Chapter 4

After Shadow returned to Four Crosses, he went up to the mountains to enjoy his solitude and ponder the disturbing events that had just occurred. He hated watching Hope suffer, but this was a problem he could not mend with a simple Chaos Control. He did not know how to love Hope. He had a hard enough time just liking most people. Suddenly, he wished Rouge were there to help him. She would understand his problem far better than he did, but he was too ashamed to give her a call.

His relationship with Hope was actually the reason he and Rouge had parted ways six months prior. She warned him that he was "walking into a trap" by getting too close to Hope. Now he regretted ignoring her advice.

As he was climbing the mountains, a blizzard set in and he took shelter in a shallow cave. Staring into the ice at his distorted reflection, he wondered: could this be the creature Hope loved? A cold, unfeeling, unloving hedgehog who was more puzzle than person? How could he love anything in this world when he did not live in it? He lived inside his own mind—in visions, nightmares, fantasies. His whole world was in his head because he viewed everything through the lens of his one promise to Maria. That promise was like the sun. Not only did he see it, but it was through it that he saw everything else.

As he sat, nestling in the snow for warmth, a chill came over him—a most unnatural chill not caused by the frigid air. A thick darkness filled the cave, followed by a low electric hum that reverberated off the rocky walls.

Suddenly, a rift opened in space-time—emanating a ghastly purple light—and through the rift stepped a familiar robotic friend.

"Omega!" Shadow exclaimed. "We thought we'd lost you. How did you do that?"

He held aloft a purple orb and the darkness abated. It was not too dissimilar from the orb Shadow had retrieved from Xeros."

"I learned the ways of the Alodiads. Behold, a Machine Emerald—one of many in likeness to the emeralds of Chaos. This stone can transport any artificial being across the galaxy at will. I would have come sooner, but I had to annihilate a hundred Alodiads in a series of duels to become one of their petty warlords and receive this orb."

Shadow stared at the emerald. "That's neat, I guess. It's good to have you back."

Omega stepped into the reflected light of the crystals, revealing his new purple and black paint job. "What is the next mission, Lieutenant? With the Machine Emerald, I can destroy entire continents, boil oceans, and harness the power of the stars."

"I need some relationship advice."

Omega paused. "That is beyond my capabilities."

Shadow smiled and clasped his shoulder. "Hear me out. I've just discovered that Hope is in love with me, and I don't know how I should handle it."

Omega's eyes lit up. "Request acknowledged. Activating empathetic processors. Accessing all available literature on psychology and Mobian-Overlander relations. Analyzing literature. . . . Shadow, the answers are obvious. How could you be so simple-minded?"

"Sorry. I can't store centuries of research in my databanks."

Omega lifted his claw in the air like a scientist pontificating on some profound theory. "During her childhood and early adolescence, Hope Kintobor spent the majority of her waking hours—8.2 hours a day on average—pining for your attention. Naturally, when she went through puberty, these desires for your attention became sexual. She did not grow up among her own kind, so she did not form the tribal relationships necessary for healthy socialization. This caused her to develop a litany of personality disorders that were already apparent in adolescence. At sixteen, I diagnosed her with narcissistic personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder, avoidant personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, manic depression, acute egomania, sexual neurosis, sociopathy, and psychopathy. Her brain is like a planet after being bombarded by a million hypervelocity gauss cannons. Her mental health is a giant crater of slag and super-heated rock. The fact that you did not notice would suggest that you share many of her disorders as well."

Shadow crossed his arms. "Thanks for the medical history. How about some practical advice?"

"It would be ineffective to advise you without first interviewing Corporal Kintobor, but I would suggest that you confront her. Force her to become aware of her own self. Show her how weak, cowardly, and selfish she is, and once she is defeated, lift her up. Help her achieve something beyond herself and function in society."

"I can't even function in society." Shadow gripped his forehead. "Look, Omega, you'll have to be more specific. I want to know exactly what to do and what to say to her. This is the military. I need immediate results. Got it?"

"Lieutenant, Ms. Kintobor is an orphan who went through puberty with approximately zero contact with her own species. She despises her people, associating them with, greed, warmongering, and religious zealotry. Her life has been a journey through a wilderness of extreme sexual repression and dissatisfaction. One does not recover from that overnight."

"Yeah, I know she's had a rough life. Thanks for stating the obvious." He sat down on an ice rock next to Omega. "If she's so messed up, then maybe I should just go through with it. Is there any precedent for marriages between Mobians and Overlanders?"

