Hello, hello! I definitely didn't intend for such a long break between the last chapter and this one, but this summer has not been extremely kind to me so far. On top of normal life, I received two separate sunburns that were pretty bad despite numerous applications of sunscreen (two separate bottles, and neither were expired), so who knows *shoulder shrug and eye roll* what happened there. I burned my arm on the engine of a gas powered pressure washer and slightly twisted my ankle stepping in a rabbit hole while mowing. My dog was sick last month, and after a $300+ vet bill and a week of medicine, he was back to his normal happy self. There have been two deaths, one a family member and one a close family friend. And most recently my mom had an accident at work. It wasn't extremely serious, but she's been off work for a few weeks, and I've taken over her part in caring for my grandma so she can focus on healing.

I'm definitely ready for this misery-go-round to stop!

On a happier note, today is my birthday, and I'm celebrating by posting a chapter for you all! This chapter doesn't move the story forward quite as much as I'd originally planned, but it's something. :) It does show that Elizabeth hadn't really dealt with almost losing Nathan in the shooting or the possibility in the future as much as she'd thought, and it was time she did, even though it was difficult. It also gave Nathan the chance to show off what an amazing husband he'll be. Definitely more on that coming soon! ;)

… Then the congregation all stood up

And sang the saddest song that she ever heard

…

And then guns rang one last shot

And it felt like a bullet in her heart

Baby, why'd you leave me?

Why'd you have to go?

I was counting on forever, now I'll never know

I can't even breathe

It's like I'm looking from a distance

Standing in the background

Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now

This can't be happening to me

This is just a dream

-Carrie Underwood, "Just A Dream"

Constable

Jack Thornton

N.W.M.P.

Loving Husband

Hero, Friend

Elizabeth stared at the words on her husband's gravestone until she no longer could, her tears rendering them too blurry to make out. It had been years since Jack had been buried, and yet the mound of dirt covering the grave still looked as fresh and undisturbed as the day of his funeral. It was as if it had been completely untouched by the passage of time. There were no weeds or grass or wildflowers beginning to grow, no twigs or leaves blown around by the wind. It was picturesque in an ethereal sense, if such a thing were possible.

Elizabeth fell to her knees as the memories of the worst days of her life played over and over in her mind, the barrage of images relentless. A birthday celebration for Carson. A Mountie she thought was Jack, but wasn't. Words of sorrow said with heartbreaking sympathy. Gravel digging into her knees as great heaving sobs wracked her body. Soothing words and comforting touches she could barely hear or feel. And then…merciful, black nothingness.

Elizabeth had woken the next morning in the infirmary, having no recollection of how she'd gotten there. She would later find out that her heart-wrenching wails for her husband had gotten the attention of the saloon's party-goers, and they had spilled out into the street while Bill had come running from the jail. Elizabeth had been inconsolable and unable to speak, so it was left to Abigail to needlessly explain what had happened, as if Elizabeth's behavior had left any other conclusion to be drawn. Carson had picked her sobbing form up, and carried her to the infirmary, where he and Faith had chosen to administer a dose of diethyl-barbituric acid to calm her before she hyperventilated. The sedative had worked quickly and she was asleep within two minutes, according to Abigail.

When she'd opened her eyes again, it was bright daylight, she was confused as to why she was in the infirmary and even more so when a look around the room showed that Abigail and Bill were asleep in chairs on one side of the bed and Lee and Rosemary on the other. Elizabeth had felt so groggy, more than she could ever remember upon waking, apparently a side effect of the drug. Abigail had stirred then, and before she could ask what was going on, her friend's look of pity caused the memories to assault her mind like a forceful wave on a stormy sea slamming against a ship. Unable to stem the tears, Elizabeth unabashedly laid bare her heartbreak as Abigail hugged her tightly, doing nothing more than letting her know she was there, as no words would ever make her feel better.

