Chapter 96
A few weeks later as the month of October slowly came to a close, the events of the Pai Sho world championship finals still continued to negatively affect the usually happy mood in the household of the International House of Lesbians in Ba Sing Se.
On Azula's part, she was brimming with motivation and raring to tackle the next world championship cycle, starting with a couple of important tournaments later in November. She couldn't wait to get back behind the Pai Sho board and annihilate all those standing in the path of her quest to make it through all the way to the final six. And once Azula was in the finals, she would not stand for her father's cheating and she would not allow him to humiliate her as he had done to Katara. No, Azula was absolutely determined to destroy Ozai so convincingly that even all of his attempts to cheat would not save him from his fate.
When it came to the other aspects of Azula's life, she supposed that she was doing reasonably well. Azula still had two years of studies left, although by this point, it was all about the work placement and she barely had to show up at the BSSU anymore, only to deliver some of her progress reports now and then. When it came to the work placement, Azula had met with the editor-in-chief of The Harmony Ring, and she had been warmly welcomed onboard of the popular Pai Sho publication. Work placements for study practice purposes were usually not paying positions, however, the editor of The Harmony Ring still insisted on putting her on a fairly generous payroll, probably realizing just how much Azula's name being associated with their publication would end up driving the sales.
Azula's relationship with Yue and Katara had unfortunately suffered in the wake of her father's actions in the Fire Fountain City. Both of her girlfriends had been negatively affected by what had happened, Katara in particular, and Azula felt like she was starting to struggle to be there for her girlfriends the way they needed her. Azula was starting to feel increasingly worn down because she had never been in this kind of supportive role for so long, and it simply didn't come naturally to her. Yue was trying to help as much as she could, but she had immersed herself into her studies to become a teacher, and those studies continued to be quite intense, now accompanied by a teaching practice at the academy of Madame Macmu-Ling. Katara had not resumed her studies just yet, not feeling mentally up for it, but what concerned Azula and Yue the most was that Katara didn't seem to be getting any better as time passed by. Aang still remained with them at the estate, busy with his studies of electrical engineering, making good on his government grant by building a Better Wind Turbine™, practicing Pai Sho with Azula and entertaining Mai when she inevitably showed up for what by now felt like almost monthly visits.
The reaction to the world championship finals was very different in the various nation states across the world. The Water Tribe press was up in arms about the treatment of their favorite, accusing Ozai of cheating and calling for his blood. The Water Tribes Pai Sho Federation had lodged an official complaint, calling for an independent investigation into Ozai's actions, and the Air Nation Federation had supported it, Gyatso clearly no fan of Ozai. The Earth Kingdom press had been largely sympathetic towards Katara. She had been living in Ba Sing Se for years now, and many had started to view her as one of the locals, which meant that she had plenty of supporters and admirers in Ba Sing Se who were angered by her treatment. However, the Pai Sho Federation of the Earth Kingdom remained neutral on the matter, courtesy of Long Feng's influence.
Of course, the Fire Nation Pai Sho Federation was 100% behind Ozai, so the investigation went nowhere, as Azula had unfortunately predicted. But what had pissed Azula off the most was the reaction of the Fire Nation press in the tournament's aftermath, the reporters no doubt riled up by Ozai. There had been countless anti-Katara articles, openly mocking and ridiculing her girlfriend. Even worse, Ozai had resumed his campaign of sending anonymous letters to the estate, full of these newspaper clippings, just to further demoralize them. Between her and Aang they had intercepted and burned every single one of these letters, but Azula had still looked at their contents, becoming filled with murderous rage. She had broken into a tirade of expletives upon reading the worst of the articles which had featured an enlarged photo across half the page of Katara crying, with the caption of the world 'loser' repeated three times in all caps. It was simply despicable and distasteful beyond belief, and Azula in all earnestness harbored the desire to place the reporter who had written that article in front of an actual firing squad.
