Chapter 31 – A Conscript's Lament
Colonel Mitsuo Shikishima, second in command of the First Brigade JSSDF Special Forces, was the picture of the quintessential officer in the upper echelon of the modern military structure. Stoic, upright, just, and immaculately groomed with his regulation crew cut and thin mustache above his lip, he cut an imposing figure standing at just over two meters in height. Despite his intimidating size he was a gentle giant at heart who disliked violence despite his profession, though he understood the necessity of it. Even so, he was a soldier at heart, through and through. After all, he'd honed his skills in the north as a platoon commander in the border clashes during the first few years post Second Impact with Russia, China, and the United People's Republic of Korea... He would admit that these events had very much embittered him to military actions however, despite his role in them.
It was early in the morning and the exercise his men were set to undertake was set to begin in a few days. He didn't like what the exercise implied, what it foreshadowed, but as an officer of the Japanese military he had no choice but to see it succeed. So the morning found him sitting at his desk in the staging area headquarters looking over the finer details of the live fire exercise. Coordinating the special forces with the regular infantry, air forces, and artillery was not an easy task...
There was a knock on the door to his office. "Come in," he called in his deep baritone voice, not bothering to look up from his study of the charts and documents spread out before him on his desk.
He heard the door to his office open and someone step inside. "Sir, I've brought your morning coffee," a voice stated softly.
Shikishima turned around and took sight of the young staff officer entering his quarters before turning back to the papers he was studying. "Thank you," he replied. "Just put it on my desk here."
The staff officer stepped over to him and placed the coffee next to his left hand. Shikishima grabbed it and took a sip instantaneously, still flipping through the paperwork on his desk. "By the way sir, General Oda wants to see you when you have a moment," the young officer stated.
Shikishima scowled. He could only hope that there was no further change of plans. The last few days there had been a flurry of activity that bordered on chaos with the emergence of certain unpleasant rumors. "I'll be with him in a moment," he replied gruffly. "Dismissed."
"Yes sir!" the young officer returned before marching out of the office and closing the door behind him.
Shikishima breathed a heavy sigh. He could only imagine what General Oda wanted. Ever since the rumors of a massive explosion in Nevada had started coming in things had been tense among the higher ranks to say the least... It was then that the phone on his desk rang. He answered it instantly. "Colonel Shikishima speaking," he opened gruffly. "What is it?"
"This is Fujita," the voice on the line replied with a chuckle. "Good to speak to you too."
Shikishima scowled. His relationship with Tetsuo Fujita of the DIH was one born of necessity. Considering his pull as a high ranking officer and his own desire to know what was going on ever since NERV had assumed control over the military situation against the so called Angel threat had led him to seeking out anyone in military intelligence that could give him perspective. This had led the beginning of their professional relationship some months prior. This said, Shikishima had quite a dislike for the smug spy. Spies were deceitful swine after all... "What do you want?" he growled.
"Information," Fujita replied. "And an exchange thereof."
Shikishima's scowl deepened. "What do you want to know that you don't know already?" he asked.
"The nature of the exercise that is about to transpire at your location," Fujita returned. "In exchange for what I've learned in the last few days."
"The nature of the exercise?" Shikishima inquired.
"Yes," Fujita replied. "I know that my sources have said it's preparation for action against NERV but I want to hear it from you."
Shikishima grit his teeth. "Yes," he growled. "It is. Now what information do you have for me?"
"Only that the rumors regarding the Second NERV Branch in the United States are true," Fujita replied. "I'll be consulting with my contact within NERV as soon as possible for further details."
"This Ryouji Kaji that you've mentioned in past?" Shikishima asked. "The one responsible for the blackout in Tokyo 3?"
"The same," Fujita replied. "As I've said, I believe he's in a key position to avert future bloodshed."
Shikishima took another sip of his coffee, his frown remaining. "I hope you're correct," he replied. "He is perhaps in the best position to avert the inevitable..."
Rei was in a relatively good mood when she awoke the day after the finalization of the Dummy System. Walking home with Shinji was always something that made her happy. By the time that they'd gotten up to the surface of the city it was getting too late for her to go over to Misato's for a meal so he'd simply walked her home and they'd had had a nice conversation about school and other such mundane things. It had been a nice distraction from the serious matters she'd had to confront earlier that day.
After finishing her morning routine she'd set off for Misato's apartment as she usually did. She'd gotten her school supplies in order, brushed her hair and teeth, slipped her shoes on, and left her apartment, stepping into the dewy morning air. It was just an ordinary day, nothing special or different about it... that was until she encountered Aida on a street corner while on the way to meet Shinji.
"Hey Ayanami, are you headed to Shinji's?" he asked, coming up beside her.
Rei nodded. "I am," she replied.
"Do you mind if I come along with you?" he asked. "There's uh... there's a question I really want to ask Major Katsuragi."
Rei tilted her head to the side, curious at his words. "You have an inquiry for her?" she replied.
He nodded and adjusted his glasses with a serious expression. "Yeah," he replied. "I'm going to ask her if she'll pick me to be new Eva pilot!"
Rei's frowned and she looked down at the sidewalk. It would appear that Suzuhara either was unable or unwilling to inform Aida of his selection as a pilot. Considering Aida's nature and obsession with all things military she understood why he'd want to be a pilot even after his excursion in the cockpit of Unit 01. It may have been... an overeager sentiment, wanting to be a pilot, but she understood it. However... it was simply impossible as Suzuhara had already been selected for the role. She found herself mulling over dark thoughts as they walked together, about Unit 03 and the Angel that would soon infect it. If she wasn't able to find a way to defeat the upcoming Angel then Aida would find out just how horrifying being an Eva pilot could be. Then again... if Asuka, Shinji, and herself couldn't defeat it without the Dummy System then he'd never have the time to contemplate the horrors of war. The Third Impact would make it all moot... No. She had to be confident in her abilities and have no fear... "I see..." was all she murmur in reply.
"Do you think I have a chance?" he asked, his excitement growing.
Rei's frown deepened. It was Suzuhara's place to tell him, not hers. Perhaps she should speak with him and encourage him to at least tell Shinji. She doubted that he knew because if he did he would have surely mentioned something to her, not to mention he'd have been an undeniably less happy mood than he had been the previous evening... "I don't know..." she lied.
"I know that a lot of it is super classified but I've been reading up on everything I can about the Evas and their capabilities," Aida continued. "Plus I'd be honored to fight alongside you and Shinji!"
Rei turned to him with a sober expression. "I understand your enthusiasm," she replied. "But I do not know if Misato-san has any say in the matter."
Aida laughed at her statement. "She's the head of the combat division, why wouldn't she?" he replied. "Besides, it's worth a shot even if the odds are slim!"
Rei said nothing in response and continued walking beside him. It seemed that she wouldn't be able to convince him of the futility of his request. She decided that it didn't matter, he was going to find out in a few short minutes anyway...
