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"I have to say the two of you are the best-dressed parents-to-be I've dealt with today." Our midwife, Senna, laughs as she wheels me down a long hall.
I look over my shoulder and give you the stink eye.
Once we're in a room she helps me stand and moves to a set of drawers. "Unfortunately, you can't wear that fancy dress, Mommy. Instead, you get this generic gown, but trust me when I say you'll still be beautiful." She hands the gown to you. "All right, Daddy. It's time to start pulling your weight around here."
I like her.
Senna tells us that she's going to step out while I get changed, and I appreciate that even though I doubt she'd judge me for the thong I'm wearing.
You smile and lift my dress over my head and lay it on the bed before taking a step back and whistling. "Was this the surprise you were telling me about, Lovely?"
I nod. "This is not how I pictured our night going."
You help me out of my flimsy underwear and into the gown before helping me get settled on the bed. You lean down and kiss me softly. "I'm going to get Senna."
She makes quick work, getting me set up with monitors and lots of wires before snapping on a set of gloves. "I'm going to become your least favorite person. I have to check your cervix." She delves under my gown and—
Holy freaking shit.
"Hmmm. When was your last contraction?"
You check your watch. "Thirty-seven minutes ago."
"Makes sense." Senna shucks the gloves and tosses them in the trash before patting my knee. "You, my dear, are experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions, commonly known as false labor."
"What?" My cheeks flush. "I thought it was real. They felt real."
Senna nods. "I like to think of them as a nice preview of what's to come. How's your pain tolerance?"
"Super low."
She nods again. "You'll know when things are real, and I'm telling you now, you're going to want drugs when the time comes."
Senna watches the monitors and feels around my belly. "Follow up with Zafrina this week if you don't already have an appointment," she tells me as she unhooks the monitors and wires. "Looks like the two of you can get back to your party, but no twerking." She winks. "Drink plenty of fluids and get lots of rest."
I am so embarrassed.