A cup of Viognier

Chapter III: I'm losing my sanity.

…

It hadn't been long since the last time Shenron was summoned, thus, the Eternal Dragon reminded the petite blue-haired woman that she could only state one wish.

However, as she was about to speak her one desire, the prince flew through the window, breaking it, reaching her within a millisecond. The shrill sound of the crystals breaking made her turn around to see what was happening, but within the blink of an eye, he was right in front of her. Instantly, the Saiyan smelled the alcohol on her and knew he needed to bring her back to sobriety, at least for as long as Shenron was present. Vegeta grabbed her by the shoulders, firmly pressing down, as if to ground her back down from her inebriated state. She shook her whole body, trying to free herself, blatantly ignoring the abnormal strength of her alien husband.

"Get. Your Saiyan paws. Off me!"

"Explain yourself first! What is the dragon doing here?"

"Oh, I don't know. I was thinking about going on the Shenron ride." Sarcasm flowed even more when she was drunk, "What- what the fuck do you think he's here for?"

"Do not test my patience right now." He warned her, sternly, "Why did you summon him?"

The bluenette scoffed and leaned towards him, as if to further challenge his thin composure.

"What, are you afraid I'll-, I'll… I'll steal off your precious immortality wish? Hmm? So that you can go to Son Kun's house, and… and fight him 'til he's got no energy to fight you back? 'Cause you're immortal and all. And then you kill him? Holy fuck, that's actually genius. But! No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do that."

"Bulma." He growled, impatiently, as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "Stop this nonsense."

She laughed at him in his face, and an idea came to her foggy, chaotic mind: She would give him the same sadistic smirk she had seen on his face, she would give him a taste of his own medicine. Thus, she tilted her head backwards, her expression turned dark. Her sneer was ruthless, vicious. Bulma stretched her arm, pointing at him, mimicking his position at the tournament, ready to shoot her metaphorical blast at him.

Blast away.

"Nonsense? Even drunk, that… That sounds like something you'd do, even though I just told you not to do it. It's not so-, not so different from letting yourself be controlled by Babidi, isn't it? Not so different from being evil."

Vegeta slowly let go from her shoulders and looked at her. She was back on her battle mode, she was back to wanting to attack and hurt him. He held his gaze on her, his silhouette dimly lit by the golden light of the dragon balls and Shenron himself, never daring to look away from her intoxicated oceanic eyes. And right then, he clearly saw she was ready for her next attack.

Blast away!

"What? You're back to being silent? Back to plotting your nefarious little plans?" She tapped on his chest with her open palm, pushing him, trying to get him to lose his balance, "Are you going to ignore my pleading screams, like you ignored them at the tournament, Vegeta?"

The prince shot her a dirty look.

A battle was a battle, and the flame-haired Saiyan was a proud warrior. Even if it was his wife – his princess – he was fighting against, he would put up an honourable spar. He had been enabling her behaviour for the last weeks, he had played her game by her rules, in hopes that she would come back to her usual self, but she didn't. And he would not tolerate it any longer.

She wanted to play? – Fine. He'd play.

Game on.

"The last scream I ever let out was to give my life to save you. I exploded, screaming, just to save you. Did you ignore that?"

She was way too clever for his shit.

"Oh, fuck no, nuh-uh. Nuh-uh. You don't get to give me that. I felt your death, Vegeta. That horrendous feeling will forever be scarred in my heart. Y'see, the difference between you and me is that I actually gave a fuck when you died. I fully acknowledged, prided and mourned your sacrifice for our salvation."

The prince rolled his eyes.

"Certainly. By ignoring and avoiding me."

"Yes, after you killed half a fucking stadium full of people!"

"I was being controlled by Babidi!"

Bulma threw her arms in the air in frustration and incredulity, running a hand through her hair, growling, as she took two steps back and looked away from him for a moment. She scoffed at how unbelievable he was. Even when the blatant truth was being served to him on a silver platter, he would deny it. Because it tasted so abhorrently bitter.

She felt the exasperation building up in her chest, but that didn't stop her from looking at him once more, shaking her head in disbelief, frowning at him, as she felt her cheeks start to burn.

"Of course, you fucking were. Please. Do you really think I'm that stupid? Babidi controlled you to some degree, not entirely. You could very well defy his orders when it came to you wanting to fight against Goku. You had enough capacity to think for yourself."

"You're wrong. I didn't have the full capacity to think for myself-"

"-I didn't say full, I said enough."

"-It took all of my fucking will to combat his orders being shouted in my mind!"

"It should have taken all of your will power for you to fight against the urge of killing so many innocent people, and not your primal itch to fight against Son Kun!" She yelled at him, "But you let that happen.You. Decided. That. Not Babidi."