The previous evening after he'd walked Rei home had been... strange. No, tense was a better word for it. The atmosphere in the apartment had been tense for lack of a better term. \He'd returned home to find Asuka in a bad mood for a reason she refused to specify and Misato shut in her room going over work related stuff or so she claimed. He'd ultimately retreated into his own room and just... listened to the music on his old cassette player until he'd fallen asleep. The both of them had been so distant with him as of late and he didn't like it. He... kinda understood where Asuka was coming from after he'd rebuffed her advances on him but Misato he just didn't get. Either way it made him feel lonely and he hated feeling lonely. He knew it was weird to think about but part of him kinda wished he'd just... stayed at Rei's but he knew that would never fly. Guys don't just stay over at girls houses, even if they're best friends. They only did that if they were of legal age and if they were in a romantic relationship... and as much as he wanted to make that happen with Rei he just didn't have the courage to take that step at the moment. It wasn't... it wasn't the right time... yet.
The morning so far had continued along the same lines as the night before it, tense. Asuka was already dressed when he'd awoken and made his way to the kitchen and she'd said maybe two words to him before he'd gone to brush his teeth. After that he hadn't seen her. To top it off, Misato was up early for once which was... indicative of big things going on at NERV. He could assume from that the rumors of Unit 03 transferring were true but it was best to ask about it at least. Then again... why else would their have been a pair of suitcases in the hallway?
After he'd gotten himself ready for school he did his usual thing of sitting at the kitchen table while sipping a cup of coffee as he waited for Rei to meet him at the door. Misato entered the kitchen dressed in her full uniform, which basically all but confirmed his suspicions if the suitcases hadn't already, that the rumors about the Second Branch and Unit 03 were true... "Hey," Misato spoke, putting on a smile that didn't quite match her tone of voice. "I'm gonna be heading out now. Is Rei coming over as usual?"
"Yeah, I assume so" he replied. "Have you seen Asuka?"
Misato's smile faltered just a little. "She's taken off already," she returned, her tone taking on a somber edge. "I think she just wants to be alone right now."
Shinji couldn't help but wonder if he had anything to do with that... probably. "Why do you think that is?" he asked.
"A teenage girl can be difficult to understand, Shinji," she replied.
He turned away from Misato and gazed into his cup of coffee. It wasn't much of an explanation but it was perhaps a true statement. Asuka was definitely a very difficult person to understand at times and he'd always had more than a little difficulties understanding girls. "I see..." he replied.
There was a pause before Misato spoke again. "So..." she replied. "I'm leaving now, and I'm sorry but I won't be back for four or five days. Kaji will be here to look after you and Asuka while I'm gone."
He had to ask her before she left... "Hey, uh... Misato-san..." he spoke, his gaze remaining fixed on the cup of coffee in his hand and his own reflection in the dark liquid. "Can I... ask you something?"
"Sure," Misato replied, sounding like she was trying to sound cheerful but really wasn't feeling that way. "Go ahead."
He lifted his gaze to her with a serious expression. Now or never... "Are the rumors about Unit 04 true?" he flatly inquired. "I heard there was some kind of accident and it exploded."
Misato's eyes widened for half a second and a somewhat tense expression formed on her face. "Yes...' she replied after a brief pause. "Unit 04 is gone along with the Second Branch of NERV. It happened when they were testing the S2 engine, a new power source that could allow combat without external power."
Shinji frowned and looked down at his coffee cup once more. So the rumors were true... but why hadn't she told him? Did she not trust him enough to say something? "I see..." he muttered.
"Don't worry though, everything is fine," Misato continued. "All three of our Evas are functioning properly and our pilots and staff including you are in good shape too."
Shinji's scowl deepened. Why has she kept this from him? He didn't like being kept in the dark, especially when it pertained to something that related to himself in such an important manner... "Oh..." he muttered glumly. "I also heard that Unit 03 is being brought here and that the activation test is happening at Matsushiro. Is that why you're going to be gone?"
"Yeah, that's why I'll be gone for a little while..." Misato replied, every sentence becoming even more awkward. "As I said, Kaji will be over to take care of you and Asuka while I'm gone."
That didn't answer all the questions he had... "What about the test activation?" he asked.
"Ritsuko will be there to oversee everything so there won't be any problems," Misato replied, her smile widening in a way that unnerved him. She was hiding something at that made him nervous...
"And who will be the pilot?" he asked.
Misato's grin faltered. "T- the pilot..." she stammered, trailing off.
His scowl intensified. Why did she seem so reluctant to tell him? Either the pilot hadn't been selected yet or it was someone he knew... Before he had a chance to prod her to continue the doorbell rang. He rose from the table, leaving behind his half finished coffee, and headed to the door. At least he could look forward to walking to school with Rei. Heck, maybe she knew who the pilot was or was going to be, if Misato wasn't willing to tell him... He opened the door and Rei stood there with... Kensuke? Why he was accompanying Rei to his house? "Morning Rei," he greeted with a puzzled expression. "What brings you here, Kensuke?"
"I encountered him on my walk here," Rei replied flatly.
"Yeah, I have an important question to ask Major Katsuragi!" the glasses wearing boy declared.
"Hi Rei!" Misato called from down the hall. "Shinji? Is another of your friends here?"
This was very perplexing. What could he possibly want to ask Misato about? "Okay, well, come on in then," he replied, stepping out of the door so the two of them could enter.
The both of them stepped inside and Kensuke wasted no time. As soon as he saw Misato at the other end of the hallway he threw himself into a deep bow. "Major Katsuragi!" he exclaimed. "Please! Make me the pilot of Evangelion Unit 03!"
Misato's eyes went wide upon hearing those words. This was definitely one of the most awkward mornings she'd experienced in recent months and this was a completely unexpected turn. "Huh?" she replied lamely, unable to formulate a better response to the bowing boy.
"I'm begging you!" the boy, Kensuke Aida, if she was recalling his name correctly, continued. All the while he remained in position, bowed at nearly ninety degrees. "Please bestow upon me this honor!"
Misato's initial surprise faded and was replaced by a queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She'd been debating whether to tell Shinji who the pilot was right before this. With this going on, telling him wouldn't be right. It would just make things even more awkward. It hurt, knowing that she wouldn't be able to tell him before she left. Maybe Rei or Asuka would inform him. She knew that Asuka knew at least since they'd spoken about it the previous night before Shinji got home... "Unfortunately, I'm not the one in charge of that," she replied softly.
The boy beside Rei straightened up as a crestfallen expression took shape on his face. "Wait, what?" he responded in a manner that sounded like he didn't believe her or rather didn't want to believe her. "How come?"
Misato sighed. "Pilots are selected by a committee that has no link to the actual combat team," she stated as she lifted her suitcase from where it sat on the floor beside her. "So, unfortunately I cannot grant your request."
the bespectacled boy looked positively crushed. "Oh..." he murmured. "Okay..."
The conversation was getting too heavy for her liking. She had to say something though. She felt bad that this kid was sad about this news but she couldn't just tell Shinji who the pilot was with everyone there. Heck, this kid was one of Touji Suzuhara's friends. It would just add insult to injury for him and make things even more awkward... "To be honest, I don't even know who's going to be the pilot yet," she lied. "The administrative branch that oversees these things hasn't let me know yet."
the bespectacled boy shook his head. "It's alright," he replied. "I shouldn't have asked. Ayanami even said you probably had no authority in the matter..."
The atmosphere in the room was getting even more tense than it had been moments ago. Shinji was looked like he knew she was hiding something and from the look of disapproval that Rei was shooting her it was obvious that she knew exactly who the pilot was already... As an officer with much combat experience, she recognized this was probably a good time to retreat and excuse herself from the situation fully. She picked up her suitcase and smiled awkwardly. "Right," she said. "I'm taking off. See you in a few days, Shinji."
