Based on very recent events, Darius had been expecting his master home and was currently setting a tea tray for two, along with two doses of the emergency flu remedy when Nadir entered, gasping and wheezing. As Darius heard his master open the parlour door, he sighed, reached for a side plate placed it on the tea tray, then fetched a piece of steak from the meat locker, knowing his master was going to need it shortly.
ooo
Nadir meanwhile was leaning on the open parlour door, the dash for safety seemed further than the distance he would normally walk from the lake house to his apartment he was sure of it, but then again, he had never run like that from the opera house before. Previously when he had upset the former Phantom, Erik normally caught him before he reached an external exit.
A small smile tickled the corners of his mouth, tinged with a large dose of guilt. The fact that he had given his friend an illness that could have major repercussions because Erik had never had it before, took the shine off the fact that he had for the first time ever gotten away from an angry Erik without a mark on him.
Finally regaining his breath Nadir walked into his parlour and went to sit down on one of the love seats, when a flash of something pale and bony caught his eye. THUMP!
Nadir was knocked backwards onto the love seat and sat down ungraciously, before trying to get his brain to figure out what had just happened.
This was followed by the sound of something collapsing onto the opposite love seat and groaning.
Nadir's brain finally worked out what had just happened, "Erik did you just hit me?" Nadir asked as his brain informed him that his right eye was painful and would no longer open due to swelling at an impressive rate.
"I told you, you would get lumps if I got hold of you!" Erik replied wearily.
Nadir nodded, "kind of deserved that I suppose. He replied, "How long have you been here?".
"About five minutes before you showed up!" Erik replied, beginning to drag himself into a more elegant sitting position than the slumped heap he currently resembled.
"Are you really going to kill me?" Nadir had to ask carefully.
"I thought about it on the ride over here, but life would not be the same without you driving me crazy periodically," Erik responded "and I think that a good scare and a black eye works just as well… That and the fact I currently feel too ill to kill you." He added.
Nadir sighed. One day he would stop being scared of an angry Erik and that would be a serious mistake, because one day an angry Erik might make good on his threat.
Darius entered with the all-important tea tray just as Nadir had got himself sat up with his hand over his right eye, he grabbed the steak off the plate as Darius passed him and lay it over the stunning shiner Erik had presented him with and laid back against the couch.
"Master Nadir" Darius said as he placed on the side table nearest the Daroga, "One emergency bottle of Master Erik's flu remedy, one cup of tea to wash it down, finally the steak you already have for your black eye." He then turned to Erik and placed on a table beside him, "One flu remedy, and a cup of black tea, no sugar and a slice of lemon, Master Erik" Darius informed the very tired former Phantom.
The two men sat in silence for a moment, or two. Life was back to normal, Erik calmed down and Nadir started to relax.
After Darius had gone back into the kitchen, Erik reached for his flu remedy, "I was concerned about your health, I think I will change my mind after this nasty little surprise!" Erik complained pointing to his neck.
"Be grateful!" Nadir stated. "At least I brought you something back from my honeymoon, I did not do that for just anyone." He pointed out as Erik rolled his eyes
"Thank you for the souvenir mumps, please do not give me anything else!" Erik replied as he drank his remedy.
"If that is the way you feel about my gift, I shall not bother again." Nadir quipped, "and to think, if we had stayed at one inn we were planning to, I could have given you dysentery as well." He added.
"I never even wanted the Mumps to begin with!" Erik replied glibly. "However, if I cannot perform my husbandly duties as a result of this illness, it might be fair to say that my beautiful wife however may actually make good on my threat." Erik replied in a sober fashion.
"Yikes!" Nadir whimpered.
Darius heard all the conversation from the kitchen and sighed, all these years and Master Erik and Master Nadir still had the ability still to go from hating and fearing one another back to bickering friends in the blink of an eye. Darius was relieved that some things never change.
ooo
Outside Erik's currently very annoyed wife, had arrived with Dr Rousso in tow, and was climbing out of a carriage, just as Delphine came up the road stopping briefly to pet Cesar, who had moved onto the next window box along.
