AN: It's pretty early for this... kind of chapter, but I wanted to get on with the main reason I'm writing this thing. Also since FF doesn't have tags, this story has a more serious tone than canon, the characters will subsequently appear OOC, and I intend to incorporate a harem, though that may change in the future.

Shockingly, no one fucked it up.

The next day, we had accomplished the quest that Megumin selected, which did in fact turn out to be very easy. I barely had to think or plan, we just rushed in and killed some man-eating pigeons.

They weren't nearly as terrifying as they sounded.

And not only had it been a breeze, but it had also been a shockingly profitable venture, after we discovered an unfortunate merchantman who had fallen prey to the carnivorous birds, along with his stash of gold.

And so it was late into the night, drinking our problems away, that we found ourselves spending an increasingly large portion of that money in the Guild Hall. Aqua had been the one to burst through the doors when we'd first got back, still covered in pigeon blood, proclaiming that drinks that night would be on her.

Well, it was coming out of her share. Megumin had slunked back to the mansion already, after I refused to let her partake in the binging. One alcoholic in our party was already more than enough.

I was seated in the corner, watching Aqua show off her party tricks from a safe distance. Darkness had just sat on the bench next to me, after slamming down a tall glass of beer. Perhaps a bit surprising, to me anyway, the crusader only had a few drinks; she seemed to be the least enthusiastic member in our party when it came to liquor.

The blond haired woman leaned next to me, lowering her voice as we both watched the ridiculous goddess's antics.

"So, she really is the Goddess Aqua?"

Ah, I realized then that we hadn't yet engaged in this discussion. Darkness was the most religious out of us, so I was unsure how she'd react to the news.

"... In the flesh. Someday, I'll sit you and Megumin down and tell you how we ended up together."

I heard her armor clink as she listened to my answer.

"I see. So you two are in a relationship. I understa–"

"Woah–wait! We aren't like that! Absolutely not!" I waved my hands in a panic, my coordination hampered by my inebriation.

Darkness leaned back, her eyebrows raising. "Oh. My apologies, Kazuma."

An uncomfortable silence descended between us as we observed the rest of the rowdy reveling.

If anything, I was surprised that was all she had to say on the matter. I couldn't deny that I was more than a bit curious, so I decided to do a little prodding.

I poked her arm, causing her to look at me expectantly. "Aren't you nervous to have Eris's superior in our party? I was expecting a bit more of a reaction, Darkness."

She blinked at me, letting my words soak in before responding.

"To be honest, I've had my suspicions for a while. And after seeing how she behaves," she smiled lightly, "it only reaffirms my faith in Lady Eris."

"Ah, that I can understand." I looked at her curiously, trying to focus on the conversation instead of her clearly too small breastplate that was screaming for release. "Have you met Eris before?"

"I have not. Have you?" She raised a single eyebrow as she asked, which kinda impressed me.

And kinda turned me on. Ah, the joys of alcohol.

"... I see her everytime I die; and let me tell you," I pointed to our most useless party member, "she's ten times more worthy of praise than that thing."

Darkness's eyebrows crinkled, and something shadow-like passed over her eyes as she looked down at me. (She was taller, after all.) She didn't say anything, however.

Well, all this talking about Eris reminded me of something. "You know Chris pretty well, don't you?"

The crusader nodded.

"They're pretty similar, actually," I explained. "Say, how'd you first meet Chris anyway?"

"Well, the story is rather embarrassing…"

"That should make you happy to share it then, eh?"

She wasn't smiling or blushing as stared at me. Maybe it was the alcohol, but I was expecting a more… Risque response.

"... I won't laugh, Darkness. I've done a lot of embarrassing stuff in my life, believe me."

"I believe you." Ok, you didn't need to agree that quickly. "Anyway, It was when I had just set out to be a crusader, I was… Lonely. Despite my best efforts, no one wanted to associate themselves with me. Sometimes after a single conversation, they wanted nothing to do with me after learning of my… Particular proclivities."

True to my word, I didn't laugh or joke; not even a smirk. Not that it was hard, with those dead serious sky-blue eyes boring into mine.

"So I prayed to Lady Eris everyday, asking for a party, or even just a friend, and only a few months later, Chris showed up one day. She's tried to get me into a bunch of different parties, but, well…" And there was the blush. It made her look cheek-pinchingly cute, which would normally be offset by the completely unappealing crap spewing from her mouth. As for her story, well honestly; could Eris be any more perfect?

"Lucky you. Frankly, I'm half a mind to join the Church of Eris myself."

"Even though Lady Aqua has been in your party from the beginning?"

"All the more reason."

She fiddled with her gauntlet, hesitating a moment before speaking.

"Kazuma… I know you two have… Difficulties getting along, but you shouldn't be so disparaging of Lady Aqua. She does far more than you give her credit for," the knight said pointedly.

I swirled around my mostly empty cup, watching Aqua trip and nearly fall after her last demonstration.

"I suppose so... She doesn't make it easy though, with all the holier-than-thou attitude and obnoxious flair. I swear, would it kill her to be humble for a second?"

