Chapter Summary: Miranja has a nocturnal visitor before embarking for Skyrim

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Once they had themselves back in order, Miranja and Teldryn returned to see Geldis at the counter, each for their own different reasons. Teldryn requested to have the same meal that Miranja had had, brought to his room. He then bid Miranja a good evening and returned to his room.

Geldis waited to hear Teldryn's door close before he pulled her away to the "special room."

"So, what was that all about? Are we still on tonight? You weren't in there long enough to have done anything much."

"You're not actually jealous, are you, Geldis?"

"No, just very curious. You've never said boo to him before, so why now? What's going on?"

"I've hired him to accompany me to Skyrim, before I go crazy moping around here being depressed. I need to keep my mind and body occupied. I'm going to go kill some things, get together with some friends around Skyrim, and try to keep from dwelling on Talvas."

Geldis hugged her sympathetically, then pulled back to look her in the face. "I understand you needing to keep occupied, but be careful. That guy showed up here not long before you first came to Solstheim, and he asked a lot of questions about you at first. Thought maybe he was an ex-boyfriend stalking you or something, so I kept my eyes open for a while, but he stopped asking and nothing ever came of it. I assumed it had been a passing curiosity. But I just thought you should know, now that you're actually going to be spending a significant amount of time with him."

Now Miranja felt apprehensive again. He'd been asking about her? "What do you mean, he asked about me? What kind of questions? Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I don't know," Geldis shrugged, a little sheepishly. "Just the kind of questions I probably would have asked if we hadn't spoken directly to each other right off the bat, I suppose. Who you were, why you were here, whether we trusted you, things like that. If anyone else had sent you, what your name was, where you were from…"

Miranja nodded thoughtfully as Geldis imparted the information. It was true, they were just ordinary questions on the surface, especially coming from a Dunmer, in a Dunmer community, where there were seldom any non-Dunmer people other than Crescius, Glover, and the sailors who brought their supplies. She wondered why he'd never spoken to her if he'd been so interested in her. It did seem a little shady, but was he stalking her, or was he hiding from someone or something? And if he was hiding, then from whom or what?

"I appreciate your concern, love. Argis was concerned about him, too. It's hard to know for sure without being able to read his eyes, but his tone of voice and body language haven't really given me too much cause for concern. As I told Argis this afternoon, I think he's got something he's hiding, but whatever it is, I don't think it has anything to do with any ill intent toward me. Actually, he told me he's 'feasted his eyes' on me before, and that he could eat me alive." She had to stop and smile scoldingly at Geldis when he grinned and nodded his agreement. "Maybe he's just been interested in me and hasn't known how to approach me, so he just waited for me to approach him. He's definitely noticed a lot more than I realized."

"Like what?" Geldis narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"Like... he said that he's seen a couple of men with whom I've had secret personal dealings giving me 'special' looks behind my back, and even said something about Councilor Morvayn that took me by surprise."

Geldis lifted an eyebrow. "What about Councilor Morvayn?"

"Nothing like the Hlaalu plot – yes, I know where your mind went, Geldis. No, it was actually just something about me having the Councilor wrapped around my finger. I'm not sure if that means he's seen Lleril giving me some kind of look, too, or if it was just because of the situation with Severin Manor becoming mine, but it wasn't anything hateful or malicious."

Geldis relaxed a little, but still looked dubious. "Well, be careful, anyway."

"Of course, love. I believe, even after the situation with Talvas, that I'm a pretty decent judge of character, but I am being cautious."

Geldis was ready to change the subject. "So, if you're leaving tomorrow, are we still on tonight? I know you've had a very hard week, and I'll understand if you're not feeling up to any mischief, but if you want to just talk..."

Miranja smiled appreciatively. "I love you, Geldis. I'm trying to be okay, but I really came to love Talvas, probably more than I've ever loved anyone before. So, I'm just going to take some time to nurse myself a bit tonight. It's really a horrible feeling to be so close to someone, know them so intimately, get used to having them around, and then have them suddenly not be there anymore, ever."

Saying it out loud was like a dagger through her heart, and tears pricked at her eyes. She suddenly realized that she could now personally relate to Fethis's pain over the loss of his wife, and she almost wanted to go and talk to him when she left here. But feeling this pain again so powerfully put her into the mindset she felt she needed to be in to go home and ruminate, meditate, and pray.

"I need to go home, Geldis. I have things to think about, things to do. Gjalund wants to set sail at dawn, since he was planning to sail this afternoon and I kinda begged him – and bribed him – to wait until tomorrow. Should I say 'see you later' now, or would you want to come down to the dock that early in the morning?"

