"Dad... Dad, wake up." he felt the soft pressure of her hand on his shoulder, pushing on him gently to wake him from his slumber. He hadn't intended on falling into such a deep sleep - but he found himself all too comfortable with Kate curled up to his side. He smiled, remembering the warmth of her body and the gentle kisses of her breath against his neck. But that warmth was gone now...
He shot forward, desperately blinking the tired blur from his eyes, and searched the couch beside him where he was sure she had been sleeping soundly.
"Beckett?" he could feel his heart pounding in his throat.
"She's upstairs, with Gram." Alexis explained, bringing his attention to her. He rubbed his hand up and down his daughters arm, as if trying to warm her... it was comforting, trying to calm himself. "May I ask why she's in the spare room? I thought you two..." she trailed off - she wasn't sure exactly what she thought was going on between the detective and her father - but she had very clearly heard those three very important words...
"Uh - It's... I -" he scrambled for words because 'I ruined it already' just didn't feel accurate. If he had actually ruined it, she wouldn't be here... would she? "What are you doing home, already?" he switched up the subject.
Alexis shook her head at the obvious diversion, but continued on anyway. "I start back at school on Monday and I have to finish up an assignment."
"And... you couldn't finish it from the Hamptons?" he couldn't hide his aversion to her being here - not that he hadn't missed her while she was gone... but, at least she was somewhat safer when she was away.
"If I'm cramping your style..." her words, infused with irritation, dawned the realisation that she was simply missing her home... missing her dad, just as much as he had missed her.
"No." he reached out and pulled her into his embrace. "It's not like that. You know it's never like that." he placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head.
"Is she in danger?" she pulled away so that she could look directly into his eyes - he could lie to her with all the confidence in the world... but he could never hide the truth from his eyes... not from her. And, if she was correct - which she was certain she was - the fearful glaze of his eyes told her everything she needed to know. She nodded, already understanding - she understood why Kate was here, why her father looked so defeated... and why she had been sent away.
"It's okay." he smiled, mustering all the reassurance he could. "We will get her set up somewhere, out of the loft... you don't have to worry -"
"No. She can't leave..." His daughter's bleeding heart filled him with a cautious pride - taking a fatherly moment to appreciate that, one day, she would do great things. She truly was the best type of people.
"It's okay, Alexis." the detective said as she came down the stairs, followed closely by Martha. "I can't hide forever..."
Castle noted the duffel bag in her hands - she was leaving. I'm tired, Castle. He wouldn't soon forget the surrender that plagued her words. Rising from the couch, he shook his head. No - this wasn't time to give up. Not when they were so close.
"Kate..." he had to convince her that she still had enough fight in her to win this. He had a basic plan... they just needed to smooth out the finer details.
"It's time, Rick." she smiled, weakly. There was no point in pretending... not in this moment.
Her use of his name was bitter-sweet. Every time she had called him Rick in the past had been done so purposefully - to assure him that she cared for him... loved him, even. To assure him that what they had together - even when it was nothing more than friendship - meant the world to her.
"This isn't over yet." the words seemed overused... but he just didn't know what else he could say.
"But it needs to be... it's time to end it so that everyone can just... move on." the conviction in her voice was unwavering - her mind had been made and there was no changing it. "I'm having lunch with my dad... and then I'm ending this."
"I'll go with you." he tried to match her level of conviction, but his voice came out begging. She shook her head, don't be stupid, Castle. "They'll kill you."
"They're going to take the opportunity the second it presents itself." she wished he would just accept that fact. "Do you really think that they would hesitate, even for a second, to kill you too? Being with me isn't saving me, Castle... it's just making you collateral."
She could see that Castle was still sifting through the mess of thoughts in his mind, trying desperately to find the words to convince her to stay... to convince her not to do this. But she had gone over every possible scenario in her head and, despite Montgomery's warnings, running straight at Bracken seemed like the only way to end this. Either she could get him alone and convince him that she had the file - or... well, she would die trying. As much as the thought of dying terrified her, the thought of this dragging out any longer than it already had terrified her more. The possibility of her friends... her family... being at risk, purely because they had the misfortune of being loved by her - well, that was the worst part.
She had been very careful over the past week to make sure Castle knew she had forgiven him... she didn't want his memories of her to be plagued by darkness - not when she wasn't around to make new, happier memories. But she would rather him alive - so she did what she thought was necessary to ensure that.
"Think of someone other than yourself, for once." she spat the words out, like a child spitting out a food that tastes bad.
She could see the confusion on his daughter's face. She obviously hadn't been fed any information of the past few weeks - of course she hadn't... he did everything he could to protect her from the messier aspects of his life. And if anyone fit into that 'messy' category - it was Kate Beckett. She didn't want to do what she was about to do - but she had to. She had to cut this invisible string that kept bringing her back to him - cut it in a way that would prevent it from ever mending itself.
"If you cared..." this was her last chance to change her mind. His face cautioned her to think carefully about what she was about to say - because, of course he cared. If anything, he cared too much. Hesitation coursed through her veins and the conviction crumbled inside her. "Don't make Alexis have to learn to live without you."
She stared at the floor, not able to handle the hurt she had intentionally caused. This was it - the final nail in the coffin that held the remains of them.
"Go." his voice, void of emotion. He could see right through her - her words nothing but a transparent attempt to push him away. After all the progress they had made - here they were, once again, right back at square one.
"Richard!" the shrill, disapproving voice echoed from behind Kate's head. No... he's not in the wrong. But she couldn't defend him... she couldn't try to make this right. She had to push.
"Everyone is just... emotional and confused." Alexis tried to justify.
"She's not confused... she knows exactly what she's doing." his monotonous voice was something she had grown familiar with, unfortunately. So, instead of the gut-wrenching effect it used to have on her... she found it somewhat calming. Calming enough to hush the scrambling thoughts that had been begging her to backpedal. "You're going to regret it."
It wasn't threatening, he was just stating a fact. A fact that she knew, all too well. She did regret it, every time she pushed him away.
"You and your family can live a long and happy life... without me in it. I'll do whatever I need to do to make that happen - and you will write... and you will love... and you'll uphold your Christmas traditions that you love so much." she wiped the tear that broke free, taking a breath to steady the shake in her voice. "You'll live... I won't regret that."
She took her leave, keeping her head low and striding down the corridor to the safety of the elevator. She had heard her name as she opened the door, but she didn't allow herself to give in... she was doing this for him.
She internally groaned at her justification, noting just how similar it was to Castle's desperate attempts to gain her forgiveness after confessing his part in all this. She supposed now was as good a time as any to accept the fact that she was also a hypocrite.
When the elevator reached the ground floor, she hesitated to get out. Once she walked through those doors, she was truly alone. She pushed on, trying not to let the fear creep in again. Not now...