Thank you to everyone who reviewed chapter 1. Sorry this chapter took so long. The good news is, I have most of chapter 3 written already, since this chapter got so long that I decided to break it up. Reviews are highly appreciated!
As a reminder, this takes place in between the engagement party we saw in "Katoby" and the wedding. So at this point in time, Rebecca is starting to decline but still pretty high functioning, much moreso than in the "Day of the Wedding" episode a year later.
POCONOS, PA – 2 A.M. – APRIL 2024
"Honey, what's wrong?" Miguel asks gently.
"I have to tell him. I have to tell him before it's too late," Rebecca says anxiously.
"Tell who what?" Miguel asks, although he's pretty sure he knows the answer already.
"Randall. I have to tell him the truth about his father! I have to tell him now, before I forget."
"Okay, okay. It's 2 in the morning and you made me promise not to let you call your kids in the middle of the night, so let's write down everything you want to tell Randall tomorrow, okay?"
Rebecca shakes her head. "No, I have to tell him now. I've lied to him for so long…I have to tell him the truth while I still can."
Miguel grips her arms gently. "Honey, he already knows, I promise. Let me show you something." He pulls out his phone and quickly brings up pictures. It's clear from how prepared he is that this is not the first time this has happened.
"Here are some pictures of Randall and his family with William in 2016."
"But I never told him…how…"
"Randall hired a private investigator and found him on his own."
"Does he know…what I did?" Rebecca asks tentatively.
"Yeah, he knows. He was upset, but he forgave you a long time ago, I promise." Rebecca doesn't look convinced. "Here, let's record everything you want to tell him just in case, okay?"
She nods shakily. Miguel switches his phone to camera mode and waits for her to nod permission before hitting record. He then shows her a notepad and shows her a page.
"Here's the name and address for Randall's birth father. You gave me that last week just in case. Is there anything else you want Randall to know if you can't remember later on?"
"Just that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she says, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I thought I was protecting you but I was wrong. What I did was wrong, and selfish, and I'm sorry. I love you so much and I…I don't really know what to say except that I'm sorry."
Miguel stops recording and puts his arm around her. He looks heartbroken at having to watch her relive this pain. He sees that she is intensely focused, as if she is having a revelation.
"Is it starting to come back to you?" he asks gently.
"I…I think so. It's fuzzy but I think…I remember that Thanksgiving. That was the time Kevin let you be Pilgrim Rick, right? And Tess and Annie found a dead bird."
"Yes, it was," Miguel says with a smile, slightly amused that she remembers the dead bird out of all the things that happened that day. "And then Kate waltzed in right after Randall confronted you about William and announced that she was having gastric bypass surgery."
"What? Did she…"
"No. She didn't end up going through with it."
"Thank g-d," Rebecca says with relief. "Can I see those pictures again?"
"Of course. Why don't you look through them while I go make you some tea?" Rebecca nods, but grips his hand when he goes to get up.
"Thank you," she whispers softly.
THE NEXT MORNING – APRIL 2024
PHILADELPHIA
"Are you sure it's a good idea to have your mom supervise Annie's movie date?" Beth asks skeptically as she and Randall get ready for the day.
"Yes, it's a perfect idea. Mom gets to feel like she's doing something useful instead of feeling like she's the one being babysat, and Annie gets a sense of trust and responsibility. Besides, I'll be right next door at the old cabin, and Kev has sensors and monitors all over the big house, which I will make sure Annie is aware of lest she be even tempted to try to take advantage of her grandmother's condition to do anything we wouldn't approve of."
"Alright," Beth says, but she's clearly skeptical. Just then, they both notice Tess standing in the doorway.
"Seriously? You're going to let Annie be basically unsupervised with a guy you haven't even met, but you still won't let me and Alex be alone in the house for even a few minutes? How is that fair?"
"She won't be basically unsupervised. Your grandmother is still sharper than you give her credit for. And if you and Alex want to go up there and take the next respite shift you are more than welcome to," Randall says.
"Thanks, but, no thanks. You said it yourself – she may act transphobic without meaning to given her condition."
"No, that is not what I said," Randall says tersely. "I said she might have trouble remembering to use plural pronouns for a singular person given her condition. Grandma doesn't have an anything-phobic bone in her body."
Before Tess can respond, Randall gets an alert on his phone. "Damn it!" he yells when he looks at the message.
POCONOS
Miguel wakes up a few minutes after 7 and is surprised to see that the other side of the bed is empty. He notices that he has 2 missed calls and 3 texts from Randall, but doesn't check them, more concerned about making sure Rebecca is okay.