"What would you like, me gell? Whatever you need." He hugged her to him, bringing their faces close together and looking her earnestly in the eyes. When she just smiled at him with both sadness and gratitude, he kissed the tip of her nose. A tear slipped from her eye, and he thumbed it away, then pulled her all the way against him, holding her head against his shoulder, massaging her scalp with his fingertips.

Miranja enjoyed the physical comfort, but at the same time it just made her feel more inclined to start bawling, so she gently released herself from Geldis's arms. She kissed his cheek, then, feeling kind of bad about breaking their "date," she kissed him long and sweetly on the mouth.

"If you would come in the morning, I'd appreciate it more than I can tell you," she said quietly with a trembling smile.

Geldis's face was all sympathy and love. "Of course, sweet gell. I'm always here for you, you know."

"Thank you so much. You're the best friend a gell could have." She smiled a little less sadly as she mimicked his accent, and he smiled back and tweaked her chin.

"I know I don't say it often enough, but I love you, Miranja. You've been a ray of light in a gray place."

Miranja was touched, and she stroked his cheek affectionately. "I love you, too, Geldis."

"Had enough sujamma, or would you like one for the road, on the house?"

"I need to keep myself in this headspace, so, while I would love to stay and have a drink with you, my love, I need to hurry up and get home. I know it sounds strange, and I can't really explain it. Don't take it personally."

Geldis held his hands up, palms forward. "No offense taken. Do what you need to do, luv."

Miranja took Geldis's hands and squeezed them briefly, then turned to go. She paused and looked at him questioningly when he started walking alongside her.

"I've got to get Teldryn his supper," he reminded her, and she rolled her eyes at her own forgetfulness, nodding. They parted at the top of the stairs, and she stepped outside into the cool evening air.

Argis was entertaining Bralsa in his room when she got back to Severin Manor. She could easily slip past and just go on to her room, but if he didn't notice her coming home, he would come looking for her later, and she didn't want to be disturbed. She knocked and poked her head in the door, said "I'm back," and continued on to her room, closing the doors behind her.

Miranja had erected a little shrine to Mara on the west end of her room when she had first moved to Raven Rock, and now she knelt before it and bowed her head, clutching her amulet. "Lady Mara," she prayed, "I have lost a lover I cared very deeply for. Other people think that either he didn't really love me or he was crazy, and I don't really believe either, but I have no way of knowing other than what my heart tells me. And I didn't get to say goodbye – but I never should have had to say goodbye! It's not right. Part of me is angry at Neloth for killing him, and part of me understands why he did.

"Lady Mara, I know I could have been a better friend to Talvas, but still, I don't think I've ever loved anyone as much as I loved him. Not even Faendal, and I love him insanely. This hurts more than anything I've experienced in my life so far. I'm not really sure what I'm asking of you, except maybe to show me the way to heal. Help me find comfort, both within myself and without. Help me find peace over this horrible situation. Everywhere I look, I see memories of him. I can't stand it, but I wouldn't want to forget him, either."

She dissolved into tears, lowering her head to the prayer mat with her arms wrapped around her face, sobbing out her pain. She replayed every moment she'd spent with Talvas, from the moment she'd met him outside at Tel Mithryn trying to conjure an ash guardian to the last time she'd seen him before the first Morag Tong attack, when she'd taken him to Benkongerike. That had been the last time they'd spent any quality time together. The next time she'd seen him was the day she was first attacked by the Morag Tong, and she'd run out crying after Neloth had broken off their affair, and had hardly spoken to Talvas at all. The next, and penultimate, time she'd seen him was the day she'd gone harvesting heart stones for Neloth, and again, she had hardly spoken to Talvas. The last time… even though he wasn't what Miranja would have called "himself," he had still touched her gently and stressed that he loved her. But she couldn't rationalize away the fact that he'd been willing to use her as a pawn and even kill her to eliminate her as a witness to his plot. She was so confused and conflicted.

Eventually, she cried herself out, and she carefully picked her stiff body up from the floor. Her legs had gone to sleep from the knees down because she had stayed in a kneeling position the whole time. She walked carefully to the bed, afraid of turning an ankle since she couldn't feel her feet, pulled her dress up above her waist, then sat down and finished undressing. She massaged her legs until the painful sparkles stopped, then covered up and went to sleep, leaving a single candle burning on the bedside table for light.

