December 10, 2015
James stands in the terminal nervously. Lampert right beside him trying not to look awkward. "I can't believe you dragged me all the way here to pick up your ex-wife. That woman scares the hell out of me, and I've talked to her exactly one time." Lampert bemoans.
"Listen, kid. I don't want to be here any more than you, but I needed a ride." James grumbles angrily.
"I still can't believe they'll let you fly a multimillion-dollar piece of equipment but won't let you drive on the road." Lampert pinches the bridge of his nose as he shakes his head.
James rolls his eyes as people begin filtering out of the airport terminal. James stiffens, slowly starting to back away. "So, what does she even look like?" Lampert asks.
When there's no response from James, Lampert looks over to see the man gone. Spinning around he spots James quickly walking back towards the car. "What the-?" Lampert mutters, chasing after James grabbing him. "Come on old man, you're not dragging me all the way here just to chicken out."
James struggles against Lampert's grip, pushing back against the younger man. The two men falling to the floor attracted a lot of attention from nearby travelers, "Let go of me kid!" James grunts trying to crawl towards the car still.
"What the hell is wrong with you man? Are you that scared of her?" Lampert grabs James by the collar, only to be pulled to the ground again by James' struggling.
"I can't let her see me like this kid! She's too important." James explains.
"Well, I'm glad you feel that way James," the two men freeze looking up at the black-haired woman standing with her arms crossed and a playful smirk gracing her lips.
James drops his head to the floor, resting his forehead against the cold tile. "Hey, Kei." He mutters quietly.
Lampert quickly snaps to his feet rubbing the back of his head, "I- sorry about that ma'am." He mutters
Kei chuckles softly, watching James slowly push himself off the ground. "No need to apologize. I assume you're Lieutenant Lampert?"
Lampert nods, "Uh, Marcus, if that's ok."
Kei laughs, "We have an old friend back home named Marcus as well. It's a pleasure to meet you, and I do apologize about scolding you over the phone. I assure you my anger wasn't directed towards you."
"Yeah, he should be so lucky." James mutters quietly, earning a gentle eye roll from Kei.
"Oh, no it's not a problem. Really, honestly, I can understand. McAlistair here says I gave you quite the scare." Lampert chuckles awkwardly.
Kei hesitates a brief second before quickly understanding the situation. "You did, though I think that was more his fault for having you call me anyway."
James stands silently, rubbing the back of his head as he nervously waits for Kei to get to him. Kei takes two steps towards James as he closes his eyes in preparation for the incoming fury. Only to feel a comfortable warmth wrap around his body. The drunken man relaxes his arms slowly wrapping around his loved one. "I missed you." He mumbles quietly as the two share an intimate embrace.
Kei pulls away looking up at James, "You know I'm not going to go easy on you," she says as she holds James.
James sighs, a faint smile on his face, "I know you won't."
Lampert drops James and Kei off at the hotel breathing a sigh of relief he was out of the confusing situation. They are nothing like him and his wife, but then again, they'd been through a lot more together. He smiles gently knowing that his squadron leader truly was a caring man after seeing the way he held Kei.
James walks with Kei into the hotel lobby allowing her to go check herself in. He held her bag over his shoulder and stopped the roller bag at his side. Returning from the desk Kei pulled the bag from his shoulder walking to the elevator. "I'm on the fourth floor." She said softly.
James presses the button, and the door begins to close. "You're getting checked into outpatient rehab tomorrow." She says sternly.
James sighs rubbing his temples, "Why do I have to go into a rehab program, Kei?"
"Because you're going to get better. I told you, I don't trust your self-control. How much beer do you have in your room?" She asks looking up to James.
"I can't quit all of a sudden, it could do more damage." James mutters.
"James. We're going to do this right, but you must trust me. If you don't, then we can't fix this." Kei pleads.
"Kei, you do realize I may not get better. It's probably too late for me already. If I relapse, which I probably will, then we have to start all over." The doors to the elevator open but the two stay, looking at each other, Kei's eyes shining with the first signs of tears.
"Why do you think I'm here you damned fool?" She mutters softly, "I don't want you to die thinking I don't love you."
