I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read this and comment. The comments mean a lot to me. Hopefully updates will be quicker from here on out. Lots going on lately.
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What the fuck just happened? Jim can't seem to make sense of the scene that had played out in Pam's room. Why had she gotten so upset at his being there? He felt that when she first said his name, she was surprised, but not unhappy that he was there. In fact, she had squeezed his hand and held it fast.
Pam's family must've left as soon as the ladies got back to the waiting room. Other than a handful of people there for other patients, he's alone. He sits down for a half a second before jumping to his feet. He can't sit still. Pushing his hands through his hair, he begins pacing around the room.
Jim hears the elevators chime and a minute later Dwight comes strolling in. He walks slowly to the chair next to Jim and plops down with a sigh.
"Any updates on Pam or the Perp?"
"No, not really. I mean, she woke up when I was in her room and she kind of I don't know. She was fine but then she freaked out and kept telling me to go. Dwight? What am I going to do?" Jim dips his head and blinks back tears.
"Jim, she's been through a horrific event and suffered significant head trauma. I am not sure you should read anything into her behavior at this stage. Do you think she knows Anderson is nearby? That could really impede her recovery." Dwight gets caught up by his own train of thought and breaks eye contact with Jim, his finger tapping on his chin as he thinks.
"I wonder if I could get my darts and blow gun in here…maybe a throwing star or two…", he's muttering quietly to himself.
"Dwight, that's not helpful."
Just then the doors from the ICU open and Scott walks through. As soon as he spots Jim, he holds his hands out in front of him as if trying to settle an animal.
"Jim, Mr, uhhh, I'm sorry I don't remember your name." Scott is holding out his hand to Dwight.
"Schrute, Dwight K. Schrute, top salesman for Dunder Mifflin." Dwight grabs Scott's hand and is pumping his arm up and down rather aggressively.
"Ah, yes, Mr. Schrute. Well, Mr. Schrute, Jim, Pam is sleeping comfortably. We gave her something to, well basically, knock her out for a bit."
Jim seems annoyed that Scott doesn't continue, he just stands there staring at them as if he's reached the end of his report.
"Ok, what do you think that was about? I don't understand why she was so upset; she knows I'd never hurt her." Jim is conscious of the way his voice cracked at the end of that sentence and it makes him wince.
Scott nods his head for a minute before wiping a hand across his face. "Yeah, Jim, honestly? I have no idea. I mean, obviously you are a friend. Pam's family is very…comfortable with you but man, I just, I mean, I don't know how Pam feels about anyone or anything." Jim visibly flinches and feels the blood rushing to his face.
"Look, I'm not trying to imply anything. I don't know what any of us would do after going through what Pam did. She was violently attacked; we know her brain hasn't healed. Who knows what Roy actually did to her, if she was sexually assaulted or whatever? The plan is to get a psychiatrist in to see her, the police are desperate to interview her, but she is just waking up and most likely she'll be in and out quite a bit for a day or two. We hope to set her arm and deal with her facial injuries tomorrow."
Jim's vision blurs, he hasn't heard anything Scott has said after the words "sexually assaulted" left his lips.
"I'm sorry, what? What did you say? Sexually? Is she, what did he do to her?" Jim's hands are clenching, and he can tell that Dwight is also becoming infuriated.
"Oh shit. I didn't, I assumed, God, I shouldn't have said anything. I could get in a lot of trouble for this. I just, I thought you knew everything." Scott's face is drained of color, and he looks like he might get sick.
"Nope, didn't know that, no one, I hadn't heard that. Did he? I mean was she…?" Jim's voice just trails off and the rest of the sentence dissolves on his tongue.
Scott sighs, knowing he can't take back words already spoken. "Ok, so, Jesus, yes, um, I'm the anesthesiologist so I don't know, I well, Pam is an old friend, I looked at her chart and they felt there may have been a sexual assault based on how she was discovered. I can't really speak to that. I don't know all of the details and I should not have mentioned anything to begin with. Pam needs all of the understanding and support she can get from her family and friends."
Jim and Dwight just look at each other, speechless, for several minutes.
"OK, well I have some other patients I need to see, and I really need to head over to the OR. Again, I'm sorry for how I spoke just now. Jim, Mr. Schrute, you're going to need to be patient with her. I'm sure there is much that is unknown, that only Pam or Roy knows. Maybe go home, get some rest, something to eat. I don't anticipate her waking back up for a while." He starts walking through the doors but turns back.
