gilded

by geminibbyy

The Upper East Side serves as a playground to trust fund babies behaving badly. And haven't you heard? Privilege and scandal always go hand in hand. "A 'Queen B' who can't even keep her court in order is certainly no queen of mine." (gossip girl universe x oc) [CURRENTLY IN SEASON 1]

16. chapter fifteen

So, I didn't quite make my deadline... but three weeks, as opposed to two, isn't bad! This is definitely my quickest update to date so that feels like a win in and of itself.

I was so pleased with the feedback on the last chapter and slightly surprised? I guess I had built it up in my head that no one would care to see what was happening in Croatia so to hear some of you mention that you were specifically hoping for a chapter on that made me really happy. I also loved hearing the different thoughts on the development between Chuck and Blair. They truly are such an iconic ship in cannon and I felt I would be doing them a disservice if I wrote an OC story and didn't touch on them at all. So, more to come with that... :)

Really wish that I could come up with a more original way of saying this at this point but I greatly appreciate everyone that gives this story any sort of attention. Whether that be through reading it, reviewing it, etc. Like so many other fanfiction writers, I work really hard at crafting this story and while feedback isn't everything, it definitely makes me feel eager to continue when I know there is an audience out there that is truly invested.

Special shoutout to EchoMoment, nmoxracha, Rachem, Hearteyesmf, momorocks101ful, SomebodyWhoCares, and princessduke. Reviews make my entire week - I literally go back and re-read them as I'm writing to stay motivated and inspired. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, *thank you*, to all those that take the time to review. Some of you have been with me on this journey from pretty much the beginning and I am so grateful that you continue to keep up with these characters and their stories even when I have let so much time pass between updates.

Extra special shoutout to my dear friend, greyspaces. I'm so glad we get to share a love of this crazy world of Gossip Girl. I'm 100% convinced I wouldn't have made it this far without you. I so admire your talent and craft (inside and out of this GG bubble) and it always feels like an honor knowing you keep up with my story and leave me your thoughts (which are not at all biased because of our close friendship. No, of course not, lol). Overall, thank you for always helping to keep me motivated and for showing me such unwavering support. I wish everyone could be so lucky as to have a great friend that they can share their hobby with and still at the end of the day be just that - a great friend.

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WARNING:

VULGAR LANGUAGE, SEXUAL CONTENT, TEENAGE ALCOHOL AND DRUG USE, MENTIONS OF GROOMING

WARNINGS WILL BE AT THE START OF ALL CHAPTERS.

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All rights to 'Gossip Girl'; plots and characters belong to the author Cecily Von Ziegesar as well as TV Producers Josh Schwartz & Stephanie Savage. I only claim ownership of my original characters. And while they are part of the Rockefeller family, and mentions to their infamy and status will be made, any mentions of them are purely fictional and none of the characters that comprise the family are based on the true-life family.

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Odette was always one to follow a strict morning routine, she had been this way since she was a child. Lacking structure in so many other areas of her home life this was something she had come to heavily rely on.

Her routine was a necessity that she had forgone during the winter break though.

Separated and completely disconnected from all her friends and her sister had sent her into a major emotional spiral and at rock bottom, she had found comfort in an old friend - drugs.

She was not proud of this but she also didn't find it necessary to judge herself. It was a slip-up. She was at her lowest point but that didn't define her. After all, she wasn't her brother, she could control herself and stop at any time. She'd done it before. The excuses were limitless. End of the day, it was a comfort to her when she was deprived of all others, but it was also only a temporary fix.

With the holiday break officially over and the new semester starting, everyone would be back in Manhattan and more importantly, back in Odette's orbit.

After everyone had so callously abandoned her, she had plenty of time to stew in her anger. However, over time as the loneliness that accompanied the situation seeped in further and further her anger transformed into a mixture of melancholic depression and insecurity.

There was no denying she had been wronged - in more ways than one, by Chuck and Blair, but ultimately she knew she couldn't survive being as alone as she had been the past two weeks. With that realization, she had decided to approach today with a white flag waving.

