(Disclaimer: I own nothing, they are the property of their respective owners).
Chapter Three
Another news report from South Park News.
Tom - This just in, a large gathering of angry people are at capitol hill, to discuss the use of troll trace, most people want to use it to locate these dangerous individuals, while others, most of whom are a bunch of tree hugging hippies, are complaining about privacy. Here with more on this story, is a Midget in a Bikini.
At Capitol Hill, there's a large gathering of people, shouting.
Midget wearing Bikini - Thanks, Tom. We are live here at Capitol Hill. The crowd here is hostle, and very upset, we are awaiting to hear from the president, right now the Secretary of State is talking to the audience. Let's go down and see how things are.
The Secretary of State, Mr. Slave, is addressing the crowd.
Mr. Slave - Now, everyone, calm down, I know some of y'all are upset about the Troll Trace situation.
The crowd - Rabble, Rabble, Rabble!
Conservative Redneck - We must stop the terrorists!
Hippie Liberal - No! We have the right to Privacy!
Conservative Redneck - Shut up, Hippie!
Hippie Liberal - You shut up, Ikeman!
The Redneck and the Hippie start fighting each other, some of the crowd watches them fight, a creepy loanshark type guy comes out of nowhere, taking bets from the crowd.
Loanshark - Alright, people, place your bets.
The crowd - Rabble, Rabble, Rabble!
Mr. Slave - Everyone, please calm down. Now, unfortunately the president is unable to show up here.
The crowd is getting more angrier.
Protestor - Why can't the coward show up?!
The crowd continues rabbling.
Mr. Slave - Now, now, don't despair, the Vice President has agreed to speak with us via the giant screen behind me.
Behind him is a giant screen, that turns on, the vice president appears, it's Mr. Hat.
Mr. Hat - Greetings my fellow Americans.
He gets their attention.
Mr. Hat - Now the president was unable to show up here today due to prior commitments, but has agreed to have me fill the void instead, now I know some of you have said many things about this Troll Trace thing, but I assure every one of you, that everything is being done to resolve the situation. Any questions?
Protestor - Why are you taking charge of things instead? Is the president that much of a coward?
Mr. Hat - YOU GO TO HELL! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!
The giant screen turns off, further angering the crowd.
The crowd - Rabble, Rabble, Rabble!
Midget wearing Bikini - And there you have it, Tom. An answer from the Vice President, who since arriving at the white house, has been at the center of controversy, for his outspokenness, and for having a big mouth. Back to you in the studio.
Tom - My god we are so screwed…Oh, um. Coming up next, choosing the right hair conditioner, what you don't know about hair care products could be costing you a bundle.
In a dark room, someone is heard screaming, being tortured, under a dim lit light, it's Gerald Broflovski, he's shirtless, tied to a chair, bruised up and bloody, he's being electrocuted by jumper cables that are attached to him, a voice is heard talking in Danish, the torturing stops, someone comes out of the shadows, it's the CEO of Troll Trace, Lennart Bedrager, who speaks like that bad guy, Hans Gruber in Die Hard.
Lennart Bedrager - You still alive?
Gerald coughs up blood.
Gerald - Is it that obvious?
Lennart Bedrager - Skankhunt. You have destroyed lives, and have caused too much damage around the world.
Gerald - Ok, I admit it, I got a little carried away, but I can change.
Lennart Bedrager - Oh, if I had a dollar for every time I heard a troll say that.
Gerald - What do you want from me?!
Lennart Bedrager - Do you know Bruce Jennner?
Gerald - Yes, All-American Olympic, and gold winning decathlete.
Lennart Bedrager - He was…...until he met those bimbos, and lost his marbles.
Gerald - What does that have to do with me?
Lennart Bedrager - You and him will have something in common very soon.
Gerald - What do you mean?
Lennart Bedrager - You'll know soon enough...Geraldine.
He realizes what Lennart is talking about.
Gerald - Oh, no.
Lennart Bedrager - But before we can begin the process.
He looks at one of his henchmen, says something in danish, they continue torturing Gerald, who screams in agony.
In the back of a plane, the team, Jesus, and the Military General are going over a map, the team is now in their new costumes, the costumes look badass.
Cartman - Now we look like badasses.
Kyle - Yeah.
Clyde - No. That looks badass.
They see that Clyde is pointing at a vehicle. It looks like the RV from Spaceballs.
Plane Crew Member - Don't be fooled by it's appearance. We had the RV upgraded on the inside, stuff you'd see in spy movies.
Stan - Cool.
Butters - Neat-o.
Military General - Alright, team, gather round.
Everyone gathers around the table.
Military General - Now, we're gonna drop y'all off on the outskirts of town.
Stan - Why the outskirts?