Her whimpers had woken the others. Rosemary's eyes were immediately glassy as she took Elizabeth's hand, and Bill looked as if he were trying to keep from coughing. After a squeeze to her shoulder, Lee had gone to let Carson know she was awake. It took several minutes, but Elizabeth finally cried herself out, and gathered herself enough that Carson could look her over, not that there was anything that could be done for a broken heart. There was no cure or a substance that could be prescribed that would take the pain of losing a spouse-your other half-away. Everyone knew that, but Elizabeth allowed Carson his short examination. It was more for a little peace of mind for the others than a legitimate medical reason.

Once Carson was finished, Abigail suggested they all go to the cafe's parlor. Elizabeth suspected that Abigail knew it would be too painful to return to her house just then. She would probably need to be sedated again if she even tried to step back into the house that now represented so many hopes and dreams that were lost to the cruel hand of fate.

Elizabeth had sipped on the cup of strong tea Abigail had handed her several minutes later, numbly listening to Bill explain, as gently and compassionately as possible, the circumstances of Jack's death. He'd met with the Mountie the night before after her sedation had taken hold. She had felt sick the whole time, attributing it, at the time, to the shock and her breaking heart, not because a life was growing within her at that very moment. A life that would be an everlasting symbol of her and Jack's love. A life that brought her one of the greatest joys in life. A life she was grateful for everyday. A life that gave her inspiration every single day. A life that gave her a reason to look for the joys in life rather than focus on the losses.

The day of the funeral had been its own kind of torture. She'd gotten word that Charlotte could not bring herself to attend a service for her eldest son that would have been nearly identical to the one her husband had been given so many years before. Tom was unable to attend due to his job having sent him too far away to get to Hope Valley for the funeral. Her mother had still been in London with Viola. Julie had been traveling with their Aunt Agatha, so her sister hadn't been able to reach Hope Valley in time, either. William had been away on business as well, but had arrived in Hope Valley only hours after Jack had been laid to rest. Elizabeth was so emotionally drained that she'd agreed without any argument to go back to Hamilton with him for a time.

It had struck Elizabeth slightly oddly that along with Julie, not only had her mother, but Viola, too, had elected to board a ship and come home after learning of Jack's death. Even Sir Lionel and of course his and Viola's baby girl, had come. Surprisingly, Viola had actually refrained from being her usual condescending self about her sister's choices, and didn't try to make any comments to the tune that Elizabeth should've anticipated becoming a young widow since she'd chosen to marry a man with such a dangerous profession. Elizabeth had been too numb to really be aware of it and appreciate it at the time. Her time in Hamilton had done her good. For a little while, at least.

It was the never-ending condolence calls from friends Elizabeth hadn't talked to in years that had finally driven her back to the place she now considered her permanent home. There had been a few friends she'd still exchanged letters with after leaving Hamilton, but those communications had mostly stopped after she'd turned down Charles' proposal. Apparently she was no longer "good" enough for Hamilton's 'Polite Society.' She'd received false smiles and polite niceties when she'd gone to Hamilton for Viola's wedding, but that was it. And those were the same people who had flocked to her parents' house with their insincere sympathies and subtle comments that her next (as if she should immediately begin searching for a new beau) husband should be more suitable to her original social status, assuring that she would be welcomed back into Hamilton Society with open arms when she returned. It was their opinion that there was nothing tying her to her little "charity town" any longer. Instead of screaming at her shallow, so-called friends, Elizabeth had packed her suitcases and left, and hadn't set foot in Hamilton since.

Those people no longer had a place in her life, and it didn't matter what they thought. Elizabeth had had the important people at her side the day she buried her husband, her beloved Jack. She had still felt so removed from it all, though. Like she was standing in the background and watching everything from a distance. She barely heard Bill speaking of Jack's bravery and Abigail assuring that Elizabeth would be looked after in his absence. The words had only registered with her that Jack wasn't coming home now, not in the way she'd expected, at least. She couldn't help but ask in her mind why he'd left. Why did he have to accept an assignment days after their wedding? Elizabeth would never know what the forever she'd been counting on with him would be like.

