Moments between Mirabel and Julieta are my favorite, even if it's such a heartbreaking topic.

Every day was a struggle, but Mirabel had so much support from her entire family. No one cared if she got up and walked away to take a few minutes to herself while they were all sitting together and talking. If she had a panic attack or woke up various family members from nightmares, no one minded. Their hearts broke for her and they just wanted her to get better. Mirabel wanted to get better, too, and it frustrated her that it wasn't happening instantly, but her mom told her it would take time and she needed to be patient with herself. Her mom told her every day that she went something very traumatic and healing was not going to be an overnight process.

Mirabel continued to want Julieta to sleep with her at night. Despite her mom being next to her every night, she had nightmares every single night and would wake up screaming from them. Julieta was always so sweet and supportive and would just hold Mirabel close to her as she cried and calmed down. Mirabel got to where she hated nighttime and would begin to panic as the day ended, because she knew a nightmare would come. Sometimes, she stayed awake for hours while her mom slept next to her. She'd fall asleep due to the exhaustion, but then wake up from a nightmare. She took a lot of naps during the day and that helped with her exhaustion, but she'd still have the occasional bad dream. She was happy that she didn't have bad dreams all the time during her naps, but it was most of the time. She just wanted to be have one night without a nightmare. She talked to Julieta about it one night, who told her it would not last forever and to continue to be patient with herself.

It was a week after Mirabel came home that Julieta decided it was time for Mirabel to have an appointment with the midwife. Mirabel was still nowhere near ready to leave the house, so the midwife came to their house for the appointment. Her name was Sofia and she was so sweet and patient with Mirabel. She understood the situation. The first thing she did was try to figure out how far along Mirabel was. Mirabel explained that she found out she was pregnant in June and guessed she actually got pregnant in April or May. Based on the symptoms Mirabel was having that made her figure out she was pregnant, Sofia estimated she got pregnant in April and therefore would give birth in January. It was hard to tell based on the size of her stomach since every woman was different.

Normally, Sofia would have done an internal exam to check on a couple of things, but she didn't even bother asking if Mirabel was comfortable with that. She knew she wouldn't be. She did want to feel around Mirabel's belly to see if she could feel anything out of the ordinary. Mirabel agreed that would be fine. She laid back as Sofia pressed around her stomach. Mirabel took deep breaths and held onto her mom's hand the whole time. Sofia said everything felt normal. She asked if Dolores was hearing a heartbeat and Julieta said she was. She asked Mirabel if the movements were consistent and Mirabel said they were. She smiled and said, "This baby enjoys being most active at night when I'm trying to sleep."

Both Sofia and Julieta laughed. "That's how it usually works, unfortunately." said Sofia.

Sofia asked Mirabel if she was feeling something called Braxton Hicks contractions, which were essentially pre-labor contractions. Mirabel said she would occasionally feel the slightest of a cramp and other times she'd feel random tightening and hardening in her stomach. There was no pattern to them. Sofia said that was completely normal and she'd probably continue to have them up until she went into full blown labor.

Mirabel had a concern that she was worried about ever since she found out she was pregnant. She was really scared to talk about this, especially in front of someone she didn't really know. She took a deep breath before speaking. "I'm really scared about something. When I was…with him," She gulped. "I hardly ate. I only ate twice a day and it was only small meals. He did let me have a little more once he learned I was pregnant, but it still wasn't much. I've been eating better since I came home, but I still can't eat a whole lot. I'm nervous that my baby won't be healthy, because of how little I was only allowed to eat for the majority of my pregnancy." She looked down, trying so hard to fight back the tears. "And…I'm still so skinny. How is this baby going to be healthy?"

Julieta rubbed Mirabel's back and Sofia sat down next to Mirabel. She felt so bad for Mirabel and thought how unfair everything was for her. "The thing about pregnancy is that the baby will take what they need. I've seen several women here in town who had awful nausea and vomiting their entire pregnancies, barely able to keep anything down until they had their babies. Yes, it's obviously better to get good nutrients while pregnant, but Mirabel…you did what you had to do to survive. You had no control over the situation you were in and you did the best you could do. You already said you've been eating better since you've come home and that's the best thing you can do for yourself and for your baby. Keep eating those foods with lots of nutrients and you'll be fine. Don't worry about trying to eat too much. Just eat until your satisfied."

Mirabel nodded, feeling much better. "Okay. Thank you so much. I feel better now."

Sofia nodded and smiled. "Good."

That concluded the exam. Since it was nearing the end, Sofia said she'd come by to check on Mirabel every 2 weeks and then after a month, she'd be checking on her every week. It was already decided that Mirabel would give birth at home, as both Julieta and Pepa gave birth in Casita, and most women gave birth at their home in Casita, usually with Sofia in attendance. Sofia said she'd for sure be there for the birth of Mirabel's baby.