This decision wasn't her best to date. It required swallowing a lot of her pride, but, after much deliberation, she realized it was ultimately worth it to her. Still, for this to work and for things to return to a state of normalcy more was required than just Odette's surrender and acceptance. For this to really work, Blair needed to be willing to accept her back into the fold. The trip had proven that the worker bees would always follow their Queen and it really came down to Odette getting in line or being permanently iced out. All she could hope is that Blair would still be willing to salvage the relationship.

Even if only for appearance's sake...

To say she was nervous was a severe understatement.

She had even woken up earlier than normal to make sure she was at peak performance for today. Although waking up wasn't really the issue. It was trying to go to sleep the night before that had been so difficult. Her mind was riddled with the possibilities of all the many ways today could play out. The good, the bad, and the terrifying. Or, better yet, best case scenario, worst case, and even worse than that.

She didn't think a worst-case scenario could be topped but as her anxiety ran rampant her mind became flooded with scenarios far more stress-inducing than the previous one had been. Essentially, her mind wouldn't let her rest so it was really a miracle she managed to look as presentable as she did today.

At the thought of this, Odette attempts to hold her head a bit higher as she straightens up her posture. However, whatever momentary confidence she had gained at the prospect of her good looks getting her by quickly crumbled and she was back to fidgeting as she and Cortney moved down the sidewalk towards the Met steps.

Finally catching on to her older sister's strange behavior, or at least finally having witnessed quite enough of it to be put off, Cortney nudges her, "Why are you so antsy? It's the first day back, how can you already be so stressed out?" Not waiting for Odette to answer, she continues, "Or, are we perhaps already regretting the decision to impulsively chop off all of our hair...?"

"I already told you, I was always planning to cut my hair short for the second semester!" Odette had intended that to come out more confidently than it did and she hoped Cortney would ignore the way her voice strained and cracked near the end.

Truthfully, Cortney wasn't buying her sister's statement anymore this time than when she'd first heard it.

Upon arriving home from her holiday trip abroad, Cortney had been shocked to discover that Odette had cut her hair, which usually cascaded down her back, to above shoulder length. To some, this might have just seemed like a 'new year, new Odette' move but, most realized that when a girl changed her hairstyle so dramatically it meant something... Something was very off with her sister and she knew it had to have something to do with why Blair had lied to everyone in Croatia, but Cortney was still struggling to connect the dots and Odette's insistence that she was 'fine' and that 'everything is fine' wasn't helping.

Despite her overly defensive objection, Odette had in fact cut her hair rather impulsively.

' [New Years' Eve 11:20 P.M. ]

The only thing more tasteless than showing up to a party late was showing up late to a party you weren't even invited to in the first place.

Typically Odette would never show up anywhere she was not wanted, or rather, expected, however, given recent events she was tired of feeling left out from all the fun being had by everyone else.

Additionally, the recent resurgence of her favorite pastime played a crucial role in her decision-making. The coke aided in freeing her from any second-guessing that would normally occur to the point she'd ultimately talk herself down from doing something like this. She was long gone down the rabbit hole of drug use and there was no talking her down from anything at this point.

She had initially been so mortified when Jack presented her with the gift of a white Christmas but she had quickly come to realize how much better she felt when using.

By snorting one line all her problems could disappear for a while.

After two, inhibitions that usually kept her shackled to an extreme sense of self-awareness were freed.

If she went any further than that she was completely emboldened. That's where she was at tonight.

While she had been apprehensive about starting to use again it was a lot like learning to ride a bike. Some things you just didn't forget how to do, regardless of how much time had passed. It didn't take much for her to remember she preferred to use her left nostril for the inhale. It also didn't take long for her to use up every last bit of the batch Jack had given her. She had, conveniently, managed to forget that the worst part of using was the terrible after-effects though.

The immediate and intense craving for more. Followed by the depression and self-loathing that hit once the high ultimately passed.

She hadn't thought she could feel any lower than she did doing the walk of shame from that Brooklyn hotel after her night with Jordan but after her high had her feeling on top of the world, the comedown crashed her down into a reality far too painful to handle. Somehow, everything felt even worse than it did before and she refused to continue feeling that way. She wanted to feel better and the blow did that for her so she'd chase that feeling all she could.

And that was exactly how she had ended up at her grandparent's famed, and extremely intimate, New Year's Eve party.

Badly feigning and in search of a fix.