"Oh and uh, since I've already broken a few HIPPA laws, um, Roy has been transferred to a regular room and should be released to police custody tomorrow morning. He got away with very little damage, especially compared to Pam. Wish I could give that bastard what he deserves." With that Scott is back through the doors and gone.
Jim makes a call to Pam's mom but gets her voice mail. He leaves a detailed message, explaining what happened in Pam's room. He tells her he is going home but if she needs him or something changes to please give him a call.
With that Jim and Dwight, after making sure the officer is still outside Pam's room, leave and go to grab dinner together.
Later that evening Helene calls to say that Pam is stable but hasn't woken up yet. She tells Jim not to worry about Pam's reaction earlier today and she will call him if anything changes. She plans to stay the night.
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The next morning, after showering and plowing through a couple of pop-tarts, Jim decides to stop at the gas station before he heads back to the hospital. He feels better physically but his brain played through a myriad of nightmares for him during the night. Maybe he'll stop off at Starbucks too. He'll call Pam's parents to see if they want anything.
Almost as soon as he thinks it, his phone is ringing, and a quick glance shows him that it is Helene.
"Hi Jim! I hope you were able to relax; I worry about you not taking care of yourself. You parents were here a little while ago. Such lovely people Jim."
"Yeah, they're not too bad" Jim chuckles.
"So, they took Pammy a little while ago to fix her eye socket and put a plate in her arm. It is supposed to only be about 30 minutes or so and then she'll be in recovery for about an hour. I did speak to her a bit during the night, but I'll tell you about that when I see you. Oh, did you bring a blanket in for Pam?" Jim's concerned that she won't just tell him what her discussion with Pam was about, but she sounds like she's in a pretty good mood, so he lets it go.
"I did. It seems a little silly now but my grandmother, we called her Honey, she made that for me from my old t-shirts and I just thought, maybe Pam would feel better, it might make it seem a bit less like a hospital, I don't know."
"Oh Jim sweetheart, that was such a wonderful thing to do. She asked me about it and she pointed out that some of the squares have "Halpert" on them. It touched us both." Jim feels his heart racing, as he thinks that has to be good, that reaction, right?
Oh, Will said they're bringing her back to her room. I'll see you later? "
"Absolutely. See you soon Helene." As they hang up Jim realizes he hasn't asked if they wanted anything from Starbucks. He decides to just pick them up something anyway.
Forty-five minutes later Jim arrives at the hospital and makes his way up to Pam's floor. He decides to have a seat in the waiting area and text Helene, rather than go back and risk upsetting Pam.
A few minutes later Helene comes through the double doors.
"Jim," she pulls him into a hug after he stands to greet her. "Pam's awake but groggy. The surgeries went real well and that's a relief."
Helene sits down and Jim sits next to her, handing her a coffee. He's rewarded with a genuine smile that reminds him so much of Pam's.
"So Jim, as I mentioned on the phone, I came back last night. I stayed the night with her. She woke up, it was pretty late, and she asked about you, if you were ok."
Jim shifts uncomfortably in his seat, "really?, she seemed, frantic, I don' t know, angry maybe? With me, she seemed upset by me."
Helene strongly shakes her head from side to side. "No dear, she wasn't, she isn't angry with you. She's still, not quite with us, in the present, at times. Roy had said some things about you, during, you know during everything. Pam couldn't talk about it too much without getting upset."
Helene frowns as she recollects her talk with Pam. "She, when she saw you, she was happy to see you but then was not sure what was going on, where she was, when it was. She was scared, if Roy found you together, he'd hurt you. She was telling you to go so you wouldn't be hurt. I think it will be a very hard rode for Pam to be able to deal with that fear."
Jim is incredibly relieved to learn Pam wasn't afraid of him, wasn't angry with him, but he felt distraught at the thought of her being so afraid. He offers Helene a small smile. "I don't know, I mean, I don't want to upset her, at all. I, well I'm just, I'm not going, even if I have to stay out here", his head drops down until his chin touches his chest.
He feels Helene's hand gently touch his shoulder, giving it a light sneeze. "Jim, she wants to see you. She'd like nothing better. Give me 5 minutes to go back and let her know you're coming, ok?" Helene doesn't even wait for an answer, just gets up and with a smile walks back through the doors.
A few minutes later, Will comes out, Penny trailing behind him, smiling. "Jim, you're up! Pam's anxious for a visit."
As Jim walks past them, nodding his head with a smile slowly forming on his face, Penny suddenly reaches out, grabbing his arm, before standing on her toes to give him a peck on the cheek, her hand on his bicep.
