This chapter has been edited of sexual content. If you want to read the goods, please read this story/chapter on AO3 under the name "hana_bean"
Hello everyone! So sorry for the delay in this chapter. With the mixture of trying to live life normally while the US descends into a massive shit fire, I was distracted to say the least. I honestly wanted to hide like the trash opossum that I am.
But to your fortune, my muse managed to find me beneath the used condoms and banana peels and I was able to channel all my rage/depression/embarrassment into this chapter :D It's noticeably quite dramatic but I hope it's enjoyable nonetheless.
I love you all!
Beta'd by AnxietyAvocado
"Ache" by FKA Twigs
The walk back to the hotel could only be described as wet and heavy. Dark clouds converged and saturated the air with moisture thick and tense enough to slow down their steps and speed up their minds. As the mist turned into droplets, Usagi and Seiya made it into the lobby and to the elevator bank with their hands interlocked.
Seiya couldn't shake the fact that Usagi had been unusually quiet since talking with Naru. Despite exchanging a few lighthearted comments after the fact, her gaze turned distant and her temperament pensive. It was then confirmed something was wrong when she threw away her half-eaten, wholly-melted ice cream; visible chunks of cookie still left that would normally have been inhaled. Seiya asked if she was okay a few times but only received unconvincing nods. She hoped that meant she was waiting to talk until they were in the privacy of the hotel room.
But just as they approached the door, the unmistakable sounds of a television could be heard muffled from inside the room.
"I guess Taiki and Yaten are back." Seiya turned to Usagi.
"Weren't they supposed to be out?"
"At the pool. They probably came in because of the rain."
Usagi groaned as she rested her forehead on Seiya's shoulder. "Let's hang out in your room. I kind of wanna take a nap anyway."
"Sure. We can do that." She smiled and kissed the top of her head before reaching into her purse to retrieve her keycard and slip it into the door handle. Once the indicator light blinked green, she released Usagi's hand and twisted the handle to push the door open.
But to their surprise, the living room was empty, save for the noise from a candy commercial.
"Huh… Where are they?" Seiya looked around the area before calling out Taiki's and Yaten's names to receive only silence. Despite both of their room doors being open, she decided to do a walkthrough as Usagi dropped her purse on the kitchen island and headed into Seiya's room without so much as a glance around to help out.
Several moments pass before the Starlight joined her as she was typing out a text.
"They're not here. I wonder where they went…" she trailed off, meandering toward the nightstand without looking up. After pressing send, Seiya set the phone down to notice the bunhead sitting on the edge of the bed, staring through the balcony window and into the rain. Her eyes held nothing and yet, the weight of the world.
Seiya sat down beside her. "Can you tell me what's wrong, Odango?"
Blinking her gaze back to reality, she sighed and rested her head on Seiya's shoulder. "Why does it seem like everyone is doing better than me?"
"What do you mean?"
"Naru and Umino… they're so happy and successful."
Seiya used her free shoulder to shrug. "Maybe. But in their own way, I think. That doesn't mean they don't run into rough times like Naru did with her mom."
"I just mean… with their lives as a whole. They've done and accomplished wonderful things for themselves. Umino went off to Europe and got married and has this big happy family. Naru went to the States and now is running her mom's store. But the only thing I ever did was marry Mamo."
"There's nothing wrong with that. Besides, she was so… impressed that you were married."
"That's just it—all she kept asking about was me and Mamo, as if there wasn't anything else to me."
"That's not true." Seiya moved some of her blonde locks behind her ear, her fingertips grazing her temple. "She was only asking about the obvious, you know? You both just need to plan some time together when you have a few hours to catch up."
Despite her gentle gestures, Usagi didn't budge. "But I don't know if I can handle that. I don't know if I can hear about how great her life is."
"You don't know how great her life is. She probably made a big deal about your marriage because that's what she wants and can't have because she works and travels so much. You can't compare yourself to her like that."
"I've wondered so much of what my life would be like if I hadn't married Mamo. Or if I never became Sailor Moon. How different my life would be. Maybe in a better way."
"That's very normal to think. But we wouldn't have met if it weren't for Sailor Moon. I credit her for a lot of good things happening. "
"And yet people still hate me."
"What people?"
"All those conspiracies Naru was talking about. How people hate Sailor Moon and think she was behind all the attacks."
Seiya scoffed. "Odango, don't pay attention to that. People who say those things and make those videos have nothing better to do than make up lies about something completely irrelevant."