The last shot of the three-volley salute felt like a bullet in her own heart. A small group of her students, led by Rosemary and accompanied by bagpipes, began to sing "Amazing Grace"in the saddest rendition she'd ever heard. Until that point, Elizabeth had been stoic during her husband's funeral service. It was at that moment that she finally realized that it was all real, that it all wasn't a nightmare she could wake from. She was barely aware Abigail was holding her, but Elizabeth had retreated into her grief. All she could think was, This can't be happening to me. This is just a dream. This has to be a dream. Please, Lord, let this be a dream.

But it hadn't been a dream, of course.

At some point during Elizabeth's recollections it had started to rain. She was now kneeling in what had quickly become a shallow pit of mud, her knees sinking down, down, down into the cold, sodden earth. The rain was coming down so hard that she was soaked to the bone and shivering, strands of wet hair clinging to her face that she didn't bother to brush out of her eyes. Thunder rumbled, the ground shook, and lightning streaked across the rapidly darkening sky. The storm raged around her; an angry, living and breathing entity, but still, Elizabeth did not move from her husband's grave. She couldn't. She was held prisoner by the heavy pain in her heart.

Darkness finally swallowed the last of the light, and yet Elizabeth still did not move. There were several sharp cracks followed by bolts of lightning. There were so many it lit up the sky like daylight and then everything just…stopped. Frozen in time. There was no more wind. Rain drops were suspended in midair. Even the jagged lines of lightning overhead were still. Elizabeth would have marveled at the phenomena surrounding her if her attention had not been riveted elsewhere. The headstone was the same shape and size, but the words were different. They were devastating words. Words that were world shattering. Again.

Constable

Nathan Grant

R.N.W.M.P.

Beloved Husband

Devoted Father

Dedicated Protector

Elizabeth screamed, and her vision went black.

Elizabeth bolted upright in her bed as a loud boom shook the house followed by the sound of rain pelting the rooftop. She barely registered the storm outside due to the emotional maelstrom wreaking havoc on her psyche. Feeling like she couldn't breathe, she gasped for breath, desperately trying to get oxygen into her lungs. Her skin felt feverish and clammy, and she was shaking uncontrollably. She finally registered that she was in bed, in her house, not in Hope Valley's cemetery, not in front of Nathan's headstone.

Elizabeth buried her face in her hands. It was a dream. It was all just a dream, she told herself over and over, trying to calm herself. She was still so shaken, however, that her relief was short-lived and she began to cry. Great heaving sobs overtook her body, and Elizabeth fell onto her side, curling into herself in the middle of the bed. She allowed herself to feel all of the grief and pain, letting it wash over her, instinctively knowing she needed to get this out.

The clash of the past and the present, the tragic reality of what had happened and the fear of what could happen, needed to be reconciled. Elizabeth had to face, really face, the possibility of losing Nathan, too. She needed to remember telling Clara that she still would've chosen to be with Jack knowing he would die if she had the chance to go back and do it all over again. Nathan was worth that same choice, and she was determined she would love Nathan with every fiber of her being, for as long as they would have together. He deserved it, and Allie deserved the unconditional love of a mother. They all deserved to be a family, sharing triumphs, sorrows, and all other facets of life.

Elizabeth then heard Little Jack calling for her, so she wiped her eyes and made her way to the nursery and her baby boy, who was not such a baby anymore. His whimpers of "Mama" sped her footsteps, and she quickly picked him up from the crib.

"Did you have a bad dream, sweet boy?" she asked, swaying him from side to side in an effort to soothe him.

Jack immediately laid his head on her shoulder, and in addition to his wet cheeks, Elizabeth could feel that his face was warm-warmer than it should be. She took a peek down, and the apples of his cheeks were very red and the goo oozing from his nose was very thick.

"Oh no," she said, rubbing her hand in circles on Jack's back, hoping to comfort her sick son.

Elizabeth grabbed several hand cloths and wet a few of them in the pitcher of water on a side table before sitting in the rocking chair, settling Jack on her lap. The next hours were spent rocking while alternating cool cloths on Jack's forehead and wiping his nose. There was an occasional whimper and a few tears, too. As most children, Jack did not like having his nose wiped and would fight her, causing the tears. She didn't feel like there was cause for alarm just yet, though, and would wait to take Jack to the infirmary until Carson would be there for his normal hours, unless he worsened, of course.