Mirabel was very nervous and scared for labor and delivery. Mirabel remembered how painful the miscarriage cramps were and she hoped labor wouldn't be like that, but she knew labor could be super painful. She decided to talk to her mom about it the evening after she had her first appointment with Sofia.

"Well…" started off Julieta. She felt awful that Mirabel would have to experience this at such a young age. Every day, she thought about how unfair the whole situation for Mirabel was. If she could, she would switch places with Mirabel in a heartbeat. "I'm not going to lie you, mi amor, um…it's hard. They call it labor for a reason. I figured by the time I had you, the labor wouldn't hurt as much, but that wasn't the case. It hurt just as much with you as it did with Isabela and Luisa. Labor starts out very mild and then progressively gets more and more painful. The contractions start out really short and pretty far apart and then they'll slowly get closer and closer together and they last longer."

Mirabel nodded. "How long does labor usually last?"

"It depends. Usually, with your first, it's going to be longer. With Isa…my labor was thirty-six hours long, but for Tia Pepa, her labor with Dolores was only ten hours long. So, just because it's your first doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be a very long time."

Mirabel nodded again, feeling a little anxious. "Um…what do the contractions…feel like?"

"It's hard to describe exactly, but…it's almost like…the most intense cramps you've ever experienced in your life. Your stomach will harden and tighten. Like I said, it won't be that painful at the beginning, but it will become painful." She paused before continuing. "I really hope you don't have a long labor, but even if you do, I will be with you the whole entire time and if you want someone else with you, too, they can also be in the room. The best thing you can do to get through the contractions is to remember to breathe and take deep breaths. Feel free to squeeze my hand as hard as you want to." Julieta chuckled. "During all of my labors, I squeezed Papa's hand so hard he thought I broke it. One thing that helped me was to know that with each contraction, I was one contraction closer to meeting my baby. Have it in your mind that the pain will not last forever and it is nice that you get little breaks in the middle of the contractions. At the end, during the last stage that comes before actually delivering the baby, the breaks become a lot shorter, but by then, you're so close to having the baby."

Mirabel's miscarriage was the most intense pain she had ever had in all of her life that had her screaming bloody murder. It terrified her that labor would be the same and she was scared that when labor got to that really painful part, it would bring her right back to being on the toilet in his house all by herself. Mirabel took a few shaky breaths and looked up at her mom with tears in her eyes. "Mama, I…I need to tell you about something."

Julieta's heart started pounding fast. She had no idea where this was going to go, but she figured she'd be hearing about a painful experience from Mirabel's time with Mr. Gonzalez. Julieta would listen to her daughter and help her the best way she could, even if it broke her on the inside. "Okay."

Mirabel didn't really know where to start, so she was silent as she tried to think of what to say. Finally, she said, "This is not my first pregnancy."

Julieta's eyes widened. She was not expecting to hear that and she was very confused. Did Mirabel have a baby that died? Julieta didn't want to assume anything, so she said, "What do you mean by that, Mira?"

Mirabel gulped. "It was six months after he took me. I started having…weird symptoms. I felt nauseous, I was throwing up, and I was tired all the time. I couldn't figure out why I felt this way, but…it hit me one day. I knew I was pregnant." Mirabel closed her eyes as tears rolled down her cheeks. Julieta stayed completely silent, just waiting for Mirabel to keep talking. After a moment, she opened her eyes. "I was so scared. I didn't know…how it was going to go, having a baby with him. My plan was to wait as long as I could…before telling him. I didn't know what his reaction would be. Two weeks later…it was night time, he was asleep, and…I started to get really bad cramps that wouldn't go away."

Julieta covered her mouth with her hand as her eyes filled with tears, but she remained silent.

"They got so bad that I ended up going to the bathroom. I pulled my underwear down and…I was bleeding so much. It was like…a very heavy period, but…worse. It was so much blood. I don't know how I didn't get any blood in the bed."

Julieta knew where this was going by now. Her throat was closing up and she felt like she could start sobbing. Her poor, sweet baby girl. Her heart broke for her daughter for about the millionth time in that week.

"I was so scared and it didn't take long for me to figure out that I was having a miscarriage." Mirabel had to pause. She took a few deep breaths. "My screams woke him up. He came to the bathroom…and asked me what was going on. I told him I was losing the baby. He got so mad at me for not telling him I was pregnant and hit me on the head."

Julieta couldn't help but let a few sobs escape, but she quickly composed herself.

"I told him he could punish me later, but…I wanted him to leave me alone and just let me…get through it by myself. He left the bathroom and I was alone. For hours…I set there on the toilet…in agonizing pain…bleeding so bad…screaming and crying the whole time." She looked at her mom. They both had tears in their eyes and running down their cheeks. "I wanted you so much. I remembered how you helped all the women in town that this happened to and I thought…the only reason they didn't die was because…you were there to heal them. I thought I was going to die." Mirabel couldn't continue anymore because the sobs overtook her. She wrapped her arms around herself as she cried.

