Celebrimbor

It was early when he woke in the morning. He didn't know why he was up until he heard the soft knocking on his door. He rolled out of bed and walked over to open it.

Vierel was standing outside of his door. She looked dreadful, and he knew she was close to fading the minute he saw her that she was close to fading.

"May I come in?"

He nodded and let her pass. She sat on the bed and waited for him to join her. Then she said, "I'm fading Celebrimbor. I made a promise to Kiera to see her children to safety. It was the only thing keeping me from fading after Duilin's death. We are here now, and I'm starting to slip away. I've tried to hang on, but I can't any longer."

"I know," he choked out.

Her eyes grew sad as she looked at him. He knew from looking at her that she was close.

She continued, "I don't want the children to see me. It would be too much for them too soon. I came to say goodbye to you so you may tell them when they are ready. I know Ellie will grieve deeply from my passing, and I am not sure what you will say to them now."

"I don't know. I will have to tell them the truth. That you faded from grief, and you are gone. The twins will be ok, but Ellie adores you. I know it will be hard for her."

The tears started to stream down her face. "I know. I want to say goodbye, but I feel like that would be worse. I don't want to cause them any more pain or grief."

He shook his head, "it would be worse for you to say goodbye. I know it's difficult, but perhaps we can say you faded in the night. When they are older, I can tell them what happened and how much you wanted to see them."

She wiped the tears and nodded. She grabbed onto his arm and squeezed gently. "I also came for you. I know you loved Kiera. I saw it on your face when you returned. You have that deep love for her, and her death broke you. I wanted to offer a chance for you to speak to someone as I am not sure who else knows."

It was his turn to choke up, and he tried to push the feelings down. Vierel wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "Don't hold it in. Let it out. It is just me here, and I will be gone soon to Mandos's halls. You need to get better so you may help the children. Tell me; I will listen."

The dam had burst as his face fell into his hands as he sobbed. "I love her. I have since the first day I met her. She was extraordinary and full of light and happiness. I felt that burning flame for her then, but I knew I wanted to get to know her as a friend first. She didn't care about who my family was, and she was kind to me. I thought she was incredible, and there is no one else like her."

Vierel didn't say anything but just held him tightly to listen. He sniffed and tried wiping his tears, but it was no use. It felt freeing finally speaking about this, and he needed to talk about it. "I was going to ask her to marry me. We got closer during our time in the mines, and I knew she was the one. I had always had that love for her, and I saw her develop deeper feelings for me. I told my family I would ask her to marry me. I made courting bands, which were some of my best works at the time. I had everything ready, and we made plans to speak in the plains on the last day in the mines."

"I couldn't do it," he choked out. "I couldn't tell her how much I loved her. I was terrified. For many different reasons, I was scared she wouldn't return my love. I saw how she was beginning to love me, and I couldn't take that chance. I couldn't ask her to marry me when I didn't know if she loved me enough to do so."

"I was so stupid, and it is my greatest mistake. I pushed her away and told her I only loved her a little. Not enough to marry, and I told her a lie that we would never be blessed with children. I knew she wanted a family, and I said the words to drive her away. I couldn't do it, and I will forever regret it."

Vierel squeezed him tighter as the tears pooled in her eyes. She still didn't speak, and he was grateful as it was easier to discuss this without questions.

He continued, "we came back to the city, and I saw how Ecthelion looked at her upon her return. I knew he loved her then. I pushed them together and buried my feelings for her in countless women. None of it helped, and I wrote to my family for support. I didn't tell them everything, but I told them enough. My uncles, Amrod and Amras, wrote the most, and I spilled my soul to them. It was heartbreaking for me to watch her fall in love with Ecthelion. I pushed everything aside as I became her friend again. She never knew, and I don't think she even guessed. Hardly anybody knew as I tried very hard to hide how I was feeling."

"When they announced their courtship, and she asked me to make their bands, I melted down the ones I made for us and used that for the material. It was my way of letting her go and accepting that we would never be together in that way. I made peace with it as her happiness meant more than my own. Her wedding brought up emotions, but she looked so beautiful and happy. I would dream about what our life could have been like, and I imagined myself in Ecthelion's shoes."

He sniffed and wiped the remainder of his tears as he finally started to feel better. Just speaking about everything out loud was a massive burden that was now lifted.