"Good morning, Delphine!" Christine greeted as Delphine wandered towards her.
"Good morning to you too Christine!" Delphine replied as she took stock of the fact her friend was standing in front of the entrance to her new marital home brandishing a pair of very old scissors, whilst their family doctor climbed out of the carriage behind them, and the driver was unloading a small valise. "Okay, Cesar unsaddled, you're here with a pair of old grape scissors, and you have brought Dr Rousso with you. What has Erik done and why is he hiding here?" she had to ask.
"Actually, both Erik and Nadir are in trouble and the scissors may well be for either of them or both!" Christine explained.
Delphine shook her head in exasperation, "what have our two idiots been up to now!"
At this point Dr Rousso cleared his throat and caught the attention of both ladies. "If you both are happy, can I go and examine both gentlemen." He asked as the driver left the valise on the top step to the door and waited patiently whilst Christine dug into her purse and paid him.
As the driver and carriage departed Delphine took stock of the current situation, "I have never seen you look so cross and upset that you would resort to weapons before!" she exclaimed, noting Christine looked halfway between murderously angry and ready to cry. "There is a little café just down the road why do we not let Dr Rousso do his job and you tell me exactly what has happened."
As if by magic Darius appeared at the door and picked up the valise, "Thank you Madame Jardinier, I think Master Erik would appreciate day clothes since he is still in his pyjamas. Follow me Dr Rousso, I have one gentleman with a nasty black eye and another with mumps." Darius requested.
"Thank you, Darius." Dr Rousso replied, "I know about the mumps and suspected at least a black eye. Let us get these two sorted out." He added as with a smile from Delphine to Darius indicated the ladies were not currently joining them, both men entered the building.
"Thank you so much!" Christine replied as she first put the scissors in her bag and then she and Delphine turned towards the little café just down the road.
ooo
Christine had just finished recounting what happened, and Delphine placed her head in her hands. "You do not need to use the scissors on my husband!" she declared, "as I shall be using a blunt letter opener instead!" she added angrily. "I cannot believe my foolish husband. My nephew caught mumps that is why we spent the last night in Provence at an inn instead of at my sister's. I told him not to go out the morning after we arrived back because he did not feel well, and now this had happened. Delphine added angrily. When did he first visit your husband? Delphine enquired.
"He arrived in the office the Monday after you both came back According to Erik, he looked like death warmed up!" Christine answered, "talking about converting your apartment into consulting rooms for your business."
Delphine sighed. "Whilst I love him for his erstwhile need to spoil me and give me nice things like my consulting rooms; I told him to send Darius with a message for Erik, not to come over as I was positive Nadir had picked up the mumps. And I could wait until he was better before he pestered your husband for the conversion."
"According to Erik…" Christine started, "Nadir not only remained by his side whilst my husband drew up the plans but remained by his side each day as the builders started work and would not stop fussing about how it had to be perfect for you until Erik literally had to kick him off site at the end of the week before last." Christine informed her incredulous friend.
Taking a deep breath, Delphine exhaled, it was worse than she thought. "I want to be the first to kill my husband, I have Dibbs, since we are married!" she declared, "I cannot believe what he has done, I tried to tell him that not everyone has previously had mumps, I am busy enough as it is, business is great. I do not need my husband creating more work for me by spreading mumps to the adult male upper classes!"
"Erik is just as bad!" Christine pointed out, "He was told to stay in bed and rest, Not go gallivanting around Paris in his pyjamas with mumps either." She added.
Delphine did a double take "Pyjamas?" she exclaimed trying not to laugh at the mental picture.
"Yes," Christine confirmed, "He grabbed his spare Opera cloak and fedora to cover up his pyjamas and carpet slippers!"
"I think those two are as bad as each other, what say we give them a wifely reminder?" Delphine declared as she sipped her tea.
