So this chapter isn't beta read, but I didn't want to wait any longer to publish it. Hopefully it's not too full of mistakes. Enjoy!
The next few days are arduous, the worst days in my memory next to the time I dug for worms in the dirt floor of my room in an effort to stop my stomach from eating me from the inside, because while we're in the closest sane town to Bek'tin, it's days of dark, air-conditioned torture by the hands of and with the sole company of Naii.
Apparently it's preferable that I'm upset, because I can't learn to hide my emotions if I have no negative emotions to hide.
After the first day I'm genuinely impressed I haven't tried to strangle her, because to feel her neck strain against my hands as she futilely clawed at me…. She'd never let it happen, but the image helps me keep my aura in check, so over the next few days I imagine strangulation, breaking her bones, tasting her flesh, and when my aura gets too aggressive from those thoughts I imagine clinging onto Killua and enjoying his body heat, the taste of his mouth, the strength of his fingers, and my mood finally improves for awhile when Naii begrudgingly concedes that my arousal is an effective method of cloaking my intentions.
She doesn't allow me to leave the hotel room as she coaches me, and we work out the details of the plan: how we're going to handle both the "civilians" and the Hunters standing between us and Ua. I take a small comfort in that she doesn't leave the room, either, and visibly struggles to keep her cool while being stuck with me.
She made a phone call the first day we left Bek'tin, and today, she gets a phone call from the clunky room phone. Whereas Killua's demeanor usually changes during and after when we train, Naii answers the phone with the same grimness she uses to scold me when I let my hatred show in my aura.
"Yes. I'll be down to receive it."
She hangs up and meets my gaze. I raise an eyebrow, hands supporting my chin and elbows on my knees as I sit on the bed with my aura perfectly in check, the result of four days straight of constant correction I have so generously put up with.
"I'll be back in three minutes. Training's over."
I stuff a handful of the pitiable rations we've been using as food into my mouth and sit up, cracking my back and stretching. Then I turn off the air conditioning because I'm not putting up with it a second more than I have to. It takes me a minute to figure out how, but then I also open the window to let the hot air in faster.
Naii returns with a tan package the size of her hand, which she immediately sets on the drawered table and rips open, extracting some sort of tube with a needle. She turns to me and holds it so I can see it well in the sunlight from the window.
"We're going to implant this tracker under your skin."
"Excuse me, what?"
"It'll let me know where you are while you're in Bek'tin. It's a safety measure."
"You're not putting anything under my skin."
"You can dig it out the once we take Ua's head. Either you have the tracker, or I'm not letting you go back and you can live with leaving Killua in that chimera ant's hands." I scowl. She stares back. After a short standoff, she continues, "It shouldn't be visible if inserted in a place with some fat, but there's a decent chance someone perceptive would notice it by touch. You'll have to guard its location without letting on that you're protecting it. It won't be easy tricking Killua. Are you sure you can?"
My nose scrunches at her insinuation. I don't want this tracker thing in the first place, but she's strong enough to prevent me from returning if she wants to, and if I don't go back then what was the point of not strangling her these past couple of days? With that torture and Killua's capture, I'd be the one at a loss, and that's unacceptable.
I sit back on the bed and offer her my thigh. I have to relax my aura's natural defenses, and she has to coat the needle with her own aura to get it into my skin. The sensation, though, is too similar to a venom-injecting spine, and I instinctively tense. The needle snaps.
Naii breathes out heavily through her nose before gripping the broken end with her nails and removing it from me, leaving a bead of blue blood in its wake.
"How long will that take to heal?" she asks.
"What, do humans need time to heal a puncture that small?"
"The tracker's in. Make sure no one touches that area. Now go if you think you're ready. You have to hold out until the full moon. Don't lose sight of what you want."
XX
The sun is warm as Bek'tin comes back into sight. I stop, the hot metal of the train track warming my foot even through the shoe. A wind carries my scent and flips my hair southwards. I let it get in my eyes as I stare at the tiny figures moving between the buildings.
I'm by myself, for the first time in … well, even when I was in that garbage dump that repugnant rodent called a castle, there was that vile mongoose guarding my room. And often I'd steal attractive men out of the human village to bring back.
I could dig out the tracker in my thigh and just walk away.
There's that feeling again, the one I felt all that time ago when I walked between those two enormous trees, out of the borders of the NGL.
Everything, the world, the sky, it's all as big as the open ocean. Bigger.
My blood thrums through my veins. No one is breathing down my neck.
Right where I stand, there's no one watching me. No one controlling me. And if I step into that town I'll be stepping right back under the weight of a gaze.
My hand absently toys with my pants where they cut off, a few fingers tracing over the skin where a tiny metal something can be felt.
There's another time I've felt a similar feeling. I don't quite get it, but the same feeling that makes by blood thrum was also present whenever Killua let me kiss him. Whenever his fingers tightened on my waist when he kissed me back.
Killua is such a strange human. He denies his natural instincts and acts irrationally despite being such a powerful being. He chose not to kill me based on a measly swear I made under threat. Despite clearly not liking me for some reason when we first met, he dragged me along with him. Trust is a very human concept, yet, he gave it to me. He'll touch me, but not to get me off. As much as I wish he would, I even strangely like those casual touches of his, in a different way than just wanting the warmth.
His smiles…sometimes they're vicious, and that feels right. He's someone who could end the lives of so many humans, ants, or other creatures alike so, so easily.
But sometimes it's bright. And soft. Like a full moon.