David and Vivianne's parlor was expansive and currently occupied by several, high profile, individuals whom Odette was willing to bet most likely had baggies, vials, or compacts filled with exactly what she was so badly craving. However, as desperate as she felt, even she could realize how inappropriate it would be to go around asking her grandparent's friends and colleagues for a bump.

There was only one person at this party she knew she could go to for something like this. The Rockefeller family drug fiend himself, Theo.

Odette scans the room in search of her ornery, older brother. Typically it didn't take much to pick him out of a crowd - he was always the most paranoid person in the room.

If she couldn't find him here her next stop would be to start searching the bathrooms.

This thought, a reminder of her encounter with him at Thanksgiving, briefly stops her in her tracks. A small part of her couldn't help wondering if that was the road she was headed down. But that was ridiculous. She was nothing like him. After all, he was an addict. He was sick and had a real problem. She was just having fun and could stop at any time...

Just not yet.

Oftentimes Odette would wonder how her brother had ever allowed himself to slip so deep into his addiction.

It was easy to be a critical onlooker of Theo over the years. It was even easier to say that it would never happen to her. She wouldn't let it because simply put, she was better than him. Stronger-willed and wiser too. She knew how fortunate she was to live the life she did and she would never risk that because of something as ridiculous as drugs. She would never let drugs rule her life, period.

Never. Never. Never.

Yet here she was, crashing a family party in search of her very own fix. She was so far from that girl that thought 'oh, never me'. Perhaps the jump from this very moment to shooting up heroin in the bathroom on a family holiday wasn't as far stretched as she would have herself convinced.

"Dove?"

Ignoring the call for her attention, Odette continues to keep a watchful eye on the ever-moving crowd of people as she attempts to spot her brother. It was as if she was playing the lamest, yet most high stakes, game of 'Where's Waldo?'. She wasn't a fan of the books as a child and she certainly didn't have an appreciation for them now, either.

Just as Odette thinks she might have spotted Theo - or at least someone that looked similar enough to draw the eye, Vivianne steps directly in front of her, effectively blocking the view.

"What brings you here? I would have assumed you'd be at a gathering with some of your friends tonight."

As annoyed as she was by the interruption, and even in her current state, Odette had enough sense to mind her manners. Especially when dealing with her grandmother who prided herself on being a master in the art of propriety and all matters dealing with social graces.

"Hi, Nonnie," As she moves in to hug the Rockefeller matriarch, she holds her breath. Afraid to even breathe in her grandmother's direction the wrong way and alert her to what was really going on. "I wanted to bring in the New Year with you all. Who needs my friends when yours are so much fun!"

Odette tries her best to not let her smile falter as she gestures around the unanimated crowd for added emphasis. Truthfully, this party seemed terribly dull but if she wanted to stay she needed to sell it.

Pursing her lips together to the point they form a tight line, Vivianne looks over her granddaughter critically. She had raised four children and seen her numerous grandchildren through enough to be able to spot a lie and she knew for certain Odette was not being truthful. At least not entirely.

"Well, I think my friends might be a bit too," Leaning in, she gets close enough to Odette to whisper this next part, "old for your taste. But if you ever tell anyone I said that, I'll deny it." With a small wink, Vivianne pulls back, "Besides, this is supposed to be an adults-only party." Wrapping an arm loosely around Odette's shoulder, she attempts to start walking her towards the same door she had entered the party from just a few moments prior, "I think your grandfather would be rather displeased if he knew you crashed it. Besides, I've told you girls, hundreds of times, if you aren't invited to something, don't show up. It makes you look desperate."

Odette winces slightly at this last comment. Her poor, unsuspecting grandmother had no clue just how desperate she was feeling right now.

"I get that. I just..." Pulling herself out of Vivianne's grip, Odette tries her best to remain direct eye contact while simultaneously trying to command herself to cry on demand.

It was something she had mastered at a very young age. Mostly to get her older siblings in trouble or to make Nate feel bad enough to play house with her. She had long given up the manipulation tactic, but right now she needed it more than ever before.

"With my mother and Coco being out of town, I've just felt so lonely."

That definitely wasn't a lie.

"I just wanted to be around family but you're right, it was wrong of me to just show up." Lifting a curled index finger she rubs against her water line as if to hold back the nonexistent tears before turning to walk away.