Talvas awakened her some unknown length of time later. He shook her shoulder gently and called her name until she opened her eyes. He smiled with both love and sadness as he gazed steadily into her eyes.

Miranja sat up, hardly daring to believe her own eyes, and Talvas sat next to her and pulled her into his arms with her head against his shoulder.

"This can't be real," she said. "Am I dreaming?"

"Who's to say what's real and what's not?" he replied.

Miranja's heart hurt; it certainly seemed real. She could feel him, hear him, even smell his familiar scent. She lifted her head and pulled away to face him, exploring his dear face with her eyes and hands: the upside-down checkmarks of his eyebrows, his squinty crimson eyes, his thin pouty lips, his scruffy chinstrap beard.

"Talvas, if you're really here, I need to apologize to you," she told him, taking his hands in hers. "I was selfish, and I wasn't as good a friend to you as I should have been. I never took an interest in anything about you that didn't involve me, and I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." She stared imploringly into his ruby eyes, tears in her own eyes. "I loved you as a friend and lover before we went to Skyrim, but by the time we came back to Solstheim… Talvas, if you had asked me to marry you before the kidnapping, I would have said yes. Spending my life with you in the forefront would have been amazing."

Talvas grimaced in shame and hung his head. "If anyone should apologize, it's me, Miranja. Not to minimize my own guilt, but I think it's a curse of the Telvanni to be ambitious to the point of betrayal and murder. You were right to push me away after the incident in Whiterun. What I did was asinine and selfish. And what I did after returning to Solstheim… I wouldn't blame you if you hated me, and I'm surprised – and thankful – that you don't. Using you and threatening to kill you was unforgivable. I'm so ashamed. It was like you said: I wasn't myself. I was vengeful and power-hungry, and I wanted to prove myself – to Master Neloth, to my parents, to everyone who had mocked and belittled me back in Morrowind. And now that it's too late, I realize that my priorities were way off track. What's the point of being a powerful master wizard if you alienate anyone and everyone who might love you, if you're willing to kill the one person on Nirn you'd actually die for? I don't deserve your forgiveness, Miranja, but I humbly beg it of you, anyway." He slipped to his knees on the floor and bowed his head with his hands in her lap.

"Of course, I forgive you, Talvas. Please get up." He rose and sat next to her once again, and she asked him a second time: "Do you forgive me? I know you said it's not necessary, but I need it."

"If it makes you feel better, Miranja, I forgive you. But I still don't think it's necessary. Not much about my life prior to meeting you was worthy of discussion. I was mostly unhappy, and I thought being Master Neloth's successor was my ticket to happiness. Then I met you. I guess in a way it was my ticket to happiness, just not in the way I had expected. But I blew my chance. It was amazing while it lasted, and I'm sorry I ruined everything. I would have loved to have you as my wife. Think of the adventures we could have had, both in and out of bed."

"Why are you here now, Talvas? And why don't you look like all the other ghosts I've seen? You look just like your living self."

"You haven't been alone until now. As for why I look like this…" He lifted an eyebrow, gave her a lopsided grin, and shrugged. "Call it a blessing from Mara."

Miranja clutched the amulet she still wore and said a mental heartfelt thank-you to her beloved Divine.

"May I make love to you one last time, Miranja?" Talvas asked quietly and humbly.

Miranja's stomach clenched up, her throat constricted, and tears immediately filled her eyes. She had to pause before answering. It would be so sweet, but would it make her feel better or worse in the end? It didn't take her long to conclude that it's always better to love each other while you have the chance – and she didn't care whether this was real or not. She stood and faced him, her naked breasts just above his eye level. "How do you want me?"

She suddenly realized that Talvas was naked, as well, except for the bone hawk amulet she had given him. She thought that amulet on his bare chest made him look rather barbaric and primal. Very sexy. If this is a dream, she thought to herself, please don't let anything wake me yet. He stood up himself, put his hands on her waist, and kissed her so long and with such tenderness it made the tears slip out of her eyes and down her cheeks. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him. She could feel his heart beating and his chest rising and falling with his breath. She embraced him back, immersing all her senses in the experience of holding him in her arms again. She opened her mouth to him and their tongues met, tasting each other hungrily. Talvas tightened his grip on her, and as her own body responded with a flush of passion, she could feel him hardening. She wanted him like never before, the sweet ache of love and desire combining with the bitter ache of loss and loneliness she had already felt and would continue to feel after this night was done.

