Chapter 12

Union

In spite of everything, Ginny Weasley was having the time of her life.

The last two weeks had seen the ship stop in a few ports, and the last one was far enough away from Britain that they were able to do some shopping. She now had quite a few very nice outfits, courtesy of Harry's generosity. Her youngest brother might have issues accepting charity, but she was not so foolish; her only concern was not wanting to take advantage of him.

Harry, though, thought nothing of money except as a means to an end. He was very clear that they were in this together, and he was going to take care of her. That included ensuring that she had whatever she needed.

While she knew she could never repay him, she was definitely going to do something very nice for him someday.

When they weren't in port, they wandered the ship and took advantage of the various amenities. That included introducing her to the concept of muggle movies. She was very impressed, and definitely wanted to see more when the opportunity arose in the future.

She was entirely amazed at what the muggles could do, and that was just from what she was experiencing on the ship. She had to guess that she would discover even more when they finally reached their destination. That part was a little scary — there were far too many unknowns — but she had faith that they would manage.

At the moment, however, she was a facing a bit of a problem.

They were currently sitting in the living room. Harry was reading a book on advanced magical theory of some sort or another, and she had been trying to read a book on muggle history. She was failing, though; her mind wouldn't quiet enough to take in the words.

Her feelings for Harry were growing by leaps and bounds, and she could no longer so easily ignore them.

Furthermore, he continued to treat her in such a way that she may as well have been his girlfriend. He was, by all accounts, doing it unconsciously, but that was beside the point. His behavior told her that he cared rather deeply, and truly enjoyed her company.

Sure, he could be dour and almost emotionless a lot of the time, but she knew where that was coming from, and the ice was slowly thawing. It would likely be years before he was truly carefree, but he was making progress — and she had long since learned to see through it anyway. And even when he was completely quiet, his presence was a genuine comfort.

In some ways, she felt like she already was his girlfriend, but she knew better than to think that was true. And more importantly, she had a feeling that part of the problem was that he didn't know what to think. She had caught him watching her with a puzzled expression on his face on more than one occasion.

And what little she knew about his upbringing was cause for concern.

Ginny had a sneaking suspicion that part of the problem was his complete lack of an education on the topic of feelings and relationships. He was muddling through as best he could, but he didn't truly understand his own feelings, let alone hers. And that wasn't going to change unless somebody helped him.

The only way to do that, though, was to talk to him about it, and that was a very scary prospect. It would be so easy to give him the impression that she was pressuring him. While she certainly wanted him, it was also much more important to her that she help him, even if that meant that they never got together.

Sighing quietly to herself, she closed her book and set it aside.

Unusually, Harry didn't notice. That was another thing she'd picked up: he was normally hyper-aware of his surroundings, but when it was just the two of them in a safe environment, he relaxed enough that he didn't keep constant attention on her. It was deeply flattering, truth be told.

Taking advantage of the opportunity, she simply watched him. His brow was furrowed slightly as he read, probably concentrating on making sense of whatever it was he was studying. He had a voracious appetite for learning; he was studying something or other whenever he had the time.

In spite of his obvious focus, though, he was almost completely relaxed; the only way he would ever get more relaxed was if he fell asleep. She hated to disturb him in that state, but she was starting to think that it was time to have the conversation, no matter how much it scared her. He deserved that. And so, she took a deep breath.

"Harry?" she called quietly.

He blinked in surprise, and focused in on her, but said nothing. This was not uncommon; he actually spoke more to her these days than she had ever heard him speak to anyone at Hogwarts. That did not really make him any less quiet though.

"Can we talk for a while?" she asked hesitantly.

His brow furrowed in obvious concern, and he immediately marked his place and closed the book, never taking his eyes off of her. He could easily tell that she was nervous, she thought, and she truly wished that she wasn't. Her nerves wen't helping.

"Sure," he offered softly. "What's on your mind?"

Ginny took another deep breath. She really had no idea where to start, and though she was loathe to bare her soul this soon, she had a feeling that it was going to have to start with that. At least she trusted him not to mock her, though.

"This… won't be an easy conversation, probably for either of us," she quietly warned. "It's not a bad thing, but it's… complicated. I'm honestly not sure where to start."

She definitely had his full attention in the wake of that statement. He picked himself up out of his relaxed slouch and turned to face her, sitting cross-legged on the couch. He took a long moment to study her, his concern still showing clearly.

"How about at the beginning?" he offered with a faint smile.

That elicited a slight smile back from her. "I suppose that'll give you an idea of the topic," she said ruefully. And then, before she could chicken out she added, "The beginning would be the way I acted around you when we first met."

