DISCLAIMER: All characters from Naruto belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

+ NARUTO +

CAN'T BELIEVE IT

Psycho Killer – Talking Heads

If you are best friends with someone like Uchiha Fucking Sasuke, the chance of you finding a significant other is pretty slim. Or, if you do find someone, the chance of the relationship succeeding is low. Take for example my first (and so far, only) relationship. She got together with me to get closer to Sasuke. Then there was that date with a certain person from a certain kpop girl group that Sasuke bribed me with so that he could spend time with Hinata. Well, the date was spent with her talking about Sasuke nonstop. So that ended my bias toward that girl group. But I did earn some of my money back from re-selling their merch, so it wasn't so bad.

Point is, what the fuck do I know about relationships? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. So why am I trying to resolve this – whatever this is – thing between Sasuke and Hinata? Well. Sasuke's my best friend. Hinata's my friend. She's a good person and he's… well, he has his moments. And I think that she's good for him (too good for him, in my opinion). He's less of an asshole when she's around, at least.

Speaking of which, I still can't believe they'd been together (although, I have no idea to what extent their togetherness was) this past month. I mean, I did notice how Sasuke was always happy. Never thought it was because of Hinata. But now apparently, they're over. And Sasuke's taking it as well as expected. Which means, not good. Not good at all.

So, Hinata's here to fix whatever needs fixing. And hopefully Sasuke doesn't do something stupid. Last time I saw him, he was surrounded by his fangirls, of course. Don't even know where they came from. I look up the second floor. Hinata just went up. Can't see shit from down here at the bar, but I hope everything's going well.

I order a drink. Might as well while I wait. However, that is thrown out of the window when I see Hinata running down the stairs that she just climbed in what seems like just a few seconds ago and then she's out of the club in a blink of an eye. I stand here gaping after her. Shit. What the fuck just happened? Did Sasuke do something stupid, after all?

I run up the stairs just in time to see Sasuke shouting and throwing things at everyone. A bouncer is trying to calm him down or maybe throw him out.

"Get your fucking hands off me!" Sasuke yells out, brandishing an empty bottle of liquor like it's some fucking sword. Fuck, he's already wasted? It usually takes him hours before he gets really drunk. "Do you know who the fuck I am?!"

I intercept. Before things get out of hand. I manage to drag Sasuke out of the club without further incident (well, he did shout some obscenities at random bystanders). However, he finally notices that it's me and redirects his aggression at yours truly.

"Was it you?" Sasuke asks, grabbing me by the collar. "Did you bring her here?"

"Yeah! Hinata-chan –" I don't get to finish what I was going to say because the fucker punches me on the face. I stagger a bit, but I'm okay. That punch is weaker than usual. Probably 'cause he's drunk. "What the fuck!"

"Why the fuck would you do that, you dumb shit?" Sasuke exclaims angrily.

"She was going to explain herself and apologize, y'know!"

And then Sasuke just sort of stands there with this weird look on his face. If I don't know any better, I'd say he looks like somebody'd just told him he can't eat onigiri ever again for the rest of his life. He sighs and mumbles, "Mind your own fucking business, Naruto."

Then the bastard turns around and starts walking away.

"Hey, where're you going?" I ask after his retreating back. Sasuke grunts in answer. I run after him. "You can't drink and drive, y'know!"

He flips me the bird, the bastard. We get into another scuffle as I try to retrieve his car keys from his pocket. We're totally making a scene in the middle of the sidewalk. Thankfully, everyone's ignoring us. I successfully manage to get the keys from him.

"What's Hinata-chan's address? I'll take you there and you guys can talk. Clear up any misunderstandings or whatever."

"No." Sasuke says, shaking his head. He starts walking toward the parking lot. I gape at him. His body language screams defeated. Which is just… a new look for him and I'm not sure if I like that.

We get ourselves inside his car before asking him, "What do you mean no?"

Sasuke sighs, leaning his head back on the headrest. "It's too late, Naruto."

"So, what? You're just going to give up? Do nothing?"

"I wanted to get back at her for ditching me on my birthday to meet up with her ex-boyfriend… among other things," Sasuke finally spills the tea, and I am here for it. "So, I told her she's just some girl I used to fuck."

Fuuuuck. No wonder Hinata bolted out of there faster than a bullet train. Also, what the fuck? Ex-boyfriend? Sasuke and Hinata were having sex? Nah, that can't be. "Congratulations, asshole. You just destroyed your one chance at real happiness."

"I did, didn't I?" he laughs without humor.

And then he's… crying. The Uchiha Sasuke is crying. Holy fucking shit. I have never seen him cry. Not even when we were little. Not even when I pushed him off the swing that one time when we were five because he wouldn't let me take my turn. I can't do or say anything but just sit here stunned, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, and shooketh.

"What the fuck is even wrong with me?" Sasuke continues with a sob, slumping forward and dropping his head on his hands. "I wanted to hurt her for hurting me, but why am I hurting even more? Why am I crying?"

'Cause you're drunk? "Well, what happened exactly? She hurt you?" I try to imagine it. But I can't. Hinata's like, tiny compared to him. "Look, she didn't know it was your birthday. And her meeting up with her ex? Maybe they just ran into each other. Tokyo is a big city, but y'know. It happens."