James gently grabs her hand and pulls her through the threshold of the elevator, "Kei. This process. What I'm going through? Most people can't do it when it's all they're focusing on. I have to fight another war at the same time. Not to mention I have Lampert I have to deal with too," He mutters.
Kei smiles weakly as she begins walking towards her room. "You shouldn't be so hard on him, you know. He's a lot like you were. Young, optimistic, driven."
"He's naïve, Kei. Doesn't understand how the world works and thinks he can solve every problem with his words." James mutters.
Kei giggles softly, "And that doesn't remind you of anyone in particular?" she teases earning a soft smile from James.
"I just hope he ends up better than I did." James sighs.
"You know what would go a long way to help that?" Kei asks, "If you stopped putting yourself in stupid situations. And give the ground crew a break, don't get shot up on your next mission alright?"
James nods softly and the two stop in front of Kei's room. "I'm here, now, tomorrow we're going to go see a doctor and figure out an actual plan. Then rehab starts, I know you can do this James. Just remember what you're fighting for."
James sighs, "Kei, I haven't known what I'm fighting for in years."
Kei looks at the man and smiles calmly, walking up to him and placing a gentle kiss on his cheek, "That's what you're fighting for James." She says quietly as she disappears into the room, closing the door behind her.
James stands frozen for a moment, the only movement is his hand sliding over his beard to the place Kei kissed him, for the first time in years. A simple gesture that means more to him than anyone could understand. She knew him so well. With one conversation that didn't last more than a few minutes she gave him hope. The hand leaves his skin, rising in the air, and clenching into a fist before slamming back against his face. Tears fill his eyes as he falls to the ground, a strange, unfamiliar anger filling himself. Years of self-loathing being replaced with humility. The realization of his lunacy is almost too much to bear.
For years he had done nothing but push people away, too afraid to hurt others that he turned to isolationism, forcing himself to be the only one to carry his own burdens, somehow convinced that he could handle it himself. Through all his failed attempts to quit, all the withdrawals he had already experienced, his own mortality forced him to set aside his pride and ask for help. As a result, for the first time he feels like there's a chance he'll make it out of this alright
December 11, 2015
James sits in the uncomfortable chair of the waiting room. His body shifting constantly, "Calm down, James." Kei urges, "You're acting more nervous than when you proposed to me." She teases nudging his arm.
"I know, and if I do somehow make it through this then you're going to make me do it all over again." He teases back.
"McAlistair?" The receptionist calls out.
James looks over at Kei nervously as he stands. "Wish me luck," he mumbles.
"I'm right here James. Stop stressing." She replies calmly.
Walking into the back of the clinic, James turns to an open room with two chairs, the doctor from the Kestrel sitting with a calm smile on his face, "I noticed you brought your wife with you today." He says calmly, flipping through his notes.
"I-uh It's complicated," James mutters while taking a seat.
"I'm sure." The doctor says looking up from the seat. "You never called back."
"I know." James replies, unsure what else to say.
"And yet here you are. Don't worry. I'm going to make sure you get better. In return, I need you to trust me and know that everything we're doing is to help you. No matter how painful it feels, you're going to come out better after." The doctor looks directly at James who can't help but avoid meeting his gaze.
"Just, tell me what I need to do." James states.
A full smile appears on the doctor's face, "Now, that's the man I knew on the Kestrel."
James walks back into the waiting area to see Kei patiently reading a book. The scene reminding him of their time on Sand Island. Sitting in the wardroom intensely focused on transcribing A Blue Dove for the Princess. It had been too long since he thought about those times. "Hey," he says softly.
"How'd it go?" She asks, lowering her book gently.
"Two pints a day… that's my limit." James says nervously.
Kei smiles, "So, what's the plan?"
"I… was hoping you could help limit me? At least at first. Doc said I'll have some minor withdrawal symptoms as soon as I slow my drinking. Told me to give you these." He says handing Kei a small stack of papers detailing symptoms and other helpful information.
"What else?" She asks quickly, taking the papers and scanning over them dutifully.
"He… wants me to talk to a psychologist." James mutters.
"Well, I can't imagine why?" Kei says with sharp sarcasm.
"I don't need a psychologist, Kei." James grumbles rolling his eyes.
