Sipping on Something - Chapter 3
Welcome to another chapter of Sipping On Something!
First of all, I am sorry to FFN readers. I forgot to cross post this chapter a while ago. So here is part 3 while I work on part 4 finally.
After the last chapter, I knew there was a little more I wanted to do with this fic that I hadn't been able to touch on. Hopefully, others enjoy it as much as I do. With that being said, make sure to check my author note at the end of the chapter for those who are invested in this fic. lol.
WARNINGS: Cheating, Mentions of Unprotected Sex, Unprotected sex, ANGST, Adopted siblings, etc.
NOTE: Obviously this story is not for everyone. If you don't like anything mentioned in the warnings, please do not read it.
For those who enjoy the fic, please don't forget to leave some love. I'm missing Brallie after finally watching the final episode of season 3, Good Trouble.
Without further ado, please enjoy some angsty Brallie with a little spice here and there. :)
Three Hours Ago
Callie knew that her choices over the past few weeks could be considered self-destructive and selfish. There was no denying it. Yet, when she was able to be in the moment with him, she felt a weight lifting from her shoulders.
After she realized, it left her with two choices. She could either ignore her feelings for him or she could face them. And there was no denying that both choices were painful and heartbreaking.
The moment Diane opened the front door, Callie wanted to leave. At first, she couldn't pinpoint why. Was it because of everything that happened with Jamie? Did she know they'd broken up? Was it because of Brandon?
Subconsciously she knew it probably stemmed from the choices they'd made over the past few days. If anyone were to find out, their actions would not only hurt their family but everyone involved. It was Eliza's marriage and despite Jamie's recent ethical choices, she did care for him.
Diane led the way with a pressed smile and a lighter tone in her voice. As soon as they entered the living room, she saw him surrounded by people. He was wearing a button-down shirt and black dress pants. Callie inhaled sharply to stop a sudden wave of nausea before tearing her eyes from the scene of Eliza kissing his cheek.
"Look who's here everyone," Diane announced as everyone's attention turned towards her and Mariana.
Tucking a section of hair behind her ear, his gaze found hers heavy with concern.
Callie needed to play the part. The part where she was okay and nothing was wrong. Acting normal was going to be near impossible around him, but she had to try.
One by one, she greeted everyone until he was standing before her. He hesitated as if trying to read her thoughts before taking the initiative to greet her first. Then she softly hugged him, feeling his warmth against her.
"Didn't think you'd come," he whispered and the scruff of his beard prickled softly against her cheek.
"Well, you're about to leave for an entire year," she mumbled, pulling back a little to look at him, "How could I not?"
Watching him closely, she noticed a lopsided tug of his lips. The tension was palpable but when his shoulders relaxed slightly, she pursed her lips to hide a small smile.
"D'you think we could talk later?" He wondered, speaking only loud enough for her to hear.
Callie nodded and he cleared his throat before taking a step backward. They needed to talk.
Two Hours Ago
The side glances she kept getting from Brandon made her heart race. She kept telling herself to act normal, but it was hard when she vividly recalled the things he'd said to her the other night. The things she asked him to do to her made her cheeks burn with embarrassment.
How could they go back to before?
The moment she saw Connor working for the party, she couldn't help but feel like she was in high school. Before everything. Back when Jude and Brandon were her only worry. Before the adoption. As if time hadn't moved and she still had a chance.
"Well, you never really get over your first love."
Callie knew Lena was talking to Jude about Connor, but the words hit her square in the chest.
"I'll be right back." She mumbled as the rest of the family made their way to the dinner table.
Quickly walking past the staff catering the party, she made her way out of the kitchen and up the stairs to the restroom. The second the door clicked shut, she closed her eyes, trying to stop the stinging threat of tears. Pretending to not feel a certain way was exhausting.
Callie focused on her breathing. Trying to contain the guilt and pain she felt in waves as a soft knock on the door made her freeze.
"Uh, someone's in here." She cleared her throat.
"It's me," his voice was soft.
Callie took a few steps away from the door as she wiped at the corner of her eyes. She told him to come in with a forced exhale. The second the door clicked she met his gaze. Just observing the way he looked at her as he locked the door behind him.
"You okay?" he asked, reaching out and taking her hand in his.
"Do you mean at this moment or in general?" She watched him rubbing his thumb against the back of her hand.
"Well, are the answers different?"
"No. Not really." She looked up at him as he entered into her space.
It was hard to pinpoint all the emotions she felt. Confusion. Worry. Desperation. Tired. Needy. Guilty. All because she loved him.