With the new world championship cycle about to start, Azula had attempted to call for a gathering of Gaang to once again plot out their tournament schedule for the upcoming months. However, while there was interest from Zuko, Aang, Toph and Teo, Yue and Katara remained lukewarm, and it was starting to worry Azula. Yue still joined for their Pai Sho practices, even if most of the time it was just her and Aang, and Azula was becoming frustrated with her girlfriends not being there for her. Azula needed her girls to push her all the way, because while not meant as an indictment on Aang, he was merely a passable sparring partner and not nearly as committed as her girlfriends. When Azula had confronted Yue about her lack of commitment, Yue had confessed feeling deeply disillusioned in the world of professional Pai Sho and she had stated that for now she wanted to focus on her studies and completing her teaching practice. Azula had absolutely freaked out when Yue had told her that she was considering skipping the upcoming world championship cycle entirely. Azula wasn't sure if she could achieve everything she aimed for without the help of her girls.
And if Yue was filling her with concern, then Katara was filling herself and all of her friends and loved ones with utter despair. Katara had not touched a single Pai Sho tile since returning from the Fire Nation. She didn't seem physically capable of doing so. When Azula and Yue had finally managed to get Katara to open up about how she felt, they both had been deeply concerned to hear just what Katara was going through. It seemed that being confronted with anything Pai Sho related, whether it was just seeing the Pai Sho board or tiles, or hearing someone talk about Pai Sho, was triggering powerful flashbacks of what had happened in the Fire Fountain City. These flashback episodes were as powerful as panic attacks, making Katara sweat bullets and sending her heart racing. It was causing Katara to actively avoid everything Pai Sho related. Azula had noticed that before the conversation, Katara had purposefully stayed away from the gaming room, and every time she or anyone else started to talk about Pai Sho, Katara always seemed to be in a hurry to leave the room.
There were other deeply concerning aspects of Katara's behavior which had finally pushed Azula and Yue to seek help on their girlfriend's behalf. Katara's sleep had never been very good during her teenage years due to the trauma of her mother's death, but it had improved lately, especially once she and Azula had begun a relationship, and even more so after Yue had joined in. But now Katara's sleep patterns were all over the place, and she barely seemed capable of sleeping more than four, at most five hours every night. If Yue was deeply disillusioned about the state of professional Pai Sho, then Katara seemed to be deeply depressed about it, and her general outlook on things had suddenly turned very bleak. Katara had also lost interest in other things she had once loved, not just in Pai Sho, and she generally seemed to have difficulties in deriving pleasure from anything. Katara seemed very lackadaisical even about their physical intimacy and she engaged in it without obvious enthusiasm, much to the dismay of Azula and Yue.
In short, Katara was so far from her normal self that Azula sometimes thought that she no longer recognized this girl she was sharing bed with. In some ways, Katara now reminded Azula of herself a month after she had endured the sexual assault attempt by Ozai, but the difference was that Katara wasn't pumped with drugs. She was still on Tofranil, but it didn't seem to be helping all that much. Azula had suggested that Katara come and speak with her therapist, and Yue had supported her in the attempt, but Katara was waffling and dragging her feet, insisting that she just needed a bit more time to snap out of this funk.
Then Azula had remembered something important. She recalled that Katara had established a very good rapport with old Yagoda at the Crystal Castles Sanatorium in Agna Qel'a. Azula thought that perhaps Yagoda would know what to do, and she could tell what medication Katara needed. Azula felt way too embarrassed to call Yagoda herself, desperate to avoid inquiries from her former therapist, and since Yue didn't know Yagoda at all, the girls had confided about their problems to Uncle Iroh, Azula recalling that he had also established a good relationship with Yagoda. This was why Yue and Azula were currently milling about nervously in the kitchen, waiting anxiously as they listened in on Iroh speaking with Yagoda, listing all of Katara's symptoms that the two girls had observed and diligently noted on a piece of paper.
The conversation lasted for almost a quarter of an hour until Iroh finally hung up the receiver. The two girls stared at him intently, as if demanding him to explain immediately. "Yagoda suspects that Katara might be suffering from PTSD," Iroh said, looking downcast.
"Am I supposed to know what it is?" Azula asked. She had been in therapy for years, but she didn't even know what it was that she herself was being treated for. Her therapist hadn't put a label on it, and Azula was fine with that. But having a label of four letters like that seemed scary and Azula didn't like the sound of it all.