"That sounds like a great idea!" Christine replied taking a bite of her pastry.
With that the ladies decided to finish their refreshments then head back to find Erik and Nadir.
ooo
Back at the office, Thomas had located a pair of opera glasses from Erik's office and the two young men were spying on the goings on across the road eagerly.
"Remind me not to upset monsieur Erik will you!" Gilen remarked as he was using the glasses at the time to spy through Nadir's front window when Erik punched his friend.
"I do not know about upsetting Monsieur Erik, but I had better fetch Cesar to the back yard here before Madame Ballon notices her window boxes have been eaten and goes off at Monsieur Nadir." Thomas responded.
"I think both of them are going to be in trouble, when Madame Jardinier and Madame Khan get back from the café." Gilen remarked.
"Yes, I really did not like the extremely angry look on Madame Jardinier's face!" Thomas noted, "She is such a kind lady, Monsieur Erik must have really upset her especially since she was brandishing something before Madame Khan spoke to her.
Putting the glasses up to his eyes Gilen smiled, "let us watch and find out." He said with a grin.
"Just remember if we get caught, I think we are going to get more than a spanking!" Thomas pointed out, remembering the threat when they both got caught being cheeky about their bosses.
"Monsieur Erik uses these all the time if Monsieur Nadir is late to spy on him!" Gilen replied airily, his focus still on the block across the road.
Thomas got up from his seat at Gilen's desk. "I am getting a coffee; do you want one?" he asked heading into the back room.
ooo
The good Dr had just departed after examining both men and giving advice to Darius, when in Nadir's Parlour, Erik was sitting on the love seat by the window and his sixth sense was kicking in, he had a distinct feeling of being watched. Getting up from his seat, he wandered over to Nadir's mantel piece and picked up a small highly polished brass plate, retook his seat and lifting the plate up used it as a mirror to look out the window behind him, and there he saw a familiar pair of opera glasses trained on the parlour window from the office.
"What are you doing?" Nadir asked as Erik put the plate on the table beside him and sniggered.
"We are being spied on!" Erik replied.
"By whom?" Nadir enquired "and how?"
"It appears that our office clerk and my apprentice have nothing better to do so they are using my opera glasses to peer in your parlour window." Erik answered.
"What!" Nadir exclaimed, as he sat up and made to rise from his seat.
"Sit back down you great booby!" Erik instructed, "I am formulating a plan to get those two back to work as we speak!" he added.
"I am more concerned about where they got the opera glasses from to spy on us!" Nadir questioned.
"How do you think I always know when you are going to be late?" Erik asked with a grin.
Nadir thought for a moment then scowled, "You rotten Git! You brought them into the office to spy on ME!" he complained bitterly.
"I like to think of it as concerned observation on my business partner!" Erik answered smoothly, "If I arrive at the office before you, I check through the glasses and if you are wandering around in your parlour half dressed, normally eating a piece of toast, I might add; I know to add at least another ten minutes on to the time you arrive."
"There are times I really rather dislike you!" Nadir grumbled.
"But your coffee is always hot and fresh on your desk when you finally get in!" Erik explained as if it justified his spying. "Just think either it would be cold, or you would have to wait for it if I did not observe your delayed morning routine." He added.
Nadir sighed "I will never understand you!" he pointed out before continuing. "Talking of understanding what is this plan to get that nosy pair working?" He asked as Erik grinned evilly.
"All I need is a piece of my spare drafting paper you keep here and a stick of charcoal and your field glasses then you will see!" Erik replied as Nadir rung the bell to summon Darius to the Parlour.
ooo
Back in the office, Thomas and Gilen were kicking back and waiting for the next instalment at Nadir's. Thomas was using the glasses this time. "Madams Khan and Jardinier are not back yet." he reported as Gilen brought his friend a sandwich from the back room.
Then Thomas noticed the curtains moving in Nadir's parlour window. "Oh Merde! We have been rumbled!" Thomas panicked as he suddenly spied Nadir focussing on the office window with a pair of field glasses and Erik holding a sign, that read 'CAUGHT YOU! GET BACK TO WORK!'.