How did she let herself fall in so deep because of him again?
"Mostly I feel guilty." She said, nodding her head with pursed lips.
"Why?" His expression crumpled with confusion.
"Because we both know we shouldn't have done it. Any of it. That phone call shouldn't have happened. It's not fair to anyone here. Including ourselves." She said bluntly.
"Fair?" He repeated, "What's not fair is the fact that we love each other, Callie. Yet, we can't be together. Not because we don't feel the same, but because the situation back then forced you to choose-"
"Brandon-"
"I'm not done," he cut her off, "You were put in an impossible situation back then. Having to choose between stability and a family instead of us. I made peace with that, but after this week, I can't just pretend I don't have feelings for you."
She nodded her head, "Brandon. Our choices this week have been completely selfish with no regard for the family."
"Of course they were selfish," he scoffed and she rolled her eyes, pulling her hand away, "From the moment you stepped inside my apartment that night to our phone call. Both of us are allowed to be selfish."
"Okay," she said, "Then you agree that what we did was wrong."
"Well, that depends. If you're asking if it was wrong to cheat and lie, then yes." He refused to look away from her, "If you're asking if loving each other is wrong, then no."
"So being in love with your adoptive sister is okay?" She chewed on the inside of her cheek.
"I don't see you as my sister, okay?" He snapped, "You're just, Callie. My best friend and - and nothing will change how I feel about you. But I can push how I feel aside if that is what it takes for you to be a part of my life."
How could they live with these feelings?
"Brandon…" she said his name softly.
"I've gotten pretty good at hiding it. So, if you think loving each other is wrong, then-"
"Seriously, Brandon," she growled, "Do you think this is easy for me?"
"No, but I do think if your happiness comes at the cost of someone else's, you will choose the other person," he shrugged, the one he always did when frustrated, "Well, unless that person is me, that is."
"What are you hoping will happen if we chose each other? Huh?" She nodded her head, chewing on the inside of her cheek. "Are you thinking that moms will just accept us?"
"No, I just-"
"Just what?" She asked, leaning back against the counter. "Just figured things would be easy."
"No. I know what being together would do. Okay?" He snapped, taking another step towards her. "But if there's a chance that we could be together, then I need to know."
"You're married."
"You think I don't realize how fucked up this is?" He spoke sharply, trapping her between him and the counter. "I've felt guilty for years because of how I feel about you. But I pushed all of it down because I never want to hurt you, Callie."
The heat of his breath spilled across her face. Before she could react, he abruptly closed the space between them and captured her lips. Closing her eyes, she leaned into him and focused on the soft delicate sways. She hummed when he cupped her cheek, tilting her head back to deepen the kiss.
Brandon pulled her to him by her hips. With her lips still ghosting against his, she gasped because of his quick movements. In one smooth motion, he momentarily slid his hands down her thighs, picked her up, and guided her onto the counter. Using the ledge to steady herself she felt him use his knee to part her legs before grabbing her hips again.
Lightheaded and breathless, she rested her forehead against his. Denying her feelings only hurt her. What was the point in pretending they didn't exist again?
With her eyes closed, she focused on the feathered kisses he trailed against her jawline and down her neck. He relentlessly suckled and nibbled at the spot below her ear making her whimper.
The prickling guilt returned in full force as she let go of him. There was no excuse this time. No alcohol, they weren't trapped and forced to talk, nor was there a lack of sleep.
This was real and she needed to say everything while she could.
"I should've said this by the pool the night before your wedding." She breathed, finding his half-lidded gaze, "I couldn't say this back then, but it hurt when you announced to the family you were marrying her."
The words tasted acidic on her tongue and there was a moment of silence that was deafening. Her confession was unexpected and desperate for him to know. He needed to know. She couldn't keep bottling up her moments. Safeguarding her feelings didn't minimize the hurt she felt.
"It hurt when you didn't tell me you were even thinking of marrying her." She whispered, feeling the heat of his face against hers as her voice cracked, "W-why didn't you tell me?"
She hated denying the things she felt for him.
"I-I don't… telling you felt wrong somehow, Callie," he said, his voice thick while the glittering reflection in his eyes danced, "I never thought I could be with you. So I moved on the only way I knew how."
If they were being honest, could they have a future together? Would she petition to overturn her adoption? Would she lie and say that she didn't want Lena or Steph to be her moms anymore? What could they even do to minimize the inevitable fallout?
"Why is this so unfair?" He asked her.
"Because it's us."
She watched him, eyes closed tightly as he leaned his forehead against hers. "God, Callie. You have no idea how much I wish it had been you. It should've been you."