"I think it stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder," Yue said, looking worried. "I don't know how bad it is, though."
"The severity of it can range very broadly as Yagoda explained it to me," Iroh said. "It would seem that Katara's case is quite severe, I'm afraid."
"Are there treatments? Did she say what meds Katara needs? Money is no obstacle, of course," Azula uttered rapidly.
"Yagoda said that Katara should already be on an antidepressant, correct?" Iroh asked. Yue and Azula both nodded firmly. "Well, it should be helping, but if it's not enough, then Katara might need psychotherapy. Yagoda is willing to take on the case."
"That's wonderful!" Yue exclaimed, looking relieved. "Thank you, Uncle Iroh."
Azula glared at Yue, not sure why the other girl was so happy. "Wait, Yagoda taking on the case would mean that Katara has to go to Agna Qel'a, right?" Azula asked. She was starting to shake slightly as Iroh nodded at her. "For how long?" she asked nervously.
"There is no timeline on these things, Azula, you know this," Iroh spoke calmly. "If it is as severe a case as Yagoda suspects then it could be anywhere between three and six months."
"But… but Katara can't go away for six months!" Azula protested weakly. She felt a panic attack of her own starting to rear its ugly head. "I… I need her here in Ba Sing Se! Are there really no meds or something that-"
Azula was forced to break off her nervous ramblings mid-sentence as Yue pulled her into a tight hug. "I know that it's scary, Azula," she spoke quietly but insistently. "But we can't be petulant and we can't think about ourselves and our own needs. We have to do what's right for Katara, don't you agree?"
Azula let out a heavy sigh, relaxing in her girlfriend's comforting embrace, starting to feel a little embarrassed and even angry for acting so selfishly. She was so focused on the next world championship cycle, knowing that she needed Yue and Katara with her if she wanted to go all the way, but Yue seemed disinterested in playing herself, and now Katara was possibly out of the picture for half a year, and even if she got better, would she be immediately back to her best shape and once again excited about Pai Sho? Probably not, but that should have never been Azula's primary concern. Katara was clearly miserable in her life right now, and they needed to do whatever it took to help Katara get better. If that meant an extended stay with Yagoda at the Crystal Castles Sanatorium, then Azula had no other option but to accept that. She could not place her desire for revenge on Ozai above the wellbeing of any of her girlfriends. Making Yue and Katara miserable just so that she could bask in the destruction of her father would never bring Azula any joy and she knew that.
"No, you're absolutely right," Azula sighed again. "If this will help Katara, then she should go to Agna Qel'a and stay there for as long as necessary. She likes Yagoda, so I think she will be onboard with this idea."
"Well, I certainly hope so, because Yagoda expects to see her arrive and settle in this weekend," Iroh said. "So… I guess you better go and convince your girlfriend, while I call the airline and book our flights…"
Katara's first week at the Crystal Castles Sanatorium had not been a particularly happy one. She had been very reluctant to give in to the intense pressure by Yue and Azula that she even needed to travel to Agna Qel'a, because surely within a week or two she would have gotten over her weird funk, wouldn't she? The answer to that question was an obvious and unequivocal no, although Katara still put up a long and hard-fought battle with herself before she would even admit that she was not getting anywhere and that she probably needed outside help to deal with whatever this was.
And she probably still wouldn't have accepted the proposal to go to Agna Qel'a, unless Iroh together with her girlfriends hadn't pushed her to speak with Yagoda on the phone, the kind old woman finally convincing Katara to come and stay at the sanatorium until she got better. Katara had also initially fought against this diagnosis of PTSD, because it just seemed so ridiculous that she could be so badly traumatized by such an event, and yet as she was discussing her symptoms over the phone with Yagoda, everything had suddenly clicked. It became especially apparent after she had told Yagoda how much she blamed herself for letting this whole thing affect her so badly and how guilty she felt for not being there for her girlfriends, especially Azula as she prepared for the next cycle of the Pai Sho world championship and Azula really needed Katara to be there for her and supporting her all the way if she was serious about defeating her father. But Yagoda had made the astute point that Katara first needed to help herself before she could help anyone else, and it had finally convinced Katara to accept the help which was being offered to her.