It doesn't take long at all for Vivianne to call after her, "Now, hold on." Following the steps Odette had just previously taken, Vivianne reaches out to her granddaughter and strokes her cheek lovingly, "I suppose we can make an exception this one time. But only because you've always been my favorite."

A small smile flickers across Odette's face. This was partly due to the sentiment and mostly because her ploy had actually worked.

"You say that to everyone."

"Yes, but with you, I really mean it." Looping her arm with Odette's, Vivianne begins to guide her back into the main part of the room, "I will talk to the old man but to be perfectly clear, you are not to drink, you are not to draw attention to yourself, and after the clock strikes midnight you will retire to one of the upstairs bedrooms. Understood?"

"Yes, mam."

"I mean it, Dove. Please don't make me regret this."

Despite knowing she was let in under false pretenses, Odette still found herself feeling defensive over what her grandmother was insinuating.

"Nonnie, it's me. You don't have to worry. What could I do?"

Studying Odette cautiously, Vivianne releases a small sigh, "Oh, I don't know but I also don't wish to find out."

The way the older woman was watching her was making Odette feel exposed. The feeling was unnerving and more than anything, she was still wanting to find Theo and was tired of wasting time, "I'm going to behave, you won't even know that I'm here. You're the hostess for the evening, please get back to your party and stop worrying about me. I'll be a total wallflower!"

After politely shooing Vivianne away, Odette sets out on her original mission to find her brother. After maneuvering through the crowd for a few minutes, she finally spots him sitting in front of one of the massive fireplaces, surrounded by only a few other people which was perfect for her. This meant she could be in and out with as few witnesses as possible.

"Hey!" Relieved to have finally tracked him down, Odette approached her brother with an exuberant energy that didn't at all match her current surrounding. Out of instinct, and excitement, she grips her brother's shoulder to signal for his attention but in doing so squeezes him slightly harder than she intended, causing him to immediately recoil from her touch before looking up at her strangely.

"Are you lost?"

"I was under the distinct impression that this was an adults-only soiree?" As she speaks, Rebeccas's nose scrunches up in disgust, "What are you doing here?"

Giving her older sister a quick look over, it's plain to see by the intense flushing of her cheeks that she's already drunk. Rebecca Rockefeller was already a fairly hostile person to deal with in everyday situations, however, with the addition of alcohol she had the capability of turning truly vile and Odette was smart enough to know that she shouldn't engage her older sister more than what was absolutely necessary. Vivianne's words were playing over and over again in her head and right now her only motive was to get her drugs. She could deal with bitchy attitudes for the time being.

"It's so nice to see you too, Becca. Don't worry, I'm not staying. I did need to talk to you though." Looking back to Theo, she offers him a pleading smile, "Privately, if possible?"

Tossing his sister a fair amount of side-eye, Theo takes a long drink from his mostly empty glass before responding breathlessly, "I'm trying to enjoy the party. Can it wait?"

For him to act so inconvenienced by her was not only laughable but infuriating, "No, it really can't."

Finally fully directing his attention to Odette, he can see the desperation in her eyes and decides to toy with it, "Whatever you need to say, you can say it here."

The further this interaction went, the more her patience waned.

"Theo," Odette's tone has a fair amount of warning bite to it now, "I said privately for a reason."

"There shouldn't be secrets amongst siblings though."

Hearing someone new insert themselves into the conversation, Odette is quickly reminded that there are other people watching this all play out. She had been so focused on finding Theo that she hadn't bothered to pay attention to who else was accompanying him, besides Rebecca's drunk ass. Lifting her head first, Odette turns to cast a hard stare at whoever interrupted them. She is immediately met with a cheeky smile from one Alyssa Leakes who then immediately turns to her husband as if seeking his approval on her pointless comment.

Watching the way Alyssa stares at Jordan causes a primal sort of rage to begin to bubble and brew within Odette.

Shifting in his seat, it becomes immediately clear that Jordan is the only one in the group to sense the sudden shift in Odette's mood.

"Fascinating observation." Odette was almost always passive-aggressive or mocking, to the Jersey girl she deemed trash, but she would do it all with a smile so charming that Alyssa would never be the wiser. Yet this time there is no trace of a smile across Odette's stone-cold features. She stares at the fake blonde, with nothing short of hatred and makes a point to infuse as much venom into her words as possible, "There also shouldn't be secrets within a marriage but that's not my place to really speak on and I know my place. I highly advise you to learn yours."