"Negative. Neither the New Mobian Monarchy nor the Federation have ever issued a marriage license for an interspecies couple. No online records exist for the Kingdom of Acorn that preceded the Mobian Monarchy. Furthermore, interspecies relations are strictly outlawed in the Federation charter. By law, sexual intercourse with a Mobian is punishable by sterilization and excommunication from the Church of the Pure Land. Repeat offenders can be stripped of their citizenship and denied all rights guaranteed under the charter. The Mobian Monarchy has no such laws, but each fief administers its own policy on Mobian-Overlander relations."

"I get it, Omega. You know everything. No need to show off."

"You asked for my assistance, so I will give it to you."

Shadow sighed. "I wish Rouge were here. Why don't you return to HQ? You'll be a lot more useful there."

"Order acknowledged." Omega said with a brief salute. "Be well, Lieutenant."

Once Omega marched out of the cave, Shadow sat and stewed in his thoughts.

Why didn't Omega warn me about Hope before? He's never been one to keep his data to himself. . . . At least Rouge said something, but she should've been more direct. She knows how obstinate I am.

Part of him wanted to stay in those icy crags forever. It would have been much easier than facing Hope. Once he reached the foot of the mountain, he followed Omega's tracks back to Four Crosses. As he entered the city limits, he received a transmission from his communicator.

"Chaos, preserve me."

It was Rouge.

He answered her call. "Yeah?"

"Well, Shadow, I just got off the phone with Hope." Her voice was condescending and almost motherly. "Is it worth saying I told you so, or is it obvious?"

"It's good to hear from you too. Where are you?"

"Moranti Cove, sitting on the beach."

Shadow laughed. "And you're getting paid? Give me two minutes. I'll join you."

"Alright, dear. Meet me at the bar."

He ran down to the equator where the isle of Moranti lay amidst a crystalline sea. Rouge was sitting at an outdoor bar, drinking a glass of tequila as she stared up at the moon. Despite it being night, she was wearing a sun hat and a lacy dress over her bathing suit.

"How'd you manage to get this reassignment?" he asked, taking a seat at the bar.

"Please, I've been working for G.U.N. a lot longer than most of the brass, and we women can be very persuasive. It sounds like Hope taught you that much."

"More like coercive. I guess she told you everything."

Rouge sipped her drink and sighed. "What did I tell you four years ago? I knew she wanted to be a lot more than friends. I could see it in the way she looked at you."

"How could I be so naive?" Shadow leaned over the bar. "Last night, it's like she was a different person. I thought she'd gone mad."

"That's because she has. Love is just friendship gone mad."

"Is it now?" Shadow gripped his quills. "I can destroy entire armies and slay god-like beings, but this is something beyond my abilities."

"Don't be so dramatic." Rouge chided him. "It's simple. Do you love her?"

"I don't know if I can love anyone."

Rouge gasped. "Not even me? But you've saved my life countless times."

Shadow rolled his eyes. "I was just following my moral code."

"Yeah, sure. What about Maria?"

He nodded. "If I loved anyone it would be her, but she's just a memory. That's not physical love, like what Hope feels toward me."

"But she looks a lot like Maria."

"She's not Maria." he said, slamming his hand on the bar.

Rouge smiled awkwardly. "Right, sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Women hate being compared to each other. Let's see if you really love Hope."

He crossed his arms. "How do you plan to do that?"

"Do you like being around her?"

"Until recently, yes."

"Do you think about her a lot, even when she's not there?"

"Almost always."

"Then you love her."

Shadow laughed. "What kind of logic is that?"

Rouge raised her glass and tapped it against the side of her head. "Love is when your mind lives in the body of another, and that's what you just described to me."

"I thought it was friendship gone mad."

She frowned. "Thinking about someone all the time and caring more about them than yourself is madness. Your mad and she's mad, but you didn't need me to tell you that."

"By your logic, almost everyone is mad."

"That's right." Rouge said with a wink. "But a lot of people have stable relationships. They figure out how to make it work."

Shadow stared at her and laughed. "Are you suggesting Hope and I could have a stable relationship?"

"If you work hard enough, and I know she's willing to do anything. She's obsessed with you."

"This isn't about emotions, Rouge. If Hope takes this any further, she could suffer legal consequences. I'm talking about sterilization and losing her citizenship."

Rouge shrugged. "Like I said, she's willing to do anything. Just look for asylum in one of the Mobian fiefdoms. I'm sure somebody'll take you."

"And leave everything behind? You, Omega, G.U.N., Hope's education?"

"I told you it was madness, didn't I?"

Shadow retreated into his thoughts for a while and watched a group of male G.U.N. soldiers in floral button ups enter the bar. They sat down at a table and started shouting at the top of their lungs like they were the only patrons in the room.