So, Katara had said farewells to her girlfriends, sad to part with her loves even if she now acknowledged the necessity to do so. Katara had also spent a lot of time cuddling with Ran and Shaw, hating the thought of being separated from their fuzzy little boys. Azula had then come up with the idea of Katara bringing one of the cats with her to the sanatorium. After a brief consultation with Yagoda's staff, it was determined that bringing a cat along to the sanatorium was actually a good idea and that doing so could help with Katara's therapy, so Azula and Yue had bought a comfortable cat carrier and the blue-collared Ran had made the journey to Agna Qel'a with Katara.
Katara had by now taken part in a couple of therapy sessions with Yagoda. They hadn't produced any tangible results as of yet, although making Katara more aware of what she was facing and what the healing process was going to be like, had given her a small but important boost of encouragement. The first session was mostly Yagoda telling her about all the different types of talk therapy they could attempt, and how it was a process to understand what type of therapy worked best in any given situation and how there were no one shoe fits all solutions that were guaranteed to work. This was why it was important for Katara to trust Yagoda, to be honest with her therapist and to work with her, instead of fighting her. If it had been anyone but Yagoda, Katara probably had fought them, but she knew that Yagoda had her best interests at heart and she trusted the old woman. Katara was willing to work with Yagoda to figure out the best way forward.
After returning to Ba Sing Se, it had taken Katara some time to realize just how her nightmares and panic attacks had become so strongly linked to anything Pai Sho related, and at first, she hadn't been able to accept and believe it. Pai Sho had been such a huge part of her life, and it was a major aspect of her bond with Azula and Yue. To have that part of her life suddenly so tainted and completely overwhelmed by negative associations, it had felt crippling. Very quickly, her powerful negative responses towards anything Pai Sho related had led to the development of crippling fear about being confronted with the very topic of Pai Sho, leading to Katara trying to avoid anything connected with the game. It had led to her actually wanting to interact less with her own girlfriends and instead seeking out Sokka, and spending a lot of time in conversations with Hakoda and Gran-Gran, just because they weren't interested in talking about Pai Sho. Of course, after her girlfriends had realized that Pai Sho was at the root of the problem, they had also made sure to shield Katara from the exposure, but needing to be protected like that had also made Katara's guilt skyrocket.
Katara had made it perfectly clear to Yagoda that she was desperate to overcome her crippling fear of Pai Sho and that she wanted to learn how to manage it. She was not currently interested in even thinking about potentially reviving her own professional career, she wasn't sure she would ever want that again. But she wanted to be able to look at the Pai Sho board without immediately being confronted with that suffocating flashback from the Fire Fountain City, the scene of her leaning over the sink in the restroom and choking on her own tears. She wanted to be able to analyze Azula and Yue's games and help with their prep. She wanted to be there for her loves like she had always been there, and being unable to do that left her feeling utterly gutted.
Of course, Yagoda hadn't been able to promise Katara that she would get back to that point, or tell Katara how much time it would take. Yagoda had said that the chances of recovery were good, but she had also added that it might take up to six months until Katara would learn how to manage all of the PTSD symptoms, develop healthier sleep patterns and get better at handling the guilt associated with that traumatic event and her reaction to it. It had really made Katara feel a lot more positive by hearing Yagoda lay out this path for her recovery, because knowing about the path she was on, helped Katara better understand just what was expected of her.
An important part of Katara's therapy as Yagoda imagined it would be something called the exposure therapy, which would force Katara to face and control her fear by gradually exposing her to it. Of course, Katara was nowhere near ready for such exposure yet, but once she had made enough progress, this part of the therapy would mean either Yue or Azula coming to stay with her at the sanatorium and they would slowly begin to expose Katara to Pai Sho again. Right now, the idea of even sitting down at the Pai Sho board felt scary, but Katara desperately hoped that given enough time, she would be able to sit down with either of her girlfriends and spend a while playing the game, a little bit more and more each day. She wanted to get there as quickly as possible, even if she realized that therapy could not be rushed.