As she spoke, Odette refused to take her eyes off Alyssa. She wanted to watch the realization of her words set in and see that seed of doubt sprout within her tiny brain. Due to the focus being entirely on Jordan's 'better half', she had missed his reaction to her reveal but as Alyssa turns to look at him once more this time Odette follows her gaze.

"What is she talking about, Jo?"

Jordan makes direct eye contact with Odette but only holds it briefly before redirecting his focus to his wife, "How am I supposed to know? I've told you a hundred times, Odette is all drama. She's a teenager. Odette, tell her you were just being bratty and trying to cause issues."

She had to give him props, he sounded pretty convincing. His only mistake was looking back at Odette with a knowing expression and letting his eyes linger on her for a second too long.

"No, what the fuck was that?" Snapping her fingers repeatedly, Alyssa promptly stands up and starts pointing between the two of them furiously, "I've always thought the dynamic here was weird and that you two were a little too close, but I would tell myself, 'Lys, you're just being crazy'." Closing her eyes, Alyssa grips her stomach as if she's going to be sick.

And perhaps she was.

"Whoa!" Theo, Becca, and Jordan say this in near-perfect unison as the realization of what Alyssa is saying sets in. They each spring forward from their respective seats with varying expressions of shock and disgust.

"Please be aware of what you're accusing me of right now." Jordan attempts to pull his wife closer to him, but she stays firmly planted where she is.

"Yes, and in front of his clients at that. Not a great look. You are so lucky that our grandfather isn't here to see this ridiculous display, Jordan" Straightening up her posture, Rebecca looks between the married couple with a scowl of disapproval.

Caught up with how quickly everything was playing out in front of her, Odette hadn't noticed Theo watching her throughout most of the interaction. Furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, he finally interjects, "All my sister said was that there shouldn't be secrets in a marriage. That could be referring to so many things, why...why would that be where your mind went?"

It was a valid question when you didn't know the truth of the situation and all this time Odette had assumed no one besides her and Jordan did. But the fact that Alyssa's immediate thought was that something nefarious was happening between them was incredibly telling.

Looking back and forth between Jordan and Odette, Alyssa thinks over her next words carefully before finally settling her focus on the latter option, "I've always had this strange feeling about you. I don't trust you, so maybe I let that affect the way I took all of this. Now I'm giving you a chance. Tell me you were just trying to create drama. Tell me you weren't implying anything about my marriage and more specifically your involvement in it."

"This is so beyond inappropriate." Jordan throws his arms up in exasperation. He was losing his usual cool and steady temperament and was only bringing further attention to himself with each new outburst, "She's a fucking child for Christ's sake! You sound insane right now, Aly."

Alyssa only looks at her husband to reiterate his comment, "Yeah, she is." Without any further acknowledgment to Jordan, she focuses back on Odette, "Have you ever been physically intimate with Jordan?"

"Absolutely not!"

"I'm asking Odette."

She could hear the fear in Jordan's voice and realized at this moment how easy it would be to blow up his entire life.

The constant back and forth of the power struggle between them would finally be over. The shame and guilt she carried with her could be let go. He would no longer be her burden to bear and she couldn't deny that the feeling of having that release and having that power over him, was somewhat thrilling.

"I don't know that I would use the word intimate but if you're asking if we've fucked? Yeah, sure. Lots of times."

At this revelation, she watches all the color drain from the faces of the four adults in front of her.

Alyssa's face is the first to crumble before she begins to sob, loudly, into her hands.

She should feel bad for her. So, why didn't she?

Rolling her eyes, Odette clears her throat before continuing, "I wasn't being serious, obviously? It was a ridiculous question and it deserved a ridiculous response."

Uncovering her face, and exposing the thick and clumpy mascara trailing down her plump cheeks, Alyssa stutters as she tries to speak, "Wh- you were lying? Why would you do that?! Do you have any idea what you were accusing Jordan of and how much trouble he could have been in?"

"I didn't accuse Jordan of anything, that was all you. As for why... it's like he told you, I'm drama, I guess."

