Symbolism
Jasmine awoke with a start, something in the environment of where she slept changed. Despite the fog filling her mind, she knew exactly where she was, and whose arm she leaned against. The scent of Ares' cigarettes lingered in the air, the bite of horosk an aftertaste to the smoke. He shifted, and she looked up to see him staring down at her, mandibles fluttering softly around his face in the dim light, but whatever thoughts his expression might've conveyed were lost to shadows. She groaned, righting herself.
"Morning," Ares said, voice a soft grumble. "Your husband came looking for you a few hours ago." He shifted, seeming to reanimate with her weight off of his shoulder, and stretched. "I told him to let you sleep. He said something about meditating in the commons area if you need him."
"A few hours?" She grabbed the bottle of rum before it could fall to the floor, dislodged from between her thighs as she shifted forward on the cot. "Damn." Rubbing her hand over her face, she sucked in a deep breath. "I didn't mean to sleep that long."
"You needed it." He stood, and she heard his spine pop half a dozen times.
"Yeah." She nodded, glancing up at him.
"We're docking," he said, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. "Probably what woke you up."
Standing, she hummed. "Probably." She dropped the rum to the cot and laced her fingers, stretching her arms out over her head, noting the slight tug of scar tissue in her abdomen and the rather rude way her shoulder protested the movement. Still, she held the position, savoring the smoldering burn in her muscles as they loosened. "Thanks for letting me sleep."
"Don't mention it." He took his cigarette away from his mouth plates, letting the smoke drift around his mandibles. "Stop by the new place in a day or two. See the kid and say hi to Charles. Have a real drink."
She smiled, picking up the bottle of rum and unscrewing the lid. She took a small sip, just enough to swish around her mouth to chase away the taste of morning breath and cigarettes before closing it and tucking it under her arm. "Sounds good. I'll let you know when we start planning our next outing, too."
He grunted, nodding at her when she glanced his way again, and he opened his omni-tool. "I'll get the door."
Glancing at the door, she realized it was locked, and knowing Ares, it wasn't your run of the mill code meant to keep the average person out. She fought back a wince, knowing the red glow would've taunted Thane when he came looking for her in the night. The lock shifted to green, and she glanced over her shoulder again. "Thanks," she said, crossing the floor to open the door.
"Yep." He closed his omni-tool, returning his face to shadows, but she felt his gaze on her back as she left his little hidey-hole.
The hall was still relatively dark, only the runners along the floor lit her path. A soft glow came from the commons area, and she headed toward it, wondering if Thane left the light on for her. She didn't expect to find him sitting in the middle of the floor, despite Ares' comment about Thane's choice of meditation location.
Shit. He's been out here all night waiting for me. I'm such an asshole.
"Hey," she said softly when he didn't respond to her sudden presence in the doorway.
He shifted slightly, eyes blinking twice before they locked in on her location. His entire being seemed to deflate, relief sweeping over his features as he pushed a palm against the floor, using the leverage to pull himself to his feet. "Siha …." He took two steps in her direction then stopped, uncertainty tugging at his lips.
She snorted softly and closed the distance between them, pausing just long enough to set her bottle of rum on a table. When she reached him, she slid her arms around his waist, pressing her face against the expanse of scales above his vest. His reaction was instant, arms encompassing her and lips pressing to the top of her head as he took a deep breath and held her close.
"I'd kiss you and tell you I'm sorry for staying out all night," she muttered against his chest, "but I used rum as mouthwash about five seconds before coming in here. I didn't expect you to still be up."
He let out a soft chuckle, pulling her in closer. "Kiss me anyway, siha, but know, it is I who owes you an apology."
Stepping back into the apartment on the Citadel brought a sigh from her lips. "This place is kinda starting to feel like … like home," she said, glancing over her shoulder at Thane as he followed her inside. The statement brought an instant frown to her face. "I should talk to Isaac. It's not safe for us to stick to one place for so long. I'm surprised he hasn't moved us somewhere else, yet."
"Indeed." Thane turned, locking the door behind them before heading toward their bedroom, shifting their bags from his shoulder to his hand, and Jasmine followed after. "I've found it curious, myself, that he's kept up with these apartments between trips." He stopped just outside the bedroom door, gaze scanning the darkened room before reaching in to turn on the lights. "He dismissed my suggestion that I pay for our lodging as well. I'm not certain why, especially now that we are married."