Shinji nodded, his frown never wavering. "Okay..." he replied.
With that Misato stepped past the group of teens and out of her apartment. As she stepped away from them the guilt of concealing the truth from her ward weighed heavy. She felt dirty for not having told him.
She shook her head as she reached the elevator at the end of the walkway. He would find out soon enough. Either the pilot would tell him himself or either Rei or Asuka would. She shouldn't feel that guilty about it she decided. It wasn't her place anyway...
Rei would have admitted had anyone asked that she was less than pleased by Misato's behavior before she left the apartment, leaving herself, Shinji, and Aida at the door. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that due to her position that Misato knew who the pilot was, her response to Aida was a white lie. She understood why she hadn't told him who the pilot was but it was still a lie. Then again... she was no better and she knew it, having told many lies to the people closest to her. Even if it was for the best that she keep the truth of so many things under lock and key, hidden from everyone except Dr. Akagi, it was still a web of lies she was living in...
She glanced over at Shinji and Aida. There was no point in ruminating on the matter, they would be late to school if they were to dawdle at the apartment. Rei did note Shinji's contemplative expression and wondered why he looked so... dour, and seeing him like that was a bit upsetting. Seeing him sad made her sad... Regardless of that though, his expression raised an important question. Had Misato told him who the pilot was or was he still in the dark? She decided instantly that she would ask him the minute they could get a moment alone together. "Shall we leave for school?" she asked.
Shinji nodded. "Yeah," he replied. "If we don't then we'll probably end up being late."
"You got a point..." Aida grumbled softly, running a hand through his hair. "It sucks that the pilot's already been picked though. Man, it really would have been cool if I could have been it though..."
Shinji turned to Aida with a perplexed expression that carried with it a tinge of derision. "Why would you want to be pilot?" he asked. "You've seen up close how horrible it can be..."
Aida met Shinji's gaze with a serious expression before bowing his head slightly. "Yeah I know..." he replied. "But... I just wanted to be a hero like you, man..."
Rei watched as Shinji's scowl deepened. "I'm not a hero..." he muttered. "I just... do what I'm told."
Now it was Rei's turn to frown. The feats in battle that he'd accomplished were without question, both in the timeline her consciousness originated from and in the one she now inhabited. He'd always done his duty even if it had been hard for him. He'd always but the needs of others over himself no matter how painful it was to him. Even though he'd wanted to give up many times he still persevered. Wasn't that what a hero did? If it wasn't for him then she would still be made of straw, empty, without feeling or purpose other than what Commander Ikari had designed for her. He was a hero, at least in her eyes... It hurt to see him put himself down... "That isn't true, you are a hero," Rei stated firmly. "Do not tell yourself otherwise."
Shinji instantly snapped his head around to face her, eyes wide and blinking rapidly and his cheeks turning shade of pink. "Wh- what?" he stammered.
Rei felt her own cheeks starting to feel a bit warm upon realizing the gravity of what she'd said, especially having said something so... intimate in front of Aida. "I shall not repeat myself," she replied, turning away. "It's... embarrassing to say it again..."
There was a short pause before Shinji replied. "T- thank you..." he returned sheepishly.
Aida heaved a sigh. "Damn..." he huffed. "Now I feel like a third wheel... let's just... go to school."
Shinji said nothing and Rei wasn't going to protest the statement. They would be late for class if they didn't do just that...
Ritsuko sat beside Misato in the back of a NERV transport van, reading over the newly designated Fourth Child's most recent medical data as she listened to Misato recounted the events of her morning to her. She'd told her about the conversation she'd had with Shinji and how Suzuhara's friend had come over and requested to be made the pilot and how she'd left shortly afterward. It... hurt. Knowing what was in all likelihood coming... it hurt to hear these things. "So Shinji still doesn't know, huh?" she asked somberly.
"Yeah..." she replied. "I didn't have the heart to tell him. I just... I don't know what he's thinking sometimes. I don't know what to say to him..."
Ritsuko frowned. For some reason, that just reminded her of the... new relationship she shared with Rei... "You chose to be his guardian," she returned. "It's your duty to try..."
"I know that..." Misato murmured softly, somberly even. "That doesn't make it easy though."
Ritsuko took in that statement. "I suppose you're right..." she replied, still not looking over at her friend.
There was a pause before Misato spoke again. "So... when will you acquire the new pilot?" she asked.
"Tomorrow," Ritsuko replied, her scowl intensifying. "There's still a few details that need to be ironed out."
"I wonder if he will tell Shinji about his recruitment..." Misato mused darkly in response.
Ritsuko glanced at her friend out of the corner of her eye. It was an interesting question but considering her meeting with the boy she could assume the answer... "I doubt it," she replied. "The Fourth Child wasn't very enthusiastic about becoming a pilot. He only accepted on the condition that his younger sister be transferred to our private hospital."
"That's... honestly kinda sad..." Misato replied.
Ritsuko cringed. Knowing what was probably going to happen to the newest pilot was agonizing, carrying that weight and the preemptive guilt that came with it. "Yeah..." she replied. "But at least we have a pilot for Unit 03..."
"I guess you're right..." Misato returned after a short pause.
Ritsuko had nothing to respond with. All she could do was remain silent and brood over the knowledge that Rei had bestowed on her...
Touji sat in his seat having arrived at school early which was odd for him. Even stranger, he'd gotten there early enough that he'd spent probably the last half an hour completely alone in the classroom. He normally didn't care about being on time to class, he was never one for academics, but today was perhaps the last little bit of... normal that he would get for quite some time. The gravity of what he'd signed on for, to become an Eva pilot was weighing on his soul. Even though he hadn't seen combat yet the war inside his head was raging. Soon he would have to travel to Matsushiro for the activation of the Evangelion he'd been assigned to pilot. It all seemed so surreal... He could definitely understand the fear he'd seen from Shinji when he'd had the misfortune of being in the entry plug with him.
Class hadn't started yet but by now he could expect his classmates to start filing in. The first among them was of course Class Rep Horaki, something he'd expected. As soon as they made eye contact she smiled at him. "Hey there, Suzuhara," she greeted. "Never though I'd see you here this early."
He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms behind his head. It was nice to see her being friendly with him but... he was too far off in his own head to grin back. He'd been over what he'd do in regards to her the previous day... "I woke up too early and couldn't go back to sleep," he replied.
"Oh," Horaki replied. "That's never fun."
Touji sighed. "Yeah, it never is..." he returned softly, gazing up at the ceiling.
She stepped closer to his desk and he took sight of a small container wrapped in a cloth in her hand. "Here," she said, holding it out for him to take it, that cute smile of hers never wavering.
He sat up in his seat and regarded her with a confused expression. "What is it?" he asked lamely.
"Lunch, silly," she replied with a little laugh. "Remember? We talked about this yesterday?"
Oh yeah... that was right. He'd offered to have any of the leftovers from when she made lunches for her sisters. The gesture brought a grin to his lips for the first time that day. It also reminded him of why he had the stupid crush on her that he did... "Thanks a bunch," he returned warmly.
Her smile widened. "No worries," she replied. "I'm happy to offer it."
He chuckled softly. "And you know I'm happy to eat it," he stated.
"Yeah, I definitely do," Horaki returned, her smile becoming almost playful. "By the way, I know you said you couldn't sleep much but don't fall asleep in class today, alright?"
