Chapter 2

(Disclaimer: Huge spoilers for The Slab if you have not read it. also hints again to the gears games 1,2,3 and Aspho Field and Jacinto's Remnant by Karen Traviss)

Anya just sat there staring at the man that she has been in love with since she was 17 years old. She knew than loving this man was always going to be an uphill battle. And it wasn't just because they had to hide the whole enlisted/officer taboo relationship in the beginning. Marcus was a very private and closed off person. Dom use to tell her that it was more about what Marcus didn't say than what he did.

'Oh God, Dom.." thought Anya again as her eyes filled up with more unsheared tears. She finally looked away from Marcus and down at her hands, face burning with even more embarrassment.

Marcus just stood there in silences, doing his slow blink. He been lock away in his own head, trying not to think about anything the last month. Not his dad or Dom or Carlos. Not any of the ghost that haunt him daily. Instead, he focused on repairs around the island, cleaning up the mess from the war. He cut himself off from everyone, including Anya. It wasn't that he didn't care, he just couldn't let his feelings out without being overwhelmed by all the grief and pain he been holding in his whole life.

Marcus plan was to come and sit by the water like he did that day after the war. Just to get away from the looks of pity and the 'are you ok?" comments. He had found on one of his night walks a piece of driftwood that was tucked away. But while walking around the debris, he seen the two women sitting there and went to turn away when he had heard Anya comment carry through the wind. He didn't move, he didn't say a word. Outwardly anyway. Inside he felt like he just took a punch from a Boomer to the solar plex, the color drained from his face, and he felt like it was getting harder to breath.

'You heard her, man. She thinks it would be better if it was her instead of me. It's what I have been warning you about.'

The nagging voices in his head, sounded a lot like Dom was standing behind him. It took everything in him not to turn to see if he was really there. Marcus knew the thought of her driving the truck instead of Dom would be haunting his nightmares tonight. Like he needed any more ammunition for not sleeping.

Anya sat there waiting for him to react, wanting him to react; To show some kind of emotion. 'Say something' Anya was screaming in her head. 'Yell, Scream, tell me I am being selfish, tell me to go away. Hug me! Kiss me! Do something!'

Finally, out loud Anya said in a much calmer voice than she felt (All those years being the voice of reason for Gears while their world was falling apart around them, gave a girl the ability to fake sounding more at ease than she really was).

"Needing to talk, usually means actual words Marcus."

Her voice snaped him out of his own torturous thoughts. Not saying a word but making an unconformable grunt like noise, Marcus finally made a move. Anya was sure that he was going to change his mind about wanting to talk and walk away. Leaving her alone again to cry herself to sleep, like she has done for the last few weeks. Crying for her love that was hurting so bad that he has pulled away from everyone. Crying for the loss of her best friend that died to give them this moment of peace. But instead, he moved closer to her. He sighed heavy as he took a seat next to Anya on the piece of driftwood. It gave a little under his weight. Anya just looked at him, his shoulder slumped with the weight of the world he was still carrying on them. Before she could say anything, Marcus spoke.

"I'm sorry Anya. I….It's…..I mean….Shit!" Marcus grumbled to himself.

"It's ok, Marcus. I know." Anya replied out of habit. Always trying to make it easier on him.

'There she goes again, Man. Letting you off the hook. It's not ok, Marcus and no she doesn't know. It's what I been tryin to tell you all these years. Shit or get off the pot, Ok? Or you are going to lose the one thing in life you cannot live without.' Dom voice schooled Marcus, again.

But Marcus was never good at putting his feelings into words. He didn't know how to tell her that he did love her. That he would be truly lost without her and the thought of her not being there scared him more that any Locust battle he had ever been in. Even the thought of her being in that truck, made him feel nauseas with fear. The same way he felt after the sinking of Jacinto when he thought she hadn't made it out. Calling her name over the com, not caring who would hear him. But he had no idea how to put that into words. But maybe he could show her. Make her understand that she was always one of the top things on his mind. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out something he always carried with him.

Anya, taking up staring at the ocean again; not bothering to hide the new tears falling down her cheeks at Marcus ever growing silence. Her eyes were so out of focus that she was shocked when a piece of paper and a picture was passed in front of her line of sight. He placed them on her lap next to her hands. She picked up the paper and started to unfold it. She could tell that it had been open and folded many times. The writing was starting to fade but she knew her handwriting when she seen it. This was a letter she had wrote, but when? The realization hit her hard. This must be one of the letters she wrote him when he was in prison. Skimming through, she remembered this one being the one she gave Prescott when he told her he would deliver it personally to Marcus when he went to check on him. That made her flip the picture over quickly. It was the one she sent him with the first letter she ever wrote. The only picture she had of them. It was faded as well, due to age and something else.