"When they were blessed with twins on their bonding night, it felt like a stab to my heart. I kept thinking that it could have been us. I could have had twin sons and an incredible wife. That was the moment I knew that she was meant for greater things. Before I had an idea, just an inkling, but being blessed with twins on their bonding night was the sign I was looking for. She was destined for great things and a higher purpose. Their children have been blessed, and I am still finding out just how much. I've made peace with my decision as I got to help raise three incredible children I consider my own. Now they are, and I will ensure they have long and happy lives until my last breath. We never had children together, and she was never my wife, but the love we shared was special. I will always love her until the unmaking of this world, and there will be no other for me."

He choked out, "I hope to see her again before the end. I don't know if I ever will; her death has broken me in more ways than one. I promised her and myself that I would love her forever, along with her children."

Vierel was sobbing into his shoulder as he was drying his eyes. It felt good to get it all out. The weight of carrying the secret has been lifted. He knew that he shouldn't keep it a secret any longer. He loved her, and there is no shame in that. He wrapped Vierel in a warm embrace as they both needed the comfort of one another.

She said quietly, "There will never be enough words to describe the grief we feel or the whole that was created by our loved ones passing. I am lucky to be able to see my husband again, and I will cherish that above all else. I miss her too, and I am sorry she is gone. I wish I could return and take her place, but I can't."

He held her tightly as he felt the same. Both of them had lost what they held most dear. He wished he stayed and fought. He wished he had gone back just a few minutes sooner, and perhaps she might still be here with them. He didn't want to go down that dark path of what if's, but that was where his mind turned to in his grief. It took all of his strength to push those thoughts away, and he held onto the promise he had made her.

"We can't go back. I push away those thoughts even now, as I do not want to linger on them. It would just bring me further down in my grief and despair. I promised her I would look after her children and keep them safe. I have done that and will continue to do so in the future. I will tell the world about her and Ecthelion. I will scream their names for all to hear, and I will even compose my own songs about them. All the people of Gondolin who stayed behind deserve to have their names carved into our history forever."

She nodded into his chest. She sighed out and gave him one last squeeze before she pulled away. She took his hands in hers and asked, "I am passing some messages if possible. I don't know what awaits me in Mandos's halls, but if I can find people and speak to them, I will. I will try to find Ecthelion and tell him his children are safe. I will tell them that you are all looking after them and will raise them with love."

She pauses and then looks up into my eyes, "do you want me to find your family if they are there?"

He choked up and nodded. "If you find them, tell them I love them. Tell them I forgive them, and I want to see them again. Once you are re-embodied, could you find my mother and grandmother and tell them how sorry I am and that I love them."

"I will," she says with determination. "I know it seems small compared to the great deeds of others, but it is all I have."

"It's enough," he replied. "Thank you for everything."

She stood, gave him one last hug, and said, "I am leaving the city. I don't want anyone to see me fade. A few other widowed women and I will find a nice clearing in the woods. We have already spoken to Egalmouth, who has approved. I just wanted to stop and speak to you before."

He replied, "take care of yourself. I hope you find peace and happiness in Valinor."

With one last smile at him, she left the room, and then she was gone. He turned back to the bed and lay down on it, exhausted. He didn't want to do anything except just cry. He curled himself around a pillow and let himself go as the tears came. He cried himself to sleep and dreamed of seeing Kiera again.

There was light in his dream. All around him, it was shining in the clearing. The green forest surrounding him was bright, and the sunlight made the leaves pop with color. He was undoubtedly dreaming, but he thought it was too vivid for an ordinary dream and thought it must be one of Irmo's creations.

He relaxed as he knew he wasn't in any danger, but his eyes trailed around the clearing, looking for something. He was alone, and there was nothing else around him except plants and trees.

Someone called his name, and his heart almost beat out of his chest as he spun around.

There she was. Kiera. The love of his life. She looked more beautiful than he's ever seen her, and she looked closer in age to when he first met her. Her dress was white and sparked in the sunlight like diamonds that she was so accustomed to wearing after marrying Ecthelion. Her hair was back to the stunning shade of brown with gold strands highlighting the waves of her hair. Her eyes were the same and still as extraordinary as the first time he saw them. She was smiling at him with such tenderness and love.

"Cele, where are we? Is this real?"

He gulped down his tears and croaked, "I'm not sure. I hope it's real, but I think this is just a dream. I love you, Keira. Gods, I miss you and can't believe you're gone."

She frowned, and a few tears leaked from her eyes. "I'm dead then. I hoped it was all a dream. I saw my parents and Ecthelion, but it wasn't real. Just figments of my mind helping me get to the beyond. This one feels different than the others. Much more vivid and real, but I think this is a dream as well." She bit her lip and looked at him sadly, "could you tell me what happened after."

Celebrimbor moved closer and put his hands on her waist. He leaned down at her with such tenderness that he couldn't help the butterflies in his stomach. He had to do it. Even if this wasn't real, he needed to tell her. "I love you," he said as he crashed his lips against hers.