"When was the last time you talked about Alvin? I mean actually worked through your grief. It's been five years and every time he gets mentioned you either hit something or shut down. You need to understand it isn't your fault."
"But it was, Kei. I wasn't strong enough-" James snaps before stopping himself looking at her knowing eyes. A sigh escapes him, "Dammit."
"Let's go, I'm sure Reina would love to chat with you, Hans and Alice told me to call around this time anyway."
Sitting in Kei's hotel room James sits with a single bottle in his hand, only the second of the day. Kei glances over at him while she gets her laptop set up, "Do you just sit and brood all day when you aren't flying?" She asks.
"I sleep too you know," James replies, rolling his eyes.
"Well, could've fooled me. Now come on, it's almost ready. Just wait a minute, I want to surprise her." Kei says smiling.
James nods, smiling slightly as the call rings out. "Kei!" Hans quickly answers appearing on screen, "Give me a second, Reina wanted to play with Jonah, let me get her."
James chuckles off screen as Hans stands up and gets beaten back into the room by Reina running in and climbing into the office chair. The chair spins slightly only to be caught by Hans, "Be careful Reina," Hans chuckles.
"Hi mommy!" She exclaims, "Uncle Hans took me to get candy today!"
Kei laughs as Hans leans down, "You weren't supposed to tell her that Reina." He scolds playfully.
Kei shakes her head, "I see your uncle is spoiling you enough already. Guess I shouldn't give you your surprise then?"
Reina's eyes widened in fear of losing a potential surprise, "No Uncle Hans doesn't spoil me! I should still get my surprise." She mutters softly playing with her hands nervously.
James smiles at the two having the interaction Kei was right, Reina is so much like him. Kei gives James a big smile, "Alright sweetheart, here's your surprise."
Beneath the desk Kei grabs James' hand and pulls him into the shot. Immediately Reina's eyes light up with excitement, her features becoming exaggerated as she bounces on the chair. Hans smiles and stands ready to catch her if she falls. "Daddy! Have you been beating up the bad guys?!" She asks, her voice increasing in pitch as she gets excited.
"Sure have kiddo, you know I always save the day." He says playfully.
She looks back at Hans, "Hear that Uncle Hans I told you daddy was gonna save the day!" she turns to the camera again, "He didn't believe me." She pouts.
Kei laughs and rolls her eyes, "You're so silly sweetheart. I'm sure Uncle Hans knew your dad could beat up a few bad guys. He was just teasing you."
Reina looks back at Hans shocked as she crosses her arms angrily. "I can't believe he'd tease me like that." He mutters barely loud enough for the mic to pick up.
Kei and James laugh only for James to look down and notice his hand quivering. "Kei," He whispers. She glances down and puts on a smile for Reina, "Well, daddy's going to be busy tomorrow sweetheart. We have to get some sleep, it's late over here."
"Ok mommy! I love you boths!" She says waving happily at the camera.
The two parents smile, "Love you too sweetheart." Kei says followed by James forcing a smile and waving goodbye, "I love you so much kiddo. Keep your Uncle Hans out of trouble, okay?"
Reina nods and puts on a big smile right up until Kei ends the call. "Already? It's barely been a day…" Kei whispers looking up at James.
James stares at his hand as it shakes ever so slightly. "I- yeah."
Kei gently puts her hands around his. "It's just some shaking, James, it'll be ok."
"If I have to fly, I can't be shaky, you know that." James says gently pulling his hand back, his whole body feeling on edge.
"Then let me fly when you can't." Kei suggests.
"Absolutely not, Kei, are you out of your mind? If anything happens to you and I can't get better, then what? You're really suggesting we risk orphaning Reina? It's one thing for you to be here, I can get you out if we need to but on the front lines. I won't stand for it." James shakes his head in disbelief.
"Well, I thought I might as well offer. Before you tell me you're going to throw yourself out there anyway."
James remains silent glancing over at Kei, "Oh god, that's exactly what you're going to do," she exclaims, rubbing her eyes, "And you think I'm crazy. James, what do you think is going to happen? Just fly by the seat of your pants this whole ride?"
"It worked last time, Kei." James says, smirking.
"Sometimes I can't believe I married you." She sighs trying to hide the slight smile on her face.