His voice was raw and broken with a familiar ache.
"I would've asked you to marry me in a heartbeat." He added and opened his eyes to see hers.
A lost future of the right person, wrong situation. And the thought of marrying him, broke her. Because it's all she ever wanted. He looked as broken as she felt. She untangled herself from him. What came next, hurt more than any other pain she'd experienced before.
Callie refused to look at him as she spoke because she knew she wouldn't be able to say the words otherwise, "As much as I want that future… I don't see a way we can be together."
Her words stung, even if she knew it was the right thing. Uprooting their entire lives and destroying their family. How would they live with themselves without being sure?
He backed away from her as she slipped off of the counter. The cold distance made her skin prickle from his absence.
"I don't either." His voice was broken as he adjusted his clothing.
She felt a bubble of pressure blooming in her chest along with a familiar burn that recoiled in her throat. Licking her lips, she felt an unexpected tear roll down her cheek.
"Callie…" the harrowing tone of his voice made her chest ache even more.
"I-I'm fine," she forced a small smile, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand, "You should go. This is your party. I'll uh, be down in a moment."
The silence followed by his footsteps echoed. But it was the rattle of the doorknob and the click of the door behind him that made her realize she needed to breathe. Gasping, she reached up and covered her mouth to muffle the whimper building in her throat. Her vision blurred as she sank to the floor back pressing into the counter.
What is life without your soulmate?
The answer depended on the responder. For her, life without being with the one you love was normal. But the ache didn't hurt any less. It felt worse this time.
Now
The rest of the evening was a blur. Thankfully dinner wrapped up quickly and everyone said their goodbyes. Well, almost everyone. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. Not if she wanted to keep her composure.
Their options were limited and heartbreaking.
Callie knew words can hit a little too close to home unexpectedly, they can burn and twist inside the chest. Almost as if they have the ability to constrict one's breathing. They leave a sour taste of hurt on the tongue, even if it's unintentional. She knew the weight they held. Being around Lawyers and Judges, it's hard to forget the effect words can have.
She stood frozen, listening to Mariana explaining her troubles to Lena and Steph.
"I'm not like Callie. I can't ignore my feelings for my principles."
The second Callie heard her, she knew there wasn't any malice or hidden meaning. It wasn't like Mariana knew the events that had transpired over the past two weeks. In Callie's field of work, hiding emotions or facial expressions was crucial.
Yet, it didn't stop the guilt that gnawed and pulled at her chest. Its weight sat on her shoulders and pressed on the back of her throat. She couldn't even take a breath without a reminder of the line they'd crossed yet again. Even in a drunken haze that night, they knew the gravity of their choice. Even if Callie blamed it on the alcohol that night, it was no excuse for what happened in the elevator, the late-night phone call or tonight in the bathroom.
If Callie was being honest with herself, he was her weakness. He was her safety net keeping her afloat ever since Idyllwild, but she could never admit that. Not to him. Not after the adoption. Not after Grace passed away. Not when Callie found him in the field and held him in her arms. Not when he brought home Eliza. Not at his dinner reception. Not by the pool.
Years of suppressed feelings and all it took was a bottle of alcohol followed by the word 'have'. Now everything was like walking on eggshells. The feeling of his lips against hers lingered. Yet, he was still leaving for Amsterdam.
Once Callie fumbled into the car passenger seat, she took a deep breath before Mariana opened the driver's door. She couldn't look at her. They were still off ever since their argument and she didn't want her to know anything was wrong.
"Are you okay?" Mariana's question was quiet and Callie furrowed her brows.
Clearing her throat she gave her a small smile, "Yeah. Just tired."
There was something in Mariana's expression that she couldn't place at first, but recognized it when Mariana nodded slowly. Callie could normally pretend and put up a front with most people. But tonight wasn't one of those nights. Callie ended up spending all night beside Mariana crying because it was over. And Mariana didn't ask questions.
Two Months Later
Time has always been an interesting concept to Callie. Looking back or forward with a different perspective. People always say you heal over time, but she knew it was really just learning to cope. Which if she were being honest, was something she had never been good at.
Over the past two months, the night usually ended with a bottle of wine to help forget or with her passing out while working.
"Do you think Emma and Jesus are here yet?" Mariana pulled Callie from her thoughts as they walked up their moms' pathway leading to their front door.
Lifting the strap of her purse up onto her shoulder, she shrugged, " I don't know. It seems quiet, but they could be."
Mariana stopped walking and spun to face her, "Really?"