For now, together with Yagoda, they were still probing around to find the most effective way forward, but for Yagoda, just as important aspect of Katara getting better was the development of healthier sleep patterns. The first few nights at the sanatorium had been very rough, and they had prompted Yagoda to propose the use of something called Prazosin. It was a brand-new medicine that was still considered somewhat experimental, but had already proved very promising in relieving nightmares in acute cases of PTSD. Katara had agreed to give it a try, and after four days of use, she had noticed perhaps a very slight improvement, but since there didn't seem to be any side effects, Katara was willing to continue the experimental treatment. Yagoda had left her on Tofranil as well. Even if there were antidepressants that were considered better in treating PTSD, Katara was already used to her current medication and Yagoda hadn't been willing to risk further upsetting the delicate balance of her brain chemistry.
So, all things considered, Katara still wasn't doing well at all, but at least things hadn't regressed and she felt slightly encouraged by knowing what it would take for her to get better. It also helped that despite being alone at the sanatorium with only Ran for company, Katara had a private phone line in her quarters and she could always reach out to the important people in her life because Yagoda acknowledged the importance of Katara being constantly reminded that she was surrounded by people who loved her very much and were invested in helping her get better. Case in point, Hakoda and Gran-Gran were coming to visit her in a few days, and Katara couldn't wait to see her family again. With the support of her loved ones, Katara slowly started to believe that given enough time and effort, she could turn this crisis around.
"Another war room strategy meeting for the Gaang," Aang rubbed his hands excitedly, as they were all sat at the large kitchen table in the Upper Ring estate. "I have been waiting for this."
"Yes, it's about time we all sat down for a little chat," Azula nodded. It's not really all of us, is it? Nothing feels the same without Katara, she sighed inwardly. Katara had been in Agna Qel'a for two whole weeks by now, and while the early signs were cautiously optimistic, everyone by now understood that her recovery would be a lengthy process. "Those of you who submitted your applications for the Ba Sing Se Open, have your heard back from the organizers?" Azula asked. It was really much too late to do any sort of planning for a tournament that was due to begin in less than two weeks, because by now the lineup had mostly been finalized except for one or two late withdrawals. Fortunately, Azula had already made some inquiries about who had or hadn't applied, with Zuko being the only one to give this tournament a pass. And Yue, of course, but that went without saying. Her girlfriend didn't seem at all interested in Pai Sho right now.
"Well, you know that I got the invite," Aang replied, grinning at Azula. "And so did you."
"What about you two?" Azula asked, looking at Toph and Teo.
The Earth Kingdom couple exchanged stares. "Actually, they only got back to Toph and not to me, so Toph tore up her invitation," Teo replied.
"Yeah, fuck those idiots, they know we're married, what a complete lack of respect," Toph was seething. "So, we want to do the winter holiday Kyoshi Island tournament again, and we've already sent out our applications," she said.
"Uh, okay… even though I asked you all not to apply for tournaments beyond November," Azula sighed. She couldn't believe that she had become such a reasonably accomplished team player, considering her self-absorbed past, but getting Toph to cooperate was still a struggle.
"Loosen up, sister, there are two major tournaments every month, plenty for all of us to choose from," Zuko laughed at her. Azula still wasn't sure what to make of Zuko having become this chummy as of late, as if thinking that Ozai's despicable actions during the finals had created some kind of a bond of the abused between them. But maybe they had, because Azula certainly appreciated Zuko's angry and threatening rants aimed at their father. She also appreciated how Zuko and Sokka had been over at the estate almost every other day, Sokka trying to cheer up his sister and Zuko just being generally supportive to the best of his crappy ability. He was trying, though, and Azula had noticed that.
"By that, Zuko means to say that he already has an eye on the next two tournaments he wants," Sokka added, sitting next to his boyfriend.
"I'm listening," Azula frowned, starting to put down notes on the sheet of paper in front of her.
"We want the Kyoshi Island tournament in March. Sokka has already put in a request for vacation time. And we also want to go to Agna Qel'a in January," Zuko said. "It would let Sokka spend more time with Katara."
