A/N: Did you know that Jorja Fox wrote Sara's goodbye letter to Gil herself? To me that makes it even more sweetly painful. My favorite scene, where Gil proposes, is referred to in this chapter, as well as spoilers for 'Goodbye and Good Luck'. Also in this chapter: Shakespeare's 29th sonnet - which happens to be my favorite one. Tissue warning for the last scene - I needed one while I wrote it! :(

I still don't own anything.

TWO WEEKS LATER

My eyes flew open as the sound of thunder rolled overhead and our bedroom lit up with a flash of lightning. I was careful not to wake the beautiful woman sleeping beside me as I slipped out of bed and took a few minutes to stare down at her, as the nightmare images faded back into the unconscious world.

In my last official act as Sara's supervisor, I had taken her off the schedule for two weeks, allowing her time to rest, heal, and start therapy from her harrowing ordeal in the desert. The team had kept their mouths shut about our relationship during working hours, though we had invited them over to the townhouse for dinner last week and good-natured teasing had taken place. The guys were cool, Catherine was still pretending to be hurt – but I think in reality she was more upset with herself for not figuring us out a whole lot sooner.

Tomorrow was D-day: I was going to tell Conrad about our relationship and then the interrogations and formal administrative review would begin. It was something I was dreading – the confrontation with Conrad – not the end result. Sara was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I had no doubts about that.

But in the aftermath of Natalie's kidnapping, I had begun to see a sadness in Sara – and I was afraid that she was second-guessing her life with me. Perhaps it was simply burnout, or demons from her childhood, but whatever it was, she wasn't talking to me. I could only hope she was talking about it to her therapist Donna and not bottling it up inside.

If I was being honest with myself, I was battling my own fears. I had come so close to losing her two weeks ago – and there was nothing I could do to prevent it from happening again. It was the nature of the beast – the job that we loved- it put us in danger. But this time, she had been targeted because of me – a serial killer had seen how much I loved her – and her life had been in danger as a result.

Perhaps it would be better if I- I groaned, unable to even finish the thought in my head, as I felt my eyes tear up. This is another reason why I fought my feelings for you for so long, Sara. It kept you safe – it kept my heart safe. But I can't walk away from you now.

I grabbed my pillow and headed out to the living room, Hank following behind. This was a pattern that started a little over a week ago.

I woke up in the night from a nightmare – Sara had died in the desert – and I was clutching her tightly to me, needing to feel she was alive and well.

"Ow, Gil, my arm-"

I released her and pushed her away so fast that you'd have thought she was a snake.

"God, Sara-"

"I'm ok- you didn't hurt me-"

I left our bed and slept the rest of the night on the couch.

That had been ten days ago. Now, if I woke up and found myself reaching for her in need or desire, I stopped myself. She needed to heal – she needed tenderness – she needed space.

I just needed her – but I could wait. However, I couldn't be held responsible for what my body did while I was asleep, so once again I left our bed and went out to the couch, where the only thing that would suffer was my back.

I fell into a fitful sleep, so I had no idea what time it was when I was awakened by the light touch of fingers caressing my cheek.

"Gil."

"Hmm, Sara." My eyes opened to see her sitting on the coffee table across from the couch, dressed only in one of my oversized LVPD hoodies – it was one of the few things she could put on without my assistance.

"Why are you sleeping out here, babe?"

I sighed into her touch. "I – I didn't want to wake you – you were sleeping so peacefully-"

She frowned. "You had another nightmare. Why didn't you wake me up?"

I ran a hand up her good arm, caressing the skin. "You need your sleep-"

"No, you need your sleep. I'm still off for a few days, remember?"

"Lucky girl."

"And you have your talk with Ecklie in a few hours – I know you must be stressing over it."

I shrugged. "It needs to be done."

Sara leaned back, her fingers leaving my face. "Why are you shutting me out? You're not talking to me-"

"You're not talking to me either, Sara."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "I've told you what happened with Natalie and I'm going to therapy again – what more do you want to know?"

"I want you to tell me why you're so sad. Sara, did I do-"

She shook her head. "No, Gilbert. It's me – I – feel a little lost right now – like a part of me died out there in the desert, I guess."

I sat up so quickly our knees knocked together. "How can I help you?"

"Talk to me – you've closed yourself off from me. Why do you leave our bed at night to sleep out here on the couch? Do you have any idea how that makes me feel – like maybe you don't-"

I pressed a finger to her lips, silencing her words and her fears. "I love you, Sara."