"What?" Callie looked around with furrowed brows.
"Could you be any less enthusiastic?"
"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't think that statement required enthusiasm." Callie rolled her eyes, walking past her.
"You haven't seen Jesus or Emma in almost a year and the last time we saw moms was at Brandon's going away party. You could at least pretend you're excited." Mariana scoffed as Callie knocked on the front door.
"You're right. I'm sorry." She offered Mariana a small smile as they waited.
The moment Steph opened the door they were greeted. Jude was talking with Jesus in the kitchen and Emma was sitting with Lena at the table. Corey and his little sister were sitting on the couch watching TV. The only person that seemed to be missing was him.
Callie took a deep breath before setting her bag down by the side table at the front entrance. As she made her way towards the dining table, there was a knock on the front door.
"Steph, hun, can you get that?" Lena asked, "I think it might be a special delivery."
There was something in her tone that implied the special delivery was a surprise.
"Sure love."
It was the way her mom gasped followed by his chuckle that told her everything she needed to know. She thought too soon. It was him.
"B, what are you doing here?" Steph asked just out of view.
Callie felt her stomach clenching and her heart starting to race. He wasn't supposed to be here.
"Oh, I uh, was talking to Mama last week, and knew today was a big day with the whole family getting together for Corey's birthday. So I thought it would be nice to stop by."
Steph laughed as she shut the door allowing Callie to see him for the first time since that day. He had a somewhat maintained bit of scruff and his eyes were tired. She couldn't look away. It was almost as if it had been yesterday and all her feelings she'd managed to contain came rushing back.
"Stop by? From Amsterdam?" She wondered and all he did was shrug, "Well, did Eliza come back too?"
"No. No, she- uh, stayed behind." He spoke quickly.
"Well, send her our love. Okay?"
Brandon nodded with pursed lips almost as if he wanted the topic of conversation to change. Interesting. Callie then noticed his shoulders relax when Lena interrupted with a laugh.
"And you say I'm not good with surprises." Lena said to Steph, shaking her head.
Steph smiled with a laugh, "Thank you, my love."
"Not to interrupt Brandon's big surprise return or whatever, but I'm starving. Can we eat?" Jesus asked and Emma said his name. "What? You know we've been waiting for over an hour because Callie and Mariana took their time getting here."
"I'll have you know, we were only late because Callie was finishing up work stuff." Mariana spoke pointedly.
Before she could respond, Steph cleared her throat.
"Well, let's eat some lunch now that everyone's here." Steph said, patting his shoulder as they made their way outside to the back yard.
Callie looked away from him before making her way past the kitchen and outside to their patio. She quickly reminded herself to act normal and take a breath. Time hadn't changed her feelings. All it did was trick her into feeling okay at a distance while using her coping mechanisms.
"Hey Callie, can you get some wine from the kitchen?" Lena asked as she brought plates outside.
"Sure thing." She cleared her throat and made her way inside.
Jude and Steph walked past her with other essentials. Looking outside she realized she didn't know where-
Callie ran smack into someone, ending up spilling a pitcher of what she assumed was water down the front of her dress. The cold liquid made her gasp before she looked up. She met the familiar hazy green gaze before realizing a hand gripped her shoulder helping her steady herself.
"Crap. I'm sorry I - I wasn't looking - let me…" he fumbled for words as he looked around the room while she blinked a few times. He quickly let her go and set down the now partially empty pitcher on the counter as he reached for some paper towels.
"Uhm," she pursed her lips and attempted to find words as he handed them to her, "Thanks."
She took a few steps away to lean on the counter as he cleaned up the floor.
"I uh, wasn't expecting to see you," she said softly without looking at him, "Are you visiting for the day?"
He tossed the used paper towels in the trash as she blotted at her dress.
"Probably a little longer. Just gotta figure out some things first." He shrugged, and she glanced at him while he refused to look at her.
"What about Eliza?" She felt like she shouldn't be asking, but couldn't stop herself.
"She stayed in Amsterdam. Ended up getting her position back in the orchestra." He turned and met her stare.
"Oh. That's great. I'm sure she's really excited to be playing again."
"Mhm." Callie could easily tell the conversation was uncomfortable for him.
Was it because he didn't like her talking to him about Eliza or was there a different reason?
"We should probably…" he pointed outside and she nodded.
The moment he left, she couldn't help but close her eyes as she leaned against the counter for support. Today was going to be difficult.
Lunch was just as awkward as she thought it would be. Though Mariana didn't help her situation.