Dim sunlight was just beginning to peek through the curtains when Elizabeth eventually dozed off. Jack had been asleep for the longest period, about half an hour, since they had sat in the rocking chair, and the quiet and rocking motion had finally lulled Elizabeth into a peaceful rest as well.

"I'll see you later, kiddo," Nathan said to Allie.

"Bye, Uncle Nathan," she replied as she disappeared inside the Weise house.

Nathan began to whistle a jaunty tune, a bit of an unusual display from him, as he walked down the road to Elizabeth's. He'd left a little earlier than usual, hoping they could take a bit of a slower walk to the schoolhouse this morning. He wanted to tell her that he was accepting her offer of the land. After his talk with Bill yesterday, Nathan had already started making plans in his head about the house's design, and he was excited to share them with her. He was also eager to find out if she had any particular desires for the house, too.

He noticed that Laura was still on the porch the closer he came to Elizabeth's. He frowned. It must be even earlier than he'd thought, if Laura was just arriving. Nathan became alarmed, however, by Laura's troubled expression as she turned away from the door, preparing to leave. Nathan felt a spike of anxiety when the young nanny looked relieved when she spotted him coming her way. He swiftly made his way up the porch steps to join her.

"Is something wrong, Laura?"

She looked at the door and then back at him. "I've been here for a few minutes. I've rarely had to knock more than twice before Mrs. Thornton calls for me to come in, but she's not said anything," she said, then shuffled from foot-to-foot in obvious discomfort. "It feels rude to go in without the invitation, though."

Nathan nodded. He understood her discomfort perfectly. There was a possibility that she was in the backyard. Or maybe she was a little behind getting Little Jack ready for the day and hadn't heard Laura knock.

"Have you heard any kinds of noises from inside?" he asked.

She shook her head. "None."

Nathan was sure there was a reasonable explanation, and Elizabeth might come down in a few minutes, and nothing would be amiss, but he decided it was better to be safe than sorry, if only for his peace of mind.

"You should wait here, Laura. I'm going to go check around back. If she's not there, I'll go inside to look for her. All right?"

Laura nodded, then looked to Lee and Rosemary's house. He knew that she was thinking she would go over to ask to use the telephone if there was a need for it. Nathan prayed that there wasn't a need.

Nathan swiftly made his way to the backyard. There were no sounds that would indicate she was in the outhouse, so he stepped up to the back door, finding the door unlocked. He was thankful Hope Valley was the type of town where residents felt secure enough to not lock their doors most of the time.

Nathan's alarm, however, ratcheted up even higher when there were absolutely no signs of life within the house. It was a little cold, meaning the stove had not been resupplied with wood since the night before. There was no fire in the range to make breakfast or boil water for coffee. He didn't even hear any creaking floorboards above him that would mean Elizabeth was up and moving around but running very late.

As quietly as he could, Nathan carefully made his way upstairs, popping the snap of the retention strap off of his gun holster so he could quickly remove his pistol if need be. Prayers were sent to Heaven with every step he took. Rather unhelpfully, his mind kept replaying the scene in the saloon when Amos Dixon had tried to take off with Elizabeth at gunpoint last year. His heart was nearly beating out of his chest, and he had to consciously make himself breathe evenly. He wouldn't be of any help to anyone if he hyperventilated. It was difficult, though, to be the consummate rational Mountie when people you loved very much were possibly in danger, his mind immediately jumping to the worst scenarios.

The first two bedrooms, which were Elizabeth's and the guest room, were empty. He wasn't sure if it was better or worse that the bed covers in the one room were rumpled, so at least she had been in her bed at some point last night. The second room had a smaller bed, but it was too big for a toddler. It didn't have any furniture that would indicate it was the room of a two-year-old, either. Nathan turned to the last room, which would then obviously be Little Jack's. He prayed they were in there. He didn't know what he would do if they weren't.