"I don't think that matters." She watched him carry their bags to the closet, setting them on the floor before squatting to unzip them. Leaning against the door frame, she loosely crossed her arms and rested her head against the cool metal. "Handlers don't normally pay for their Phantoms' living expenses, but he hasn't accepted anything from me, either, since I first showed up here after leaving Kahje. I figure he probably would've left me to it once he'd felt confident I was ready to be back in the game on my own, but then I got shot and things spiraled out from there. Now?" She shrugged, smiling as Thane started sorting through their things, putting away clothes and weapons, and tossing dirty laundry into the hamper. "I think it just makes him feel better in some way; something he can control in all of this mess."
She also figured it had a lot to do with the conversations they'd had about credits, but Isaac denied that one fairly quickly when she brought it up. Since he paid for Raúl, too, she didn't have a lot of ground from which to push the matter. With him buying the Iliad and financing all the trips they'd been making to hunt down Cerberus, not to mention paying whatever the ship's crew actually made … maybe it was time again to broach the subject.
"I suppose you're right." Thane folded the empty bags before setting them atop the shelf in the closet and closing the door. Crossing the floor, he held a hand out to her, and then led her over to sit on the bed when she slid her fingers over his palm. "Siha, I spent much time considering your words last night, and if you will indulge me, I find I'd like to attempt to explain my behavior."
"You don't need to explain anything, Thane." She gave him a warm smile, amazed at how one night sleeping in a smoke-filled room while using a grumpy-ass turian's shoulder for a pillow seemed to ease the tension she'd been carrying around under the weight of so many watchful eyes. Maybe it was just the conversation she had with Ares, but either way, she felt more collected. "I know the way I fell apart on Benning worried you—worried everyone—and I know I've been jumpy ever since. I've had a lot of shit dumped on me lately, and I let it drag me under for awhile, but I promise you, I'm okay."
Reaching out a hand, he brushed his thumb across her cheekbone before pressing it against her lips, holding it there in an obvious maneuver to ensure her silence. "I have been terrified since Benning." He sucked in a slow, deep breath as if saying the words out loud caused him pain and cost him something dear. "But my fear hasn't been for your mental wellbeing, though of course it is something that matters greatly to me."
Discomfort clear, his words twisted in her guts, but she only arched an eyebrow allowing his thumb to remain stubbornly in place against her lips.
"Losing you on Benning, being unable to locate you, and then finding you'd been—finding you in the condition you were in …. And seeing how shaken you were …. Siha, I—it isn't any doubt of your resiliency that has guided my behavior, but my own trepidation at the thought of losing you forever. The idea that you might be taken from me, especially in such a violent way …." He swallowed, taking a deep, shuddering breath, and tears welled in his eyes. He let the silence linger a moment, still holding her voice captive, too.
Yep. I'm a complete asshole.
Sounding slightly more composed, he said, "I can't speak for Isaac, or anyone else for that matter, but I believe Theodus and Avalina may be reacting to the fear they detect in my actions. For that, I apologize, as well, and I will speak with them first thing."
She moved her free hand over to caress the back of his even as she squeezed his fingers tighter. His thumb still pressed against her lips, so she didn't try to speak, just watched him intently, her heart cracking inside her chest.
"Admittedly, I have not been myself since Thessia, either." He gently shook his head, sending tears spilling over his eyelids to roll down his cheeks. "I still fear what the artifact may have done to me; still worry I may not be safe for you to be around." His breath stuttered, fingers twitching in her hands as his eyes began to drift. The memory didn't claim him, however, as his attention snapped back to her and he took a deep breath. "My apologies, I never intended to make you feel as though I doubt you, Jasmine. I'm afraid it is I who has been on the verge of 'falling apart'. Forgive me, siha."
She puckered her lips against his thumb, and he brushed it back and forth twice before letting his hand slip away, freeing her to speak. "I think we both still need to get better at talking to each other about what's going on with us. I don't want you to feel like you need to apologize to me, though." She shook her head, bringing one of her hands up to brush a knuckle under his eyes and over his cheeks, sweeping away his tears. "Not for being scared of losing me, and not even for being worried when it seems like I'm not doing such an awesome job of keeping my shit together. Which, admittedly, has been a struggle.
"I just felt overwhelmed, spotlighted with the way you and everyone else have been watching me. It felt like everyone's just waiting for me to fuck up and fall on my ass, and instead of talking about it with you, I got inside my own head over it." She shook her head and blew a heavy breath upward, letting it send loose strands of hair aflutter. "I didn't mean for what I said last night to sound so off-putting, I just didn't know how else to address it just then. And I definitely didn't mean to spend the whole night locked away in Ares' room with you sitting outside waiting and worrying."
He lowered his gaze to their joined hands. "I confess, for a moment, I feared I had pushed you away and the door remained closed because you refused to see me. I felt relieved—among other things—to learn you'd only fallen asleep."