"Am I really irrelevant?" Usagi sat up and looked at her on the verge of a meltdown given by the shimmer of her eyes.
"No!" She shook her head, inwardly kicking herself. "I mean that now that Sailor Moon isn't around to defend herself, they will say anything to get attention. They don't realize that Sailor Moon's absence means she's already defeated all the evil in the universe. That everyone is now safe forever because of her. Because of you."
Only half-convinced, she blinked away her gaze down into her lap where she was already fidgeting with her hair. "It just hurts that they don't consider anything else. All I ever did was try to help people. And I guess it's been so long that they forgot about it or don't care."
"I know, Odango. It happens, unfortunately. Back on Kinmoku, we go through the same thing."
Usagi perked up slightly. "Really? How?"
"A lot of people don't like the fact that we left for Earth."
"But you all left to help them… to save them."
"They think our help would have been more useful at home. Most people do regard us as heroes, but there exists a loud, annoying handful of people with a different opinion."
"What do they say?"
"That we're traitors, deserters… basically murderers for all the people who died while we were gone. People we allegedly allowed to die."
"But you weren't even there. How could you be responsible?"
"Galaxia left quite a bit of destruction on Kinmoku. People lost their whole families, became homeless, and were left exposed to the elements and starvation and gangs. It was pretty much the end of the world. Things got pretty lawless due to those gangs forming, which honestly we're still dealing with a few that have managed to endure until now. And people think that wouldn't have happened if we stayed."
"That's terrible. I'm so sorry you have to go through that."
Seiya shrugged. "I'm sure if we stayed behind, we would have been blamed for not leaving and 'doing more.' I'm convinced that decisions are never really right or wrong, but only what you think is best."
"And you hope it's enough."
She smiled as she leaned in to kiss Usagi's cheek while tenderly caressing her exposed thigh. "But your best is always more than enough," she whispered. "You've always achieved the impossible."
"But what if I can't do that anymore?" Seiya's support was no match for Usagi's wall of insecurity, which became stronger with every whimper. "I'm barely functioning as Usagi so how could I function as Sailor Moon? What if I can't be her—what if I can't transform? I haven't done it in so long—"
"Then that's okay, Odango. We'll figure it out. We were prepared for you to say 'no' so we'll move on to another plan if we need to."
"But I don't want you to. You need Sailor Moon and I want to be there for you. I don't want to let you down."
"And you won't. We have trainers who can work with you and help you recover your powers if you want."
She paused as she pondered Seiya's words through a small sniffle. "Will that… take too long?"
"We will hold off the enemy for as long as you need." Seiya continued rubbing her leg in comfort.
"But has it happened before—someone losing their powers and then gaining them back?"
"I'm sure. We've been training guardians for several millennia so I'm sure it's happened before. But if not, we'll make it happen. And if anyone can do it, it's you."
"But what if I can't?"
"Then we'll figure it out. Together."
She wiped a tear before it fell too far and looked up at Seiya with such uncertainty. "Do you mean it?"
"Of course. Don't write yourself off yet. Just because you haven't transformed in a while doesn't mean—"
"No." There was no sense in Seiya finishing her sentence since she was talking down the wrong path. "That we'll still be together… even if I can't be Sailor Moon."
Seiya paused to look at her and make sense of her plea, shaking her head as if she should already know the answer.
"Of course. I'll be there for you no matter what, Odango."
Usagi continued, her eyes glimmering. "You're the only person I can talk to. The only person who understands me. I don't know what I'd do without you. Please don't leave me."
Her stare was so intense she barely blinked. "I will never leave you."
"You promise?"
"I promise. I'll never leave you alone."
That produced a small smile in Usagi and she turned her head to face Seiya again. "Thank you."
The Starlight seized the moment to seal her promise with a gentle kiss on her lips. But while she meant it only as a tender gesture, Usagi escalated it with no intention of pulling back. Seiya was not about to complain as she made the immediate executive decision that they should celebrate their victory of getting through the emotional conversation with a more fun activity.
The tears now dried up with only red eyes and cheeks left, Usagi felt the post-sadness passion coursing through her body, succumbing to its involuntary pull when she crawled on Seiya's lap and straddled her waist, burying her fingers deep within her thick locks. The feeling of the Starlight's own fingers sneaking up her dress skirt helped her manage out a moan and kindle her horniness buried beneath the stress, the low rumble of the thunder suggestive of all she had bottled up inside.