"So, Callie. Anything new and exciting in your world?" Lena asked while Callie took a sip of some wine.
"Mm," she set her glass down with a nod, "Not really. Just working on a civil case at work."
"And this is still with that Lawyer you mentioned?" Steph added.
"Mhm. Still working for Kathleen. She's been instrumental in me experiencing actual cases while helping identify solutions for our clients." Callie nodded with a slight smile. "Not much else going on really."
"Well that sounds rewarding-"
"Callie's leaving out the part where she's dating a guy she works with." Mariana interrupted Steph making Callie freeze.
It had been only a few seconds, but she looked across the table at Brandon. He was already looking at her with a blank expression. The way his brows momentarily twitched told her he did in fact have opinions on the subject.
"Oh?" Steph set down her glass.
"What's his name again?" Mariana asked and Callie grit her teeth looking away from him.
"Uhm, his name is Tony and not really. It's new, so it's not serious." She quickly took a generous drink of her wine. "Mariana, you're thinking of moving in with Evan. Isn't that right?"
Callie felt a sharp kick in her shin causing her to gasp and look at Mariana. Even without saying anything, she instantly recognized the irritation. Not like she didn't deserve it.
"Is that the same man who used to be your boss and refused to shut down your app?" Lena quickly jumped into the conversation again. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"Can we not make this a big deal? Nothing is set, it's just an idea." Mariana huffed.
Looking around the table away, Callie unintentionally met his gaze again. She noted that his jaw was tense and his lips were pursed. Callie absentmindedly chewed on her bottom lip. His features were hard, and she could tell by the stiffness in his shoulders that he was on edge. With a quirk of his brow, she realized she needed to take a breath and to stop staring.
Clearing her throat, she looked away quickly.
"What about you, Brandon?" Lena quickly changed the subject from Mariana's living arrangements.
"Not much, really. Just, you know, taking things one step at a time." He said with a nod.
"Did Eliza just not wanna come?" Jesus asked and then winced in pain.
"Jesus…" Emma snapped.
"What?"
"No, she just has a lot happening and couldn't leave. She does send her love though." He said and took an abrupt bite of his food.
Callie couldn't help but wonder why talking about Eliza was such a prickly subject. Was it because he really just didn't want to talk about her? Could it have to do with what happened before he left?
"Well, in that case. We're happy you were able to join us, B." Steph smiled across the table.
Callie looked at him again, only for him to look right back at her. The secret between them wasn't something she was ready to deal with, yet it was heavy and waiting.
The day faded into the veil of night as Callie finished the last sip of her wine. Steph and Lena said their goodbyes, leaving to tuck the kids into bed while Jesus and Emma stifled soft giggles, heading outside to their ride.
"Oh, by the way. I think I forgot to tell you, but I'm gonna stay at Evan's tonight." Mariana said as she pulled on her jacket.
"Oh, okay." Callie nodded, setting down her empty wine glass.
"Are you okay getting a ride to the Coterie?" Mariana asked, looking down at her phone.
Callie pursed her lips as she looked at Brandon who was cleaning up the table by himself. "Yeah, I'll be fine."
"You sure?"
Turning away to look at Mariana, she hoped her momentary pause wasn't too noticeable.
"Mhm. Go ahead. I'll stay for a little longer to help clean." She smiled as Mariana looked at her for a moment.
There was something in Mariana's expression that felt familiar and hesitant. Then before she could say anything, Mariana's phone once again pulled her attention.
"Oh, my rides here." She quickly waved bye and closed the front door behind her.
Callie picked up her empty glass and headed for the kitchen with a small knot in her stomach. Probably due to the fact it was her first time being truly alone with him since his going away party.
Slipping off her heels, Callie focused on the cold tile beneath her feet and approached him. The sleeves of his button down shirt rolled up past his forearms as he rinsed the dishes.
"You've been quiet tonight." She said as her voice pulled him from his thoughts. "Wanna talk about it?"
Brandon set a plate in the dish rack as she handed him her empty glass.
"Not really." He sighed with a half shrug. "I just- I don't know."
Callie crossed her arms and leaned against the counter without looking away from him. He looked exhausted. More than usual.
"Is it Amsterdam or something else?" She attempted in hopes he would say something. Anything that would make them feel normal again.
"It's fine." He sighed, turning off the water as he set the now clean glass on the rack.
"That's descriptive." She countered making him scoff.
"It's just- you know. The same as it was in LA." He shrugged. "Except everyone I know is here while I'm trying to make the best of things. And- and with Eliza getting her part back with the orchestra, it's just… more of the same."