"Airforce." Rouge hissed.

"Do you think Hope would go out with one of those men? Omega said she just needed to socialize with her own kind."

Rouge slammed her fist on the table and laughed. "Those guys are not her kind, trust me, and that ship set sail four years ago."

"What do you mean?"

"When she was sixteen, there was a boy who tried to go out with her. One day at school, he got a bit too friendly with her and she threw him off a balcony. He was in the hospital for a month. Then G.U.N. sent her to therapy and it got worse. She felt like those government suits and therapists were attacking her, so she built up a bunker and shot at anyone who got too close." She poked Shadow's chest. "And you're the only one she's willing to let in that bunker."

Shadow frowned. "Why does it feel like you're rooting for her? Are you really alright with me pursuing a romantic relationship with her?"

"Since when does the ultimate lifeform need my permission to do anything?" Rouge looked pensively into her drink. "She's a good girl who's had it rough. . . . She deserves to be happy and so do you. That's what I think anyway."

"I agree." Shadow stood up and made for the door. "But I don't know if I can give her that happiness."

Rouge turned and followed him for a few steps. "Happiness is like a beautiful jewel that's always just outside your reach. It's something you gotta find on your own. You can't get it from anyone else."

"But you can find it by serving others."

"Maybe you can, but we can't all be selfless heroes." She fell silent and returned to the bar. "See ya."

Shadow waved goodbye and ran back to Four Crosses. By the time he returned to the city, it was early morning. He stood on a street corner and waited a minute to get over the temperature shock after such rapid, northbound travel.

He wondered whether he should go to headquarters and check on Omega or go straight to Hope's apartment to face her. If Omega's Machine Emerald allowed robots to travel through space, then the Alodiads could follow him and attack at any moment, but the threat of a planetary invasion seemed insignificant compared to his romantic turmoil with Hope.

He stopped at a café by her apartment and grabbed a coffee before going upstairs. He knocked on the door and it opened almost immediately. Hope stood in the doorway, wearing her red track suit.

"You came back. . . ." She knelt and scratched the back of his ear in a childish manner. "Sorry if I scared you."

"It's fine." He handed her the coffee. "This is for you. Sorry I ran off."

She took the cup and smiled. "Thanks, Shadow. I was about to go for a run. Maybe this'll help me go faster."

Hope led him into the apartment and sat at her desk to drink the coffee. She fell silent for a long time, stealing a glance every now and then.

"I used to be so confident." She smiled painfully. "But now I feel exposed. I've shared everything, so there's nothing more to say."

Shadow sat down on the loveseat next to her desk. "You could tell me what you're planning to do. You still have a trump card after all—your nanobots."

She frowned. "And you have a trump card. You could turn me in. If G.U.N. found out I was tampering with your brain, I'd be court martialed or worse."

"I couldn't do that to you."

Hope gasped and sat down in front of the loveseat so she would be on eye-level with him. "After I betrayed your trust, you're still so kind to me. I don't deserve you, Shadow."

"You deserve a happy and healthy life, but I can't give that to you."

"Happiness?" she said with a slight laugh. "I don't care about happiness. I just want you."

Shadow frowned. "But wouldn't it make you happy if we could be together?"

"No, our lives would be full of suffering. If all I wanted was to be happy, I'd finish school, try to get along with everyone, and maybe raise a family somewhere down the line. But I don't want a peaceful life full of mediocre achievements and mundane pleasures. I want one moment of greatness—a radical life where every day is full of meaning."

"And how will you find your meaning?"

Her eyes widened and she grabbed his hand. "By marrying the ultimate lifeform and achieving immortality. Nothing I could accomplish with all my genius could be more meaningful than that."

"How would that make you immortal?" Shadow asked, bewildered.

"I would live on in your eternal consciousness, just like Maria. She's immortal as long as you don't forget her, so I want to make sure you won't forget me either. I want to leave the biggest impression on you possible, and I decided the best way to do that was through intimacy. . . . I'm going to live forever in your mind."

Shadow stared at her trembling eyes. "You're a sad, tortured woman, and it's my fault."

"No, it's not. I chose this life." She stood up and backed away from him. "Anyway, I'm going for a run. Join me if you'd like. Bye."

She left and slammed the door behind her. Shadow could hardly believe that was his best friend spouting nonsense about immortality. Was she not a scientist?

He got up, walked to the window, and watched Hope run down the sidewalk. For an Overlander, she was pretty fast.

"Love is just friendship gone mad." he whispered against the windowpane.