"Seriously?" Gilen replied nervously as he took the opera glasses from Thomas to see Erik turning the sign over to read 'NOW OR ELSE!' and the picture of a hangman's noose next to the words.
Two young men have never moved so fast in their lives. Thomas shot out and collected Cesar, leading the horse in his panic to the back yard of the office, via the front door. Gilen was frantically tidying up the office and trying to complete the paperwork he had started that morning.
Back across the road, Erik and Nadir were killing themselves laughing, "That will teach them!" Erik chuckled; "they still have not realised that every idea they come up with we have already done!" he added.
"I am impressed that Cesar went through the front door so calmly." Nadir observed, sniggering as he continued to watch Thomas leading the large horse out the back door and into the yard.
Erik chuckled, "I do allow the opera house to borrow Cesar for productions like Il Profeta, so he is trained to duck under things so they can move him around without him bumping into the scenery scrims." Erik informed his curious friend.
The two friends continued laughing as they watched Thomas and Gilen trying to dust and sweep the office all the while constantly bumping into each other. The two men were laughing so hard at their employee's antics that they did not hear the soft sound of the front door of the apartment being opened, the hushed conversations between the two arrivals and Darius, in fact they were so engrossed in the activities across the road they only paid attention to inside the apartment when Christine's voice rang out from the now open parlour door.
"ERIK JARDINIER WHAT PART OF STAY IN BED DOES THIS CONSTITUTE?" she shouted as like a Valkyrie she stormed into the parlour.
Erik sat there like a surprised deer, "Oh, Merde, a very angry wife!" he muttered, as Nadir grinned at his friend being put in his place by a petite 5-foot soprano.
Nadir was amused for but a second when another voice rang out "NADIR IBRAHIEM KHAN! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT STAYING AT HOME WHEN YOU ARE ILL!" Delphine yelled like a second Valkyrie as she joined Christine in the parlour.
Erik and Nadir simultaneously turned from two men to two chastised schoolboys.
ooo
Darius was having the last laugh as he was in the kitchen making refreshments for everyone when the ladies launched their scolding's. He listened as two irate wives informed their individual husbands at high volume that they were both a pair of idiots. Life was good when everything returned to normal.
ooo
Back in the office, Thomas and Gilen had just finished cleaning and dusting, when Jean arrived brandishing the latest signed contract ready for Nadir to give the go ahead for the design to be released to the builders.
"I say chaps." He remarked at the now spotless office, "Are we expecting the Vicomte de Chagny again?" he asked as he placed the contract on Nadir's desk.
"No Monsieur Jean, just a telling off for being caught skiving off!" Thomas replied as Gilen sat at his desk and started the book-keeping again.
"Oh dear!" Jean remarked looking around, "Where are Erik and Nadir anyway?" he enquired.
"They are both over in Monsieur Nadir's apartment." Gilen answered still scribbling in the account books as he spoke.
Jean grinned, "Excellent!" He commented and left the office before either Thomas or Gilen could warn him. The two young men watched; as Jean crossed the street and headed to Nadirs front door; shrugged and went back to looking busy.
ooo
Darius was just considering when it would be a good moment to call for a scolding time out, for tea and pastries when a knocking came from the front door.
Leaving the scolding party continuing in the parlour, Darius opened the front door to see Jean standing there his customary smile in place.
"Are Nadir and Erik taking visitors?" he cheerily asked.
"At the moment the only thing the masters are taking is an ear bashing!" Darius replied, as sounds of Christine and Delphine still mid scold reached Jean's ears.
"Oh Crumbs!" Jean replied, "Do you think they need saving?" he asked.
Darius thought for a moment, "Erm, saving no, but the fresh tea and pastries are getting cold." He replied. "So, if the Mistresses shout at you as well, on your own head be it, but I would like to serve mid-morning repast before the tea chills." He added.