"Among other things?" She raised an eyebrow, amusement creeping in along the edges of her mind. "Like …?"
He gave her a self-deprecating smile, meeting her gaze again. "I wish that I could be all things for you, at all times, but I know I cannot. I am but a man, siha, and I wanted my wife asleep in my arms, not another man's. This is not to say that I believe you and Ares shared anything more intimate than sleep, but it felt unfair while I was nearby."
Reaching up, she abandoned his hand to cradle his face between her palms. "I wasn't asleep in his arms. I fell asleep leaning against his shoulder, and I woke up still leaning against his shoulder." Running her thumbs over the spikes dividing scale from frills along his cheeks, she leaned in and gave him a chaste kiss. "I knowingly let myself fall asleep there, but I figured I'd nap for an hour at most before waking again—if he even let me stay there that long. It was a display of trust, for both of us, not lust or love or anything else. For me, the act is rooted back to my time on the streets and the symbolism simple acts took on for us as we fought day in and day out to survive. Same thing when I take a drag from his cigarette, or any time you've seen me offer some of what I'm eating or drinking to someone, or snag something off of someone else's plate. Like how Isaac always helps himself to my plate? Or when I shared a bottle of wine with Drali?"
He smiled and nodded, the genuineness of the gesture helping her to relax once more. "I suppose I should feel honored, then. It appears you trusted me the night we first met." He chuckled, capturing one of her hands and kissing her knuckles.
Snorting, she lowered her other hand to his shoulder. "I so didn't trust you," she said and grinned, "but I trusted that moment. The honesty I saw in you during our conversation and the symbolism of you choosing to drink from the glass first. So, yeah, when I picked up that glass after you, I was telling you that I believed you didn't mean any harm just then."
"And the night at Le Bleu, after Chora's Den with Ares?" His brow ridge raised, and she wondered just how long he'd wanted to ask her about those nights. "You ate from my plate and encouraged me to do the same?"
"I was drunk," she said with a teasing grin, "but yeah, okay, I knew what I was doing, and I was telling you I trusted you in the way I knew how."
"And is attempting to feed another from your fork also a sign of your trust?" He asked, kissing her knuckles again, gaze shifting away from her, taking on that distant look as he undoubtedly examined the memory closer.
"No," she said, dragging the word out once she had his attention again. "Not exactly."
"In drell culture, to attempt to feed another with your own hand carries with it an invitation for … more intimate activities." He grinned, emerald eyes taking on a more vivid, warmer hue. "Particularly if it is from a shared utensil."
She gave him a coy smile. "Is that so?"
"Indeed." He kissed her knuckles a third time. "If not trust, I wonder then, what such an action symbolized for you."
She hummed and shrugged. "Alcohol can make a person do all kinds of silly things."
"So I have been told, but you also just suggested you remained aware of your behavior and intentions that night, siha." Something hungry lurked in his eyes, lips taking on an almost predatorial tilt as he watched her closely. "Later, that night, when you awoke to find me still in your apartment, it seemed very clear to me that for a moment, you thought you may have attempted to seduce me."
She snorted, following it up with a chuckle, all too aware of the blush spreading over her face and down her throat despite the fact he was now her husband. "Shut up." She tugged her hand free from his grasp. "I'm going to go take a shower so I can smell something other than Ares' cigarettes. When I get back," she said, pushing herself up from the bed but letting her other hand linger on his shoulder, "the only thing I want to see you wearing is that look on your face."
Thane did as his wife wished, stripping off his clothing before situating himself on the bed with his back against the headboard, wearing nothing but his desire for her on … well, perhaps on more than just his face. She returned a few moments later, stray droplets of water glistening on her skin in the low light as she moved toward him, hips swaying with every step. She smiled down at him, pressing a knee to the bed before leaning over and bracing her hand on the wall next to his head and closing her mouth over his lips. Her kiss was slow, teasing, but the underlying passion he felt there was utterly undeniable.
Humming, he reached up and slid his fingers through her hair at the nape of her neck, pulling her in closer. The fervor of her kiss urged him on, and he brought his other hand to her waist, kneading the full curve of her hip before sliding down to tug at her thigh. She brought her other knee to the mattress and edged closer to him before shifting one leg over his lap, perching above him. The heat radiating off her core teased the thermal pads of his groin and sent more blood rushing to the area, making him harden to near painful levels as his body begged to join with his wife. He clutched her waist and fisted his other hand in her hair, pulling a strangled moan from her throat which he happily drank in through her kiss.