Relief so acute washed over Nathan that he thought he was in real danger of fainting when he spotted Elizabeth in the rocking chair after opening the door. She was asleep with Jack, also asleep, on her lap. He noticed they were both still in their nightclothes, so he surmised that Jack must've had a bad, and perhaps long, night. He remembered stories Colleen would tell about Allie being up almost all night sometimes at that age for some reason or another, and little to no sleep had taken place until they would both pass out from exhaustion. The slight shadows they each sported under their eyes were proof they had to have been up a significant portion of the night.

Nathan crouched down by the chair, and gently touched Elizabeth's shoulder, softly calling her name. It took a few tries, but she finally opened her eyes and smiled at him after blinking the haze of just waking away. Her joy at seeing him was quickly replaced by confusion, though.

"Nathan?" Elizabeth asked, her brow furrowing as her confusion deepened.

"Laura was still outside your door when I came to walk with you to school. She was worried when you didn't invite her in, then I was worried when it was obvious you hadn't been downstairs yet, so I came up here to make sure everything was okay," he explained.

"Oh," she said. "I didn't hear her knock at all."

Nathan nodded. "That's what I assumed. I'm also assuming he's not been feeling well?" He looked at Little Jack.

Elizabeth sighed as she looked at her sleeping son. "Yes. I'm not sure what time it was, but the storm woke me." She averted her eyes as she said that. It didn't feel like it rang of complete truthfulness, but Nathan let it go for now. Little Jack was more important. "And then I heard him crying out for me. I thought he'd been scared by the thunder or he'd had a bad dream, but I realized he had a bit of a fever and a runny nose. The fever didn't feel high enough to have Carson check on him right then, so I just rocked him. I was hoping he would go back to sleep until the infirmary opened. It took hours, and apparently I nodded off, too."

Nathan felt Jack's forehead with the back of his hand. "He's still a little warm. You should probably go ahead and take him to see Carson." He stood to his full height. "I need to let Laura know everything's fine, and see if Rosemary or someone else will take over lessons for the day. I can take Jack downstairs with me while you get ready."

Elizabeth smiled at him. "That'll be really helpful, Nathan. Thank you."

"Of course," he replied, returning her smile and picking Jack up as gently as he could in the effort to not wake him up yet.

Laura was anxiously pacing back and forth on the porch when Nathan opened the front door. He understood her look of relief when she saw Jack in his arms, and he quickly explained what was going on. She offered to take Jack back upstairs and dress him while he went next door to talk to Rosemary. The transfer of the sleeping boy was once again smooth, and Jack still slumbered as Laura made her way upstairs and Nathan trotted over to the Coulters' and knocked on the front door.

"Good morning, Nathan! Oh dear, what's wrong?" Rosemary asked after opening the door, her chipper tone turning serious as she took in his long-faced expression.

"Jack isn't feeling well, but he's okay," he swiftly assured at seeing her expression of distress, "just a bit of a fever. Elizabeth was up late with him, and overslept. She's getting ready now and Laura is dressing Jack, and then we're taking him to Carson for a check-up."

Rosemary nodded and said, "Tell Elizabeth not to worry, I'll have Lee drop me off at the school instead of the dress shop."

"Thank you, Rosemary," he said sincerely.

She smiled and said, "Of course, Nathan. We're here to help her with anything she ever needs when it comes to Little Jack. I'll try to pop by during lunch to check on him."

Back inside Elizabeth's, Nathan resupplied the stove with wood, wanting to get the house warm, and gathered up Elizabeth's and Little Jack's coats. Laura came downstairs with Jack, who was starting to get fussy again, so he helped her get the little boy's shoes on and tied. With his fever, they decided to wait to put his coat on, they didn't want him to overheat.

Nathan asked Laura about her schoolwork, and he spontaneously invited her and father to come over for dinner one night soon, stating that Allie would love to talk more about all the animals Jed kept on their farm. Allie loved animals, but with how much they moved around, it was impossible for them to keep any pets. She'd been hinting for a while now that it might be nice to have something soft and cuddly around, something like a kitten, she'd helpfully suggested. She'd even reminded him that cats were great mousers and helped mitigate rat problems. Nathan had responded that they didn't have a rat problem in their house. Allie's response, of course, had been that a cat would keep it that way. Her insistence that getting a cat would be the only way to keep rats away had made Nathan shake his head in fond exasperation. Nathan would never escape strong and opinionated women. He didn't exactly want to, so it was more than okay with him.

