimes, but I'd try really hard to get home early, or at least at a decent hour," She was desperate for him to understand. Henry scoffed at her and she was starting to get upset. "Oh come on Henry, I have to go back at some point!"
"Agreed. Just not yet," Henry said.
"You don't get to decide that," Elizabeth said. They sat in silence until the car pulled up to their home. They got out, Henry helping her while she settled her weight on her feet as they walked in the door. There was tension between them.
Henry sighed as he watched her slowly take off her coat. He took her by the arm and turned her toward him."I am worried about you," he whispered.
"I know that, but you just agreed I'm healing well." Elizabeth didn't want to fight but she also needed to move forward.
"What about your concussion? You don't have your memories back yet." Henry asked.
"I'll read less and take more breaks between reading. I'll have Alieve handy at all times. I can't just sit around waiting to remember what happened. I know enough and the rest may or may not come back." Elizabeth said as she moved to the couch to sit.
"And what if your headache turns into something worse?" Henry said.
"Then I'll come home and sleep."
"What if you have a panic attack?" Henry said.
"Oh, come on, that's not fair. I can't predict them. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time I've had one at work," She scoffed in frustration, "I'll have my meds. You can't seriously think I'll just stay home because I might get triggered," Elizabeth was becoming increasingly defensive and annoyed.
"What about your legs? You can't sit at a desk all day with them dangling for hours on end yet." Henry was trying to get her to see reason. He wasn't ready to let her go.
"I can prop them up on something under my desk or just do work from my couch where I can put them up when they are bothering me." Elizabeth knew he needed reassurance and was trying to get him to see that she would be able to manage.
"Walking? You walk an awful lot during the day," Henry said.
Elizabeth sighed to keep herself from shouting at him, "I'll make people come to me if I have to. Why are you fighting so hard on this? I can't put this off much longer and I don't want to. I want to get back to work."
"I don't want to see you over do it," Henry said. "Just…can you at least wait til Monday?"
Elizabeth sighed, "Today is Tuesday, that's almost a full week!"
Henry sat beside her and took her hand, "Alright, Will is going to be here Friday, right?" He saw her nod. "Just let him look you over and then if he says things are looking good you can go in on Monday. Please? I just want to make sure you are ready."
"Henry, I'm ready," she groaned.
"You can barely get through reading one file before you are rubbing your head!" Henry took a deep breath. He ran his hands through his hair. "Please Elizabeth," Henry pleaded. He didn't want to hold her back but he also couldn't seem to get past the image of her on the kitchen floor struggling to breathe and then afterwards struggling to walk.
Elizabeth was ready to defend herself but she saw Henry's body shrink in and saw how tired he seemed; how stressed. She heard his soft plea and the fight left her. This had been hard on him as well. He had to juggle work, the kids, the house, and her health for the last few weeks. She reached for his hand and said quietly, "I suppose a few more days at home wouldn't hurt. But I'm not happy about it."
"I know. I'm sorry. I know it's been hard for you to just sit back. It's not in your nature," Henry said with a small smile.
"It's torture!" Elizabeth said with an exasperated grin.
"Perhaps I could do something to help," Henry said as he rubbed her shoulders.
"What did you have in mind?"
"Chunky Monkey icecream," Henry said.
"And?..." Elizabeth questioned.
"More of this," Henry said as he continued to rub her neck, kissing it lightly.
"Well, that might be acceptable," Elizabeth confessed, closing her eyes. Moaning, she said, "And will this turn into something else?"
"Maybe," Henry said.
"I trust you," Elizabeth said.
A little pang of guilt hit Henry at that statement. He pushed it aside, kissed her on the cheek and got up. "Ice cream first," he declared.
Elizabeth smirked, just slightly disappointed that her massage was interrupted. She was a bit hungry and she knew that Henry wanted to make sure she ate enough. They enjoyed their midday snack and the cuddles afterwards. While it had been intimate and clothing had been shed, Elizabeth had tired more quickly than she anticipated. Henry curled up beside her sleeping form and they both enjoyed a nap before the kids arrived at home.
The next day Russell made another appearance. Elizabeth was glad Henry was at work because she was sure that he wouldn't have given Russell a kind welcome. "So, should we plan on seeing you in the office soon?"
Elizabeth smirked, "Who wants to know?"
Russell threw his hands in the air in exasperation. "The whole damn country!"