She pressed her breasts against his chest, warming him in ways beyond the mere heat from her skin, and slid her hand through his crest to tip his head back. Deepening the kiss, her tongue glided over his before retreating to swirl around just the tip. She tasted like mint and his venom, the combination settling into his heart to soothe away the ache of her night spent away from his side. He abandoned her waist to slide his arm around her, fingers splaying out over her back and pulling her in tighter. He wanted her, needed her, and she was so close, but he waited for her to show him that she was ready.
It didn't take long, the scent of her desire filling him with every stolen breath between her kisses. Her lips left his but they didn't abandon his flesh, sweeping down over his chin before tracing along his jaw, tongue leaving a searing trail in its wake. The moment she made contact with his frills, he groaned and tipped his head back, surrendering his throat to her teeth and tongue. She shifted her weight, lowering herself to roll her hips and slide along his length, leaving him wet with her fluids without taking him within her body. He groaned again, pushing against her as she rocked back and forth, driving him mad with his desire to be surrounded by her entirely.
Just when he thought he couldn't take it a moment longer, she lifted off of him ever so slightly and arched her back, the motion guiding him to her opening. He understood his wife's words, even when it wasn't her lips which did the speaking. It was time, she was ready, and he didn't hesitate. He lifted his hips as he pulled down on her, slowly pushing himself as deeply into her slick, tight warmth as possible, and as she stretched around him in the most magnificent way. He let out a whimper of sound, heart swelling in his chest as her body embraced him, and he shuddered with overwhelming pleasure.
"Hmm," she mumbled, the word more whimpered than spoken. She exhaled, breath hot across his scales and rolled her hips, taking another, staggered breath. "Christ, how the hell do you always feel so damn good?" Nuzzling against his throat, she slid her arm just over his shoulders and lifted her body just enough to give him the room to drive into her again, and she trembled. "You're just never anything less than absolutely fucking perfect," she muttered against his ear, voice raspy and sultry, heavy with her desire, and the words filled him with pride.
He opened his mouth, ready to return the words of praise and tell her how wonderful she felt to him, but she squeezed around him, lifting herself higher from his lap and stole the words right off of his tongue with her own. Denied the opportunity to speak, he decided he would just have to show her instead. Cradling her against his body with one arm, he let go of her hair and used his hand to pull her thigh in tight against his hip as he shifted his weight to flip her to her back. She gasped and smiled against his lips before locking her ankles behind him, and he stretched out above her, feet hanging off the other side of the bed.
Pushing himself up on one arm, he shifted one of his legs to use the knee for leverage before palming her breast and holding her gaze. He bucked his hips, setting a fast, firm pace he knew would drive her swiftly over the edge and squeezed her nipple. "You, siha, feel absolutely exquisite and leave my mind drowning in utter bliss every time I'm inside of you. I could live a million cycles and never understand how it is that I came to be allowed even the smallest taste of how it feels to be surrounded by your heat, and a million more still wouldn't tell me how I managed to make you my wife."
"There's a young asari," Theodus waved a hand, "barely an adult, but she's acknowledged as an expert on the protheans. Perhaps speaking with her about the visions from the artifact on Thessia might provide you with further insight."
Thane leaned forward, propping his elbows on the table before clasping his hands in front of his face. "Perhaps. Tell me more about her."
"Her name is Dr. Liara T'Soni … she …" Theodus said, and his hesitation drew Thane's attention fully, "… she's Matriarch Benezia's daughter."
Trying to decide whether or not his cousin was playing a trick, Thane watched him, blinking slowly. "Benezia's daughter," he repeated.
"I know." Theodus offered Thane an exaggerated wince as he leaned forward, sliding his hands along the table's surface as if wanting to close even more distance between himself and Thane. "I know. It sounds crazy, but I've found nothing to suggest Dr. T'Soni is involved with her mother, Saren, the collectors, or the geth in any way."
"Surely there are other prothean experts, Cousin." Thane tapped his knuckles against his lips, thoughts shifting to what any expert might make of the visions in his mind.
"None who appear so willing to challenge established beliefs about the protheans when new discoveries appear to contradict normative understandings." Theodus shrugged, turning his palms out. "She's made many assertions about the protheans, particularly relating to their extinction, which appear to coincide with what you have seen, Thane. Her peers dismiss her, likely in part due to her age, but I think she may be the most willing to listen and believe what you have to say."
"Indeed?" Letting his attention drift to where his wife sat next to the fire, reading something on her omni-tool, Thane took a deep breath and asked, "Where is Dr. T'Soni?"
"On her way to a planet called Therum in the Knossos system of the Artemis Tau cluster." Theodus grinned, something triumphant and proud in his features. "Shall I send you the report?"