Jean made up his mind, "Wish me luck I am going in!" he declared, as he went to grab the parlour doorknob.
"I will bring another cup for you!" Darius responded.
ooo
As Jean grabbed the door handle, he gathered all his knowledge on dealing with angry ladies… And prepared himself as he pushed open the door.
"Of all the stupid things!" he heard Delphine say to a very quiet Nadir, as he entered behind Delphine and Christine.
Knowing that trying to speak up for Erik and Nadir would most likely get him verbally murdered he knew he had to approach this differently.
"Good morning, Delphine, Good Morning Christine." He said drawing the wrathful glances in his direction. "What have these two done to anger such lovely ladies." Jean said seriousness dripping from every word.
"This idiot was unwell, went out and gave his best friend mumps, when I told him to stay home!" Delphine declared pointing to her husband.
"The idiot that caught mumps!" Christine stated, pointing to a very nervous Erik, "Decided that whilst unwell it would be a good idea to go gallivanting around Paris in his pyjamas!"
Jean shuddered, "Mumps, that can be very serious if you catch it as an adult male for the first time!" he stated a pained expression on his face. "Trust me I know all about this." He added.
Christine's expression softened slightly, "Precisely, that is why I am so cross with both Nadir and Erik, he has never had mumps before this week!" she informed Jean.
"Nadir was the one who gave Erik mumps!" Delphine added, "Just because he had it as a child does not mean everyone had it as a child!"
Jean nodded solemnly.
Erik took the opportunity and the lull in scolding to pose a question, "I have to ask, how do you know so much about mumps?" he enquired of Jean.
"Because I caught it as a child and gave it to my papa, that is why I have no siblings!" Jean explained, a wry grin appearing. "I thought at the time it was funny because Papa looked like a hamster and could not walk properly." He added.
Christine's curiosity got the better of her, "Why could your father not walk properly?" she asked.
"Simple!" Jean replied, "Not only his neck and cheeks but other parts of him swelled up to grapefruit size and were extremely painful." He informed everyone.
Erik cautiously looked down at the front of his own trousers. "Grapefruit you say?" he questioned.
"Yes, they appeared the same time as his neck and cheeks swelled up, very painful too!" Jean answered.
Erik started to grin like a maniac, "I do not have grapefruit!" he declared happily indicating his lap.
Nadir picked up on this, "You mean since you do not have grapefruit, I get to keep my grapes intact?" he asked hopefully.
"That would depend on my wife!" Erik answered truthfully.
Christine looked at Delphine, "I do not believe they took in one word of what we have just told them!" she declared with exasperation.
"I have come to the conclusion men are born with the ability to ignore good wifely advice!" Delphine responded glaring at her husband, who unlike Erik at least looked guilty.
Erik looked at Nadir who seemed to understand what his friend was trying to indicate. "We will not do this again!" they both chorused.
The ladies as one, sighed, as Darius entered the Parlour, "I have taken the liberty of preparing the back balcony for your tea and repast Mistresses." Darius declared "Would you both care to follow me?" he enquired.
Christine and Delphine looked at each other, looked at their husbands, shook their heads and gave up. A nice cup of tea sounded divine and definitely easier than dealing with errant husbands, they followed Darius, leaving Erik Jean and Nadir in the parlour.
The two older men looked at Jean with respect, "How on earth did you do that?" Erik had to ask.
"Seriously how, I mean I am a seasoned man of marriage but even I could not come up with a way to stop that!" Nadir stated in awe.
"Simple!" Jean replied, "You guys taught me to know thy enemy, and I had to learn quickly how to disarm my easily peeved mother-in-law!" he explained as he started laughing.
"The enigmatic Madame Giry, good job!" Erik retorted joining the laughter.
"Due respect!" Nadir responded, "The student becomes the master!" he added with a chuckle.
Jean was still laughing, "It was either that or very sore shins, she welds that cane like a croquet mallet!" he explained, as all three men continued to laugh.