His grin wavered. With everything that was on his mind there was no way he could sleep, he hadn't been lying about not being able to get any rest the previous night. His worry had kept him awake and would continue to do so... "I won't," he replied. "I promise."
It was about the only promise he could make to her that he knew he'd be able to keep...
Class had almost started and Asuka had finally entered the school building to attend. She'd done her best to just... avoid anyone and everyone as she'd wandered around the parts of Tokyo 3 between Misato's apartment and school. With how frustrated she was with everything in her life at the moment she couldn't trust herself not to completely lash out. So... taking a long and aimless walk to cool off had seemed like the best possible thing she could have done.
"I just don't get it..." she overheard that glasses wearing nerd saying to Shinji and Rei as she entered the classroom. Of course Rei and Shinji were sitting right next to each other before class... yet another annoyance to add to the list. "I don't understand why they'll conscript someone and won't accept volunteers..."
"Beats me," Shinji replied.
"It's just the way it is," Rei added.
"Nothing can be done about it..." she heard Suzuhara mutter.
She tried her best to ignore the three of them as she walked to her desk but their conversation put a scowl on her face. She felt he was such a coward, having not told Shinji or anyone that he'd been selected. Even if she disliked him, had he no pride in himself? She didn't know what was more infuriating, that he'd been picked or the fact he was keeping it to himself... They didn't need a fourth Eva and they didn't need the Fourth Child anyway, but especially so if the Fourth Child was going to be the likes of him! He was as bad if not worse than Shinji could be at times!
"Hey, Asuka," Shinji's voice entered her ears. "You left early and now you're nearly late. Are you alright?"
How dare he ask her what was wrong when he was another part of what was wrong! She slammed her book bag on her desk and whirled around to face him, teeth bared in an angry snarl. "Yeah, I'm great!" she spat. "Thanks for asking!"
Shinji visibly recoiled. "S- sorry," he stammered, eyes wide.
"I've told you, you don't need to apologize for everything!" she barked.
"Clearly something is bothering you," Rei stated, her tone remaining calm but her eyebrows knitting up and a disproving frown appearing on her lips.
Asuka pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers and suppressed a furious growl. "I'd rather not talk about it..." she hissed, slamming her rear down in her desk's chair. "Just leave me alone..."
Rei sat in her desk in deep thought, unable to focus on the lesson as the school day finally got underway. Asuka's outburst had been concerning to say the least, not just because she had taken her anger out on her closest friend. Clearly she knew about the selection of the Fourth Child and wasn't pleased with it. If she remembered correctly, the Asuka of the prior timeline wasn't pleased either, though she didn't recall any such a... visceral display in regards to it. She could only hope that she wasn't seeing the beginning of a psychological decline for her red haired friend. She was acting more and more... distant and angry as of late. She couldn't help but wonder if there was something that Asuka was keeping from her. It hurt to think that... this person she'd once dismissed, disliked even, that had become her friend, might not trust her enough to open up about the things that upset her. Then again... Rei herself had her own secrets that she could never share...
Her gaze turned to Suzuhara. He sat with his forehead resting against his fist, staring blankly down at his desk. It was clear that he hadn't said anything to anyone about his pilot status. It was clear that he was also displeased with his new position at NERV. She had to say something, perhaps she could take a moment at lunch to speak with him, if she could get the opportunity and not seem conspicuous about it. Though they were friends technically speaking, they weren't all that close. She couldn't just pull him aside without raising questions, especially from Shinji. If he were to press her about a private conversation with Suzuhara there was... no way she wouldn't cave and tell him the truth. No. The truth had to come from Suzuhara himself. It was just... right for it to be that way.
Her eyes shifted to Shinji who was staring up at the blackboard, watching their teacher talk on and on, seemingly paying attention. It hurt... it hurt knowing what was coming, what he was going to go through in the coming battle. She could only hope that she could find a way to salvage things, so that he wouldn't have to go through the pain of losing a friend. She had to, otherwise it would devastate him. If there was one thing she wanted just as much as averting the Third Impact, it was keeping Shinji from suffering.
She grit her teeth and clenched the bottom of her skirt, staring down at the book on her desk. She could not fail in this, she told herself internally. She would not fail...
Lunch break was always a time of day that Shinji looked forward to. It was a time of day that he could relax, eat a nice meal he'd made for himself, and enjoy spending time with his friends just... being a normal teenager. It was one of the few moments where if he was lucky he could just... forget about being a pilot. Also, watching Rei enjoy the food he'd made for her each and every day never ceased to bring him joy. Asuka had decided to go off with Horaki which left him with just Rei, Touji, and Kensuke. Even if the group lunch huddle was smaller than usual, it was certainly more peaceful.
Touji got up from his seat after scarfing down the meal he'd presumably for once brought for himself. "Sorry guys, I'm gonna take off for now," he said. "Gonna go get some air. I'm stuffed."
"You do you," Kensuke replied.
"Doesn't bother me," Shinji added.
Touji gave him a nod and made a bee line for the door of the classroom. Shinji didn't put much thought into it, it wasn't surprising. His friend was just getting some air. It was a nice day after all. He turned to Rei who was eating the meal he'd prepped for her with great speed. She always consumed the food that he'd prepare in a swift and efficient manner but today she seemed to be rushing. This was a bit surprising... did she really like the curry tofu he'd prepared that much? "You enjoying your lunch, Rei?" he asked.
Rei paused for a moment and nodded. "It is very good," she replied with a soft smile.
Shinji couldn't help but smile. Maybe he would make this meal for her more often... "I'm glad," he replied before returning to munch on his own lunch.
A few minutes later Rei also stood from her seat. "I'm going to grab a drink from the school store," she stated. "I'll be back in a minute."
Shinji nodded, swallowing the bite of tofu he had in his mouth before replying. "Sounds good," he replied.
Kensuke chuckled softly with a sarcastic grin as soon as Rei left the room. "Man, she really likes your cooking, Shinji," he teased.
Shinji felt his cheeks getting hot. "Wh- what do you mean?" he asked, stammering. He was pretty sure what his friend was insinuating but unwilling to let himself consider it. She did enjoy his cooking but then again, so did Misato, Asuka, and even Ritsuko. What difference did that make? How was that relevant to anything?
"Come on," Kensuke replied with a smirk. "I saw it first hand today at your place... you and Rei have a special bond, don't you?"
Shinji tensed, frowning down at his desk and the meal atop it. Yeah... he supposed he did have a close connection with Rei, they were best friends after all, but even if he was eventually going to confess to her he still wasn't confident she'd reciprocate his feelings... "I mean... she is my best friend..." he muttered.
"Yeah, but be honest with me man, you want to be more than that, right?" Kensuke continued with a playful grin. "You like her as more than a friend, huh?"
Shinji really wanted to just get up and leave, to avoid how uncomfortable the conversation was making him, but he knew he couldn't do that. Leaving without answering his friend's inquiry would be incredibly rude. This left him with a choice between honesty and deception and lying always made him feel dirty, even about the little things. There really was no choice but to just tell him. Whenever he ended up confessing to Rei he would end up knowing about it one way or another... "So what if I do..." he replied timidly.
Kensuke's snickering continued. "I knew it," he responded with a smirk. "But it's nice to see you finally admit it."