"There is seriously something wrong with you. That was cruel, Odette." Placing a hand over her heart, Alyssa's over-inflated chest continues to dramatically rise and fall with every heave of her breath as her nerves refuse to settle.

"Yeah, you took that way too far. This is exactly why children shouldn't be allowed at adult events. I'll be sure to pass that note along to grandfather, too."

"No," Jordan is quick to speak up to this. He looks over to Rebecca and shakes his head solemnly before pulling his wife into his chest in an effort to keep her close and to comfort her better now that she is finally allowing him to touch her again, "This entire thing has been humiliating and I don't think it needs to go further than us. You know I really value my position and I would hate to put David in a compromising position over some childish prank. He has enough to deal with."

"I mean, our little sister just basically accused you of being a pedophile for... what?" Casting a hard glare at Odette, Rebecca maintains her look of disgust as she turns back to Jordan, "This entire thing can definitely stay between us. I'm so incredibly sorry Jordan. I'm sorry for you as well, Alyssa. This was embarrassing and she knows better." Without even bothering to look at Odette again, Rebecca scoops up her glass from the small coffee table and walks off in search of better, more mature, company for the remainder of the night.

Unlike his sisters, Theo had remained completely quiet through the later part of this interaction. During the entire confrontation and reveal he had been watching Odette and despite her admitting to making it all up, her mannerisms throughout it all were telling a different story.

However, he was also rolling.

Only slightly but still, perhaps he was misreading everything. He had to hope that was the case anyway.

"I'm going to get another drink."

Odette watches over her shoulder as her brother moves past her and disappears into the crowd. He was the only reason she had even shown up to this stupid party and now her opportunity was gone and for what? So she could hurt trashy Aly and give Jordan a heart attack? Neither of those things had felt as good as she'd always imagined it would and the drama of it all kept her from getting her hands on any more coke.

Without saying anything to either Jordan or Alyssa, Odette walks away from them feeling even smaller and more pathetic than she had when she arrived. This entire plan was so stupid.

She was so stupid.

She had just barely made it out of the crowded parlor and started to move down the hallway towards the front door when she felt someone grab her firmly by the arm.

Having exhausted all his patience, Jordan uses all his strength to yank Odette by the arm into an empty, adjacent room.

"What the fuck was that?!"

"It was a stupid joke, let's just drop it."

Running his fingers through his tousled brown hair, Jordan pulls on the ends out of frustration, "No, you don't get to just say we're dropping it. You almost single-handedly ruined my life back there! I never thought you would do that to me."

The fact he was angry, and acting disappointed, with her made Odette's blood boil. She was the one that deserved to be angry. Not him.

"Yeah? Well, you ruined mine a long time ago!" With open hands, Odette slaps Jordan's chest and with each impact, she inches him further away from her, "So I guess we're even, huh? Huh? Huh!?" With every word, she ups the force of the blows she's handing him.

"Stop hitting me! What is wrong with you?" Grabbing both her wrist, he pulls on her roughly once more.

"You! Don't you get that? You're everything that's wrong with me."

Her field of vision begins to blur and the pounding of her chest was so heavy that she felt she could collapse from the weight of it all but Jordan's firm grip on her held her upright and in place.

"Why did you choose her? You're supposed to want me. You're supposed to love me."

As tears began to run down her face, her sentences began to run together and become slightly disjointed but the overall sentiment remained.

"Who said I don't?"

Rolling her eyes, Odette fights to pull out of his grasp and begins to wipe away her tears, "Stop it, Jordan. You never loved me. Not really. You're just like them and they're just like you."

"That's not true. I do love you." Crossing his arms over his chest, he shakes his head in confusion, "Wait, who is 'them'?"

"Blair and Chuck." Even saying their names felt like a struggle. Every thought she had been forced to keep bottled up in her solitude was now pouring out of her and she really wished it would stop, "They use me just like you use me."

"Wow, who's using who, here because from what I remember you're the one that came onto me at the debutante ball. Asking me to make you feel better, remember? And why did you need to feel better? Who made you feel bad, Odette? They did. From where I'm standing looks like it was you using me to get over the Bass kid." Jordan flutters his fingers as if whisking Chuck's name away.

'The Bass kid'.