Darkness stood up, laying a firm hand on my shoulder as she did so. "We all have our faults, Kazuma. Getting along is just a part of life."

She gave a warm, brilliant smile that made my own cheeks burn, before turning away. Damn, I suppose she's right. And damn, that sway…

It was only after she'd walked off that I realized we'd just had a mostly normal conversation. Hey, maybe she was getting better at managing her… Unscrupulous urges.

The night passed on, filled with a mix of boisterous story-telling and rambunctious singing, which I more often than not found myself involved in. Darkness left at some point, leaving just me and the useless one to handle the unending tide of booze.

It was some time later, after Aqua had already vomited up rainbows, that she had gone back for even more drinks. I had quit a while ago, not having anywhere near the seemingly bottomless pit of a hopeless deity. Everyone else had gradually left, and then they closed the bar for the night, leaving us standing outside in the alleyway, as she swigged down her last bottle of beloved bubbly.

It had ended up being what I called one of our rant nights, where we would complain loudly about our circumstances to each other and anyone who would listen. Though I had already concluded my own tirade a while ago, and was waiting for her to finish before dragging her back home.

"...That always happens to me, Kazuma!" Aqua panted.

The empty bottle was discarded, and she slammed her back against the wall, leaning against it as if she would fall over any moment. But instead of passing out like she normally did, something sparked in the air around us, catching me off guard. It felt like an overwhelming surge of static electricity, as if lightning was about to strike, but there wasn't a single storm cloud in the sky.

Little did I know, but something akin to floodgates had just been unleashed.

There was something in the arch priest's expression; it was vulnerable in a way I'd never seen before, causing a burst of adrenaline to shoot through me, almost shocking myself completely sober.

Aqua wiped a thin thread of vomit from the corner of her mouth, and gathered her breath for another rant.

"Argh, I'm so sick of all this bullshit down here!"

For a goddess, she sure cursed like a sailor when she wanted to.

"Eris is way more popular than me, even though I'm above her! I–I'm way better looking, and my boobsss are way bigger~, and they're real!" She supported them with both of her hands, shoving them at me. "See, feel them Kazy!"

I didn't move.

My lack of response didn't appear to bother her, as she continued to howl like a wolf at the moon.

"My followers are all fucking crazy! The only way they can convert more followers is by tricking people!" She gasped, drawing a deep breath of air before continuing. "I'm supposed to be the goddess of water, not trickery, Kazuma!"

"I know." I replied tonelessly. I didn't know where this was going, but it worried me.

"I'm… Supposed to be a goddess…"

She slid down to the ground, tucking her knees up to her chest.

"Every fuckin' day… Every fucking day, I put on a smile, and listen to everyone's prayers, and tell myself it'll be fine, that I'll b–be alright if I can just make it through another day."

Without warning, her eyes were abruptly glowing, a powerful blue light radiating from them; something I'd never seen her do.

You're scaring me, Aqua.

"I-I keep… I keep on d–drinking and drinking, but this feeling never goes away!"

I looked down at her, my face blank. "What feeling?"

The glow subsided as bleary, light–blue eyes blinked at me, a note of desperation seeping through her watery eyelids.

"This… Loathing…"

My heart lurched. Aqua continued.

"Back… Up in Heaven, I had whatever I wanted, whenever. It was great!" She laughed, and I'd never heard a sound more devoid of humor.

"Was it?"

Her face fell, tears overflowing. "No…" The water deity's speech had devolved into near hysterics, a thick stream of tears beginning to fall down her face. "It was never enough–hic…" She half-coughed as her face turned red.

"I know… I know, Kazuma!" she suddenly yelled, half-standing as her eyes shined briefly again, before shakily falling to the ground, voice returning to a pathetic whimper. She sniffed heavily; the entire front of her clothing was drenched.

"... I know I'm a fuckup." She whispered.

I didn't even recognize her voice anymore.

"I know I'm stupid. I–I know I can barely do anything r–r–right." Her lurid eyes caught mine, and I couldn't stop the wetness dripping down my cheeks. She suddenly fell upon my legs, slamming her eyes shut as she bawled into my clothes.

"I'm… Useless…"

There was a strange feeling in my chest. In fact, it was quite painful.

I looked down to the sobbing mop of blue hair clutching me for dear life, and for once, I didn't see a hopeless, conceited goddess.

I saw a lost girl, crouched over, trembling in an alligator-battered cage.

"Aqua."

She looked up at me, her head bobbing back and forth from what was surely severe intoxication and emotional exhaustion.

"Let's go home."

Not waiting for a response, I bent down, gently scooping her up into my arms. Her hands wrapped around my back, as she buried her face into my shoulder. It was wet, but not cold.

It was quiet in the cool air that night, with only the sound of a distant cricket chirping or dog barking as I carefully made my way home. My partner remained mostly silent, occasionally muttering something into my chest that I couldn't hear. As we approached our mansion, I half–considered just leaving her in her room. It wasn't like she couldn't sleep alone; we hadn't slept in the same room since we left the stables, after all.

But… Tonight… Well, I didn't give a shit what anyone else might think.

She was sleeping in my room.