"Why are you so fixated on people who have been revived and don't remember anything about what happened in that stadium? You're deliberately choosing to not even acknowledge the fact that I made the ultimate sacrifice, knowing perfectly well I'd be headed straight to hell, just to save this mudball of a planet! To save you!"

To save you…

Her mind pictured how he might have exploded, and random questions popped into her head: How much did he suffer? What did he remember from the depths of hell? Had they done anything to his soul?

…Had he missed her?

She had undeniably missed him. – And she still did, even if she was furious, she still missed him. She missed him, even when he was right in front of her.

Alive.

After he had betrayed her. After he had died.

To save her.

She was so confused. And she hated it.

The drunken scientist grabbed him by his shirt and shook him as violently as she could, her fierce gaze never leaving his.

"Because I'm disturbed by both of these facts! You, being controlled and dying!" She roared from the top of her lungs, "Because I don't understand how it could come to this! I-, I-… I thought you had changed, I thought you had healed from all of the insanely brutal tortures done to you by that fucking lizard. And I thought you saw Goku as-, as-… Fuck, not even as a friend, but as an ally of some sorts, and not as an enemy. And I was wrong."

She felt the weight of a thousand stones being placed onto her shoulders as the realisation hit her. Bulma fell on her knees, covering her face with her hands, utter desperation filling her entire being. She shuddered uncontrollably, her jaw trembled. Her hands were shaking, and yet she didn't feel her fingertips; it was as though her blood had run cold. An icy layer of sweat covered all of her skin, her body chaotically trying to push out all of the agony corrupting her.

"I was so wrong. You never saw Goku as an ally. Your hate towards him was deeply seeded inside your soul, you never forgave yourself for losing to him in battle. And I… I was blind. I was so blind. I was so fucking blind!"

Her soul ripped. Her heart bled. Her emotions exploded.

She howled, shrieked, wailed and whimpered; her blue eyes gleaming, red as fire. She punched the grass in her unmeasurable frustration, hoping that the physical pain would eclipse the ache of her vulnerable heart. The bluenette looked up at the love of her life, who was standing in front of her, unnerved, his usual stoic composure visibly shaken, as he stared at her, uncertainty reflected in his obsidian eyes.

"Had you forgiven yourself, neither the people at the tournament would have been killed, nor you would have had to explode! And I wouldn't have to blame myself for NOT KNOWING ANY FUCKING BETTER!"

The realisation shattered her.

She finally said what was killing her from the inside. Bulma felt responsible for what had happened, she felt guilty on Vegeta's behalf. She genuinely thought she was the reason as to why he hadn't been able to heal. She had been so ecstatic about him staying after the Cell Games, so elated about him fathering Trunks, that she didn't preoccupy herself with taking a more detailed look at his wounded pride. And precisely that had been her worst mistake: She had supposed he was fine. She had made the assumption that he had fully redeemed himself. That, after having given him all of her love and support, he was finally at peace with himself, ready to give his new life a chance.

But he wasn't.

She was supposed to be his guardian angel. She was supposed to see if something was hurting him.

And she didn't.

In her eyes, it was her fault.

Vegeta dropped down to his knees and urgently grabbed her chin, his gaze in desperate need to meet hers.

"Bulma, what are you saying?"

She never looked away, letting him see the rawness of her suffering, of her grief, of her misery. Not avoiding him any longer.

"It was my fault… It was… it was my fault… Vegeta… You were evil… You blew up, you went to hell-, you-, you-…! And I never saw… I never helped you, because I didn't see how bad you were hurting. And I hate myself for it. And I-, I-, I-, I can't even look at you! You… You don't scare me. I love you, but I'm so upset. Sometimes I feel like I want to hate you, and I don't want to hate you. I'm a fucking mess, I've been for a while. I didn't know what else to do."

"So, you collected the dragon balls."

Bulma slowly nodded and bit her lower lip, "I did."

"Were you about to wish you could forget me?"

She heard the hurt in his voice, yet his whisper had been softer than she had anticipated. Somehow, she had the feeling that he understood her motives.

"No." Bulma took in a deep breath before she spoke, "I wanted to forget about that incident, so that my mind finally stops racing every time I see you. I can't control it, I either see you being evil or exploding for the greater good. It's a contradiction I can't understand, no matter how hard I try."

She caught his lips in a desperate kiss.

"Vegeta, I love you. But I'm losing my sanity. And I… I can't… take it. I'm not strong enough." She confessed in a heavy whisper, her hot tears wetting the hand holding her chin, "So, please… I implore you, let me make my wish. I don't know how much longer I can handle it."

…