He couldn't even say his name he was so jealous.

Of a seventeen-year-old.

It was a sick fucking joke that he just continued to play into, "And let's not pretend that you weren't throwing him in my face at every opportunity and now you want to stand here, crying to me about him? I don't think so."

Laughing without humor, Odette balls her hands into tight fists and digs her nails into the palms of her hands as she speaks, "Because you don't parade Alyssa around to torture me, right?"

He doesn't explicitly confirm or deny this but the silence that follows is all the confirmation she needed. Fidgeting in place, Jordan nervously runs some of his fingers through his hair once more while glancing down at his leather-strapped wristwatch, "It's almost midnight... Aly-"

"Yeah, I get it. Go have your perfect New Years' kiss with your perfect wife." She sounded bitter and she was but she wished she didn't sound like it.

"You're upset though and it's been a stressful night. I don't want to leave you feeling like this." Moving closer to her, he gently rubs his thumb along her jawline, before hooking under her chin and lifting her face so that she has to look up at him while he talks to her, "You want me to make you feel better?"

She really didn't.

Jordan wasn't even who she wanted anymore. Her outpouring of emotion for him was more so unresolved trauma from the way things had abruptly stopped when he got married, therefore never giving her the necessary closure. It had been devastating to go from feeling like everything to him to effectively being nothing but a business priority. Their hookup after Cotillion had been the first time they had been together, in that way, since before his wedding the prior summer but she hadn't intended for anything to start up between them again and after how terrible she felt about herself after the fact, she really had no business sleeping with him again.

It was never good for her but now it didn't even feel good anymore. It just made her hate herself that much more.

However, after the events of tonight, and really all recent events, she was feeling vindictive and above all else, alone.

She didn't want to sleep with him again but she was going to just to prove that she could.

To prove that he wanted her still.

That anyone did.

Turning away from him, she places one hand firmly against the wall while she uses the other to pull her panties down to her ankles and lift up her dress just enough to give him easy access. She can hear him fumbling with his belt and winces as he twists one of his hands into her hair and pulls on it with the right amount of force.

"God, I love how long your hair is."

'You know, it was one of the first things I noticed about you.'

She's surprised he doesn't finish his thought the way he usually does. The way he always has.

Truthfully, Jordan had always admired Odette's long, blonde hair. To him, it was an attribute to her femininity and he was impressed that even when she was younger that she always kept it so well maintained - never knotted, never dirty.

Even long before he ever physically crossed any lines with her, he enjoyed teasing Odette by affectionately pulling on her hair.

It was all pretty innocent back then but if he was being honest with himself he'd have to admit that's kind of where his interest was first piqued. After pulling small strands of her hair in passing, as nothing more than a tease, he found himself imagining what it would feel like to grab fistfuls of it out of passion.

Just like he was doing now.

With a husky groan, and wearing no protection, Jordan pushes himself inside her.

And when they're done he goes back to the party as if nothing happened and leaves Odette all alone.

The way he usually does. The way he always has...'

Between the time of Jordan finishing and the ball being dropped in Time Square, Odette had managed to sneak away from the party and found her own way home.

From there it didn't take long for the guilt to kick in.

The feeling of regret was immense and suffocating and just as the time before, just as she had expected, she felt as low as one person could possibly be.

In a fit of emotions, ranging from shame to heartache, she had taken a pair of kitchen shears and started roughly cutting off the long, blonde hair that Jordan so adored.

Strangely enough, staring at herself with her terrible home haircut did make her feel slightly better. She looked so different from her normal self and it was a welcomed escape from reality.

The next morning she got in to see her stylist and they had fixed her up quite nicely. It looked like she planned it and for all intents and purposes, she did. Surely no one else would suspect she actually cut it off during a meltdown because as far as everyone else was concerned, there was nothing in her life to be having meltdowns about.

She came from a perfect family, she had wonderful friends, and life was good.

Life was great, actually.

At least that was her story and she was firmly sticking to it.

While waiting for the crosswalk light to switch, the scale of the Metropolitan Museum of Art comes into focus in the distance. Hoards of people were moving down the street and to and from the museum but Odette's eyes immediately locked in on the group of girls sitting dead center on the infamous steps. She can feel her feet guiding her towards them but all of it feels somewhat like an out-of-body experience. Truthfully, regardless of how much she attempted to hype herself up for today, she wasn't at all prepared. She had no idea what sort of lion's den she was headed into and she couldn't help feeling like a sheep being led to the slaughter.