She stood frozen for a moment and then sank into the kiss. The flame ignited across his body as he kissed her hungrily and deeply. He would never throw himself onto a married woman, but this was his dream, and he needed her. He broke apart enough during the kisses to whisper sweet I love you's to her. She pulled him closer every time and kissed him back with neediness and longing.

She broke from him first, but she didn't move far except to rest her head against his. Celebrimbor said, "I am in love with you. I have been since the first day I met you. It's my greatest mistake letting you go, and I will love you forever."

She choked and blinked her eyes open to look at him. He wiped the tears streaming down her face but then moved to kiss them off. He kissed her gently all around her face to stop the tears. His heart constricted in his chest when she cried out, "why? Why didn't you ever tell me?"

He reached down to push her hair behind her ear. He cupped her face and said, "I couldn't. I was so scared you wouldn't love me enough to marry me. I know you were beginning to have feelings for me, but I was terrified. You just don't understand how much. I told you a lie that we would never be blessed with children so that you would move on. I know how much having a family meant to you, and I said it to push you away. It is my greatest mistake. I even made us courting bands, and I was going to ask you in the plains. I just couldn't pluck up the courage to do it."

She frowned, "oh, Cele. I wish you had told me sooner. It must have been difficult for you. You were so supportive, though, and pushed me to be with Ecthelion. I believed what you told me, and I'm sorry I never noticed. I do love you, and I was falling in love with you. Had you asked me, I would have said yes in a heartbeat."

He closed his eyes and tried to stop the tears from coming. It was the answer he was dreading because he knew it was the one that would tear him up most inside. Kiera would have said yes, making him hate what he did even more. He felt soft lips on him, and he sighed softly as they kissed. She pulled him into her and kissed him with everything that she had. He wanted more, and he needed more at this moment. He picked her up, and she moved her legs around his waist as he carried her to the tree. He wished for a more intimate setting than the back of a tree. Before they reached it, the scene around them changed, and he looked surprised that they were back in his room in the mines.

He pushed her to the bed as she kissed him hungrily. He returned in kind as he stripped her of her dress easily. They were both on fire with emotions and love, and he needed to be with her. She crawled to the center of the bed, and he followed after. Their kisses turned needier and breathier as they drew closer. He parted her legs and used his fingers to warm her up while they kissed. It didn't take long, and then with quick removal of his hand, he replaced it with his dick.

They both moaned out together at the first thrust in. It was just like before, only this time it felt different. He felt connected to her more, and the emotions were shooting between them. Love, heartache, and sadness, came shooting to him, and he wondered vaguely if this was what the bond would have felt like with her. It wasn't as strong as he was expecting, and he began to really question if this was happening or if it was all in his mind. After the thought, he let go. He didn't care; he just wanted her even if it wasn't real.

For hours they lay together, resting and taking turns as they used to. They spoke about the past and little things as they relaxed, and he held her close. He told her everything, and all his feelings for her came out easily. She was kind, and everything she said would stay with him for the rest of his life. She loved him, but it was a different kind of love now. They had a bond that was entirely foreign to him, and he couldn't explain it. He loved her, and she loved him. They would never be husband and wife, but her children would grow to love him as another father, and he would love her more than any other. It was unique, and they ended their confessions with them both acknowledging the incredible bond they shared.

It was late in the evening based on how long they had been together, but Celebrimbor didn't want to leave. Kiera leaned over to kiss him and asked softly, "do you know what happened after? I want to believe this is real. I really do Cele, but my family and Ecthelion knew nothing about what happened after. This feels different, and I want to believe it is real more than anything."

Kiera paused and choked out, "if it is real, then I just cheated on my husband. Or not as our bond is broken. I'm just confused, and I will admit that I needed this—comfort and love from a friend. I'm in the beyond, but I don't know what is happening. I'm supposed to make it through this forest before they tell me anything. I'm lost, and I hope this desperately is real, even if it causes me grief later."

Celebrimbor pulled her against his chest. He kissed the top of her head and said, "it's real. I know it, or maybe I just wish it to be so. It's real for me, and no one can tell me any different. The marriage bond breaks at death, so you and Ecthelion technically are not together. I know the guilt you will feel, though. You are a married woman, and you promised him you would wait for him forever." He whispered softly to her and rubbed circles across his back, "he will forgive you. I know he will. We needed this, and if it is real, he will forgive you. If the roles were reversed, I would forgive my wife for seeking comfort after death. The next time I see Ecthelion, I will tell him I promise. Even if you see him first, I will tell him everything, and that I have let you go."

