Chapter nine: More painful truths

Loki's eyes bulged and he stared at her in complete shock at her outburst. Odin was silent for a moment before demanding. "What do you mean by that?"

The words that she had been holding back suddenly came bubbling out of her. She was unable to tear her eyes away from Loki's face as she kept speaking. "No one ever asked me if I wanted to be joined in matrimony with Thor! I was informed that I was to marry Thor, the contract was signed without my consent or knowledge! I have never wanted to marry Thor!"

"He is to be king!" Odin reminded her. "You would throw away the title of being queen of all the realms?"

"Thor never showed me the proper courtesy of asking me for my hand." She turns to Odin. "You and my father agreed, I never did!"

"It is not your place," he declares. "to decide who you do or don't wish to marry!"

"No," Loki snips bitterly. "you just clap your hands together and give Thor whatever he wants, unless it's a war."

"Silence!" Odin shouts at Loki. Odin's countenance is growing pale and he seems to be leaning heavily upon his staff. It has been a stressful day for Odin. Loki could care less about the state of his father's health at this moment. "Are you aware of what you're saying? What you're throwing away?"

"Yes, I am and had I not gone to Jotunheim, I'd have probably gone through with the marriage." She was unable to stop the words from leaving her mouth. "Today, I could have died and it has made me see that he clearly does not care for me!"

"That is not true." Odin insisted. "He cares, he is just foolish."

"He would sacrifice me for an instance for the throne, kingdom and glory!" She held Odin's gaze as she stated. "I want someone who would sacrifice the kingdom for me." he scoffs. "I know that I'm not worthy of such a thing, but I want his love for me to be that strong. I deserve to be loved and I know that Thor doesn't love me! I won't marry him!" Tears streamed down her cheeks as she declared. "I'd rather die first!"

Loki gently gripped her shoulders and pulled her back towards him. "Rose." She turned to see he was offering her a handkerchief soaked in rose oil. "Easy, this is not good for you." She inhaled deeply, coughing lightly at the scent. "It not worth making yourself ill over this." He adds in a lower voice. "Talk with mother, she will help you with this."

"I hope so." Her voice broke as tears filled her eyes. "I want to be loved Loki." He stilled; the intensity in his gaze made it almost impossible for her to maintain eye contact with him. "There has to be someone out there who will love me as I deserve."

"There is," he assured her as he reached up and brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. "there is."

"Loki," she whispered. "please…don't go."

He exhaled deeply and for a moment she thought that he was going to change his mind. The sound of something clattering caused them to look towards the sound. Odin was slumped over into a heap on the stairs and neither of them noticed him going down. She looked to Loki who was already making his way to Odin. She hurried towards him and knelt beside Odin. Loki's hands hovered around his father's face and she noted that the anger and hate in his eyes towards his father had been replaced with genuine concern. He reached out and placed a hand on his father's hand. She placed a hand on his shoulder, giving him silent comfort. He looked towards her hand on his shoulder for a moment. Then, he turned and shouted. "Guards! Guards, please help!"

The guards hurried in and Loki stood, allowing them to lift his father. He caught her elbow and helped her up. "Thank you."

"Take him to his chambers. Have someone fetch my mother." As the guards bore his father away, he exhaled lightly and whispered. "This is my fault."

"No, no it is not your fault Loki." she exhaled. "The allmother herself stated that he'd been putting it off for a while. The day has been one of trials for him. The war with Jotunheim, Thor's banishment, his revelation to you and my outburst did not help."

He was silent for a moment before looking towards her hand on his shoulder. "How can you not be disgusted by me?"

"Why would I be?" she asked him.

"Because of what I am." He stated bitterly. "You cannot insist on remaining blind to the fact that I am not Asgardian."

She hesitated before saying. "You are still the same boy who…turned Thor's hair pink after he knocked me on the water." He smirked, faintly. "The first boy I ever danced with. You're the only person with whom I can talk freely with. You've shared your magic with me. We've had many stimulating conversations, shared deep and intimate things. Hours ago, you saved me from being crushed on Jotunheim. Do you truly believe me to be so shallow that a little thing like you being jotun would change how I feel for you?" He looked at her and she saw how desperately he wanted to believe her. He took her hand from his shoulder, holding onto it as if he feared she'd abandon him. She pulled him close and hugged him tightly. His hands tightened around her waist as she promised him. He inhaled deeply and exhaled raggedly, holding onto her tightly. "No matter what happens…you will always have me."

He pulled away and looked at her. His green eyes were tired and red from the tears, but she saw he was still hopeful. "Will I?"

She nodded. "You've always had me, Loki."

Loki studied her face, gently bringing up a hand as he brushed her cheek with his knuckles. She let out a little sigh, gently turning into his embrace. His touch was always soft and comforting. "You've been my only true friend Rose. I've never known a kinder or more beautiful soul than you." He said quietly. "It will, truly hurt, to leave you behind."

She gasped as panic again filled her being. "You can't leave, not now."

"No now," he assured her. "I will once my father awakens. During that time, I will talk to mother, see if she can do something about your contract. While Thor is an oaf, I doubt he'd want you to be miserable." He exhaled deeply as he placed his hands on his sides, clenching and unclenching them. "You deserve to be happy."

"If I deserve to be happy, then don't go."

He sighed. "Rose, I am sorry. But I cannot stay here. I do not belong here and I have never belonged here. There is no reason to stay here."

"There is." She inhaled as she decided to just take the plunge and tell him how she felt. "Loki, I lo-

"Rose!" she jumped at the sound of her father's voice and spun around. "What are you doing down here? We've been looking everywhere for you!"

"I-I," she stammered, looking to Loki for his help.