His head tilted slightly as he considered that, and she wasn't surprised when he didn't respond. This was actually pretty normal for him when he was feeling comfortable; he would wait for you to offer more information, and only subtle cues would indicate that. He hadn't acted like this at school, because the people at school were about as subtle as a sack of nifflers set loose in Gringotts.

She indulged him, of course.

"I don't think it's a secret that I had a massive crush on you, right?" she asked quietly, unable to prevent her cheeks from heating at the blatant admission of her foolishness back then.

"I know," he replied with a quiet nod, no humor evident anywhere in his bearing, to her relief.

She opened her mouth to continue, but for a moment was stymied. She wasn't quite sure how to explain. So she closed her eyes, took another breath, and used her Occlumency skills to calm her mind. This was far more difficult even than she was already expecting.

"That crush died in the Chamber," she told him bluntly, finally looking at him again. "I discovered the hard way that the hero I had a crush on? He doesn't exist."

Harry's smile turned a little sad at that. "I wish everyone else could have figured that out," he said quietly.

Ginny snorted. "Don't get me started," she grumbled.

Harry chuckled a little, and she was pleased that he wasn't running from the conversation. He had to have guessed by now at least part of where it was going, but he was still sitting there, and still looked like he was okay with it. She crossed her metaphorical fingers that it would stay that way.

Finally she sighed and leaned forward to prop her chin on her knuckles. "After that," she said slowly, "I didn't really know what to feel. I certainly liked you, but I think I was too messed up to sort anything out. And then you wrote me that letter."

Ginny was surprised to see a fairly powerful swell of emotion behind his eyes at that. "I've never regretted that, you know," he told her quietly.

"Neither have I," she smiled as the statement brought a warmth to her heart. "You're the only true friend I have, and I wouldn't trade that for the world."

"I feel the same," he nodded.

"Thing is," she continued quietly, "as I got to know you… to really know you… I…"

Her throat closed up on her, and she slammed her eyes shut as she realized that she'd forgotten something. He was totally going to get the wrong impression if she just blurted it out. Taking another breath to steady her nerves, she opened her eyes and fixed him with a serious expression.

"I'm not asking for anything here," she said softly. "That's not why we're talking about this. Normally I would leave it alone and just see what happened, but I don't think that would be a good idea with you. The simple truth, Harry, is–"

She almost got stuck again, but the pause was fairly brief before she pushed through it. "I'm in love with you," she finally told him, "and it's a hell of a lot more than just a crush."

===[~]===

Harry figured he should probably have been surprised by her admission, but he wasn't. He had been wondering about her feelings for some time now. It wasn't anything overt — just the little things — but it was increasingly apparent that she had greater feelings for him than mere friendship.

At least trust wasn't an issue; she trusted him enough to come with him without even knowing the plan, and he trusted her just as much.

She closed her eyes in the wake of it, and he could tell that she was waiting to see if he was going to take it badly. He wouldn't, but he still wasn't quite sure why she was telling him this. If she wasn't asking for anything, then why did she seem to so badly need to say it?

There was only one way to find out.

"I've wondered," he said quietly, leaving it at that for the moment.

She opened her eyes again, and he smiled gently at her, hoping to convey that it wasn't an issue. He wasn't quite sure yet how to respond beyond that, though. The whole topic was deeply confusing for him, though that was hardly her fault.

She nodded slowly, and seemed to shake herself out of her nervous state. Now, he thought, they would get to the real reason for the conversation. He still had no idea what was up. Finally she looked down at the couch, where her fingers were worrying at a piece of lint, and started speaking again.

"I'm not trying to push you into anything," she said quietly. "It's just– I've had this sense that you needed to know." Then she looked up at him, and there was a surprising amount of compassion in her gaze. "I'm sorry to be so blunt, Harry, but I get the feeling that you don't really understand much about this sort of thing, and I've been afraid that I might send you the wrong message in one way or another."

Something in her bearing told him that she wasn't quite finished yet. She was right about him, though, and it honestly wasn't that surprising that she'd realized it. For whatever reason, Ginny was just in tune with him that way. It was a puzzle that he had yet to solve.

His patience paid off. There was only a brief silence before she continued.

"I won't lie to you," she said softly, looking down again. "I would love to be your girlfriend. But even if that never happens, I don't ever want to lose your friendship. You mean too much to me. And if you'll let me, I'd like to try to help you understand."

Harry felt an unexpected rush of pleasure. It was very rare for people to offer to help him, let alone without pushing it on him. And if he was being honest with himself — which he tried very hard to do — he really did need that help. Nobody had ever tried to teach him about this, or given him straight answers to his questions. Biology was easy; he knew all about tab A and slot B. But the emotion behind it? That was hard.