"Fair enough, I want Agna Qel'a for the same reason," Azula said. "And Yue might already be there, although not to play," she added, glancing at her girlfriend, sitting next to her. Yue's mood hadn't been great as of late, but she looked a bit happier at the mention of going to Agna Qel'a. There was talk of starting Katara's exposure therapy, gradually introducing small dosages of Pai Sho into her life. It had been decided that Yue would be the one to help with that, and not Azula. First of all, Azula wanted to focus on her tournament play. Secondly, Yagoda had implied that because Azula was closely connected with Ozai and Yue wasn't, it would be safer for Katara to interact with Yue. While Azula intellectually understood the concern, the implication that she was less suited than Yue had still hurt quite a bit.
"And what's your second choice, Azula?" Teo asked.
"I haven't decided," Azula replied. Iroh had agreed to act as her coach and sparring partner for the upcoming Ba Sing Se tournament, and for Agna Qel'a, Azula supposed that she could ask Zuko to do prep together with her, which would be a completely new experience for them both. She hadn't worked this closely during tournaments with neither Zuko nor Iroh, so she wanted to do these trial runs first before signing up for more tournaments. If it turned out that Azula actually couldn't perform without Yue or Katara, then it would be better for her to limit her participation in tournaments until at least one of her girls could be there for her again. "I think I'll be fine with Ba Sing Se this month and then Agna Qel'a."
"Alright, well, I guess I won't surprise anyone by claiming the Caldera City winter holiday tournament and the Ember Island one in March," Aang grinned. Azula wasn't at all surprised about Aang's choices. She was actually quite impressed how Mai's presence during the tournaments never seemed to impact Aang adversely, and it wasn't as if Mai actually helped Aang with prep in any way.
"Alright, have you two decided on your second event?" Azula looked at Toph and Teo.
"Not yet, but there are plenty of tournaments to choose from on the schedule," Toph replied. "We'll probably go for one of the March tournaments, but we'll decide on which one exactly later."
"Alright then," Azula said, having finished putting down the names under every tournament on her list. "Well, that was quite painless, thank you for that."
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Toph gave her a weird look. Azula blinked, not sure what Toph was referring to. "You haven't asked Yue about her tournaments. Or do we just assume that she's playing with you?" Toph asked.
"Oh, no… no, Toph, I'm sorry for the confusion," Yue answered quickly. "I'll be skipping the next championship cycle," she added to the confusion of everyone around the table, including Azula.
"Wait, you said that you were thinking about skipping, you never said that you had already decided to skip," Azula frowned at her girlfriend.
"Well, I have decided now," Yue replied. "Look, I just don't have any appetite for Pai Sho right now, and I don't think it's coming back anytime soon. If I try to force myself into playing when my mind's not really into it, what do you think will happen?" she asked.
"You're going to fail miserably," Zuko replied. "You'll fail just like I failed when I tried to play while being so angry after my father humiliated me."
"Exactly, so I'll just do what you did, Zuko," Yue nodded at Azula's brother. "I'll take the next year and a half off to sort out my head and… and decide if I want Pai Sho to be a part of my life in the future," Yue said, getting up from her seat and excusing herself to head upstairs.
Azula was relieved that by this point they were already done with the meeting, because after Yue had dropped this bombshell, Azula was no longer capable of thinking rationally. She was absolutely freaking out about the idea that Yue just might be done with Pai Sho altogether. And if Katara couldn't make a return, if the therapy didn't fix her all the way, then Azula would be all alone and isolated as she tried to take down Ozai, and she wasn't sure if she could do it on her own. She needed her Water Tribe girls to be her pillars of strength once more, and she was terrified about the possibility that in one fell stroke, Ozai might have crushed both of her pillars to remove Azula's support structure in its entirety.
Also, Azula was rather upset that Yue hadn't said anything about having already made her decision, because previously she had mentioned only thinking about it. Azula felt a little hurt that Yue hadn't trusted her with something so important to her, and she wanted to head upstairs and confront the other girl. It took her a while before she got an opportunity to excuse herself, as Aang, Sokka and Zuko started to discuss some TV series called M*A*S*H that Azula wasn't really interested in, while Toph and Teo settled in front of the TV to watch the evening news. Azula quickly ran upstairs, but then she was faced with the unpleasant surprise of not finding Yue back in their room. It had been more than a year since any of them had actually gone back to sleep in their own private bedrooms, so there couldn't have been a clearer sign that Yue wished to be left alone, and Azula had to respect this wish.