Callie nodded as he used the hand towel and mirrored her by leaning against the counter. She chewed the inside of her cheek, feeling guilty.
"You still drive?" She asked, her voice soft and hesitant.
He pursed his lips and nodded. "Mhm. Helps me feel not so-"
"Alone?" She suggested and he smiled softly.
"Yeah."
Callie looked around the room as Steph stepped around the corner.
"Hey guys. What're you both still doing here?" She asked, changed into her pajamas.
"Just cleaning up a little before heading out." Brandon shrugged before walking over to her.
"Oh, you didn't have to do that."
"We wanted to." He said as he welcomed her embrace.
"Well, thank you. It was good to see you, Bud." She hugged him tightly while Callie looked away for a second.
The familiar wave of guilt sat in her chest as she tucked a section of hair behind her ear.
"You too, Callie." Steph said with a smile as Brandon took a step backwards. "Not sure when we got old, but Mama and I are headed to bed."
"Okay. We're headed out." Brandon said, looking at Callie. Nodding in agreement, she walked over to her shoes and slipped them on.
"We should have lunch while you're still in town." Steph said, walking them to the door.
"That'd be nice. We should." He agreed, looking at Callie again.
Callie tugged on her jacket. With a hug good night and the door shutting, Callie pulled out her phone to request a ride.
"Need a ride?" He asked, pulling out keys from his jacket pocket.
Clicking the off button on her phone, she nodded with a small smile.
"Didn't know you drove here." She said as he opened the passenger door for her.
"Uh, yeah. I was driving around before the party to clear my head." He looked at her as she made her way over to him.
"Surprised you kept the car. Considering you both left the country."
"Well we ended up keeping the car and the condo so we'd have a place to stay when we visited." He said, closing her door for her as she adjusted in her seat.
The car smelled like a hint of cologne and something she could only identify as Brandon. Sweet, musky, and warm. The scent was so inviting and made her feel lightheaded.
Probably the wine…
Taking a deep breath, she watched him open the driver's door before getting inside. It felt risky to be alone with him in such close proximity. It wasn't that she didn't trust him. It was the fact that she didn't trust herself. Not after everything she'd allowed to happen.
"Has Jamie said anything to you?" He asked out of nowhere as he started the car.
With furrowed brows, Callie looked at him.
"About?" She watched him rub the back of his neck.
"I don't know. Anything?" He looked at her, leaning his head back against the driver's seat headrest.
"I mean I've seen him once or twice in court, but we didn't even talk about anything other than the case. He's been distant since we ended things." She answered, rightfully confused. "Why?"
Brandon sighed as he turned on his blinker and pulled out into the road. "Just curious."
"I know you, Brandon. There's something he could've mentioned and you want to make sure he didn't." She watched him as he pursed his lips, pausing at a stop sign.
"Eliza and I are currently separated." His words were harsh and unexpected.
Callie had to remind herself to breathe as she looked at him. She couldn't bring herself to even speak.
"And before you ask, no. It's not because of what happened." He added, making her head spin even more.
Callie wanted to ask so many things. To try and understand what happened. Even though he said it had nothing to do with her, he may not see it that way. But instead all she found herself asking and truly care about was one question.
"Are you okay?"
She realized her voice sounded unsteady, but it was the least of her worries.
He stopped at a red light, finding her soft gaze. The corner of his mouth curled and he shrugged.
"I already feel better being home. So yeah. I'm okay." He turned onto the highway towards east LA.
"Well, do you wanna talk about it?" She asked.
"Not much to say really. We agreed we needed some time to find what makes us happy before we could invest in our relationship."
"That's a mature thing to do." She offered to try to understand what he was feeling.
"Well, I think it's more us being honest with each other. We realized we rushed into getting married. Yet, we didn't even consider what would happen after." He looked over his shoulder as he merged into traffic.
"Forever is a long time." She said and he sighed.
"It is." He agreed, shaking his head.
"Pretty sure this conversation requires something a little stronger than a glass of wine." She looked out the window as they passed by city buildings.
There was a stretch of silence as she watched the city lights flicker and dance. Callie realized how far a few moments like this were. Even sitting in the uncertainty with him as he drove felt like home. Like a familiar blanket of warmth that welcomed her.
"I do have an unopened bottle of scotch." He added breaking apart the silence as Callie held her breath.
Brandon was never one for subtlety. Looking at him, she realized he wasn't even trying to be subtle. He was flat out asking her if she wanted to come over.
"If that's something you'd be interested in, that is." He gave her an out. One she probably should take.