'Reminds me of how Dom's picture of Maria looked. Fading due to him constantly pulling it out and…looking at it."

Looking up at him with confusion and maybe a little hope, Marcus finally spoke.

"I didn't have time when the locust stormed the prison to grab the other two letters that I was actually given. Kept them under my mattress But these were always in my pocket." Marcus gravel voice had a hint of embarrassment. He really didn't deal with emotions well. "And after Dom bailed me out, I kept them in the same place he always kept his. Never had anything till you sent me them."

Anya eyes grew huge with shock. Did Marcus just say that all this time, he had kept a picture of them and a letter she wrote to him pressed against his chest and armor plating? That every battle he was in since leaving prison, he had a piece of her with him? And implied that he would have sooner if he had something? Before Anya could say anything, Marcus went on.

"Read the back." He still wasn't looking at her. He kept his cool blue eyes locked on the water, like there was something about to pop out of the water. And maybe he was still worried there was. But Anya was in too much in shock to noticed. She just slowly turns the paper over and realized that something was written on the back, but not in her handwriting. Tears started to fall down her face as she read his words from two and half years ago. Her hands shaking so hard she almost couldn't read the words written for her.

"…..Anyway, if they find me, then they'll find this letter, too, and if it's too late, at least you'll know what was on my mind at the end. It was you."*

Marcus didn't know what to do on the best of days with heavy emotions, lets alone when the women he loves is crying her eyes out and the heavy emotions of the ones they lost on both their minds.

'Hold HER!" Marcus's inner "Dom" voice screamed in his head.

Marcus thought back to all the times he watched Dom comfort Maria after the lost of their two kids. Without a second thought, Marcus reaches over and pulled Anya onto his lap. Their seat creaked but held their weight. Anya buried her face in his neck and cried her first true cry in 18 years. She cried for the loss of her mother, her best friend, her love, the gears she watched die over the years, the loss of humanity and all the horrors both Marcus and she lived through in both wars. But most of all she cried with relief that Marcus finally came around. That he finally showed some emotion to her. To others it might be nothing, but coming from Marcus, it meant the world.

"If it was you Anya, it would have taken more than Dom to stop me from trying to get to you." Marcus whispers in her ear, rocking her back and forth.

Marcus knew that Anya didn't mean what she said. People say things out of angry when they lost someone dear. But he did realize that he showed more feelings for his best friend than he ever did for her in public, and it was fair for Anya to worry that his feelings weren't as deep for her. If Anya thought she was done crying, it started up again at his words.

"It's always been you, Anya. I….I love you."

"I love you too, Marcus." Anya sobbed back. It was like now that she truly let the tears out, there was no stopping them. "Thank you."

The sun had long set, and the temperature was slowly dropping. Anya shivered as the wind picked up but made no attempts to move. She was worried that like always, once this moment was broken it would be a long time before it ever happens again. Old habits die hard and pulling away into himself was something Marcus had done since he was a child. She was terrified to let this moment end. But they couldn't stay there forever. Tomorrow finally came and they had a world to rebuild. As Marcus stood, he slowly set Anya feet on the sand.

"Let's get you some place warm and something to eat. Then you need to go get some much-needed rest." Marcus was back to using his Sgt of Delta voice.

Anya decided to push her luck anyway, "And you'll stay?" asking innocently, looking up at him with her red, puffy eyes.

"Yeah, Anya. I'll Stay."

As they walked back to the hotel the gears had taken up residents in for the last month, Anya couldn't help but feel that Dom was watching over them and smiling. Holding his wife and kids with him. 'Thanks, Big Brother.' She thought to herself. It wasn't going to be easy, but it was a start.

the part of the letter is from Karen Traviss 'The Slab" Chapter 18. I thought it would be amazing for Marcus to have something like Dom had for Maria and I thought him writing it on the back of a letter he always had with him was sweet. (cuz what other paper did he have when he was locked in the cell at the end, right?)

Also, I always loved in Jacinto's Remnant when Dom tells Marcus to shit or get off the pot when it came to Anya lol.

Last when I read the new Novel, Ephyra Rising, I felt there had to be a huge wake up call for Marcus to suddenly make him say how he feels for Anya as much as he does in that book. Also throughout the books by Traviss , Anya always relied on Dom to tell her how Marcus felt for her. Mostly in the Slab. If she felt like that with Marcus in prison, how would she feel if he was even more distance and she didn't have Dom to talk to?