"I hardly think that's true," Elizabeth countered.
"You are more popular than you know," Russell saw her furrowed brow and knew she was about to get off topic so he quickly continued, "It doesn't matter, let's start with your staff. It's like walking into a prison in that office. No one is happy and everyone is trying to keep things together without Cushing knowing they are doing it behind his back."
"Russell, I know I've been gone a while but-"
"You are recovering. I get that. Any word on how much longer that will take?" Russell asked in annoyance.
Elizabeth knew him well enough to know that while he was annoyed he also cared. "Not quite, but I am confident I will be in the office by Monday if I have my say."
"Monday?" Russell sighed, "Well, I suppose that's better than another two weeks."
"Nice to know you care," Elizabeth scoffed with a smile.
"Oh, come on. You know I care about your health. We were all worried about you." Russell continued his pacing about the room. "I am also worrying about this situation and how it's going to affect Conrad's legacy. We need to wrap this up quickly. Should have been done by now. And I know it must be complicated and unpleasant for you, with what happened with Henry's asset but-"
"What?" Elizabeth was only half listening to Russells rant but Henry's name brought her back into full focus.
Russell stopped and turned with a slightly confused expression on his face. "I know, I'm sorry I brought it up. Unpleasant business the way it went down. When I think of how he must have died…. Conrad didn't see another option though. I know you get that. It was for the greater good but I'm sure it's caused a bit of a rift between you and Henry."
Elizabeth was reeling. She was trying to understand what Russell was talking about all while her brain was desperately trying to piece things together. She could feel her heart rate increasing. She must have stared off into space for a moment because Russell suddenly touched her arm saying, "You alright?"
Elizabeth shook her head and looked up at Russell. Floundering a bit she said, "Yeah, yeah, sorry. I just….I have trouble focusing sometimes still."
"Of course, the concussion," Russell nodded and rose from his temporary seat next to her. "Look, I don't mean to push. We are just eager to have you back."
"The greater good," Elizabeth mumbled to herself.
"What?" Russell asked.
"Nothing, nothing. Look, I'll try to be back by Monday. For now that's the best I can do," Elizabeth said, rising slowly.
Russell saw how slow she was to rise but didn't comment as she seemed to be standing quite steadily. He gave her a nod and a smile before turning and heading to the door. He heard her walking slowly behind him. "Well, God knows we need you. Take care Bess."
Elizabeth followed him to the door. Just as Russell was leaving she asked, "With my concussion I'm a bit forgetful. Can you remind me of the name of Henry's asset?"
Russell turned to look at her, a bit shocked by the request and surprised she didn't remember. "Uh, yeah, Dimiti Petrov." He watched her eyes turn a bit blank.
Elizabeth nodded, "Right. Thanks." She saw Russell's slightly worried and confused look but shut the door on him. Her heart was racing. She was trying to breathe deeply but it was painful. Imagines flashed across her brain and she felt powerless to stop them. She made her way to the office, pushing her back against the wall, she slowly sunk to the floor. "Dimitri," she whispered. Her head was pounding. She closed her eyes, pressing her hands into her temples and pulling her knees up. Images of Henry standing broken in front of her while she tried to explain. It was for the greater good. Henry's anger, him leaving, she was crying in bed alone, the unemotional kiss on the cheek before he ran off without hardly a word, her desperate phone call to him, the fear, the pain. She remembered everything.
She was aware the pain in her chest was increasing. She tried to slow her breathing but it was no use. Tears streamed down her face. Her body shook with the effort to breathe. In the back of her mind she knew she needed help but she had no idea where her phone was and knew she'd never be able to get to it anyway. Her emotions ranged from panic, fear, and sadness. She felt her body begin to float away, or maybe it was her mind? She was vaguely aware of her body slumping to the side. She was unconscious before her cheek met the cold floor.
Henry walked in the door, placing his things down, he shed his coat and called, "Elizabeth?" The house was quiet. He had gotten home a bit earlier than planned. The kids were not home yet. He didn't see his wife on the couch and started to walk further into the house. A small groan reached his ears and he turned abruptly. Elizabeth was on the floor, her body slowly pushing herself up from her previously crumpled position. "Elizabeth!" Henry immediately knelt beside her and helped her to sit up against the wall. "Honey, what happened? Are you alright? Why are you on the floor? Did you have an attack?"