Callie inhaled deeply as he glanced over at her for only a second. The wave of butterflies returned. It was a bad idea. It went against everything she had spent the past two months telling herself she wouldn't do. Yet, she knew she couldn't say no.
"I could go for a drink." She said softly and he exhaled shakily with a nod.
Looking over his shoulder once more he made a right turn, off the highway and towards his condo. Bad idea be damned. She felt a rush of warmth inside her that pulled at her lips. Allowing herself to be around him made her feel happy. Happier than she'd been in so long. She'd missed her best friend.
Everything looked the same. Some boxes remained untouched. The couch was covered in a tarp and the room was rather empty. She slipped her heels off and set her purse down on the counter as he removed his jacket.
"So, are you gonna elaborate on what happened in Amsterdam?" She wondered as he grabbed two glasses from the cabinet.
"Uh, well. Apparently I'd been distant. And between my composing and her long hours, there were a few weeks where we never saw each other." He poured her drink and handed it to her.
"Why were you distant?" She asked, brushing her nail against the glass before taking a drink.
With a wince, she scrunched her nose and downed the burning liquid before looking at him. His pause was loud as he held her gaze. The longer he stared the more she realized, he was distant because of what happened between them.
"Why did Mariana text me that you were drinking more than usual after I left?" He asked and took a drink as he ignored her question with one of his own.
"She texted you?"
Brandon nodded, exhaling through his teeth as he undid the top button of his shirt.
"Yeah. I asked if you were okay and she said you were probably fine," he paused, setting his glass down on the counter, "I thought about texting you, but figured you wouldn't want to hear from me."
"I don't know why she did that." Callie shook her head.
Callie shrugged, downing the rest of her drink in one go to loosen her nerves.
"Well were you?" He wondered and Callie chewed on the inside of her cheek. She knew he wouldn't like her answer.
"Was I what?"
"Drinking because of what happened between us?" He asked, his expression soft with a familiar guilt.
Callie couldn't find it in herself to respond. Refusing to look away, she held his gaze with parted lips. She couldn't lie. Not to him.
"Callie…" he whispered her name and she shrugged.
"What do you want me to say, Brandon?" She asked.
"You could start with why you agreed to come over tonight." He said.
Honestly, it was a fair question. One she wasn't exactly sure of herself.
"A better question would be why you asked me to come over." She countered and reached for the bottle.
He watched her pouring a drink intently before standing up straight and walking towards her. Callie set the bottle down as he paused in front of her. Looking up into his eyes she shivered slightly, feeling the warmth of him entering into her space.
"I asked you to come over, because I haven't been able to stop thinking about you." His voice wavered ever so slightly as he used the counter beside her to lean into.
"Brandon…" she whispered his name, feeling the warmth build up in her chest.
She couldn't do this again. Not with the same outcome. It would only make things hurt more.
"I know what we said, Callie. I just wanted you to know why I asked you to come over." He refused to look away. "Your turn."
Callie exhaled shakily and licked her lips. It was a bad idea, but it didn't stop her from thinking about how much she wanted him at that moment.
"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you either."
Brandon unexpectedly pulled her to him by her side and leaned to rest his forehead against hers. The movements were delicate and assertive. They weren't fooling anyone and Callie knew it.
"This is a bad idea." She whispered as he brushed his lips against hers.
"Probably." He whispered.
Callie closed her eyes and slid her right hand up his arm and into his hair. She couldn't find it in herself to care. All that mattered was how it felt to be loved by him.
Callie then closed the gap. Noting how his lips were warm and soft, while his scruff brushed against her chin. She felt him deepen the kiss and used his knee to make room for him between her legs. Gasping slightly as he quickly picked her up and guided her onto the counter.
In need of air, Callie tilted her head to the side as he trailed hungry kisses along her jawline.
It is not selfish to want someone to love you.
It had always been difficult for her to accept that she was worthy of love. Callie knew she was confrontational, demanding, self sacrificing, driven, stubborn, even outright hostile at times. Because she had to be. To protect Jude. To protect those who couldn't protect themselves.
But with him, her wall was unguarded. With him, she allowed herself to feel loved.
"Brandon." She breathed his name as he pulled back to look at her. "I need to tell you something before I convince myself I shouldn't."
He nodded slowly, confusion knitted in his brows. "Okay."
Taking a deep breath, Callie allowed her hands to rest on his shoulders. "You are sometimes the most infuriating person I've ever met." She laughed and pursed her lips making him chuckle. "You get stuck in your head when you make a decision or when you think you need to do something. But at the same time, you're the only person who has made me feel taken care of. Like I don't have to have it together all the time."