Sasuke doesn't say anything for a while that I thought he's fallen asleep. So, I jump a bit when he mutters somberly, "Just take me home, Naruto."

"You sure?" I ask him, starting the engine. "You really don't want to talk to her? She looked like she was sorry when I was with her this afternoon."

"She only came here because you told her so. She wouldn't have by her own accord."

He does have a point. I remember how hesitant she was when I told her she should talk to Sasuke. But I'm not telling him that. I look over at his hunched form. I have never felt sorry for him ever. There was a time when I thought it'd be nice if he goes through what everyone else who isn't Uchiha Sasuke goes through. Y'know, heartache, disappointment, and rejection. And now that he's experiencing those things, I just feel sorry for him.

"Seatbelt," is all I can tell him as I pull out of the parking lot. After five minutes of driving in silence, however, I can't take it anymore. "So, what I don't get is: you're not dating. But now you've broken up? How can you be broken up if you're not even dating? I'm confused."

"We're fuck buddies."

I almost swerve the car to the curb in shock. Sweet and innocent Hinata-chan? "What have you done to her, you pervert? You corrupted her?!"

"It was consensual."

I scoff in disbelief.

"It's true. I asked her to be my fuck buddy and she said sure."

"No one just says sure to that! It's ridiculous."

"Well, I did ask her to be my girlfriend first. She said no. Then, I confessed that I like her. She rejected me again. I tried to accept it. I really did. But I fucking persisted because I was just so into her. I knew she was attracted to me, too. On a physical level, at least. I can always tell. So, I pursued her. Until she finally caved and said yes. And as this arrangement progressed, I kept thinking that it was okay. Everything was okay. We had sex almost every day and I thought I was satisfied with just sex. But I was deluding myself. I wasn't satisfied with just the sex anymore."

The thing about Drunk Sasuke is that it rarely happens. And when it does, he launches into monologues. The first time he got really wasted, it was an hour-long tirade about the benefits of tomatoes. I let him ramble on, even though we're already outside his apartment building. I keep driving around the neighborhood in circles. Drunk Sasuke will stop talking the moment I park the car. Plus, when will I ever get the chance to hear about this? So, I just nod and say nothing as he keeps talking.

"She was also drunk that night. When she told me she only slept with me to piss off her family."

I gasp. "No shit!"

"Yes shit."

Damn, that was brutal. "Maybe she didn't mean it."

"You and I both know that's bullshit. And stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking for excuses. Yes, she was drunk. Did she really mean it? Fuck yeah, she meant it. That was what she really thought, 'cause it wasn't something she would ever say out loud. Hence why she got drunk in the first place."

"And so you wanted to get back at her by getting drunk, too, and finally saying out loud what you really thought of her?"

"No," Sasuke shakes his head with a frown, "No, it wasn't the truth."

"So what was that?"

"Fuck it, I don't know. It was just something I used to tell the other people I slept with. Then they would cry and apologize and beg for me to take them back. But Hinata didn't apologize and beg. She just cried. And I felt so fucking shitty about it that I was going to run after her and apologize and beg. Like, what the fuck is wrong with me?"

For a genius, Sasuke can be an idiot sometimes. "You're in love with her." He just stares at me. In disbelief. Unbelievable. "No asshole is going to cry over some girl he used to fuck."

"Shit."

I give him a bit of time to process that. Heck, I need time to process everything. How the hell am I gonna help them get back together when it sounds to me like they each need to work on themselves first? "So, what are you going to do now?"

"What am I supposed to do?" Sasuke bites out in frustration. "Tell her I'm in love with her? Make a fool of myself again?"

"Well, then, at least she'd know!"

"What's the point of her knowing? She doesn't feel the same way. And I am so fucking done trying to force her to like me. I am done chasing after someone who didn't want to be chased. We are done. We are over."

I can't help but wonder if this is Drunk Sasuke speaking the truth or if he is just projecting what he really wants or whatever. As for me… well, I still ship them. I mean, look at him. He's looking out the window, but I can tell that he's not really seeing anything. What is he seeing? I hope he's seeing the error of his ways. Sure, it wasn't entirely his fault. Hinata was as much to blame and I think that she needs to work on her communication skills, but her life was okay. Until Sasuke came along and brought chaos with him… Actually, no, scratch that. I think both of them are to blame for their… breakup. You can't tango by yourself or something.

"So you better stop meddling with other people's business, Naruto," Sasuke mutters tiredly, "And if you ever tell anyone about any of the things that transpired here in the car, I will fucking end you."

Gee, I wonder what Hinata saw in him. Aside from his looks, of course. Hold on, I actually didn't think that Hinata was the type of person to fall for his physical appearance. But here we are, I guess.

"Yeah, yeah. I love you, too, you bastard."

July 23, 2022 – This chapter's been pretty much done for a couple of days now. I've just been wanting to re-read this just in case I thought of something else to add and remove. But then I remembered, it's Sasuke's birthday! It totally slipped my mind. Next chapter is Sasuke's and I can't post it yet 'cause it's not even halfway done and it's still all over the place, so… here's Naruto's, lol!

As always, THANK YOU to everyone!