Chapter 13: Insider

XO's Quarters, Crew Deck, Normandy SR2. CW microaggressions and racism against non-humans. Published 6/18/22, last updated 6/18/22.

Care warning: microaggressions and racism against non-humans.

"Have a seat."

Garrus lowered himself into the visitor's chair. She leaned forward, interlacing her fingers.

"I wanted to ask you some questions about Commander Shepard."

"What questions?" he asked, guarded.

"There's no need to look at me like that. This conversation is off the record. Nothing will be reported back to the Illusive Man, or used against you or her. In fact, whatever you choose to say will probably help numerous parties. And EDI will confirm that no video or audio is being recorded or transmitted from this office."

"Correct," said EDI.

"There you have it." Lawson crossed one leg over the other. "In short, Vakarian, Commander Shepard doesn't trust me. This is understandable, and on some level unavoidable given her history of encounters with Cerberus. But it has now compromised our mission to a dangerous degree. Thanks to your run-in with the Blue Suns on Omega, Shepard will not be cleared for combat for weeks, and you, one of her chief officers and a member of her ground team, sustained severe injuries extracting her. Proceeding in this vein is unacceptable."

"Yes, ma'am." It didn't feel right, being seated while an officer wound up for a reaming, but Lawson was a civilian and an administrator, not a soldier. That probably altered the landscape.

"Let me be plain. Neither you nor the commander is to blame for what happened. I am."

What?

"Uh, sorry?" he said aloud.

"The Illusive Man made a mistake when he appointed me XO," Lawson said briskly. "You were there when Shepard ordered the bugs removed, Vakarian. If she had been given the authority to name her Executive Officer and determine her crew's rights to privacy from the moment she accepted captaincy of the Normandy, the chain of command would've prevented me from placing the lab under surveillance. By extension, Shepard wouldn't have been compromised and cooling off on Omega when the Blue Suns came to call." She flexed one hand over the other. "I have already spoken to the Illusive Man, and he concurs. If we are to survive this mission, the Normandy must operate on Shepard's terms, not Cerberus's. I am signing over all policy decisions to the commander as soon as she's discharged, and I will need to make adjustments to my dynamic with her in order to build trust between us. I could use your help with the second piece."

He thought about it. Lawson was nothing if not pragmatic, and this was the pragmatic call. Admit fault, course-correct, and meet Shepard where she was. There didn't seem to be a catch. Then again, it was Cerberus.

"Permission to speak freely, XO."

"Fine." She waved her hand.

"It's the right idea. But with all due respect, your relationship with Shepard isn't a damaged piece of equipment. You can't just swap out a part and have it run smoothly."

"Don't be naive. Relationships are formulaic. You simply need the right variables."

Definitely cut out for the corporate world, this one.

"The commander trusts you, Vakarian," she continued. "I'm not asking you to jeopardize that. I'm not even asking you to keep this conversation secret from her—not that you ever would. I just want to know how you got there. How all of you got there on the SR1." She shrugged. "I believe anything you tell me will improve this team's odds of survival, rather than hurt them. However, the choice is yours."

Garrus considered. He could walk and lose this line in on a top Cerberus agent, or he could volunteer handpicked intelligence and hope he didn't expose any vulnerabilities. It was a calculated risk both ways. But Lawson finding fault with the Illusive Man moved her into Shepard's center of gravity. He knew what the commander could do with that kind of pull.

"All right." He sat forward. "You know Ash Williams?"

Garrus was reaching for the spanner when something thumped his foot. He slid out from under the Mako to see Williams standing over him.

"Get up, Vakarian," she said. "There's something we need to talk about."

He blinked up at her. "Uh, sure, Gunnery Chief. Right now?"

"Right now."

He wiped motor oil from his talons and clambered to his feet, wishing he had a better handle on human tone of voice and facial expressions. Yet another way Executor Pallin had grossly underprepared his detectives for Citadel work. "What's up?"

Williams crossed her arms. "What's up is that you're getting a little too big for your boots, turian."

Oh. This conversation. Pallin had prepared him for it after all, in a way. He watched her pulse accelerate on his visor.

She went on. "Shepard might've brought you on, but this is a human mission, on a human vessel, led by human Alliance officers. You get it?" One of her blunt fingers stabbed him in the chest. "You're a guest. And if you put a toe out of line, you'll be discharged back to your little detective's cubicle before you can say 'Shanxi.'"

He waited a moment to ensure she was done, then said, "You're right."

She blinked. "Huh?"

"You're right," he repeated. "You are in charge. You, Lieutenant Commander Shepard, and the Alliance brass."