Up until this point, Julieta always asked Mirabel before hugging her. But in this moment, she just grabbed her daughter and pulled her close. Mirabel wrapped her arms tightly around her mom. Usually, Mirabel would be the only one crying while Julieta held her close. This was a time that Julieta couldn't hold it in. She was crying, too. She was crying for the pain her daughter experienced all alone. Julieta had been there for quite a few women that had miscarriages and to see the pain they went through was so hard. To know her daughter had to experience this all alone at only 15 years old broke her heart. She knew Mirabel went through a lot of pain. She knew Mirabel was raped almost daily and she knew she was physically abused a lot. She kind of expected those things when she learned where Mirabel had been the last 18 months before Mirabel told her. But this? This was not something she ever expected Mirabel would go through, especially at such a young age.

After several minutes of hugging and crying, Mirabel pulled apart. She took a few deep breaths. "After a few hours…the pain became bearable and…the bleeding lessened. I got new underwear and was able to just put some rags in my underwear. I was…so dizzy from the blood loss that I snuck a little bit of food from the kitchen before getting back in bed. I had very light cramps for the next week and…bleeding that got lighter each day. We didn't talk about it and…he went on like nothing happened." She closed her eyes as she said, "He went on raping me the next day like it didn't even happen. I was so…so relieved that I didn't have to have a baby with him. I was a little sad that I lost the baby, but…mostly relieved. And I prayed that I didn't get pregnant again, so…when I found out I was pregnant again…I just assumed it would end in a miscarriage, but it never did. And…I had to tell him." She closed her eyes again and took deep breaths. "He thought…I may not be able to get pregnant because of the miscarriage, but he was happy I was able to. I still…have no idea why he was happy about having a baby." She looked down at her stomach and ran her hands over her stomach. Her baby was kicking. "I'm so happy that…when I go into labor…I won't be with him. I won't have to raise a baby with him there. I am scared that…when I am in labor and it's very intense that…it will bring me back to those hours on the toilet." She grabbed her mom's hand and squeezed it tight. "But I'm so happy you'll be with me."

Julieta squeezed Mirabel's hand just as tight and she kissed her on the forehead and used her free hand to gently touch Mirabel's cheek. "I'm so sorry that happened to you. It was so brave of you to tell me about that awful and painful experience, mija. I know it wasn't easy. You amaze me every day with your strength."

Mirabel scoffed. "I'm not strong, Mama, I feel sad and…anxious a majority of the day. Some days, I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning. I have panic attacks every single day. I still can't handle being around the whole family and I have to walk away almost every day. I have nightmares all the time. And every day…most of the time, all I can think about…is what happened to me."

"But you do get out of bed every single day." said Julieta confidently. "I see that you find a reason to smile and laugh every single day, even if it's just once. Mirabel, it's only been a week. I tell you all the time and I'm going to continue to tell you, it will take time and you need to be patient with yourself. There will come a point where you don't have panic attacks every single day. You won't always have the nightmares every single night. Please know that this won't last forever." She smiled at Mirabel. "You will feel normal again. You will feel like 'you' again."

"What about this baby?" asked Mirabel as she looked at her stomach. "How am I supposed to feel normal after having a baby at my age? I mean, I love this baby and…I want to be a good mom and, honestly, I don't dread having this baby, but…how can I be the best mom when I'm struggling so much?"

Julieta sighed. She thought about this all the time. "Mirabel, you will be the best mom in the world to your baby. You have our entire family at your side. We will help you, day and night and we will help you as much as we can and as long as you need. You can talk to me, Tia Pepa, or even Abuela. We've all had babies and we know what it's like to struggle with a newborn. Obviously…completely different situation, but…still a baby nonetheless. Out of the three of us…your Abuela struggled the most. She had three newborns and she was alone, but she still did it. She made it to the other side and so can you."

Mirabel smiled. "Thank you, Mama. I love you so much." She hugged her mom again.

"I love you so much."

Mirabel already knew her family would be there to support her, but to hear they would be there for her day and night for as long as she wanted was so comforting to hear. One thing was for sure and she knew if she didn't have such a large, loving family, she wouldn't be able to heal at all. They overwhelmed her at times, but they always meant well and it was much better than being with the one person who was a literal living and breathing nightmare.

I love that I've been able to post every other day, but I can't promise that that will keep happening.
I only have part of the next chapter written when I usually have the next few chapters written when I post a current chapter. I know the direction I want to go with the rest of the story and I promise you, it will be completed. Just wanted to warn you all that updates may not be as fast as they have been.
Thank you for all the love on this story! I appreciate it so much. 3