Shinji's eyebrows knit up. "What do you mean?" he asked defensively, even though he knew what Kensuke was getting at. Both he and Touji had asked him about the matter before and he'd denied it at the time... but was it really that obvious?
Kensuke's snickering turned to full blown laughter. "What do you mean what do I mean? It was so clear to see!" he said between guffaws.
Shinji's scowl deepened. He hated being made fun of. Sure, he hadn't been honest with himself, and it might have been obvious but seeing Kensuke laugh at him about it was really embarrassing... "Shut up..." he muttered, glaring down at the bento box on his desk.
"So, you gonna do something about it?" Kensuke asked. "Are you gonna confess?"
All the... unpleasant thoughts about how their friendship would be invariably changed, even ended if she rejected him, came swirling back into his mind. "One day..." he muttered in reply.
Ritsuko sat in her seat in the transport van that she and Misato had ridden to the Matsushiro testing site. Currently they were parked near the tarmac of the massive runway that had been constructed for the airlifting of an Evangelion to and from the new site. Misato had been pacing back and forth outside the vehicle for the last ten minutes or so grumbling angrily to herself. Her friend had reason to be upset, the flight transporting Unit 03 had been running late, but she herself hadn't minded. Knowing what was probably going to happen, she would be perfectly fine if the plane transporting Unit 03 were to have crashed in the ocean and the Eva been lost. This however was not to be, the enormous transport aircraft was arriving presently... Suspended below the enormous black flying wing transport, crucified to a large red cross, was dark form of Unit 03. The sight looked very much like the harbinger of doom it in all likelihood actually was...
"Can you believe this? They're two hours late," Misato grumbled in annoyance. "This is the first time that I've ever waited for someone this long..."
To distract from her own worries and the permeating sense of dread that gripped her, Ritsuko decided that perhaps a joke at her friend's expense might do the trick of distracting her from these things. She did always enjoy getting a rise out of Misato. "That's because you never waited around for guys when you could still get a date," she quipped in a cheery tone and forcing a smile.
"Oh, shut the hell up..." Misato growled in response, her gaze remaining fixed on the gargantuan aircraft as it came in for a landing.
Well... that tactic was less effective than she hoped it would be. Ritsuko's frown deepened as the plane got closer, the rumble of its engines went from rumble to deafening roar with each passing second. In less than twenty four hours the test activation on Unit 03 and it's pilot would be underway...
By the time the plane finally touched down and it was time to oversee the ground portion of getting the Eva into the testing facility she couldn't focus on any of it. She was just going through the motions. All she could think about was how badly she hoped that Rei's predictions in regards to the coming events could somehow be wrong...
Touji stood on the rooftop, leaning against the railing and looking off at the beautiful countryside outside of the city. It looked like such a nice escape, those rolling hills, away from the city, away from NERV... He found himself wondering how things would have been for him if he'd lived just beyond those hills outside the city. His sister certainly wouldn't have been injured and he probably wouldn't have been thrust into being a pilot...
He sighed and shook his head. It was pointless to think about these kinds of things though, it would change nothing. The situation he was in was his to face. He probably should tell Shinji and everyone else that he was the new pilot but he hadn't had the heart to. Then again, after the activation test or whatever he had to undergo the next day, they were going to start seeing him at whatever those training sessions they did every few days were. Nothing seemed like the right answer. Nothing seemed like it was in his control anymore...
"Suzuhara," a voice called softly from a few meters behind him, barely loud enough to carry on the afternoon breeze.
He turned around. So... he hadn't been being paranoid when he'd gotten a gut feeling that someone had followed him. "Oh, hey Ayanami..." he replied before turning back to gazing at the mountains. What did she want? Did she know already? "What's up?"
"Are you going to tell Shinji?" she asked.
His frown deepened. "No wonder he didn't say anything..." he grumbled in response. "I'm guessing Soryu knows too, huh? That probably explains her acting so pissed when she got to class."
"She knows," Ayanami continued. "Shinji is the only one who doesn't."
Touji sighed. "If you knew then why didn't you tell him?" he replied somberly. "The two of you never hold back anything from each other..."
"I felt it was not my place..." Ayanami returned. "He deserves to hear it from you."
A melancholy smile emerged on his face, not that Ayanami could see it since she was behind him and he was facing away. She had a really good point. It was the honorable thing to do... "Yeah, I guess you're right," he replied. "I'll tell him after school..."
"Thank you..." Ayanami said after a short pause.
It was kinda touching that she'd reached out to him for Shinji's sake. The fact that Shinji couldn't seem to realize what he had with her, or could have, was almost cruel. It would be nice if he could one day have that kind of relationship with a girl, specifically Horaki, in the future once he wasn't needed to be a pilot anymore... "You really care about him, don't you..." he murmured.
"I... do..." Ayanami replied.
He sighed. "I'm jealous..." he admitted softly. "Of what you and Shinji have..."
There was a long pause. "I... I don't understand," Ayanami replied.
Touji emitted a wry laugh softly under his breath. How could she not understand? It was blatantly obvious to just about everyone. Then again, when one is close to a situation, they might not see the nuance. It was rude to point it out directly, but hopefully she'd get it if he insinuated it..."You trust each other with everything and both of you go out of your way to support each other," he stated quietly. "I envy that..."
"I... I see..." Ayanami replied.
Touji continued staring out at those mountains in the distance without another word. If she didn't get it after that then both she and Shinji really were hopeless. His mind drifted back to the thought of telling Shinji. It sounded so easy the way Ayanami made it sound but in practice it was a different story. He closed his eyes and tried to clear his head but in his mind's eye, the images of the battle he'd been in the cockpit for only intensified...
The day had ended and Rei stood from her seat and gathered her things. The conversation with Suzuhara on the roof still lingered in her mind, the things he'd said about her friendship with Shinji had made her feel... strange. For him to, as an observer who didn't know the intricacies of her friendship with Shinji, to be so perceptive of how the two of them were had been... embarrassing. It also seemed like he was insinuating something but she couldn't put her finger on just what that might have been. On another level though, it was... touching to know that his words were true. She would always support him and the fact that he seemed to think Shinji would do the same for her made her feel very warm inside.
"Hey, you ready to head out?" Shinji's cheerful voice shook her from her introspection. "I was thinking we might play Shogi again. Asuka said she's going to hang out with Horaki-san so no one will distract us."
Rei turned to him with a smile. Most likely Suzuhara was going to step in and pull Shinji aside soon but the sentiment was pleasing. She did enjoy playing with him, or rather spending time with him in any capacity, even if they just sat in silence watching television. "Sure," she replied. "I would enjoy that."
"Hey, Shinji, do you have a minute?" Suzuhara's voice caught the attention of both of them. It would appear that he was making good on his word...
Rei watched as Shinji faced him. "Oh, what's up Touji?" he asked.
Suzuhara's expression was cheerful but Rei could tell from the look in his eyes that he was forcing it. "Kensuke and I were thinking of going to the arcade today," he said. "Want to come along? It's been a while since the three of us hung out."
Shinji's grin faltered and that conflicted frown she knew all too well took shape on his features. He glanced over at her for a moment before snapping back to Suzuhara. "I uh... I was going to..." he fumbled over his words, trailing off.
It was quite pleasant that he'd rather spend time with her, and it was going to be very lonely just going home to her empty apartment, but he needed to go with his friend... "You should go with him," Rei stated softly.