Elizabeth felt a bit muddled and her body was stiff. Henry was shooting questions at her and she just needed time to think. What was she doing on the floor? Henry continued to try to get her to look at him. Rubbing her arms he asked, "Are you hurt? Why didn't you call?"
"Henry, Stop!" Elizabeth said, blinking hard. She needed him to stop talking. She took a deep breath. "I'm alright." She shifted and began to try to get up. Henry helped pull her to her feet. She inhaled deeply as her stiff body settled on her still healing legs.
"This doesn't look alright," Henry said with clear concern, helping her to stand. "What happened?"
"I think I…. passed out," she responded. She was still feeling a bit confused.
"You passed out? We should get you to a hospital," Henry insisted as he began to lead her to the door.
Elizabeth resisted and stopped suddenly as it all came rushing back to her. She remembered everything. She sucked in a breath and counted to 5 before she exhaled. She felt Henry pull on her slightly. She pulled away. Her emotions were all over the place but the one that dominated was anger. "I'm fine. I'm not going anywhere. I had a panic attack and passed out but I'm fine now."
"Elizabeth, you need to get checked out," Henry insisted.
"No. I remember. I remember everything," Elizabeth said. She noticed that this stopped Henry in his tracks.
Henry froze. Was this the moment he had been trying to avoid? Did she truly remember everything? His insides felt like ice. He wasn't sure how to respond. "You remember?"
"Yes. Russell came by. He said some interesting things. Something about the greater good…your asset. I didn't quite understand but I knew I should. I asked him to remind me of your assets name. He looked at me like I was crazy. How could I forget? Dimitri Petrov. I managed to close the door on him before I fell apart." Elizabeth was breathing heavily but she didn't feel panic. Instead she felt anger. She knew that Henry was hurting. She knew that her own anger probably wasn't the right reaction but she couldn't help it. She was furious. Furious about all of it.
Henry could tell by her voice and her body language that she was upset. He moved toward her slowly, his voice soft, "Elizabeth, I-"
"Why didn't you tell me?" she shot out.
"I didn't want-"
"You didn't want me to remember you walking out on me?"
"No, I-"
"You lied to me! For weeks!"
"I didn't lie," Henry said defensively.
"Oh, so you just conveniently forgot to mention it? Forgot to mention something that caused you to walk out on me?" She was fuming.
"Elizabeth, that's not-"
"What? You didn't trust me?" Elizabeth interrupted. "You still don't, do you? You still blame me, don't you? You think it's my fault!" She was shouting now.
"No, I don't! I know you wouldn't…I just…I was upset. I shouldn't have-" Henry was flustered by her constant interrupting. His own voice was rising in volume.
"You're still upset! Aren't you? Admit it! You blame me! Tell me!" She was shouting at him now. She knew she was being merciless, even mean, but at that moment she didn't care. She closed her eyes and shook her head. She was too tired for this. It was too much. Before Henry had a chance to answer she said, "I can't do this right now. I'm tired. I'm going to bed." She slowly began her trek to the stairs.
Henry grabbed her arm, "You can't just shout at me like that and walk away," Henry said.
Elizabeth glared at him, wrenching her arm away. "Watch me." She proceeded to stomp up the stairs. Each step shot pain up her legs but she ignored it.
"Elizabeth, we need to talk about this!" Henry called after her. He watched her stomp up the stairs out of sight. She didn't look back or respond. He knew she was angry. He even admitted that she had a right to be. He was upset too. He didn't want this rift between them but he also knew it was going to take time. Time for both of them. He decided to leave it be for now. She was clearly not in the mood to see him. He heard the bedroom door slam closed. He sighed heavily and sank onto the couch.
Elizabeth slammed the bedroom door shut. She was breathing heavily and was feeling a bit dizzy. She shouldn't have stormed off like a child but she was tired and angry and upset. She already felt bad for tearing into her husband. But it was all so fresh and it hurt and it was all wrong. Everything was wrong. Her legs were throbbing and she stumbled a bit, her calf hitting the corner of an open dresser drawer. She sucked in a harsh breath as pain engulfed her. She sank to the floor and let the tears fall down her face. After a time her anger and pain turned into pure exhaustion. She pushed herself up off the floor, decided she was too tired to change and crawled into bed. Her mind and body succumbed quickly to sleep.
PLEASE REVIEW! This chapter was written in pieces and I'm not sure if I like it. It was troublesome for me. Anyway, hope you enjoyed.