She frowned under my finger, and I removed it. "Then what is it? You've barely touched me – let alone kissed me – since I came home from the hospital."

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the emotion in hers as I gave voice to mine. "I'm afraid."

I felt her hand cup my cheek. "Of what?"

"Hurting you."

Upon hearing her gasp, my eyes flew open to see the shock on her face. "Honey, what are you talking – is this about what happened over a week ago?"

"Partly-" I shrugged.

"You were asleep, and you rolled over on my arm, Gil! I cried out and then you jumped out of bed before I could explain – you never let me explain! Cast or no cast, I still would have cried out when your whole body landed on my arm in the middle of the night!"

I gave her a weak smile and she threw up her hand in exasperation.

"I can see there's more so – go on. Tell me the rest."

"Natalie targeted you because of me – she saw how much I cared about you even though you've warned me time and time again not to look at you or touch you while we're at work – it's my fault you were in danger-"

Sara had been biting her lip while I was talking but now, a small guffaw of laughter escaped, and I blinked in surprise.

"You're laughing at me – at my pain?"

She slid off the coffee table and into my lap, looping her good arm around my neck. "I'm sorry – it's just – I thought only women had insecurities like this!"

"I'm not finding this very funny, Dear."

"I know you're not – and I apologize. But listen, Natalie is an extremely troubled, mentally ill young woman. Yes, she saw how much we both care for each other – but she could have targeted either one of us – or any other member of the team. She's one hundred percent certifiably crazy, Gilbert. And I'm not willing to give you up just because she or someone else in the future might use our relationship against us – are you?"

I shook my head.

"We've spent nearly a year trying to catch the miniature killer - I think Natalie has taken enough from us – please don't let her take anymore."

I gave her a small smile. "Your therapy already seems to be helping-"

"Maybe you should try it."

"Hmm," was my noncommittal response. "Can you tell me now why you have been so sad lately?"

Sara sighed and leaned her forehead against mine. "It's like I said. I feel a little lost. This ordeal brought up my demons – ones that I still haven't dealt with, unfortunately. And now that our relationship is going to be out in the open, one of us is going to have to transfer and leave our family – and that makes me sad too."

I cupped her face. "I already told you that I'll move to swing."

"We'll talk about that later – for now, just kiss me, Gilbert."

I leaned in and placed a series of kisses from her eyebrow to her cheek, but Sara pulled back and gripped my chin in her hand.

"No, kiss me!"

"I thought I was-"

She shook her dark head. "No, kiss me like you're saying hello, like I'm the air you breathe, like it might be the last time-"

"Sara-"

"You haven't kissed me like that since the night before-"

I brought my lips down on hers, stopping her words and cutting off our airflow. I swallowed the moan that rose inside me and opened my mouth to her tongue. My hands moved to the back of her head, drawing her body further into my lap. She rocked her hips into me, and I struggled not to roll my eyes in ecstasy as my lower anatomy sprang to life.

"Sara-" I panted as my lips tore away from hers. I watched with lust filled eyes as she leaned back enough to yank my hoodie over her head with one hand.

She climbed down from my lap and held out her hand. "Come back to bed, Dear."

I tapped on the open door and waited for Conrad to look up. "This a bad time?"

"No, Gil, come in."

I swung the door shut behind me and approached the desk, silently in awe of the fact that the man somehow managed to keep his desk clear of paperwork.

"You're in early tonight – you haven't clocked in, have you?"

I resisted the strong urge to roll my eyes. "No, but there is an urgent matter I needed to bring to your attention before you left for the night."

Conrad threw the pen down and closed the file folder. "Well, what is it? I actually have a date tonight, so if you can make this quick-"

"It's about Sara-"

Conrad rolled his eyes. "Isn't it always? Don't tell me she needs more time off – Gil, the other shifts are shorthanded, and her doctor said she's cleared for lab work-"

I held up a hand. "Sara is cleared for lab work, and limited field work, in my professional opinion. I'm here to discuss something of a more – private nature."

Conrad's eyebrows rose on his balding forehead. "Oh? What is it?"

"Sara and I are involved – we are in a personal relationship."

I watched in silence as Conrad's face went from stark white to bright red.

"Let me get this straight – you and your subordinate – are involved in a romantic relationship?"

"Yes."

Conrad leapt to his feet. "Damn it, Gil! This is – you're both in violation of lab policy – you could lose your jobs-"

I heard the door open behind me and I knew without turning to look that undersheriff Jeffrey McKeen had just slipped into the office.