Shinji turned to her once more, his brows knitting up. "Are you sure?" he asked timidly.
She smiled for him. As much as she wanted to stay by his side as much as she could, he needed to know what lay ahead... what he could gather from his friend at least. "We can play Shogi another day," she replied. "I'll be alright."
Shinji's expression relaxed and he smiled softly. "Alright," he replied. "Tomorrow then?"
Rei nodded even as her own grin began to waver. Tomorrow would most likely be the day the test would be conducted. If not tomorrow, then certainly the day afterward... "Tomorrow," she returned softly, forcing her smile to remain.
"Thanks Ayanami," Suzuhara said with a lopsided smirk.
Rei nodded. "It is not a problem," she replied evenly.
She stood by her desk as the two boys left the classroom. She felt that familiar shaking in her hands that she despised as the anxiety about the coming Angel threat surged back into her body. Soon enough she'd face the test she'd given herself. The closer she got to it, the more she doubted her ability to find a good resolution of it...
Asuka was glad that the school day was long over. Sitting around all day near Shinji and Rei and that moron Touji was tiring and aggravating. Now that the day was over she could go back to avoiding them and her own problems by extension. Hikari had asked her if she wanted to walk with her back house to hang out which she was happy to accept. Even though she wanted to avoid Rei and Shinji, being completely alone was also less than ideal. So, with a third option presented, she'd taken it gladly. They'd stopped at a convenience store for soft drinks on the walk back to Hikari's place and now they were resting in the evening glow on a bench overlooking the city. Asuka remembered having a poignant conversation with Rei at this same place in the week before facing down the twin Angels with Shinji. Those were honestly simpler times...
"It's been a while since we did this," Hikari spoke. "These days you normally walk with Shinji and Rei, right?"
Asuka harrumphed at the statement. "Yeah, but I'm not in the mood to see them right now," she grumbled in response.
"Oh, did something happen between you three?" Hikari asked.
Asuka sighed. "It doesn't matter," she replied. Anything was better than explaining the events of the past couple weeks and how they'd been effecting her. It would probably take forever anyway... "I'd rather not talk about it."
Hikari waited for a moment before continuing the conversation. "Hey, Asuka... do you mind if I ask you something?" she asked.
Asuka shrugged her shoulders. "Sure, go ahead," she returned.
Hikari's face fell into a contemplative frown. "Toward the end of lunch I saw Ayanami with Suzuhara on the roof..." she murmured.
Asuka raised an eyebrow. She must have been talking to him about his new status as a pilot or something. "Yeah, and?" she replied.
"Do you think that... Suzuhara might... like her..." Hikari returned nervously.
Asuka's eyes went wide and shortly thereafter doubled over where she sat in guffaws. "What!?" she exclaimed between bouts of laughter. "Are you serious!? Touji and Rei!? That's gotta be the dumbest thing I've ever heard!"
Hikari frowned and cast her gaze down at the ground. "I don't see why it's so funny..." she muttered, sounding a bit upset.
"Come on, they barely talk to each other at all!" Asuka replied, her laughter continuing. "I doubt that he feels that way about her."
"I see," Hikari replied, a soft smile returning to her lips. "That's a relief..."
Asuka's laughter slowly abated, her grin transforming into a shallow frown with each passing moment. "Not to mention I know who Rei likes anyway..." she spat bitterly.
"Oh..." Hikari murmured. "You mean to say that Ayanami likes Ikari?"
Asuka huffed. "Yeah, I do," she grumbled. "It's pretty damn obvious, isn't it?"
"I know you told me that he liked her but this is news to me," Hikari replied. "I guess it makes sense considering she's always with him..."
Asuka crossed her arms across her chest, forcing herself to smirk derisively to hide her jealousy of the subjects they were discussing. "Yeah. It's sickening isn't it?" she scoffed, her tone becoming darker with each word. "The way the two of them follow each other around like a couple of sad puppies is disgusting.."
Hikari didn't immediately respond and Asuka cringed internally. She knew that she'd said too much and that she was going to pay the price for it whenever her friend replied. "Asuka..." the freckle faced girl beside her spoke, sounding a bit unsure of how to word her statement. "Are you... alright?"
Here it was... the pity party. She hated being pitied... "What do you mean?" she returned with a scowl.
"I mean... Shinji rejected your advances and if their feelings are mutual... I can imagine that would be hard to deal with," Hikari replied.
It would be hard to deal with, as much as she hated to think about it that way. The sting of rejection still lingered and the jealousy she felt, knowing that she still had no one who she could just... be accepted by like that was very painful. That said, actually seeing the two of them get together seemed impossible. Even after the incident with the last Angel Shinji still hadn't confessed like the coward he was and Rei... Rei wasn't the type to be open with her feelings either. Asuka smirked wryly. "Yeah, it would be," she returned. "But neither one of them would make a move in a million years."
Hikari giggled softly. "They do seem like rather reserved people," she replied.
Asuka's smirk grew. This was a much more comfortable way to deal with displeasing things, belittling them. "Reserved? That's a nice way of saying dense!" she retorted.
Shinji had to admit that even though he would have preferred to spend a quiet evening with Rei over a game or two of Shogi, going to the arcade with Touji and Kensuke had been an enjoyable experience. He'd managed to beat Kensuke exactly once in one of the race car games which had been surprising. He'd even managed to set a relatively good score in After Burner much to everyone's surprise. Of course, though, part of the trip had been quite uncomfortable, mostly due to Kensuke bringing up what he'd told him during lunch in regards to Rei. Of course Touji and Kensuke had made a big deal of it much to his chagrin. Thankfully Touji was more understanding than Kensuke when he'd explained his reasoning for waiting to confess and the conversation on the matter had ended rather quickly.
By the middle of the evening the three of them had departed the arcade. Kensuke had gone his own way to get home but Touji had asked him to accompany him which he'd obliged. Shinji had noticed that for most of the day his friend wasn't quite himself in a way that he couldn't put his finger on. It was like... he was somewhat withdrawn, and Touji was the definition of an outgoing person. He found this a bit odd but he didn't say anything. It wasn't his place to pry.
"Hey, thanks for coming out with us, Shinji," Touji spoke softly. "It really had been too long since the three of us were out together."
Shinji smiled. "It was pretty fun," he replied. "Maybe we should do it more often."
Touji footsteps ground to a halt and Shinji turned around to look at him, puzzled by why he would just stop like that. "Yeah..." Touji muttered. "We should..."
Shinji's brow knitted in concern. His friend was standing with clenched fists, staring down at the sidewalk with a far away expression. "Are you alright?" he asked. "Is something wrong?"
Touji turned to the side and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, man," he returned. "Things aren't the greatest right now..."
"What's going on then?" Shinji asked, his concern intensifying.
Touji said nothing as he turned his gaze back to him and silence permeated the mostly empty street but for the sound of a train in the distance. His expression was deathly serious which shocking to see. Shinji had never known Touji to ever get like this. Worse of all was that Shinji could see that there was worry and fear in his eyes. It was actually kind of haunting... After a moment of them just staring at each other, his friend spoke. "Someone from NERV came to school yesterday," he replied. "And they offered to make me a pilot..."
Shinji's eyes widened in shock. "What?" he asked.
Touji looked down at the ground and clenched his fists again. "I uh... I said yes," he continued, nervousness starting to permeate his voice with every word. "I told them I'd do it if they transferred my little sister to the trauma unit where she could get better care."