The Dursleys had a lot to answer for.

More importantly right now, though, it had clearly taken tremendous courage for her to bring this up at all, let alone to admit her own feelings so openly. He wasn't sure what he was feeling, but whatever it was, it was getting more powerful with every moment. And he didn't want her feeling so awkward.

On instinct alone, he reached forward and cupped her chin, startling her slightly, and gently raised her head so he could look her in the eye.

"It's okay, Ginevra," he said quietly. "I have been wondering, and I'm glad you told me."

Harry didn't know why he used her full name just then; it just seemed appropriate somehow. It was another thing he chalked up to all the strange instincts that seemed to pop up whenever she was around. Had he not been willing to give in to those so easily, they would probably not be speaking to each other by now.

===[~]===

Ginny was outright shocked at the rush of pleasure his use of her full name caused. He'd never done that before, and it was special somehow, especially at a moment like this. How was it that he understood so little, and yet always did everything so perfectly?

It was a mystery to be certain.

"It's no less than you deserve," she told him honestly.

His hand dropped away and they just watched each other for a long moment. She could tell that he was still somewhat confused, but not in a bad way. He wasn't put off by the conversation, and that was what was important. She couldn't predict the result — and it would quite possibly take more than one conversation — but she started to have faith that things would work out.

"Will you tell me what you're feeling?" she asked softly. "I see the way you look at me sometimes, and I can tell that you're confused, but not much more than that."

Harry sat back on his hands and looked up at the ceiling for a moment, clearly considering how to explain. She was willing to give him as much time as he needed; it wasn't like they had any shortage right now. And the more he could make sense of it, the better.

"I'm not really sure how to describe it," he said quietly, pulling his gaze back down to meet hers. "But maybe we should start somewhere else."

Ginny tilted her head in curiosity. "What did you have in mind?"

"First," he said quietly, "you already know that I hid a lot of things, and most people only saw what I wanted them to see, or at least I hope they did."

Ginny nodded, her brow furrowing as she considered this in the current context. Taking a page from his book, she simply waited for him continue.

"That crush of yours," he said slowly, "it didn't make me nearly as uncomfortable as it may have seemed. I would never have responded seriously to it, because I could tell it wasn't… real, for lack of a better word, but I was actually flattered by it. You're the only one I've ever run into who had something like that going on and yet didn't seem to want to force themselves into my life."

Ginny blinked a few times as she processed that. She had never before considered that his early reactions to her would have been as calculated as all his other reactions were. It didn't really change anything, but she was glad to know that she truly hadn't put him off with it.

"I can understand that," she nodded, "and honestly? I was nowhere near ready for anything anyway."

Harry nodded. "We were a lot younger then, in so very many ways," he sighed.

"Tell me about it," she agreed. "We may still be young, but we're a lot older than we should be."

He nodded his agreement with that, and she wasn't terribly surprised when he continued on with the original point. He wasn't one to beat around the bush most days, which she appreciated. A conversation like this one was difficult enough as it was.

Harry picked himself up again and wrapped his arms around himself, the first sign of defensiveness she'd seen from him in a while. She didn't think it was conscious; this was just a difficult topic, and he was nettled by it.

"The letters were great," he finally said, his voice quiet again. "They were about the only thing I had in that place that I actually looked forward to. And you were the only person who was truly honest with me, and who I could be honest with in return."

Ginny smiled; she had felt much the same.

"It actually bothered me, and still does," he frowned, to her surprise. "Not that it's a bad thing or anything, but I don't know why I react like that to you. If it was after we spent a lot of time together it would make sense, but…"

Ginny stared openly for a moment. She didn't expect this particular twist. And she wasn't sure quite how to react.

He shook his head before she could figure out what to say. "Then I met you in person that first time," he continued, a small smile appearing. "It was like we'd known each other forever. You walked in and we talked. It wasn't awkward. It was like we just picked up from somewhere we'd left off and kept on going."

Ginny slowly nodded. She clearly recalled that incident, and had much the same reaction to it. Now she was starting to see why he thought it was odd; in retrospect, she should have paid more attention to it herself.

"I know what you mean," she said slowly. "I noticed that too. And it happened again the time after that. I may be more social than you, but I'm usually not quite that comfortable with people I haven't spent any time around."

"Exactly," he nodded. "So that's been… confusing. Not being able to talk to you at Hogwarts was more than just frustrating, it was almost painful in a way."