"She found Odin, when he fell into the odinsleep." He stated. "I was thanking her for, assisting him and alerting the guards and I to his condition. I was also expressing my condolences at her loss."

Her father frowned. "Her loss?"

"Yes." Loki looked at her. "Thor has been banished to Midgard." Her father's eyes bulged. "He's gone."

"For…how long?" Her father stammered. "She was to marry tonight."

Loki merely shrugs. "Looks as if she'll have to marry somebody else. It is unlikely that Thor will return."

"My prince," her father swallowed. "will you see if the allmother will grant me an audience-

"No."

"Just for a moment."

"And I said no!" He repeated sharply. "My father has fallen into the odinsleep. Thor is banished. I will not have you add to her burdens."

"I do not wish that." Her father assured him, bowing lowly. "I merely wished to know where the allfather banished Thor."

"Why?" he inquired, as he glowered at him.

"It was foretold that my daughter marries tonight. I can send her to join him and-

Loki snorted. "No, you will not. Thor has been stripped of his title and powers. You'd send her off into utter chaos with no one to protect her. I will hear no more of this. Return to your home. I must see to my-

His words trailed off and Loki turned on his heel and abruptly exited the room. She gripped her skirts and delicately moved to follow him up the stairs to exit. Her father caught ahold of her arm, prohibiting her from leaving. She turned towards him and inquired. "What is it?"

He waited for the doors to the vault to be shut before demanding. "What was that display I witnessed?"

She blinks. "Display? I was merely comforting the prince."

"Merely comforting." He mocks her before glowering at her. "I don't know why you think that I am a fool. You think that because Thor is banished that you are free to wed the lesser prince."

Her eyes widened. "Father, I only wish to-

"You will wait!" her father declared harshly. "You will wait for Thor Odinson to be returned and you will wed him. I will not allow your hand to be given to anyone else. For now, you will return to our home and not leave it till Thor returns."

"But," she stammers as he grips her arm and pushes her up the stairs. "what if he never returns?"

"Then you will die a virgin!" He roars, causing her to attempt to yank her arm free. "You will cease to pine for the younger prince!"

She drew herself upright and proclaimed. "It has been thousands years that you have all told me to stop loving him-

"It is not love!" He spat the word 'love' as if it were a filthy word on his tongue. Her parents, like most of Asgard hadn't married for love. They were an arranged marriage and they sought to do their duty to increase their family's wealth. They'd complied and her reluctance and near refusal to do so was causing them to be more and more angry.

"It is love!" She proclaimed. "If it were not, it would have faded long before now. Instead, it grows steadily each passing day."

"Enough."

"I love him!" She declared, causing his eyes to flash. "I love him so much that it hurts not to be near him! Any little touch from him is enough to set me afire. He is in my heart and soul! I belong to him, even though I've never told him so! There is a bond, that he and I share that cannot be broken, no matter how hard you try!"

Those words caused her father to hit he across the face, hard. She flew forward, landing on her knees but she put her hands out to save her face from any further damage. Her father suddenly, grabbed ahold of her hair and pulled her upright, forcing her to look at him. "I will say this once and you will hear my words!" She inhaled sharply, blinking back the tears; she would not give him the satisfaction of her tears. "Your mother and I married because we knew what our duty was. You're like her, just as worthless. She was to bear me a son, but she only bore you, no matter how many others tried, you were the only one she carried to full term."

She was stunned at her words. "What…do you mean others-

He snorts. "I had to fight in the wars. I did not have time to bed her every night. I might have had to sacrifice some pride to have my manservant take her, but that did not matter for was still unable to give me the son that I deserved!"

Her mouth dropped open. "You had her raped!?"

"No!" He snorts. "Your mother agreed to it and even chose the men to lay with. Knowing her, she probably enjoyed it, considering how she still sneaks around with one of my men."

"You," she stammered. "you allowed other men…to lie with your wife!"

"It's not as if we were weakened by thoughts of 'love'. We knew what our duties were and we fulfilled them. We would have sacrificed you in order to obtain a son!" Her mouth dropped in shock at her father's cruel words. "Fortunately for you, a soothsayer foretold that you would marry the king of Asgard!" He exhaled. "That was worth more than having a son. Your destiny and sole purpose for living has been to marry Thor, be queen of Asgard and bear his children. It is the only reason why you are still alive to this day!"

The door opened and he released her hair. She looked down, blinking back the tears as she absorbed her father's cruel words. Of all the arguments they'd ever thrown at her. This one had been the cruelest. She'd felt useless, but never before had she ever felt so worthless and degraded as she did in this moment.

"The allmother," Sif's voice caused her to look up. Of all the people, this is not the one that she wanted to see her in such a position. "has requested the lady Rose join her in her chambers."

"She is unwell." Her father gripped her arm and pulled her up. "Please, tell the allmother I must return her home."

Sif wasn't fooled. She stepped towards him, her hand resting on her sword. "I will not shirk my duty to the allmother. She has requested her presence and I'm certain that you would not deny the queen her comfort in her moment of grief."

Her father slowly released her arm. "Alright. I ask that you see to it that she is returned to our home as soon as the allmother has no further need of her."

Sif nods. "I shall." Her father released her and she stepped in sync with Sif.

She wiped her eyes and straightened her head. "I should like to stop by my chambers first."

Sif nodded. "That would be a wise decision." Fortunately Sif said no more to her. While the walk to her chambers was silent, it was still and allowed her time to try to connect her thoughts. No wonder her parents were so adamant about her marrying Thor. She was worthless in their eyes and she now understood how Loki felt. It was a horrible feeling and she wanted it to end.