Or did she? Azula felt conflicted. She was already missing Katara's presence keenly, and the daily phone calls just didn't make up for being unable to hold Katara in her arms and kiss her. And now, Yue was starting to shut down on her as well, and that frightened Azula out of her wits. She suddenly decided that it probably wasn't a good idea to allow Yue slip away like that, and a surge of boldness forced Azula to march all the way up to Yue's room and enter after a knock on the doors hadn't produced an answer.
As Azula had predicted, Yue was lying on her bed, face buried in the pillow and shoulders shaking with sobs. Years ago, such a scene would have surely triggered Azula's fight or flight reflexes, but now she felt more comfortable walking up to the bed and sitting down, applying slow and comforting strokes across Yue's back. In response, Yue shifted on the bed, rolling on her side and making space for Azula. Azula wasted no time as she settled in the bed with her chest against Yue's back, spooning her as she wrapped her arms around Yue's midriff, pulling the other girl tightly against her.
"You could have told me, Yue," Azula spoke, making sure that she didn't sound offended. If she had been, then Yue's genuine tears had long since dissolved that hurt. "I would have understood."
"I just feel so terrible for not having the strength to help you, Zula," Yue sobbed. "I really, really want to, I just… I don't think I would be of much help when I'm like this. I would just bring you down in the mire with me."
Azula frantically thought of something fitting and comforting to say, but nothing came to her mind. Instead, she simply continued to hold Yue as tightly and comfortingly as she could, hoping that her actions spoke louder than the words she couldn't even find. "And I'll help you, Zula, I swear that I will, as soon as I'm ready," Yue said a while later, sounding a little calmer. "It's just that right now I'm still feeling sick of Pai Sho after everything that happened, and I find it very hard to be motivated about anything else other than helping Katara."
"Of course, that should be our priority," Azula said. She understood that she had to do her best to ease the pressure that Yue was heaping upon herself. "I would never have you put helping my Pai Sho career above simply helping our girlfriend heal. Please, don't feel like you're letting me down. I wouldn't have you doing anything else than what you're doing right now, love."
Yue's hands found Azula's encircled around her midriff. "Thanks, Zula," Yue sighed, sounding relieved. "I'm sorry for not telling you how I felt. It wasn't that I didn't think you wouldn't understand. I was just feeling so guilty," Yue added, then quickly swirling around in the bed to face Azula. "I felt like I was being a bad girlfriend."
"You are an amazing girlfriend, Yue," Azula smiled at her, meaning every word. "Always have been, and always will be. I love you," she spoke earnestly, leaning in and surprising Yue with a soft kiss on the lips. Yue appeared a little startled, but eventually eased into the kiss.
They broke apart a long time afterwards, breathing heavily. "I've missed you, Zula," Yue whispered. Azula understood perfectly what she meant. Before Katara had left for Agna Qel'a, she had sat both Yue and Azula down with her and urged them to be there for each other in every way, including physical intimacy. And yet, during these two weeks, neither Azula nor Yue had made any moves towards that, just plain not feeling it without Katara being there with them. However, physical connection also needed regular maintenance, and lately, Azula was starting to feel affected by the lack of physical intimacy. Judging by the intensity of their kiss, Yue was starting to long for it as well.
"Let me be there for you tonight, Yue," Azula said quietly.
Yue blushed slightly, giving her girlfriend a firm and eager nod. "Yes, I want it too, Zula," she smiled coyly, as if they hadn't been intimate countless times before. "And we'll repay Katara later for every time she wasn't with us, won't we?"
"We absolutely will," Azula grinned, leaning in to kiss her girlfriend again, while her brain was already working overtime to figure out a way to make sure that their friends didn't overstay their welcome at the estate tonight.
Next chapter: Azula takes part in her first pro tournament without the support of her girlfriends, and the results leave much to desire.