I squint up at the sun. I love its heat, but while I don't remember hardly anything but vague impressions from before I was a Chimera Ant, I remember the moon. The moon was safer than the sun. Its darkness protected, and its light guided. It was high aloft from the water, but back then, it had been my one companion.
I close the rest of the distance between me and human settlement.
A man working in a field near the train tracks notices me first, and he all but leaps off the machine he was driving and bolts into town. Considering the lack of fear in his aura, it's more likely he's running to something, not away from me.
By the time I approach the cluster of buildings, a small group of humans are waiting. I read caution and curiosity from them as I stop and look around.
A young girl I vaguely recognize tentatively says, "You came back."
The silence broken, a man clears his throat to say, "We heard you were kidnapped. Ua said a stranger took off with you. She's been beside herself with worry."
I huff, irritation brimming at the reminder of Naii dragging me along like a sack of snacks.
"Where's Killua?" I demand, glaring up at the man.
"He's with Ua," a boy a bit older than Killua answers instead. I grimace, taking in the scrawny boy with a pockmarked face. He flinches, but otherwise seems unfazed, and that both irritates and slightly impresses me. "If you'll come with me I'll bring you to them."
"Are you tired from walking?" the same girl who spoke before asks, coming closer. I step away from her, and she takes the hint and stops. "It's a long way to walk from any of the closest towns. You didn't bring food or water?" She held out a metal cylinder she had in her hand, resembling something I've seen humans drink from on occasion.
I ate well before I left, but even if I hadn't, Naii warned me against accepting anything from anyone in this town.
This time my face screws at the reminder that I'll have to endure without a meal until the full moon. The fucking things I'm putting up with for Killua.
I ignore the girl and let the boy lead the way, baring my fangs when the others try to follow.
Before we arrive anywhere, the wind carries a few familiar scents to my nose. I tense, eyes narrowing, as Killua, followed by Ua and Virit behind her, come into sight down a road. I stamp down on the bloodlust that rises at the sight of Ua's pink hair. Otherwise, I don't bother to hide my mood.
Naii had been concerned about my ability to act. Even Killua has doubted my ability to before. My 'inexperience,' they said. I'm sure I could feign a mood if I had to, but Naii's doubt was truly degrading because this situation doesn't even require acting. It requires hiding one little thing.
Okay, two. That I'm deigning to endure Naii for the moment, and that I'm going to rip this bitch's head from her shoulders.
Killua speeds up when he sees me, and I take in the mix of wariness and relief on his face. I gaze past him briefly to scowl at Ua. Then I throw my arms around Killua's neck and sink my teeth into his jaw.
"Ow!" He jerks away, shoving my face with a hand as I taste the faint hint of human blood. Both his tone and expression are wronged. "What was that for?"
I grumble, "Causing me trouble," and tighten my arms, pressing my forehead to his neck and nose to his shirt-hidden collarbone. The familiar heat finally drains some of the agitation in my stomach that's been there since we separated.
After a while of me clinging to him, he sighs, and threads his steady fingers through my hair.
Still, he complains, "What did I do? You and Naii are the ones who caused an uproar and took off. If anyone deserves to be bit it's you."
"Then do it," I dare, purring a bit at the idea. Fuck it's good to have him back in my grasp.
His body gets hotter in his embarrassment. I hold him tighter because he's mine, not Ua's. Even if her Nen can make him part of her 'family,' I'm the one who gets to hold him like this.
I have to immediately contain my bloodlust again when Ua interrupts, "I'm so glad you're okay, Sera! That woman was frightening."
Killua turns a bit to face her, and I shift my face so I can look at her without moving. She holds her hooves nervously in front of her chest, pitch black eyes wide within thick tangles of eyelashes. Virit stands close to her, eyes sharp. The bladed weapon normally on his back is instead in one of his hands: not at the ready to swing, but definitely ready to react. He doesn't let the distance between him and Ua widen as she rushes up to us.
"Killua tells me she was your teammate, but you and her don't get along. I only saw her for a moment, but I can understand why you don't like her. Her aura is very oppressive. She didn't return, too, did she?"
"Hmph." The fact she's not here is one tiny upside to this pain of a plan, but any pleasure I might get from that is nullified by Ua's effort to share my opinion. "Like I'd stick around her without Killua's nagging."
Her face lights up. "So you came back on your own?
"I didn't come back for you," I snarl. This earns me a whack to the back of the head from Killua, to which I hiss and press in closer.
"Stop being rude. Why do you hate every girl besides Alluka?" He pauses. Then I hear amusement in his voice when he asks, "Are you jealous 'cause they're prettier than you?"
My eyes fly wide and I shove him away, yelling, "Who's prettier than me? Do your eyes work?"
"Ah, I guess that can't be it," he fakes the realization, "'cause you like Alluka well enough."
If I had something in my hand I'd throw it at him. Ua fucking giggles, and Virit gets a smug look in his eye. Then Ua chides, "Now, now, Killua, you're upsetting him. You should make your boyfriend happy."
The words coming from her make slugs crawl up my back, the slime becoming more real when Killua's grin fades to concern and he says, "I was just teasing, he knows that," and gives me a look urging me to corroborate.
"If you talk like that, he won't want to be around you," she insists. She smiles at me. "Don't worry, as long as I'm here I'll make sure he treats you well."
The nausea that was vague before comes back with a vengeance as I take in the way Killua looks ashamed.
"Since you're back," she continues, "why don't we find a nice place in the sun to sit, and you can tell us about what happened these past few days."