She cried into his chest, and her whole body shook with her tears. "I want it to be real, and then I don't. Everything that happened was just too much for me. What if when I make it to the beyond, they don't let me come back. I will never see you again, or Ecthelion, or our children. What if we are separated forever, until the unmaking of the world."

He froze, and his whole body turned cold. He hadn't thought of that, but with Kiera speaking more about the beyond and her questions, he was beginning to realize this was real.

'Kiera," he cried softly. "I remember everything after. I didn't make it to you. I saw your battle with the balrog and screamed your name. I rushed to make it to you, but you were gone. I tried to help Ecthelion but didn't make it there either. It broke me, and I fought with everything I had to get to you. It wasn't enough."

Kiera stiffened under him and pulled her head up to look at him. "This is real," she said softly. "Oh god, Cele, this is real. You are here with me. Please tell me you are alive. God, I am so stupid and didn't even think that you might be dead as well. Please tell me my children are alright, please Cele…."

"Stop," he said gently. He sat up and pulled her close to him and held her tightly. She was rambling and scared, so he quickly said, "I am alive. Your children are alive. We made it to Nargathrond, and we are safe." He kissed the top of her head and added, "I will protect them until my last breath. I will raise them as my own, and they will grow up loved and cared for. I love them as my own children, and you have nothing to worry about. Everyone is alright except for a few. We made it safely and will stay in Nargothrond to let the children heal and grieve."

He squeezed her tightly and chuckled, "speaking of. Why didn't you ever tell me you were part maia."

She gasped in surprise and pulled back to look at him in shock. For the first time that night, he genuinely laughed. "I managed to figure it out with the twins. I guessed that the Valar forbid you to say and that they have been given safe passage. Will you tell me everything now?"

Her shocked eyes turned to surprise, and then she laughed as well. "I should have known you would figure it out. It feels nice to talk about it. Why don't I just tell you everything? Ecthelion knows as I could only tell my husband after we were married. I'm dead, so I hardly think it matters who I tell now."

Celebrimbor listened to her tale and everything she knew. When she finished, she looked up at him, waiting for his thoughts, but he just said, "do you know how extraordinary and incredible you are?"

She blushed at the praise, and he smiled at her with affection. They were sitting cross-legged on the bed in front of one another, and he didn't want this to end. His thoughts trailed to the future, and he asked her, "I need you to tell me everything you remember about the future. I spoke to Tuor and Idril, and I know you have kept other secrets from me."

She looked ashamed for a moment and then said sadly, "I didn't want to burden you again. The future involves your family, and I couldn't watch you torment yourself over it again. I don't think you can change it this time either."

He gulped in surprise, and he hesitated at her words. He made the split decision that he needed to know. For the safety of the children, he would carry the burden of knowing again. "Tell me. All of it and everything you remember."

With one last frown and small sigh, she told him everything left she knew about the first age. From the third kinslaying to the Valar arriving to the downfall of Morgoth. She even told him the fates of the rest of his family that she remembered. She told him everything but wasn't sure when each took place. She had some ideas, and that was enough for Celebrimbor. He listened intently, and he wondered how long they remained together talking. Surly, a day had passed, and he would have woken by now. The more they spoke, the more he realized how incredible this place was. They had been given a gift to say goodbye and help the other heal. He knew it must have been the Valar's doing, and if he dared admit it, he thought it might even be Eru. He's never heard of people connecting from the beyond. Kiera was definitely there, and she told him everything about what had happened to her since she arrived.

Night had fallen in the room, and Celebrimbor lit the fire to give them light and warmth. Everything felt real here the longer they remained together. He never wanted to leave, but he knew the children were waiting for him, so he had to return. They both had gotten dressed, but they never kissed again. The realization that this was real sunk in, and he wouldn't kiss a married woman. She squeezed his hand in acknowledgment as they sat together in front of the fire on the couch. Their fingers intertwined together as their shoulders brushed against one another. Neither spoke, as they didn't want to ruin this moment by discussing what they both feared.

Kiera was much braver than he, and she started the dreaded conversation. "I have to go, and you have to go back. My children need you, and I must find a way back to you all."

"I know," he spoke softly.

"I'm scared, Cele," she admitted. "More scared than any other time in my life. I can't live without you all, and I'm terrified that there is no way back."

He thought for the right words to say, but there were none. He had no idea about anything in the beyond, and he wouldn't lie to her. "I'm scared too," he admitted. "'I'm scared of never seeing you again. I don't want to leave, but I know I need to go back. Your children are waiting for me, and I promised you I would take care of them. I won't break that promise. You need to move forward and find a way to come back to us."

