CH. 19 - Boundaries (EPOV)
As I would become continually and increasingly aware of, I had seemingly become so far removed from humanity, I had no concept of how often they needed sustenance for survival.
From my recollection, she hadn't eaten since the night before, and that being a can of peaches from the family she got the truck from. The sleep she had in the car couldn't have been of any value either; I wasn't necessarily the best pillow.
Bella grimaced, as if she was possibly embarrassed by her biology. I offered her a sympathetic smile, though I have no idea how standard human hunger feels anymore. My fingers found their place between hers as I turned on the ball of my foot to lead her down the stairs, towards the kitchen. Despite our inability to eat, we had a kitchen installed in the house to keep up appearances in the old days, in case a human ever came over.
Who knew one day we'd actually get some use out of it.
As we approached the kitchen, I felt my angel's hold on my hand shift nervously, her teeth finding its place between her teeth; a nervous habit. I gave her hand a gentle squeeze, hoping it was comforting. Once again I wished I could see inside that beautiful, confusing mind for just one moment, to understand where this anxiety was coming from. This time, I decided I would try to guess.
"You're not imposing. If anything Esme will be thrilled to finally have someone to cook for." The look on Bella's face took me aback, was this somehow scary for her?
"I thought you couldn't read my mind!" Mouth agape, brow furrowed, her look of false betrayal caught me off guard, my laughter roaring uncontrollably. I realized after it was too late that this was the first time I didn't do my habitual human edit of my voice, laughing freely as I would with my family. I righted myself, looking at her, worried I had just ruined this little slice of heaven by scaring Bella away.
When her eyes met mine, they were filled with wonder, as if I was the eighth wonder of the world. I didn't deserve such a reaction, a normal human would've found my display frightening.
Despite my brooding, looking at her, I couldn't help but smile. If someone so pure, so good, could find some good in me, maybe I could believe it too.
"No love, I can't." I smirked, tucking a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, brushing her cheek with the back of my hand. "Just a lucky guess."
She relented, allowing herself to be led the rest of the way to the kitchen. The kitchen was exactly how we left it, white and grand like the rest of the house. It was ostentatious by the old world standards, but hadn't realized how stark it would be to Bella.
She looked around the kitchen in hesitant awe, not letting go of my hand as she grazed a gentle hand on the white marble counter. I nudged her shoulder, cocking a brow.
"What're you thinking?"
"You.." She scrunched her mouth to the side, turning her shy eyes to mine, I nearly melted then and there. "You guys lived like this? This… is what it was like?"
"Maybe if you were filthy rich!" Emmett called from the other room, chuckling at her assumption.
Bella instantly flushed, shoulders crumpling in embarrassment. I let out a small, assumedly inaudible to human ears, hiss at him, annoyed with his attempt to embarrass her. Despite my assumption that my protective act would go unnoticed, she visibly relaxed after, shooting me a sheepish yet thankful smile. Another of the many peculiarities of Bella Swan, but one that would be deciphered after we solved the task at hand; sufficiently feeding her.
Looking at her now, it was apparent she hadn't been properly fed in quite some time. Getting enough to live, not enough to thrive. Her frame was naturally small but she was missing some of the fullness of a woman her age, despite this, her natural curves were still there…
Blinking out of it, I had to regain my focus. If I dwelled too long on her looks I feared I would act against my gentlemanly nature. Back in my time, thoughts of this nature would have certainly been sinful, but looking at the delicate, lovely girl in front of me, in her state, I knew no god would subject someone so pure to a life like this. Especially with me.
"So." I broke the ice, reaching a tentative hand to grab a loose strand of her thick, walnut hair to tuck it behind her ear, grazing the back of my fingers gently on her cheek as I retreated. "I'm… new to the human thing. If I'm going to be in your life, I'll at least need to know how to take care of you."
To what I thought was an honest, sweet comment, she rolled her eyes, shaking her head. Her reactions never ceased to baffle me.
"You sound plenty human to me." She smirked, relieving me of my anxiety, continuing. "And I don't need you to take care of me. I did that just fine on my own."
"Oh. So I should've just let the truck situation play out then, huh?" I smirked, deciding to attempt to match her sarcasm, hoping for a high risk, high reward situation.
"Okay… maybe in a Vampire-Strength-Over-Human-Strangth situation, you can take care of me." She relented, crossing her arms and scowling in a way that just about made me melt. This tiny human never fails to be absolutely adorable when annoyed. "But I don't want this to be a dependency thing, I need my independence too, okay?"
Boundary setting. Advocating for her needs. While being sensitive to my feelings. Is this a healthy relationship? Alice speeding by me, holding come clothes I could only assume were for Bella in her arms, gave me a confirming wink, flashing a vision of us happy in the near future. Embracing one another in a house that wasn't familiar to me now, but still felt like home. I couldn't help but smile, was this truly a life I had somehow earned?
"Deal." I finally conceded, picking up her hand gently to place a tender kiss on the back, before weaving our fingers together once more. "For now, Esme's been patiently waiting for us to come and eat, shall we?"
With a blush on her cheeks and a simple nod, we went forth.
hiii! i swear i have a tendency to get discouraged, stop writing for a few months and then i get one (1) really nice review and im back at it again :') i hope you like this one! i plan to have ch.20 up by next week but yknow. no promises! if you'd like to follow and review, it would mean a lot to me! it seriously makes me feel so much more confident in my writing and inspires me to pick it up again :')