BPOV

"It's all my fault, Bella," Jasper was crying hysterically, "I shouldn't have forced her to go for the hike. There were warnings, but I didn't listen, because I wanted an adventure."

I couldn't stop my tears. I couldn't see him like this. It had been six weeks since Alice passed away, and it had been extremely tough times for everyone since then.

We all were trying our best to cope with the loss, but nothing was helping!

"Jasper, please... We need to be strong," I said.

"No, I can't," he said.

We both cried for not sure how long, and then... he began kissing me.

I didn't know what he was doing.

"Jasper, stop." I breathed.

But he didn't stop.

"Stop..." I said a few more times, but he didn't.

I also began kissing him back. There was nothing romantic about the kisses. I wasn't able to think straight, but whatever this was, it was helping with the pain; it was a really good distraction.

I realized too late what I had done!

There was no way to correct this!

How could I do this? How could I do this to Alice? I was ashamed of myself.

"Jasper, I'm so..." I tried to apologize the next day, but before I could complete my sentence, he hit me hard on my face.

"How could you let this happen?" he snapped, "I wasn't in the right state of mind, but you were! How could you?"

I was too shocked to react.

"Jasper, I..." I couldn't complete my sentence again. This time he grabbed my neck and smashed my head into the wall.

I realized my hand was roaming unconsciously on my cheek and head.

There were only two people apart from Jasper and I who knew about this. One was my mother, and another was Edward.

Edward always stood by my side even after all the hurtful things I had said to him.

He had shown faith in me when I had lost all the faith and also my self-respect.

He had always been a good friend.

But I knew I had hurt him this time.

"That's how it started last time I guess."

This was the first time he had said anything like this. I knew he was hurt.

It seemed he didn't trust me anymore.

Did he actually believe that I'd repeat that?

What could I do to gain his trust back?

How could I explain to him that I didn't want anything but him?

Why did I even go and meet Jasper? If he wanted Alice's pictures, I could have asked him to get in touch with Mom and Dad.

Why? Why? Why?

I didn't know the answer for that, but I knew that I had hurt the most important person in my life right now, and I didn't know how to make it right.

Probably because there was no way to make it right.

It was too late.