"Now, Conrad, calm down. No one's going to get fired around here."

Conrad reared back in surprise. "You knew about this, McKeen?"

McKeen nodded. "Grissom came to my office a couple of weeks ago out of concern for his and Sidle's careers. I told him he had nothing to worry about – he doesn't, does he?"

"Well now, I am going to have to conduct a formal review – there's no way around that – and department policy is pretty clear that members of the same team cannot be involved in a romantic relationship." Conrad was backing up his position with the lab regulations.

"What if that's not an issue?" I put in and both men looked at me.

"How could it not be an issue?" Conrad wanted to know. "You and Sidle are on the same team. Unless the two of you have ended your relationship?" He looked at me for an answer, but I merely looked back at him, a faint smile on my face.

"Just conduct your review and let me know what you find – and then we'll figure out how to save everyone's job," McKeen ordered.

"Sara! We're going to be late for our reservation! Are you almost ready?"

I heard the answering sound of laughter from our bathroom. "Patience is a virtue, Gil! Five more minutes!"

I sighed and settled down on the couch to wait for my fiancée.

I still couldn't believe it: Sara was my fiancée.

Of course, I'd thought of a hundred different ways to propose over the past year – but none of them had been the casual way it happened yesterday afternoon. Sara had popped outside the lab, dressed head to toe in a beekeeper's outfit to check in with my progress with the bees. When the review had ended over a month ago, and no misconduct had been found, Sara made the decision to transfer to swing. I protested, saying that I was the more logical choice, but Sara stood firm, saying that she needed more sunshine in her life. I still saw the shadows around her eyes and worried that she wasn't shaking off the sadness, but I knew that she was trying, for us.

I hadn't planned on proposing yesterday. It was one of those things that just happened. She had looked so beautiful in her outfit – and her radiant smile was back – the shadows were temporarily gone from her eyes. When she was watching the bee crawl on her hand with the wide-eyed wonder of a child, the words had just slipped out:

"You know, maybe we should get married."

She wasn't even looking at me when I said the words – hell, it wasn't even a question! And then the bee stung her hand because she jumped in surprise and I felt terrible – that she got stung, not that I'd said the words. I felt her gaze on me the entire time I was scraping the stinger out of her palm, so I gathered my courage enough to say:

"So, what do you-"

"Yes, let's do it!"

And she giggled – giggled! I don't remember the last time I heard that carefree sound from her lips and I felt my heart soar in excitement. I moved in to kiss her, but we were still wearing our helmets and it sort of ruined the moment but not really. Somehow, it was still so us.

Both of us went back to work after that but when I got home, Sara was waiting for me with chocolates and champagne, and she was wearing her expensive La Perla lingerie that she saved for very special occasions. The champagne lasted much longer than the lingerie, but I promised to buy her more for an engagement gift.

My internal reverie was interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door opening and Sara coming down the stairs. I turned my head, and my mouth went dry as I beheld the vision of my fiancée coming towards me – her hair was caught up in a loose ponytail, wisps of hair already escaping and framing her face. She wore a burgundy-colored peasant style blouse and a jean skirt that hugged her legs and flared out slightly at the knees. She came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs and planted her hands on her hips.

"Don't look at me like that, Gil-"

I swallowed and came to stand in front of her. "You look like a girl I first met years ago at a forensics conference in San Francisco-"

She laughed and looped her arms around my neck. "Girl? I was a woman then same as now– you just didn't want to see it."

"Oh, I saw it – I just didn't want you to think I was a dirty old man-"

She giggled. "You can be my dirty old man any day of the week, Gris. Now, have you seen my silver sandals?"

I groaned. "Again? I think you should just buy yourself a second pair – one for you and one for Hank."

She swatted my chest and stepped around me to hunt around downstairs while I went upstairs to search Hank's bed. Sure enough, I found them underneath the cushion, a little worse for the wear. "Honey! I found them – but you might want to choose a different pair to-"

Sara appeared at my side, leaning over my shoulder and I took the opportunity to inhale her sweet scent.

"Damn dog."

I stood and faced her, the chewed-up shoes dangling from my fingertips. "Now, Sara, would you say that if he was a child?"

She grabbed the shoes from me and tossed them back on Hank's bed. "He is our child, Gilbert. A very naughty, furry child!"

She stomped over to the closet and yanked it open, digging around inside for her sturdy, reliable pair of brown sandals. She sat on the bed and began lacing them up. "Why does he like the sparkly ones – why not the plain ones that I have in multiple styles and colors?"