Jesus - Intelligence tells us that Skankhut is being held prisoner with the other trolls at a facility in the countryside, we believe that they're gonna execute them one by one, and execute Skankhunt last.
Kyle - Why last?
Jesus - Continuous torture.
Butters - Well, that's not good. They're gonna kill Kyle's dad last.
Stan - How far away are we?
Military General - Pilot, what's our ETA?
In the cockpit, the pilot is none other that Tom Cruise.
Tom Cruise - We're on schedule, we'd be there sooner, but my co-pilot is on his phone.
We see that his co-pilot is none other than John Travolta, he's on tik tok.
John Travolta - Oh, my god, can you believe it, me and Tom Cruise are flying a jet plane, oh, my god, this is so awesome.
He starts singing.
John Travolta (singing) - Soaring so high above the world, never thought I could be so free. I'm one with the birds, and magic is all I see...
He sings on, Cruise is not enthused.
Tom Cruise - I'll notify you when we're close by. Over.
Military General - Excellent.
Kyle - But aren't people gonna notice a military plane flying around?
Military General - No worries, we got this plane camouflaged in the best disguise ever.
At some airfield, two Lookouts are in a watchtower, looking around at their surroundings, one of them sees something.
Lookout # 1 - What plane is that?
The Lookout gets his binoculars, and looks at the plane, which looks like American Airlines.
Lookout # 2 - It's just American Airlines, nobody flys them anymore.
Lookout # 1 - Who's flying the plane?
Lookout # 2 - Oh, it's just Tom Cruise and John Travolta.
Lookout # 1 - Maybe they'll help each other join the mile high club.
Both of them laugh.
Meanwhile, in the back of the plane.
Military General - Now, once you reach the ground, you'll meet up with our field operative.
Stan - Field operative? You mean you have a mole on the inside?
Military General - The best in the business. He'll get you in the building, now once inside, you'll do any means necessary to get the prisoner, and escape back to the outside.
Kyle - What about the other trolls?
Military General - Forget about them, the primary goal is to get Skankhunt.
Kyle - But they're people too.
Military General - You don't get it! Trolls are not people! They're a bunch of angry shut-ins who cause trouble, and have little regard for human life, it doesn't matter if they die, a new troll appears every five seconds…The cycle will never stop.
Clyde - Yeah, Kyle, stop being a little bitch about everything.
Military General - Just do your job. Any last questions?
Kyle (growling) - No, sir.
Military General - Good.
The General walks away, Cartman approaches Kyle.
Cartman - Kyle, a word please.
Both of them walk away from the group, they have a conversation.
Cartman - Kyle, I love you like a brother, but you got to learn to shut up once in a while. Why can't you be more like Stan?
Kyle - I'm not gonna shut it, Fat Boy!
He sighs.
Cartman - You just don't understand trolls like I do, Kyle. You just don't.
Military General - Oh, and team.
All of them look at the General.
Military General - If for some reason you fail the mission, and the terrorists take you prisoner, you'll probably want to take your own life, you better have this.
The General gives each of them a hammer.
Tom Cruise (on radio) - Pilot to General, we're close to the target!
Military General - 10-4.
Cartman - Alright, team, get in, we're close to the drop zone.
The team gets in the vehicle.
Inside the vehicle, which looks high tech, and awesome, everyone is in the vehicle.
Cartman - Alright, everyone, let's get situated.
Butters - We do we sit at?
Cartman - I'll assign everyone, Tolken, you'll be navigator, Butters you man the radio, Clyde, you're the driver, Scott Malkinson you assist Clyde, Stan, Wendy, you sit close by me, everyone else take whatever else is available.
Everyone else gets in their seats. The General comes on board.
Military General - Alright, team! this is it! Good luck!
The General exits, and shuts the door.
Outside the RV, the plane crew is getting ready.
Plane Crew Member - We're all set, Sir!
Military General - Excellent! Clear out the way!
They clear out the way of the RV.
Military General - Pilot, they're ready! Lower the ramp!
Tom Cruise (on radio) - I Copy!
The ramp opens, and the RV slides out of the plane, a giant parachute opens, carrying the RV down below the clouds.
Meanwhile in the RV, everyone is watching everything from inside.
Cartman - Now we sit back, enjoy the ride, and hope that Kenny doesn't die.
Kenny aka Mysterion - Up yours, Fat ass.
Back in the plane, The Military General, and Jesus are Looking at the vehicle parachuting down.
Military General - Pilot, close the ramp, turn around, and take us back to base.
Tom Cruise (on radio) - Roger that.
The ramp begins closing.
Jesus - You never told them about the backup plan.
Military General - They don't need to know.
The ramp closes, and The General turns around.
Military General - And let's pray that it won't come to that.
End of Chapter Three.
(Author's Note: Stay tuned for the next chapter).