Her hold tightened in Seiya's hair as if to ensure she would never let up without her permission and attacked her mouth as if to stake her claim. Such ferocity had Seiya responding likewise—handling her rush of sensuality by squeezing Usagi's bottom on both sides and biting and sucking her bottom lip with pleasurable pain for the blonde. It wasn't without Seiya's own moans of enjoyment even when Usagi squeaked to indicate the tenderness she felt inflicted from her teeth. Though she didn't mind it one bit as she latched onto Seiya's mouth in response.
Bzzt.
Bzzt.
Bzzt.
Bzzt.
Bzzt. Bzzt.
"Who keeps texting you?" Annoyed and curious, Usagi finally came up for air.
"I thought that was your phone." Seiya raised a brow, only annoyed.
"No. Mine's in my purse in the kitchen."
"Oh. I don't know then."
Bzzt.
"Do you think it's Yaten and Taiki?"
"Oh yeah, probably." Seiya lifted herself to begin kissing Usagi with the intent to resume their foreplay. "But they can wait."
Bzzt.
"Maybe it's an emergency?"
Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.
Seiya's head dropped back on the bed as she sighed out a groan. "Could you hand it to me and I'll see what they want?"
Usagi giggled as she crawled away and toward the nightstand to retrieve the phone, glancing at the lock screen to take a shameless peek at the text previews. A nearby strike of lightning lit up her expression of excitement.
But the darkness and thunder that followed reflected that of her heart and stomach, causing her face to fall.
"What is it?" Seiya sat up with a concerned look noticing the mood change.
She situated herself on the edge of the bed, her mouth slightly open while still looking at the screen as if to work up the ability to speak. "It's Motoki."
"Oh!" Although relieved since she feared it was bad news, her instinct told her to keep her guard up. "What does he want?"
Usagi obliged with the audible force of her fingernail tapping on the screen to scroll through all the text banners.
"Lot's of things. He keeps talking about a baseball game or something."
Seiya rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "I don't know why he's blowing me up about that." She tried to convey an exaggerated annoyance for Usagi's sake since her energy was heavy enough to crush the phone, and Seiya wanted to salvage whatever libido they had left. Though she had a gut feeling that the bunhead was past the point of no return.
So Seiya kept talking. "He's such a planner for even the smallest things, y'know? He's such a dork." She tried to laugh it off, but when Usagi didn't even look at her—or much less move—she knew she was in trouble. Ever-so-carefully she retrieved the phone, proceeded to set it to do-not-disturb, and pushed it under a pillow.
"I didn't know you were still talking to him."
Hearing her speak made Seiya freeze in place, knowing she fucked up somehow and yet wondering how everything unraveled so fast. Not even two minutes ago were they trying to eat each other's faces.
"It's not anything." She sat with her legs folded to the side, staring at the back of Usagi's head. "We just hang out."
A painful pause. "So you've been playing baseball?"
She shook her head. "No, we go to a bar and watch a baseball game…"
She nodded. "Ah, okay. Sounds nice."
Another painful pause—one that Usagi wasn't going to break this time. Even though Seiya knew pushing the topic was likely to end up bad, not pushing it was more likely to end up worse.
"Does that bother you?"
"I… I just for some reason thought you stopped seeing him. That's all."
"Why… would I do that?" Despite trying her best in the few seconds she gave herself to come up with a better way to word the question, there really wasn't any good way to ask.
Usagi snorted, her tone turned sarcastic. "I don't know—maybe because you're seeing me now?"
That threw her off and her guard up. Then again, what else should she have expected from her question?
"But our relationship wasn't like that. I've told you before, it was never serious."
"So 'not serious' meaning that you're still sleeping with him?"
"No!" Seiya snapped, unappreciative of her attitude and now offended by her accusations. "But why should it matter even if we were? You're married."
"But Mamo isn't texting me fifty times a day!"
"Well yeah, it's hard to do that when you're sleeping all day!"
"He wouldn't even if he wasn't!"
"Regardless—you're still sleeping with two people! But I'm only allowed to sleep with you?"
"He barely touches me! If I want anything from Mamo, I have to make the move!"
"But there is still a dick at your disposal if you want it!"
"But I don't want it! Because I have you and that's enough for me!"
"But you're still with him, you still talk to him—so why is it such a big deal for me to talk to Motoki? We haven't done anything! It's not like I've ever blown you off for him! You are my priority. Okay? I make time for you, not him. The only time I even see him is when you're busy!"