I knelt in front of her and took over the lacing. "He has great taste, like me– those silver, sparkly sandals are the sexy ones." I leaned down and kissed the tattoo on the top of her foot. "When did you get this, anyway?"

Sara smiled. "I've told you this story before, remember? I wanted to get a tattoo from the time I was fourteen, but my foster mother was like 'wait until you're older – tattoos are permanent things'. My foster brothers and sisters and I would get a bunch of the fake ones and put them on different parts of our body, as an experiment to see where a real one would go one day. As soon as I turned eighteen, I went down to a parlor and picked this one out."

"Why a daisy?"

Sara shrugged. "It's such a happy, carefree little flower – I guess I'd already seen so much darkness that I wanted something light and happy."

"Maybe you and I should get one together – to celebrate our engagement."

Sara's right eyebrow rose. "You, Gilbert Grissom, want to get a tattoo?"

"Why not? You don't think a guy like me is hip enough for a tattoo?"

She shook her head. "I didn't say that."

"Should I get a flower like you?"

She covered her mouth with her hands to hold in the laughter and spoke through her fingers. "Maybe you should stick to your hobbies – get a bug one."

"I'll take that under advisement." I sat back on my heels and changed the subject. "I got you something-"

"I hope it's not shoes – because if it is, we're going to have to invest in a safe to put them in!"

I grinned. "No, it's not shoes." I pulled a long, slender jewelry box from my pocket. "Sara – yesterday's proposal – it wasn't planned-"

"So, you didn't mean to-"

"Oh no no- I did – I had planned for some time to ask you to marry me – just not like that – not so out of the blue – in fact, I don't think I even really asked you, did I?"

She pursed her lips. "Well, it was more of a statement-"

I got up and sat beside her on the bed. "Exactly! You see, I'd imagined it so many times in my head – dinner – wine – candles – dancing-"

"What – no bugs?" She giggled.

"Hush," I whispered, lifting a hand, and cupping her cheek. "Sara Sidle, you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me – inside and out – you fill my life with such joy and passion – and if we have another fifty years together, I still don't think I'll understand what it is you see in me-"

Sara leaned over and brushed her lips across mine. "You are the gentlest, kindest, most passionate man I've ever known. You are my home, Gil. The fact that we've managed to find each other in this crazy world is nothing short of amazing-"

I snapped back the lid on the box and revealed a silver necklace of nine tiny sparkling dragonflies. Sara gasped and reached out to touch them with a trembling hand.

"Oh Gil-" she breathed my name out on a sob. "It's beautiful- why are there nine of them?"

"One for every year I've known and loved thee," I whispered, and she shook her head at me, still refusing to admit that our relationship was that old. "I've never seen you wear a ring and in our line of work – an engagement ring's not really practical, so I went with a necklace. Sara Sidle, will you marry me?"

Sara continued to stare at the necklace for so long that I began to worry she was going to say no. But then she removed it from the box. "Put it on me?"

"Is that a yes?"

"I already said yes."

I held it in front of her, waiting, the dragonflies dancing in the light.

She grinned. "Let's do it."

I fastened the clasp around her neck, and she pressed our lips together, moving her mouth hungrily against mine. I pulled back enough to whisper. "That's not really an answer, you know. I asked properly this time-"

"Yes, Gil, I'll marry you."

I devoured her mouth as my fingers began to unbutton her blouse, but she batted my fingers away long enough to murmur in my ear. "Can we still make our reservation?"

I groaned and dropped my face to her neck. "I think we've missed it- I'll take you out to lunch tomorrow-"

She laughed. "You just want sex now."

I slipped my hand under the blouse, and it began to fall off her shoulders. "What did you think would happen when you came downstairs dressed like this?"

"So, it's my fault we're missing lunch at one of our favorite restaurants?"

"Yes, it is, you naughty girl."

The sound of her giggles filled my ears as I caught her up in my arms and threw her onto our bed.

Sara. My fiancée – my love. A couple months ago I feared I had lost everything and now I have everything lying here in my arms.

Know that I tried very hard to stay. Know that you are my one and only. I will miss you with every beat of my heart. Our life together was the only home I've ever really had. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love you. I always will.

Goodbye.

Sara was gone.

My love, my life, the only woman I've ever loved – kissed me in the hallway, in front of Hodges, in front of everyone and walked out the door of the lab, out of my life.

I honestly don't remember the next couple of days – or the cases that I worked on. I do remember Conrad coming to my office on the third day and ordering me to go home.

"Why?"