His gaze went distant again, so she just waited. She agreed with him — she'd felt the same way — but she had thought it was because she had feelings for him. Now she suddenly wasn't as sure.

Or perhaps it was simply that he had feelings for her as well, and hadn't realized that yet, but she somehow doubted that was the issue.

Finally he came back to himself, and the look he fixed her with was surprisingly intense. "Being here with you, it's like… Like I'm home. Like I just belong wherever you are. It would bother me less if I truly understood why. It's not that I don't have any feelings, Gin, it's just… confusing."

Ginny suddenly had an epiphany. "Are you using your Occlumency right now?" she asked.

Harry blinked in surprise at the question. "Yes," he admitted. "I always do."

"That might be part of the problem," she frowned. "Not that you shouldn't use it, but I think your feelings developed after you started doing it, and you haven't really experienced them fully. If I'm right, then you're automatically shunting them aside. You can't understand them if you don't feel them."

Harry stared. He was clearly taken aback by the concept, but the more she thought about it, the more certain she was that it was at least part of his issue. Oh, there was probably far more to it, but it was certainly not helping.

Following her instincts, she reached up and gently cupped his cheek.

"Will you let it go, Harry?" she softly requested. "For just this moment, let it all go? Be here with me without fighting off your emotions?"

She wasn't entirely surprised to see the fear in his eyes. "I haven't done that in a long time, Gin," he said faintly. "I don't know if I can even deal with it anymore."

Gently stroking his cheek with her thumb, she smiled softly at him. "I think you need this," she told him honestly. "Suppressing all the time isn't healthy. Whatever happens, I'm not going to hold it against you. Your reaction might be a little extreme if you've been doing this as long as I think you have, but I can deal with that."

He nodded slightly and closed his eyes on the heels of her statement, and she watched his expression change as he slowly disassembled the mental construct he was using. Such things were different for everyone, and if what she suspected proved to be true, then his was much more complex than most. He'd been holding onto it for literal years now.

She wasn't entirely surprised when a tear leaked from one of his eyes, and brought her other hand up to wipe it away and cup his other cheek. She didn't know how long they sat like that, but it was probably five or six minutes. And when he finally opened his eyes, even knowing what was coming, she was shocked by the depth of emotion swimming there.

She met his gaze calmly, and simply waited; he needed to make the first move, or she might interrupt whatever was going on his head, which would very likely do more harm than good.

Whatever she expected, though, it wasn't for him to suddenly reach up and cup the back of her head, drawing her face closer to his, close his eyes, and capture her lips in a kiss.

It startled her for a moment, but then she just went with it. It wasn't like she was upset or anything; it was a dream come true! She knew she couldn't bank on it meaning what she wanted it to, but that hardly mattered. She surrendered to it, letting her thoughts go by the wayside, and couldn't stop from deepening the kiss herself.

And as she did, she felt something… amazing.

Never having kissed someone before, she had no idea what it was supposed to feel like. Even so, she knew this wasn't normal. It was almost as if her magic was surging up, preparing for something, perhaps the largest spell she'd ever cast. And then it surged even higher, bursting forth and twining around what she suddenly recognized as Harry's magic.

And then his magic started flowing into her, almost as though it was melding with her own. The feeling was intoxicating in a way she had never even contemplated, let alone experienced. Their magic sang in harmony, as though joy was all that existed.

And that was the last thing she remembered.

Far away, unnoticed by the inhabitants of the Burrow, her hand on the family clock moved from Travelling to Home.

===[~]===

A/N: Two people who deliberately suppress their emotions try to discuss their feelings! Yay! Honestly, this was probably one of the harder chapters to write and edit. Chapters like this one just somehow never reach that perfect "I want to publish this!" stage. So here you go; I forced myself to pull the trigger. =)

There is plenty more to come, and thanks again for all your reviews!

For those requesting Molly's PoV, I have to disappoint you, I'm afraid. It wouldn't actually add much to the story in this case, and she's insane in a way that I envision to be extremely difficult to write in any understandable manner. Not to mention, this story is already in the can. =)

I will note that the "functional insanity" described here is not the same as the muggle version, which apparently exists in the real world. I envision it as an explanation where they are almost — but not quite — just handwaving away her insanity. She is broken, but whether St. Mungo's actually understands the cause or just got lazy and slapped a label on it is open to interpretation.

Urgazhi: That's a hole I didn't think about, but it's actually still believable. To their thinking, Ginny has a massive crush on Harry. They would not be a bit surprised if she hid somewhere to mourn after his death. Combine that with the fact that they don't hang out with her regularly, and a week of not running into her is not unthinkable.

Anyway, that's enough from me. See you all tomorrow! =)