The rain pounded against the window as another bolt of lightning flashed, illuminating the redness of Usagi's face, neck, and chest as she tried to suppress her tears.
"Well, I'm so sorry I've taken up all of your time! He can have you all day tomorrow and maybe even every day after that. Go ahead and fuck his brains out then!"
As she launched off the bed and began stomping her way out, the regret hit Seiya square in her throat as she tried to breathe through the lump that formed.
"Where are you going?"
It was fair to assume that Usagi was too incensed to hear her—she didn't even turn her head. So when nearly out of the doorframe, Seiya leaped from the bed to stand in her way.
"Wait, Odango! Wait!" She grabbed her shoulders to further impede her escape.
"No, I'm leaving!" Usagi tried to push her hands off of her, but her sobs had become beyond uncontainable that she was too weak to fight her off. Pretty soon Seiya had a vice grip on her wrists and held them firmly to her chest.
"I'm not letting you leave like this." Her voice was soft, yet commanding; pushy, yet laced with fear.
"Why not?" She could only make out a Seiya-shaped figure through her heavy tears as her nose began to run and saliva thickened. "Why would you ever want me like this?"
"Of course, I want you like this." Seiya's arms slid around her stiff body to take her in a tight embrace, welcoming her weeping vulnerability onto her shirt and into her soul. She had no interest in finding out what would happen if Usagi left, keeping her arms locked around her.
"Seiya…"
"Please stay."
"I just… I can't…"
"Please, Odango," Her own vision had become blurry as she begged in her ear. "Talk to me. I promise I won't yell or get mad. I'm sorry. Please talk to me. Let's just talk, please. I'm sorry."
Usagi eventually yielded and relaxed, wrapping her arms around Seiya's waist and unloading all of her emotions into her shoulder. Several moments passed until Seiya guided a more calm bunhead to sit on the edge of the bed before she briskly walked to the bathroom to retrieve a box of tissues. As soon as the box was placed in Usagi's lap, she grabbed the flimsy paper to blow and wipe her nose, and Seiya sat next to her rubbing her back as a measure of comfort.
"I just want to be enough for someone," Usagi began in a near whisper. "I've always been a supplement to people's lives. For once, I just want to be all someone needs. Mamoru has always had either school or his job… I could never compete with that… And I can't compete with Motoki either. You both like so many of the same things and… what can I even offer you besides crying all the time?"
"That's not true. Not even close." Seiya gently insisted. "We share so much that Motoki can't even fathom. And not because we're both guardians."
"But you still see him even now… after we decided to be together. I feel like no one would do that for me. They'd just forget about me."
"Of course not. Motoki and I just get along well—that's it. I don't see him as a big deal so I didn't see him mattering so much that it would make you upset to still talk to him."
Usagi looked at her in disbelief. "How? I was so jealous of him hanging out with you so much. Like I wanted to punch him in the face so many times!"
Seiya furrowed her brow and paused in her light back massage. "Why were you jealous?"
"Because you were spending so much time together and you never had time for me. I would try to hang out with you and talk to you but you were always too busy being with him. It was like you only made time for him and I was the one scheduled around him. I told you this when we talked on the beach."
That got her quiet since it wasn't very far from the truth, if not the exact truth. Seiya was so distracted with finally having Usagi in her life that she didn't connect those dots back to Motoki.
You fucking idiot.
"I'm so sorry. I had no idea." She looked deep enough into her eyes to see through them. "I didn't know he was the one you were upset about. I thought… that it was only with the concept of him and me together… or just me… I didn't think he was an issue at all."
Usagi calmed herself as she began playing with her hair again. "Well, it was kind of all of those things. I thought, y'know, we're together now. So you would naturally stop."
"We're nothing romantic or serious. And since I never saw him that way, it never occurred to me that it would be a problem."
There wasn't a reply for a while as the bunhead sat still to work up the courage to ask her next question.
"Are… are you really not sleeping with him anymore?"
She shook her head with conviction. "No. I haven't even been in his apartment since your birthday. And he hasn't come over here."
"Does he try anything with you, though?"
"No. I told him I didn't want to have sex anymore."
She seemed surprised. "Really? You said that?"
"He invited me up to his apartment the last time we saw each other. And I told him that I didn't want to do that anymore. He respected that and we left for the night. That was it."
Usagi looked down again into her lap. "Why don't you want to sleep with him?"