"Because you've worked a triple and the department can't afford any more overtime. Go home and get some sleep, Gil. See you tomorrow."

I'd been home briefly since Sara left – but only to change clothes and feed Hank. He had looked at me with accusing eyes and whined, no doubt wondering where his mother was – I knew that most of his affections lay with her now. I didn't have the heart to tell him that our bachelor days were back – that Sara had left both of us.

I clocked out but I didn't leave the lab – instead I closed the blinds, shut the door, and turned off all the lights except for my desk lamp. I kicked off my shoes and loosened my collar, trying hard to erase all the memories of Sara doing this at the end of long days. My eyes filled with tears as I shut them and hoped that I could at least fall asleep, because when I was asleep, Sara visited me in my dreams.

I jumped as my cell rang in my pocket and groaned, hoping that it wasn't Catherine calling to check on me. She had been relentless, and I just didn't want to talk about it – about anything – I wanted to be left alone. But when I saw the ID, my heart beat faster as I flipped the phone open.

"Sara?" I breathed out her name in a whisper. "Honey, is that you?"

She didn't answer me, but the line stayed open, and I could hear her rapid breathing on the other end. I didn't want to scare her away – say something that would make her hang up – but I was so hungry to hear the sound of her voice – to know that she was alive and okay somewhere on this planet that the words just rushed out of me.

"I miss you."

A sob came over the line and I knew I had to do something – maybe she had called because she was having a panic attack and she needed to hear my voice to calm down.

"I'm here, Sara. I'm here. How about some poetry, hmm? A little Shakespeare?

'When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,

I all alone beweep my outcast state,

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,

And look upon myself and curse my fate,

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,

Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,

Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,

With what I most enjoy contented least;

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,

Haply I think on thee, and then my state,

(Like to the lark at break of day arising

From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven's gate;

For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings

That then I scorn to change my state with kings.'"

When I finished reciting the sonnet, I let the silence stretch between us, and I was relieved to hear that Sara's breathing had evened out. After a few minutes of silence, I heard her soft reply.

"Thank you."

"Any time."

"I thought – maybe – since I left –" I heard her take a deep breath. "The way I left – Gil, I don't have a right to call you anymore-"

"Never say that, Sara," I interrupted her. "You have every right – I love you – that hasn't changed – and in your letter you said you'd always love me. So, in my mind – you're just taking some time for yourself-"

"I don't know that I can ever come back – to Vegas, I mean."

"We'll figure it out."

"Gil – don't put your life on hold for me -I don't want you to do that-"

"Hey, how long did you wait for me? Years, right?"

"Yeah," she whispered.

"I'll wait for you – as long as it takes."

"I don't – Gil, I'm broken. I don't know – what I'm doing – where I'm going. I can barely make it through today – thinking about tomorrow – planning for next week – it scares the hell out of me."

"So, don't do that right now. Just take it one step at a time. Your letter mentioned your childhood demons – have you given any more thought about going to see your mom?"

Sara gasped. "I have actually – how did you know?"

"Well – I do know you – but it's also the next logical step – are you in California?"

"Yeah – I rented a car so I could drive – it gives me time to think. And I'm proud of myself for waiting three days to call you. I nearly called you on my first night out-"

"You could have – I wanted to call you."

"Why didn't you?"

Because you left me.

She answered before I could say anything. "Don't answer that – I get it. I hurt you – I left without talking to you and explaining all this in person-"

"I knew that you were struggling during the Hannah case – we just never had an opportunity to talk it out."

"I know, Gil. I know you were reaching out for me, and I tried so hard to stay but I have things to deal with that I can't deal with there – you understand, don't you?"

"I do."

Sara yawned. "It's late and I'm tired – I think I can sleep now, thanks to you." She paused before adding, her voice barely above a whisper. "Is it okay if I call again – can we keep in touch?"

"Like I said before, call me anytime. Good night, Dear."

"Good night, Gilbert."

I slipped my phone back in my pocket as I laid down on the couch, a slight smile on my face from talking to Sara. At least I knew that she was safe. I wanted nothing more than to be by her side as she took this journey but the fact that she had reached out to me when three days ago I thought that I would never hear from her again was more than I had dared to hope for.

I will wait for you, my love, no matter how long it takes.

A/N: I included this phone conversation because in the next episode when Jim asks Gil about Sara, he says she is in California visiting her mother. I firmly believe that they stayed in touch with each other until Warrick was shot . . . after that, well, you'll just have to read my last chapter to find out! Only one more to go!

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