Chapter 14: Lines

Main Battery, Crew Deck, Normandy SR2. Published 6/25/22, last updated 6/25/22.

01:00 hours, Normandy Cycle

Garrus headed down the deserted hall, meal tray in hand. Inside, he sealed the door and sank cross-legged against his cot. Balancing dinner or possibly breakfast on his knees, he peeled off the lid and inspected it in the permanent twilight of the battery.

'Lasagna,' Gardner's label had read. Just as well he didn't have a cultural frame of reference, because it probably wasn't supposed to look like a soggy washcloth covered in taco meat.

He dug in his fork and opened a text channel to Shepard.

You awake? 01:03

A minute or two passed. Garrus tore open a packet of dextro crackers he'd scrounged from the mess in search of more edible prospects. Then:

01:05 Awake and reading a shitty book

01:05 Need something?

He put down the crackers and typed back.

Forgiveness, maybe. 01:05

I got pulled in for a talk with Lawson a few hours ago. 01:05

01:06 Any trouble?

01:07 If it was about going to Kenzo undermanned, I'll set the record straight

01:07 Clusterfuck. But not your fault

I thought it was going to be that too. The truth is much weirder. 01:07

01:07 The suspense is killing me.

Give me a second. Going to take a little to type this out. 01:08

[ . . . ]

She took responsibility for Kenzo herself. Said you'd only been out there because she followed the Illusive Man's orders over yours. That this wouldn't have happened if you'd been given actual command under Alliance SOP instead of the title with no authority. 01:09

[ . . . ]

01:09 I mean, correct

01:09 But also, the fuck?

I don't know, but something turned her around. She said the Normandy needs to be yours, or we're all screwed. She'd already cleared a formal transfer of authority with the Illusive Man effective upon your discharge. And she wanted my thoughts on how to start building trust with you. 01:10

An ellipsis appeared. Disappeared. Appeared again.

01:11 And?

I told her about the time you reamed out Williams for xenophobia. 01:11

I thought it'd be bad form to walk out on her. And it's a decent example of your command style and your expectations for crew members. 01:12

I was hoping it'd give her the information she needs to work for you without handing over a weakness to exploit. Put the onus on her and not you to make it right. 01:12

Anyway, I'm sorry. She ambushed me and I had to make a call. Hope it was the right one. 01:13

The ellipsis popped up, vanished. Repeat. After four minutes he set aside his lasagna and typed again.

Shepard? 01:17

01:17 Sorry. You did good, Vakarian. No forgiveness needed.

Glad to hear it. 01:17

You went quiet there for a minute. 01:18

01:18 Was thinking about that talk with Williams

01:18 Might've been the most overt incident but it wasn't the only one

01:18 Lot of mistakes. Lot of harm. Lot of dumbass questions that could've been looked up on the extranet

01:18 Not just Ash

01:18 Remember the time I told Wrex the genophage was just like the first contact war

I mean, do you remember the time I was surprised all krogan weren't thugs and then said so? To Wrex's face? 01:18

That was all early in the game. By Ilos Ash and I had a friendly kill count going and she was giving me copies of Whitman for light reading. Tali and Liara loved the hell out of you. And you managed to talk Wrex out of defecting and/or killing us on Virmire. 01:18

Which, while an act of self-interest, also stands as solid proof of the mutual respect you two had cultivated at that point. We got there, Shepard. Just took some work. 01:19

01:19 Growing pains?

Yeah, exactly. 01:19

01:19 I hear you, but

01:19 You know me, Vakarian. I just think we should've gotten it right the first time around

Oh, I know. I have that too. 01:19

Speaking as someone who also measures himself against impossible standards, it's not always the most helpful outlook. 01:19

01:20 You ever find a kill switch, let me know

01:20 Not your problem to hear. Just sorry you, Tali, Wrex, and Liara reaped a lot of bullshit from the fact that Alliance does zero cultural humility and/or anti-xenophobia training in basic or OCS

Honestly, I think we had a much bigger problem at the time. Speaking of reaping. 01:20

01:20 Cute. But you've been in command

01:21 You have to sweat the small stuff or untreated cuts get infected

No, you're right. It matters. You can't ask someone to have your back in the field if you can't be trusted with theirs in straightforward conversation. 01:21

I am cute, though. 01:21

01:21 Cute.

Heartbroken. 01:21

C-Sec had a solution, but it wasn't a good one. They called it ICAT—Interspecies Cultural Awareness Training. 01:22

Hint: it wasn't about acknowledging how little you can really know another species' lived experience. 01:23

01:23 Profiling?