Seiya ran a hand through her hair and shrugged. "I guess… I just don't want it from him anymore. I don't know… It feels weird and wrong now. But it was never about sex with him, to be honest." She then chuckled.
"So why were you so mad at me earlier? If you aren't even sleeping with him or want to, why argue with me about being able to sleep with someone else?"
She hung her head and blushed from the regret of hindsight. "I got the impression that you didn't trust me and that kind of… didn't feel good." She bit into her lips to try to stifle the words she wanted to further say, again trying to think of a better phrasing of her thoughts. But she couldn't come up with anything else other than being blunt.
"I also wonder way too often how much you do with Mamoru… sexually. And that doesn't feel good either."
Finished with crying for the day, Usagi tossed her used tissue on the floor and placed the box to the side.
"He'll kiss me good morning and goodbye… mostly on the head. But he's been too tired and busy for anything else lately. Even during those couple of hours that we have together before his shift, he's working on his laptop." She shrugged in apathetic acceptance. "Right now I wouldn't consider us more than roommates, which makes me wonder which stage of marriage this falls under, or that maybe we're just that unlucky to be at this point."
Seiya mustered a sympathetic twist of her mouth. "I'm sorry about that, Odango."
"Don't be. I know I am to blame too. He's busy and so am I." She blew a small laugh through her nose. "So don't feel bad."
"I know, but I know you don't get married to become that way."
"I'm sure he's happy not to be dealing with me and my problems anymore."
"Don't say that." Did that sound too much like she was taking his side? It would be in her best interest to feed into Usagi's anxiety to further pull her closer, but it felt like too cheap of a shot to take. She knew Mamoru wasn't like that from the few times she's met him, as well as from all the good things Motoki had to say about him. Yes, her competitive side had her striving to be better than him and to see him lose, but her pride had her striving to achieve it without attacking his character.
"As you said, I think you're both busy with your own things."
"My thing is way more fun though." Usagi giggled as she leaned into Seiya and rested her head on her shoulder, her pale arms wrapped around hers. As the Starlight understood this as a sign of her forgiveness, she didn't feel that the discussion was finished.
"But are you okay?" She rested her chin on her head, concern still apparent in her voice. "With us?"
She sighed and sniffled. "If Motoki is that important, then I'll get over it."
Those words didn't sit right with her—'get over it.' This whole situation wasn't about Seiya and her happiness, it was about Usagi and hers—and her happiness was Seiya's happiness. The whole foundation of their relationship was to make Usagi's life easier through mutual connection and understanding that they shared with no one else. And this was a time when that foundation was truly tested, so she needed to step up and prove her loyalty. Maybe Motoki was important, but Usagi was vital, essential, irreplaceable…
Seiya pulled back and lifted Usagi's chin to talk to her directly, her commitment on full display.
"Do you want me to stop talking to him?"
Usagi tittered, responding to her question with lightheartedness. "I wouldn't… I would never ask that of you, Seiya. That's not fair."
"I'm not asking what's fair. I'm asking if you want me to stop seeing him."
She scoffed and turned her head to remove her chin from Seiya's hold. "Seiya, I… I can't. I'm not gonna tell you what to do."
"But I want you to. I want you to tell me what to do."
"No, Seiya." Usagi now looked into her eyes with more seriousness. "I appreciate you asking but I can't answer that. I won't tell you what to do."
There was something about that post-crying glow that sparked something within the Starlight and massively turned her on. The way Usagi's eyes glistened, how her cheeks and chest were still stained red, the stern expression on her face…
Seiya leaned in to kiss the corner of Usagi's mouth before trailing her lips toward her ear to whisper, "Tell me what to do, Odango."
The bunhead shivered as she felt her teeth gently bite her lobe, her warm breath tickling the skin of her neck. She closed her eyes as she wasted no time submitting herself to the safe and deep hypnosis of Seiya's lustful advances.
"Seiya…"
"Tell me what to do." She moved her mouth down her neck and onto her shoulders, pulling her strap to fall down her arm.
There was no question of what she desired most—to be expended, useless, destroyed—as that was the only way she decided that Seiya could make it up to her.
Well, maybe not the only way…
With fistfuls of her hair, Usagi pulled Seiya's head back to look deep into her sapphire eyes, clouded and darkened in an ardent, obedient trance. It was at that moment that Usagi felt like she was the one in control… for once… finally… forever.
"Please stop seeing him."