He walks into the kitchen and sees Rebecca sitting at the table, looking at her iPad.
"Hey, you," he says gently, giving her a kiss on the head. "Are you okay? I'm sorry…I guess I didn't hear you get up."
"That's because I snuck out of bed as quietly as I could to let you get some sleep," Rebecca says with a smile. "I'm so sorry I woke you up in the middle of the night again."
"Hey, it's okay," Miguel insists. "How are you feeling this morning?"
"I'm okay," Rebecca answers. "Except I can't…what is this word here?" she asks him, pointing to a word in the article.
"Authenticity," Miguel answers. "It means how genuine a person is, or in this case, is perceived to be. This is good news – Randall still has the highest score in the polls on authenticity out of all the candidates in the race."
Rebecca smiles. "Well, of course he does. Can you help me read the rest of the article? I keep getting stuck on the same sentence."
"Of course. Let me just make some coffee first. Do you want a cup?"
"Mmm hmm. I tried to make us coffee this morning before you woke up, but I couldn't get the machine to turn on."
"Um, honey, I have to unlock the appliances in the kitchen with my phone now, remember?"
"Oh, right," Rebecca grumbles. "Part of the robo-cop system Kevin had those people install to keep me from destroying the house."
Miguel looks at her sympathetically. "Honestly, it's mostly for me at this point. I know you can almost certainly still handle the coffee maker, but it gives me peace of mind at night knowing that the kitchen is shut down just in case you wake up confused."
"I know. I'm sorry for complaining so much. I don't want you to think I don't appreciate…"
"Don't be silly. All things considered, you've been a trooper about all of this. I know the loss of full autonomy can't be easy, especially since you're doing great most of the time. I don't think I'd take it nearly as well as you have if the situation were reversed."
"No, you probably wouldn't," Rebecca agrees.
"But don't worry – I'm at your service this morning to help you make cookies or any other food you want to make for Annie's movie date."
Rebecca looks confused. "Annie's coming down with Randall later this morning, and he wants you to supervise her movie date with her new friend from the campaign headquarters," Miguel reminds her.
"Right, of course," Rebecca acknowledges. "Sorry."
"For what?" he asks, gently reminding her that she doesn't need to apologize for memory lapses she can't control. He finishes making coffee and sits down next to her. He hesitates for a minute before broaching a potentially sensitive subject.
"Listen, Rebecca, I know you don't want to hear this, but I really think you should consider telling Randall about these late night episodes you've been having where you think you're still keeping William a secret. Maybe talking to him about it will help."
Rebecca shakes her head adamantly. "No, no. This is my burden to bear. I caused Randall enough pain already, and I'm not going to reopen that wound for him, especially when I may not even remember anything he says in response. I'm sorry…I know you've barely gotten any sleep in the past week and a half and I wish that I could stop these middle of the night anxiety attacks, but I can't…"
"Honey, it's not about me. I can handle it. I just hate seeing you torment yourself over and over because of a mistake you made so long ago. You've suffered enough."
SEPTEMBER 2016
This part takes place about a week and a half after the scene in "Kyle" where Rebecca and Miguel stop by Randall's house and Randall tells her about finding William.
Rebecca is pacing around the living room at their house in New Jersey in the middle of the night. Her face is pale and she looks incredibly anxious.
"Hey – are you okay?" Miguel asks worriedly as he enters the room.
"I'm fine. I'm sorry I woke you," she says anxiously.
"You didn't. I woke up to use the bathroom and I realized you weren't there. Did you have another nightmare?"
"I guess. I don't know. I just woke up and I couldn't get back to sleep. I came out here so I wouldn't disturb you. Go back to bed. I'll be back soon, I promise."
Miguel hesitates for a moment. He can tell she doesn't want to talk, but he's concerned that she seems to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
"Honey…" he says gently.
"I'm fine!" she insists.
"No, you're not," Miguel insists back, gripping her arm gently but firmly. His unusual assertiveness surprises both of them. "I've been trying to give you space, but you've barely slept for the past week and a half, you've barely eaten, and I haven't seen you this anxious since Randall's high school graduation. I know meeting Randall's birth father last week threw you for a loop, and I can't even imagine what you're going through…"
"I didn't meet him last week!" Rebecca says suddenly. She's as shocked to hear herself say it out loud as Miguel is to hear it. "Not for the first time, anyway."
"What?" Miguel asks confusedly.
"Miguel, I did something. Something that could destroy my relationship with Randall…and destroy him," she admits.