"Remember Jim, she loves you."
He pauses at the threshold to her door. Peaking in he sees Pam, the hospital bed brought up, so she is almost sitting upright. She must have heard him because suddenly their eyes meet. A smile slowly creeps across her face. Helene notices she no longer has Pam's attention and looks over her should.
Pulling herself out of the chair next to Pam's bed, Helene stretches. "You know what Pammy? Do you mind if I go back to Ellen's for a bit? I could use a nap and a shower."
Not even waiting for Pam, who hasn't broken eye contact with Jim, to reply, Helene bends down to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. She gathers her purse and sunglasses and gives Jim's arm a quick squeeze as she passes by.
Jim is frozen in the doorway, just staring at Pam. Finally, she reaches her arm out to him and he walks into the room, sits down and gently takes her hand. He has to force himself to break eye contact for a minute as he tries to quiet his racing pulse.
"Pam-"
"Jim-"
They speak in unison causing them both to laugh, though Pam immediately stops laughing to wince.
"Are you okay? Do I need to get the nurse?" Jim's face a mask of concern.
"No, no, I'm fine, everything, my face is just really sore. Stop making me smile Halpert!"
She sits for a moment collecting her thoughts before she begins again.
"Jim, look, I am so sorry about how I reacted yesterday. My mom, she explained, well, I don't know what I thought, what was going on in my head. I was afraid Roy was going to hurt you. I…" She dips her head and looks quietly at their hands, fingers laced together, laying on the bed.
Looking back up, she sees tears swimming in Jim's eyes, making them appear shiny. "I, Jim, Penny and my mom told me, did, um you, you and Karen?" She struggles to get out more words.
"We broke up. Or rather, I broke up with her." Jim replies quietly.
"I'm sorry Jim. I know you love her, and this is all my fault. First Roy almost," she looks away and then back to his face, "he could've really hurt you, Jim. I feel so, and now Karen, I've come between you and the person you love." She tries to let go of his hand and pull hers back, but he just squeezes them together more firmly.
"I'm not. I'm not sorry Pam. I mean I am but not for breaking it off with Karen. In fact," he brings their hands up to his face and gently kisses across her knuckles, "that was something I should've done a long time ago. I've never been in love with anyone but you Pam. You are the person I love."
Pam's eyes go wide causing her to once again wince and whimper at the pain it causes. Jim reaches up with his free hand, running the tips of his fingers across her brown and down her cheek so lightly she is almost not sure he touched her.
"I love you too Jim. My mom told me how you've been here, watching over me and…" They're interrupted by a male technician coming in to get Pam's vitals. She visibly flinches and there is a look of terror in her eyes. Jim is about to ask him to leave when Sam comes walking into the room, slightly out of breath.
"Kyle, there's an order no male techs or nurses for Miss Beesly. You can go on to Mr Donofrio's room."
Kyle nods and grabs his cart and quickly leaves the room. Jim can feel the vice grip Pam had on his hand let up immediately.
"Pam, Jim, I'm so sorry about that. It won't happen again. How are you feeling Pam? How is your pain right now?"
"I'm ok, I'm sorry to be such trouble Sam. I just…can't seem to help it. My pain is probably about an 8."
Sam nods. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Let's see, you are due for your pain medication, so I'll go get that for you and be back in just a minute."
"Sam, can we, can you wait a little bit. I know when I take it, I'll be back asleep, and I'd like to talk to Jim some more." Pam looks at Sam hopefully.
Sam laughs lightly looking at Jim first and then back at Pam. "That's no problem. Remember though we want to try to stay ahead of your pain. I'll bring it in a little while." She winks and then walks back out the door.
Jim smiles at Pam, he can't believe how beautiful she is. He doesn't see her partially shaved head, her purple, olive, yellow and black bruises on her face, the neat rows of stitches. He sees Pam.
"Let me know if this hurts you at all." He pushes partially out of the chair, leaning over her in the bed and lightly brushes his lips along hers.
"Hey Beesly, you could've just said something." They both break into smiles and light laughter.
"Let's try that again." Jim bends back down and kisses her softly on the lips.
Suddenly someone comes rushing into the room.
"Jim! Oh Pamela, you are awake. I have important business to discuss with Jim." Dwight turns a critical eye on Jim who has dropped back into the chair next to the bed. "I did not expect him to be canoodling with the patient.
"Canoodling? Pam was I canoodling you?" Jim parrots. Pam and Jim look at each other eyes wide with humor.