Talvas pulled away and gazed into her eyes, stroking her hair away from her face with a tender smile. He directed her to lie down on her back on the bed, and she did. He was taking his place over her as soon as she was fully on the bed, fitting himself between her thighs as she wrapped her legs around his hips. He lowered himself to his elbows and kissed her face, her neck, her shoulders, his erection teasingly grazing her most sensitive place. She wrapped one arm around his back, and with the other hand she grabbed his backside and pulled his hips down to press him deliciously against her, sighing with bittersweet pleasure. He rubbed himself against her for a few moments, then slid into her drenched and ready honeypot with no resistance at all. He began moving within her, with that slow, sensuous rhythm that turned her to absolute mush.

Miranja kissed him and kissed him, overcome with emotion at being able to make love with her precious Talvas one last time. Her hands roamed over every inch of his body that she could reach, as she tried to memorize every dip, curve, and bump.

"My beloved," she murmured against the skin of his neck. "I love you so much, so so much…"

Talvas nuzzled his face into the side of her head and sucked her earlobe into his mouth, biting gently. "I love you, Miranja. Never forget that."

When her orgasm came, it was like a supernova – she had never imagined such pleasure was possible, and she wondered at the intensity. It wasn't like Neloth's pleasure spell; it lasted at least as long, yes, but was probably the maximum she could comfortably stand, not overpowering and painful. It was all she could do to stifle her cries; she didn't want Argis to be awakened and come investigate. When it was over, she made Talvas hold still for a few moments so she could just cling to him and touch as much of him as she could with as much of herself as she could. The large, pointy beak of the bone hawk amulet poked her in the chest, and she started to push it aside, but Talvas went a step further and removed it completely so they could press their bodies together comfortably. She was rather afraid to remove her amulet of Mara, though; what if it broke the magic spell they were enjoying? Besides, it didn't have any pointy parts.

Talvas's release hadn't come yet, so she switched places with him, hovering over him as he lay on his back. She stroked him by hand with long, slow, movements for a couple of moments before giving him her special treatment with her mouth. Talvas enjoyed the sensations until he was near exploding, then stopped her and asked her to ride him.

"I want to cum inside you, with your body against mine and our arms around each other," he murmured huskily as she got into position. He was back inside her in a moment, and before she pressed herself against him, he craned his neck up and captured her nipples in his mouth, in turn. "I love your breasts," he whispered passionately, then wrapped his arms tightly around her and held her like he would never let go.

"My greatest pleasure in life was making love with you," he told her, a little choked up. "I begged Mara for this chance, and I'm so thankful she granted it to me, considering what I did to end up here."

Miranja began moving as she replied, "I kind of begged for something like this, too. Maybe she felt benevolent because we both asked so passionately. I'm thankful, as well. My Lady hears me."

Talvas told Miranja how he wanted it as they made love, and she adjusted her movements and speed each time he asked until he neared his own climax. "Give me your mouth," he groaned, craning his neck up even as he pulled her hips roughly against his own and thrust as deeply within her as he could, filling her with his seed. She bent down to kiss him, and he moved one hand from her bottom to the back of her head, smashing their mouths together, kissing, licking, biting almost desperately until his pleasure ebbed, then his kisses turned gentle. Miranja rested on her elbows and used her hands to stroke his sweaty hair back from his face.

When he grew soft and slipped out of her, she lay down and stretched out next to him. They snuggled, legs intertwined, kissing, stroking, and whispering endearments. Neither was sure how long they had, but they wanted to cherish every moment.

Eventually, Miranja began yawning, and it wasn't long before she just couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. She apologized for not being able to stay awake, and she kissed him long and sweet.

"Turn over," Talvas told her, pushing her to face away from him. When she was comfortable, he fitted his body against her back and pulled the fur up to their necks before laying his arm over her and burying his face in her hair.

"Gods, I love you, Talvas. I can hardly bear how much I miss you."

"Same here, Miranja. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm so angry with myself for messing everything up. Go on and live your best life; don't let that brilliant fire go out."

Miranja reached up behind her head to press her hand against Talvas's cheek. "I'll do my best, but I can't guarantee it won't be a little dimmer for a while."

"Just for a while," Talvas assented.

Miranja fell asleep in the comfortable nest of Talvas's arms, and when she awoke in the morning, she found herself alone. She wept a little, wondering if she had dreamed it all, checking for traces of his semen between her legs and finding nothing. She breathed a heavy, mournful sigh and rolled onto her back – and cried out in pain and surprise as something poked her tender skin. She reached under the fur to grab the offensive item and knew the feel of it before she even pulled it out to look at it. It was the bone hawk amulet.