Step one of deescalation protocol was to listen and let speak. Step two, validate concerns and avoid direct contradictions. Use simple language. Repeat often. Meet emotion with calm and aggressive posturing with relaxed and open body language.

Figured that the steps hadn't included an addendum for xenophobic assholes. Just shy of useful, as usual.

He kept his hands at his sides. "It sounds like you're concerned about bringing in non-Alliance specialists. That makes sense. This is a high priority, high profile mission. You want people you can trust at your back."

"That's right. I don't know anything about you, Vakarian. A turian just shows up one day on the commander's heels, and I'm supposed to believe you won't screw us over at the first chance?"

He nodded. "I understand your concerns, and I agree that you deserve to know who you're working with. Would you like to review my service record and evaluations?"

"I've already checked your background."

"My mistake. What do you want, Gunnery Chief? I'll help if I can."

"Plain and simple. I want to know where your loyalties lie, if things go sideways."

"That's a fair question," he said. "My loyalty is to the Alliance, because the Alliance is taking point on a mission of galactic importance." He kept his tone reasonable, friendly. This was fine. Greater good, and all that bullshit.

"So you'll follow orders. Even if it means you pull the trigger on another turian."

"The commander's, then XO Presley's, then on down the chain of command," he answered evenly. "I'm here to help in an unofficial capacity, rather than as a representative of C-Sec or the Hierarchy. And even if I had racial loyalties, Saren's decisions have made him a disgrace to my people."

She scoffed and turned towards her locker. "You're a smooth talker, turian. Let's hope treason doesn't run in your blood."

Fuck it.

"You'd be in trouble if it did, wouldn't you, Williams?" he asked. "Wasn't it your grandfather who surrendered at Shanxi?"

Williams whirled. "You little piece of sh—"

"Williams! Vakarian!" Shepard was outlined in the hall to Engineering. They stood to attention as she strode towards them.

"My quarters, Gunnery Chief." Her voice was hard.

"Commander, I—"

"Now!"

Williams left. He stared straight ahead as the commander looked him over.

"At ease."

He linked his talons behind his back and waited. Seconds passed. He had no idea why the yelling hadn't started.

At last she sighed. "All right, she deserved that, Garrus. But you'd be doin' me a favor if you didn't take the bait."

"Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am."

"And, yeah, I heard enough to know you held out for awhile. So your effort is acknowledged."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Look at me, Vakarian."

He obeyed. She met his eyes. "I'll handle her, understand? Best I can. I can't promise I won't make mistakes, and I'm never not gonna have blind spots, so I'm relying on you to tell me if I'm not lookin' out. But whatever xenophobia and microaggressions make it onto my radar won't fly on my ship. You'll get a full apology and she'll be on her best behavior from here on out, or I'll answer for it."

She walked towards the elevator, sticking her hands in her pockets.

"You don't need to do that, Commander," he said.

"I do, or I'm part of the problem." She punched the call button. "I can't make you report if anyone's giving you trouble, Garrus. But I've got your back if you come to me."

"I see," said Lawson.

"Yeah. Words and deeds matter to the commander, so don't…you know. Don't do the thing Cerberus has been doing or try to enact your own justice like Ash did. Ship culture and crew conduct reflect directly on Shepard's character, so check your choices against her principles, not just yours. And communicate." He shrugged. "Air your grievances even if it feels like escalation or needless complaining, or she'll find out anyway and want to know why you kept quiet. Take accountability when you make mistakes and she won't hold them against you—she and Williams were fine after that talk, far as I could tell. Say if you don't agree with or don't understand your orders and she'll explain the why even if she won't change her mind."

"Hm. And verbalize whatever question or comment comes to mind, at whatever time, in whatever context, even during battle or critical surgery? Or is that a particular of your relationship with her?"

"No, that's, uh. That's pretty true across the board. I think Shepard's informality is part of her command strategy. It puts the crew at ease. And you can trust her to draw the line if she needs to."

"That's consistent with what I've observed so far." Lawson stood. "This has been surprisingly a helpful conversation, Gunnery Officer. Thank you."

Garrus rose, recognizing a dismissal. "Ma'am."

"I objected, you know, when the Illusive Man sent your dossier," she said as he reached the door. "Vigilantes can be dangerous. Too independent. But it's obvious you're loyal to Shepard, and your insight speaks to your leadership skills. I'm glad you joined this team, if only so that if Shepard and I both die, you can finish the job."

"That's a very turian outlook, XO," he said, looking back. "Are you always this cheerful?"

She smiled slightly. "Rarely. Thank you again."