Elizabeth was taking so long to get ready that Nathan and Laura had begun to exchange worried glances. Laura was just about to hand Jack over to him so she could go check her when they heard footsteps on the stairs. Their relief was short-lived, however, when she appeared before them and her cheeks were just as rosy as Jack's and her eyes looked a little glassy. When she swayed on her feet a little, Nathan quickly grabbed her arm to steady her.

"Elizabeth?" he said, concerned.

She smiled at him. "I'm fine, Nathan, just a little dizzy, I probably came down the stairs too quickly." Her voice was a little airy, which was a bit worrisome.

"I think you're sick, too, Elizabeth. We need to get you and Jack to the infirmary."

"Okay." She didn't try to refute that she was also sick.

They were able to catch a ride into town with Lee and Rosemary, while Laura stayed behind at Elizabeth's, anticipating to help look after Jack and Elizabeth after Carson examined them.

Carson's diagnosis was just a simple cold; with the medicine for their cough that had manifested on the way into town, plenty of rest and liquids, Elizabeth and Jack should be well within a few days. As always, the residents of Hope Valley came together to help take care of their own.

Between Laura and Rosemary, Elizabeth and Jack were well taken care of while they were sick. Bill filled in for Nathan, so he spent his days at Elizabeth's, too, ready with cups of hot tea, liberally sweetened with honey, to soothe sore throats and for cuddles with Jack when he would become extremely fussy, insisting that only Nay'en (no one could resist his adorable pout) was allowed to comfort him. Allie was there after school to read him story after story and play when he began feeling better. Wilma Lawson and Nancy Tucker became joint substitute teachers, following Elizabeth's lesson plans as well as they could with no training to be teachers. (They both agreed by the end of the week that teaching had certainly not been their callings in life, and their respect for Elizabeth and all teachers rose exponentially.) Clara and Lucas made sure the house was well supplied with soups and comfort foods. Thanks to Lee and Jesse, Elizabeth would not need any firewood chopped for at least two weeks. Even Fiona had stopped by one evening to wash Elizabeth's hair and treated her to a scalp massage.

All in all, Elizabeth and Jack were well again and feeling quite pampered by the time Saturday afternoon rolled around.

Jack was outside playing with Allie, Opal, and Emily, and Elizabeth and Nathan were sitting on the porch steps, leaning against each other, feeling blessed and content as they watched the children play. After feeling cooped up for the last few days, they were happy to be outside despite the colder weather of November that was finally upon them. If it wasn't too cold, they were planning to take the long way home around the pond after church the next afternoon. Nathan had an important conversation in the back of his mind that he was thinking of having with Elizabeth, but only if it felt like the right thought inspired a curtain of nervous energy to descend over him.

Nathan was pulled from his spiraling nerves when he felt Elizabeth's lips press a kiss to his cheek.

"Thank you for taking such good care of us this week, Nathan."

He responded by kissing her temple. "Always, Elizabeth, always," he promised.

Notes:

Nathan's dream headstone had the "R" added because the force added "royal" to its name in 1904, after having been awarded the title for military service in the Second Boer War. This means Jack's should've also had that on his marker, but even though the show isn't always entirely accurate, I've decided to try to add as much historical accuracy as I can if it will fit within the parameters the show has set, which you'll know is incredibly inconsistent if you've seen all of the episodes. This was never more true than in Season 1. The first episode says it's 1910 and you would assume Elizabeth arrives in Coal Valley for the new school year, which starts in September. The second episode also has the date of September 1910 when Henry is signing the deeds for the row houses over to the widows. But then the last episode features Halley's Comet, which passed by Earth in May of 1910. The dates and time of the seasons get so wonky that you don't know if Lee and Rosemary got married in the Spring or the Fall and their honeymoon and post-Season 7 vacation both seemed to last forever. I've been trying to pin down some of the details to how they fit in my story. :)