His voice started to crack as he said, "even if I don't see you until the unmaking of this world, I will always love you. This dream or place has given me clarity, and I know what I must do. I have to live. I must keep moving forward and cherish you coming into my life above everything else. You have changed me in more ways than one. I would have suffered in my grief for years, but now I am ready to be a father and enjoy this life I have been given. You have shown me how to change and grow, and you will never know just how much that means to me."

Kiera was crying again, but he remained at her side and squeezed her hands. He offered her a few words of comfort as he knew she needed them, "I will tell the children about this when they are older. Not about us, but seeing you. I will tell them that you are fighting to come back for them and that you won't give up until you find a way. I know you will do just that."

She nodded with determination, and he gave her his last words of comfort. "We know it is possible to come back. Beren did, so we know at least that it's possible. That's all I have to give in terms of hope. I have no idea what lies in the beyond, but seeing as it happened once already, anything is possible. Promise me, you will keep fighting till you find a way?"

"I promise," she said softly. "There was never any doubt. I will keep fighting until I make it back. I needed this, and I needed to know this was real. I don't want to go, but I know I must." She paused and choked down some tears, "tell my children I love them. Smother them with hugs and kisses. Help them grow and learn. Be a father to them and love them forever. When they are old enough to understand, tell them I will fight to make it back to them. I won't leave them forever if given a choice."

Celebrimbor sat in silence as they both took in each other's words. He had one more thing to say before they left. He gave them time to themselves to process the other's words. He opened his mouth to speak and was surprised Keira did the same.

She smiled, "you first."

He smiled in return and said, "don't feel guilty over what happened between us. I love you and know we are not meant to be together. We both needed love and comfort, and we didn't think it was real. I will speak with Ecthelion, but I know he will forgive you. To be honest, I'm not even sure how this is possible, but I know now that this was a gift. We needed each other so we could move forward. There is no shame in that and no shame in thinking this was a dream at first. I will tell Ecthelion, I promise. I know he will love you no matter what. I'm not sorry that it happened between us, but it will never happen again."

She smiled at him and nodded with a few tears in her eyes. "I love you. I needed you, and you were here. Ecthelion is gone to Mandos's halls, and our bond is broken." Her voice cracked, "I love him. I would never cheat on him, and I hope he forgives me. I thought this was a dream at first, like the others, and I needed love and comfort. I am not ashamed that it happened, as I love you, and I know it came from a place of love. I will tell him and hope that he forgives me. I know this is a gift and one I can never repay. I have a feeling that I won't see you for a long time. I'm not sure if I will make it back to Middle Earth while you are there or if I will make it to Valinor. I hope we will see each other again, but I feel that if I am given the option to return, it won't be until at least the third age. It's just a feeling I've had since we have been talking, and I think it's right."

Celebrimbor looked down sadly and frowned. "I don't make it to the third age. I remember what you told me long ago. I will see you in Valinor someday, and I will hold onto that. As long as you get to see your children again, I can live with it."

Kiera smiled at him and squeezed his hand one last time. Her eyes twinkled as she added, "if you find love, I want you to go for it. I want you to love her with everything you have and marry her. I want to see you happy, and I don't want you to love me forever."

He sighed softly as he looked at her. She just didn't really understand as she wasn't an elf. He didn't think there would ever be anyone like her again. She squeezed his hand to get his attention, and he looked up at her.

"You can love another while you love me. I've told Maeglin a million times that he could love another while he loved Idril. We are not meant to be together, and I don't want the love you have for me to keep you from finding love again. I'm not an elf, so I don't know how the emotions feel. I'm just saying that if someone comes into your life, and you feel that spark for her, you take the chance. Don't make the same mistake twice."

He smiled and laughed at her gentle chastising. He would miss her, that was for sure. She was his best friend, and there might not be anyone else for him. She must have known what he thought as she grinned and said, "you have forever. You don't know what your future holds. Just promise me that you will give love a chance, ok?"

"I will," he promised.

The silence fell between them again, and he knew it was time. Kiera got up first, and he smiled at her bravery. It takes a particular type of person to push forward into the unknown. He didn't think he could do it, but Kiera looked ready. He opened his arms for the final hug. She moved into him easily, and they hugged each other tightly one last time.

A door materialized at the end of the room when they broke apart. His feet felt like weights as they walked toward it, but he kept his eyes on Kiera for strength. She reached for the knob and opened it. Bright white light streamed in as she pushed the door open wide. She turned to look at him one last time and said, "I love you."

"Forever," he added as she took one last step into the light and was gone.