So... this explained why Asuka was in such a bad mood and avoiding him. She much have known... It also probably figured into why Touji had invited him to the arcade. "I see..." Shinji replied.
Touji looked down at his hands and they were visibly shaking. "I'm scared, man..." he returned, sounding more distressed with every word. "Look at this, I can't stop shaking... I know I'm doing it for a good cause, my sister's gonna get the help she needs, but all I can think about is the last time I was in the cockpit of an Eva..."
It hurt to see his friend like this. He was honestly reminded of what a shivering wreck he'd been when he'd been in the same position not that long ago. He had to do something about it, and so he stepped forward and placed a hand on Touji's shoulder. Even if he didn't fully believe everything he was about to say he had to try and ease his anxiety. "Hey, it's okay..." Shinji replied, forcing a grin in an attempt to reassure him. "It's... it's not that bad. Sure we have to fight but we have the support of everyone at NERV backing us up. It's scary at first but you get used to it. Besides, being inside an Eva is safer than being in a shelter somewhere."
Touji bowed his head. "I'm sorry..." he muttered.
The irony of the situation was beginning to set in. It wasn't that long ago that Shinji himself had needed this kind of reassurance... "Hey, look, if someone like me can do it then you'll do just fine," he replied, maintaining that reassuring grin for Touji's sake. "Heck, you'll be better than me in no time."
Touji just bowed his head lower and placed his hand on Shinji's shoulder. "I'm sorry..." he murmured weakly. "Back when we first met I didn't know how you felt and I just hit you like a real jerk... I'm... I'm sorry, man..."
It was at this, these words, that Shinji could no longer force himself to smile. "Look... it's fine," he replied, mirroring Touji's gesture of placing a hand on his shoulder. "I hit you back, didn't I? Don't worry about it..."
Touji laughed wryly and lifted his head, a wan smile on his lips. "Yeah, you got a point..." he returned softly. "You got a mean, right hook too."
Shinji couldn't help but laugh softly in return. "That was the first time I've ever hit someone, you know that?" he returned.
Touji laughed again. "You could have fooled me," he replied with a slight smirk.
Shinji chuckled. "I guess it doesn't matter now," he said with a grin. "I don't think we'll ever fight each other again, at least I don't want to."
"Yeah, same," Touji replied before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around him in a hug. "Thank you... I needed this."
Shinji felt his body tense involuntarily. When was the last time, if ever, that someone had ever hugged him? The gesture was almost overwhelming. After a moment he let himself relax, a real smile forming on his lips. It felt... good to be accepted. "It's fine," he replied softly. "Thanks for being honest with me. I'm... glad that we're friends..."
Touji pulled back and squeezed his shoulder. "Me too, Shinji," he returned. "Me too."
After that they continued on their way. After Shinji said goodbye to Touji at his home he was left only with the dread he felt knowing that yet another one of his friends had been roped into being a pilot...
Asuka had been watching television ever since she'd gotten home in an attempt to just... turn her brain off to all the worrisome things she'd been dealing with throughout the day. Kaji had gone off to bathe and though previously she may or may not been tempted to peep on him in the bath she couldn't find the motivation. He'd already shown her that he would never see her as a romantic option, his eyes were only on Misato... there was no point in trying to get with him anymore.
She heard apartment's door open and close with a mechanical whir. Shinji must have finally gotten home. Whatever his reason was, she didn't care, it wasn't her business and she didn't want to look at him anyway... She said nothing as his footsteps drew closer, emanating from the hallway to the kitchen and eventually to the living room. Even so, her gaze remained fixed on the television... that was until Shinji spoke. "Asuka..." he murmured. "Are you busy..."
"Not really," she replied, not looking away from the drama she was watching. "Why?"
"Do you know who the pilot of Unit 03 is?" he asked after a short pause.
Asuka flinched and turned around to face him, surprised. She observed the pensive expression he wore as he stared down at her, his eyes full of contemplation and his lip curved downward in a slight frown. So, someone had finally told him... "Yeah, I do," she replied, finding herself unable to come up with anything better to say, all because of that... look he was giving her. "Do you?"
Shinji's frown intensified. "Yeah," he huffed, turning away form her. "I do. He told me..."
Asuka frowned. Was he blaming her for not telling him? "Don't try and blame me for not telling you," she retorted. "If anything, Misato should have told you when she first found out!"
Shinji sighed, facing her once more with that sad expression he wore at times like this. "I'm not blaming you or Misato..." he replied softly. "I'm just... I feel sorry for him."
"Why's that?" Asuka asked reflexively.
Shinji's frown intensified and he glared down at the ground. "Not everyone is as happy to be a pilot as you are, Asuka," he muttered.
Before she could come up with a witty response, Kaji entered the living room having just finished bathing, clad in a robe and with a towel draped around his neck. "Ah, that was refreshing," he mused with a grin before taking sight of herself and Shinji. A disapproving frown took shape on his face. "Are you two fighting?" he asked. "And are you two always like this whenever Katsuragi's gone?"
"No, we weren't," she replied in frustration, scowling and turning back to the TV. "And what would it matter if we were..."
"Yeah..." Shinji added, scowling. "We were just... talking about the Matsushiro test..."
Kaji's displeased expression abated and he sighed. "Right," he responded with a sympathetic look. "We should all probably go to bed. It's getting rather late after all."
Asuka wasted no time getting up and pushing past Shinji to go to her room. She hated being treated like a little kid, being basically told it was past her bed time, but it was better than continuing such a conversation. It was better to just be alone...
Kaji stood on the balcony of Misato's apartment having a cigarette with his burner cell phone pressed to his ear. As much as he was glad to help Misato out and house sit while she was working with Unit 03 at Matsushiro it did get in the way of his investigation. Thankfully he'd been able to get a moment to spare after both of the kids had gone to bed to make the call he was on. That DIH agent Fujita had called him earlier but he'd been unable to answer it, he'd been too busy. Now, with both Shinji and Asuka asleep, he'd finally found a moment to return the call... "How much do you know about Unit 03 and the incident regarding NERV's Second Branch?" the man's voice sounded in his ear.
"Admittedly not much," Kaji replied. "All I can share is that the rumors are indeed true, the Second Branch has been almost completely annihilated and Unit 03 has been transferred to the Matsushiro testing site."
"This is troubling..." Fujita replied. "The JSSDF is on edge as it is and having four Evangelions in Japan will exacerbate this. They will not take this lying down."
Kaji frowned and took a puff on his cigarette. "Understandably," he returned. "If three Evas weren't enough of a threat for the defense department then four must have them in a panic."
"Correct," Fujita replied. "They certainly are, and I have news regarding that."
"Do share," Kaji prompted.
Fujita snickered on the other end. "The JSSDF is currently conducting a series of exercises involving the special forces in the north of Hokkaido," he replied. "These are including live fire exercises with the regular army and air forces. Rumor has it that it's part of a... contingency plan should NERV get out of hand."
Kaji frowned and took another drag off of his smoke. This was disturbing to say the least... "I see..." he replied. "Yet again you share another warning with me. What reason do you have to tell me this? Is there something you want?"
Fujita laughed on the other end of the line. "Only to avoid needless bloodshed," he returned. "And you're in a better position than I to do that, being within the direct call of Commander Ikari."