"Callie." He said her name and she shook her head.
"Brandon. You are the only person I've ever felt this way with. Not because we were each other's first loves. But because you are the only one who knows me. The real me. And still loves me in spite of my flaws." She felt the sting of tears in her eyes as she shrugged. "How do I stay away from my person?"
Closing her eyes she felt his thumb wipe away a tear that had managed to roll down her cheek.
"That's the thing. You shouldn't have to." He murmured and she felt his lips press against her forehead while he embraced her.
With a flip of a switch in her mind, Callie made the decision that she needed him. In one fluid motion she lifted her head and found his lips. He instinctively softened against her as she pushed her dress upwards, gathering it at her hips while wrapping her legs around him.
Callie felt him gently bite her and catch her bottom lip between his teeth for a moment. Then realized she could feel him through his dress pants, pressing against her.
With all rationale gone, she proceeded to rock her hips against him. The delicious friction driving her actions caused him to groan through his teeth. The exact response she was hoping for as he tightened his grip on her hips.
"Brandon…" his name fell from her lips as he ground himself into her every time she rocked against him.
He halted his moments and trailed his lips along with the scruff of his beard against her cheek.
"Tell me you want this, Callie." He breathed in her ear, making her shiver.
Callie nodded her head as she felt him sliding his hands against her thighs under her dress. Brandon stood still as she listened to the clink of him undoing his belt followed by the shuffle of fabric. Moving closer to the ledge of the counter, she rested her forehead against his.
"I want this." She complied with his request and melted under his gaze.
His pools of green were darker and she could see his want mirroring hers. He pulled her towards him, causing her to gasp sharply. She felt him push her damp panties to the side just like he'd described on their phone call.
She was fully aware of every brush of their skin. Feeling his member rubbing against her slick heat before pausing at her entrance. This was different from the night in his apartment.
Callie bit her lip harshly to stop herself from moaning his name too loudly as he sunk into her heat. The desperation in their movements was evident and they couldn't even be bothered to take off their clothing or use protection. She needed him.
He moved closer, his lips ghosting against hers. Releasing her lip from her teeth, he instantly took the opportunity and closed the gap between them, drinking in her soft whimper. She felt him pull his hips back just a little before thrusting back inside her. With her eyes closed, she let his kiss muffle her sounds of pleasure.
He growled when she tangled her fingers into his hair and pulled. It was hard enough staying quiet before, but then his thrusts became sharper and deliberately abrupt. The heat between her legs intensified as he proceeded to grind himself against her.
Between the angle of his thrusts and him grinding himself against her clit, she felt a wave of pleasure quickly spilling in her lower abdomen. Callie gasped, breaking off their kiss and felt his breath on her cheek. Without being able to warn him she felt the wall of pleasure hit her, making her muscles tense while gasping his name.
"Fuck…" he cursed as she arched into him. Biting down on her lip to suppress her moan, she pulled him flush against her.
Callie hid her face in the crook of his neck, hoping it would help muffle her whimpers, but he didn't slow his thrusts. Instead, he increased his pace so that his belt clicked rhythmically against the counter below her. Fucking her and making her thighs quiver from the unrelenting wave of pleasure. It was almost too much as she whimpered through her teeth and closed lips.
"I'm gonna finish inside you, Callie." Brandon murmured.
Grabbing his shoulder she felt him reach between them, rubbing his thumb against her clit in a circular motion. Callie dug her nails into his clothed shoulder while trying to remain quiet. She nodded quickly in acknowledgment as he pushed all the way inside her, pinning her to him as the wave of pleasure engulfed them both.
Brandon stopped thrusting with a groan. Her second orgasm washed over her just as she felt the heat from his seed pulsing inside her. One. Two. Three. Four… Five.
She focused on the pulsing pleasure, allowing herself to get lost in the moment. The intoxicating feeling was everything, and she never wanted it to end.
Through the haze her voice punctured the silence aside from them both catching their breath. The words she said became a pivotal moment letting them both know there was no going back this time. She didn't want to.
"I can't," she pulled back to look at him and his flushed cheeks, "I can't pretend that I don't love you, Brandon."
For her own happinesses she couldn't keep living in a world where she had to hide her true feelings. Where she had to cut out her best friend because of these feelings. She couldn't pretend anymore.
Accepting this part of herself she could almost feel a physical weight being lifted from her shoulders. One way or another, Callie was going to find a way for them to be together. Even if it meant others would be hurt in the process.