Profiling. 01:23

I'm not saying it never helped me on the job. But it's like letting C-Sec bear arms. In retrospect, might have caused more problems than it solved. 01:23

01:24 Sounds about right. Glad we're working so hard to save it all for posterity

Hey, we have to protect our right to fuck up the galaxy ourselves. 01:24

01:24 Something like that

01;25 Well

01:25 Looking forward to that drink even more now

Same. 01:25

Minutes passed. He was starting to wonder if she'd gone to sleep when a message came in.

01:28 Thanks for what you said to Lawson. That was a touchy situation she put you in. I appreciate how you handled it.

Come on, Shepard. You don't need to thank me for that. 01:28

I'd never undermine your authority. 01:28

01:28 Except when you do

01:29 All the time

01:29 Every conversation we have in front of another crew member and also alone

All right, I'd never undermine you when it matters. Call it a holdover from my days of hero worship on the SR1. 01:29

01:29 Here we go

No, I'm serious. I was a full detective, I'd served with honors in the military, I'd been a Spectre candidate, and then I signed on with you and that all stopped mattering. 01:30

This is going to sound wild, but I genuinely believed you knew better pretty much all the time. I watched how you handled the crew and took notes. I'd compare our perspectives when we talked and find a way to align mine with yours. 01:30

It's a little embarrassing, but there it is. 01:31

Glad I went off to Omega and got that out of my system. 01:31

Don't get me wrong. It wasn't weird two years ago. At least, not for me. That was a textbook professional relationship. 01:32

01:32 You were a lot quieter then, now that I think of it

01:32 You're telling me it's because you were taking notes?

Yes? Fine, maybe it was weird. 01:33

01:33 I guess I'll take it as a compliment

01:33 Instead of proof you're a stalker who literally followed me beyond the grave

Well, thanks for not holding it against me. I'm probably going to keep feeling embarrassed about it. 01:33

[ . . . ]

01:34 Ask you something?

Of course. 01:34

The ellipsis flashed and kept flashing. Garrus watched, packing in another mouthful of lasagna.

01:36 You okay with the fact that it's changed? The dynamic

I can only assume you mean the textbook professional part of it. In case I wasn't clear, I really, really don't want to be competing with Conrad Verner anymore. 01:36

01:36 Yeah, not your fanboy tendencies

01:36 The lines

[ . . . ]

01:37 Sometimes I think I was so relieved to see a friendly face after waking up that I broke my own rule of command

Which one? 01:37

01:38 The big one. Open the door but don't walk through

Interesting. I actually think you've held to that. 01:38

I mean, have you ever initiated non mission critical contact? Pretty sure that's always me. 01:39

01:39 I brought you lunch in my quarters the day Mordin signed on

Yeah, but that was after receiving doctor's orders to make me eat food and sit down. 01:39

01:39 I greenlit hazing of my own XO after Lorek

Because I asked you to clarify your orders. And a harmless reminder that the captain outranks the XO is the definition of mission critical, especially on this damn ship. 01:39

01:40 I ordered you one of the most expensive rifles on or off market when you joined Cerberus

I joined you, not Cerberus, and I'm your Gunnery Officer. It's your responsibility as captain to equip your team with the best. 01:40

01:40 Vakarian, you make it all sound by the book, but it's different

01:40 I mean, look

[ . . . ]

01:42 I'm talking to you at 01:42 Normandy. This wouldn't have happened two years ago. Two years ago I'd have addressed it the following day if something came to my terminal at fuck-o-clock hundred. For that matter, you'd have held off reporting until you were on duty.

The lasagna tray was empty. He set it aside, thought for a moment, then typed back.

All right, it's different. 01:43

But that doesn't make it bad. 01:43

I'm okay being friends, Shepard. If you are. 01:43

My door's open too. 01:44

[ . . . ]

01:46 If you're sure. Just give the word and we can go back to textbook professional any time.

I'll let you know if anything changes. 01:46

A pause.

01:47 So

01:47 Now that we've declared our undying love for one another

Let me guess. Friendship bracelets? 01:47

01:47 Friendship scars

01:47 You can shoot me in the face at close range

Tempting as I'm sure that will be after another mission or two, I'll pass. 01:47

01:47 Your loss

01:48 I have to catch some shuteye, Garrus

01:48 There'll be a homicide in medbay if Karin catches me awake on her next round

01:48 Sounds good. Talk later, Shepard.