Kaji flicked his finished cigarette over the edge of balcony, watching as the burning thing fell to the ground and into the darkness of the night before replying. "I guess I should accelerate my efforts to uncover the truth behind everything," he said.
"Truth is in the eye of the beholder, Kaji," Fujita stated. "The nature of Commander Ikari's plans and that of those backing NERV are all that matter."
"I would wager that the two are intertwined," Kaji countered.
"Perhaps," Fujita returned darkly. "But the clock is ticking. The Angels, or whatever they really are, will eventually be eliminated..."
"I know," Kaji replied, gritting his teeth as the... memories of his past filled his mind. "But I swear, I will find out before it comes to that..."
"I'm curious..." Fujita drawled. "Perhaps you have a personal reason to be so devoted to your task?"
Kaji's scowl deepened as his anger welled up inside him. That was too personal a question for him to answer. He pulled the phone away from his ear and hung up without another word. He wondered if Misato had any clue of what lay in store for the world if he couldn't succeed in his quest...
Shinji couldn't sleep at all. He'd laid down to go to bed but the conversation he'd had with Touji earlier in the day just kept playing back in his mind's eye. Knowing that yet another one of his friends had been coerced into piloting an Eva was difficult to process. Thinking that yet another person he knew and cared about was going to have to suffer the say that he suffered in the Eva made him feel all kinds of ways. He was upset and angry that Touji had gotten picked and hadn't been notified immediately. Insofar as he knew, the only person who didn't know about it before he'd found out other than him was Rei. At the same time though part of him was glad that he'd been able to hear it from Touji himself. Either way, seeing his friend, someone who'd always seen as a confident guy, be so visibly scared had been very jarring.
He couldn't help but wonder how he'd been selected. He wondered if his father was involved in the process somehow. It just went to show just how little he really knew about the inner workings of NERV even though he'd been a pilot for a number of months now. All these thoughts were keeping him from being able to sleep but he needed to sleep because there was another long and boring day at school laying ahead for him. Perhaps getting up, having a glass of water, and trying to zone out in front of the television would help ease his mind a little...
He exited his room and tiptoed down the hall until he reached the living room but froze when he heard the sliding of a door. Instantly his attention fixed on the glass sliding door to the balcony as Kaji stepped into the room from there. "Oh," Kaji spoke with a soft smile. "Having trouble sleeping?"
Shinji nodded. "Yeah," he replied. "I've uh... I've got a lot on my mind."
"Care to share?" Kaji pried. "Sometimes the best thing we can do is express how we're feeling."
Shinji frowned. It wasn't something that was... easily articulated and he wasn't all that close with Kaji. "We don't really know each other that well..." he muttered.
Kaji chortled. "I'm an unbiased listener," he replied. "Besides, I said nothing to Katsuragi after your little episode of under aged drinking. You can trust me, Shinji-kun."
Shinji looked away, embarrassed. The latter of his statement was at least true, the scruffy man hadn't told his guardian about that or used it as blackmail. He really did seem like a decent guy deep down and from what little he knew of Kaji as a person he always did have something poignant to add to a conversation. "I'm just... worried about a friend of mine," he returned softly.
"Ah..." Kaji said, his expression taking on a sympathetic tint even in the darkness of the room. "You mean the pilot of Unit 03?"
Shinji nodded. "Yeah, him..." he replied. "He's... like I was. He basically told me he doesn't really want to be a pilot but he feels like he has to."
"A lot of life is balancing your own needs with the needs of others," Kaji returned. "I assume that there's something he's putting above himself."
What Touji had said about his sister played back in his head. "Yeah... there is," Shinji replied softly. "It's just... it was strange seeing him so reluctant, so scared. It was odd being the one reassuring someone and not the one needing reassurance."
"It sounds like you're a good friend to him," Kaji stated.
"I guess the biggest thing bothering me is that I've never known Touji to be anything other than confident about everything," Shinji continued. "I... I guess I really didn't know him all that well, just like how I thought I understood my father before things... actually started getting better between the two of us."
Kaji's cheerful grin faltered, taking on a melancholy edge. "That's the thing, Shinji-kun, you never really can know someone, not fully at least," he said softly. "People can't even understand themselves all that well, much less one another. Understanding one hundred percent of anything is an impossibility. Then again... that's just why we spend so much time trying. It makes things interesting."
Shinji's brow furrowed. "By that logic then you don't understand Misato-san," he countered.
Kaji sighed and leaned back against the glass door to the balcony. "The kanji that we use for the word she means a woman far away," he replied, that melancholy grin never leaving his lips. "And women will always seem to be on a distant shore. The gulf that separates men and women is broader and deeper than any ocean."
Shinji couldn't help but ponder that statement for a moment before replying. He wondered just how broad and deep the gulf between himself and Rei was by that logic. They knew and cared for one another very much, or at least that was how he felt about her but... did they truly understand who the other was? It was a question that he didn't know the answer to. If they didn't then he... really did want to make the effort to one day genuinely understand her. Man... Kaji's words were really something... "Maybe you're right..." he muttered softly.
"Look, Shinji-kun," Kaji continued. "All you can do is continue to be there for your friends and those you care about. There's no use getting worked up over things you can't change, only the things you can make an effort towards."
For the first time since the conversation started his lips twitched upwards at that notion. "Yeah," he replied. "Maybe you're right about that too..."
Kaji yawned and stretched his arms over his head. "Well, it's past my bedtime," he stated, his tone once again becoming that playful one Shinji was familiar with. "I should probably get some rest. You should to, it is a school day after all."
Shinji nodded. He did have a point and he did feel a little better about the way things were and where they were heading, or at the very least some catharsis had been attained. "I will," he replied. "Thanks, Kaji."
"It's not a problem," the scruffy man returned.
Shinji returned to his room and got back in bed. Though sleep still didn't come immediately it came much easier than if he hadn't had that little conversation. Kaji was right, at least about the last bit of advice he'd shared. It wasn't productive to fret about things he couldn't change, only the ones he could. Touji being a pilot and his feelings about the situation he was now in were not in his capacity to alter and make better. All he could do was be there for him, to lend and ear and an arm when needed, just like with everyone else he knew and cared about. Thinking of it that way made it a lot easier to accept. Maybe if he were to frame his life through that lens then all the baggage he carried wouldn't be so hard to bear...
Author's Notes
So here we stand on the eve of Unit 03's activation. As always, the more things change the more they stay the same. Here it is, final calm before the storm that awaits...
I must admit that it was enjoyable bringing Kaji back as a pov character. He's quite a lot of fun to write. This installment also brings into the fold yet another OC to dance around in the backgrount of the narrative. I know that adding OC's can be met with mixed reception but trust and believe all of them will serve a purpose. Also, Shinji is making a lot of progress as a character which is enjoyable. Writing his suble and continuous growth up until now has been a blast. I do apologize though that Rei took a bit of a back seat in this one. Then again, sometimes the other cast need time in the spotlight.
I do have some potentially bad news however... my leave from my employment will be ending soon, therefore going forward updates might take a tad longer to be produced. I was attempting to finish the action arc before going back to work but it is what it is. Now, before you get your torches and pitchforks out, I will do my best not to take more than roughly two weeks as I had been in the months before my leave. I'd feel guilty if I left any of you hanging for longer.
Please read and review! You guys are amazing as ever.
Regards,
A.F.