She hoped that Blair, who was always trying to save face, would be willing to give her a chance but that wasn't a guarantee. After all, the last couple of conversations between the two of them were far from pleasant and while Blair Waldorf was a lot of things, being forgiving wasn't exactly what she was so well-known for.

Not that Odette really felt like she was in the wrong in this situation. It was Chuck and Blair that had wronged her but, she also knew she couldn't go on feeling as lonely and isolated as she had the past two weeks. So, if working her way back into some sense of normalcy meant she needed to stomach all the wrongs done to her, so be it. She could do that with an unfaltering smile on her face but Blair, first, needed to let her.

As Cortney and Odette climb the expansive steps, only a couple of the members of the group turn to greet them - Blair is quite noticeably, not one. Other than Kati, none of the other girls smile at the sisters but this was pretty standard. Most of their mothers had stressed to each of them that laughter caused wrinkles and so it was only reserved for rare occasions. When meant for the male gaze, social takedowns, and above all else, when causing public humiliation to others. Bonus points if the person on the receiving end was a member of this friend group.

Unlike any typical, healthy, friendship, these girls didn't cheer on their friend's successes but they were the first to root for their downfalls. Odette had never had to worry much about being on the receiving end of this sort of treatment though. Her close friendship with Blair had always given her a sense of security and protection from their scrutiny. Now that Odette and Blair were on the outs she wasn't sure what kind of treatment to expect from the others which made approaching them all the more nerve-wracking.

"Hazel and I were just placing bets on whether or not you'd show your face today, Dette."

Penelope has a smug look on her face as she looks down on Odette from where she is sitting on the steps directly under Blair - Odette's usual spot but apparently, things had changed and Pennelope and the other girls were quickly taking notice of this.

Instead of giving any of them the satisfaction of a real reaction, Odette takes her own place on one of the lower steps and makes a point to act indifferent about it.

"And why wouldn't I show up?"

"That bad haircut, for one..." Penelope squints her eyes almost completely shut as she studies Odette's new look. It wasn't a bad haircut but if they could make her feel inferior because of it, that was a win.

Quickly catching on to where her friend was going with his, Hazel interjects, "Also the fact you were unceremoniously left off the Croatia trip."

Without even needing to exchange a look, a small, taunting grin spreads across both girls' pointed features in almost perfect synchronization.

Penelope and Hazel were best friends but not out of any sense of genuine comradery. Rather, after everyone else in the group had already paired off into duos and trios, the two of them were all that remained. Besides the freshman lackeys, Penelope and Hazel were also the lowest on the group's social hierarchy ranking but were able to recognize there was strength in numbers, and having each other as a guaranteed backup was advantageous. This arrangement posed as a friendship was mutually beneficial and in this world, that's the extent of what a friendship needed to be.

Despite fully expecting some sort of stealth attack on her confidence, such as this, Odette still felt her stomach drop at the mere mention of Croatia. Even still, she had enough time to prepare for whatever group attack she would be walking into today and was able to remain a calm and collected composure despite her ever-growing nerves.

"Oh, yeah, the Croatia trip. Tell me how that was?" she only allows the briefest of pauses to pass, effectively making her point before carrying on, "Oh, that's right, neither of you was there." Lifting her coffee cup to her lips, Odette is able to hide her pleased grin as she watches the two girls' complacent smiles falter at this reminder, "I chose not to go on the trip, I wasn't left behind, or in your case, not even invited." a blatant lie she hoped Blair wouldn't call her on. However, calling this out meant drawing unwanted attention to why the trip happened in the first place and Odette was fairly certain Blair was doing all she could to avoid that subject.

"Why would you not want to go?" Penelope does her best to call Odette's bluff but her tone has lost almost all of its previous confidence.

Blair, who had been doing her best to remain apathetic towards Odette, listened to the entire exchange with an almost bored-like demeanor until Penelope's final question stirred up a small panic within her. Not waiting to see how Odette would handle this, Blair opted to reply on behalf of her while still remaining a tone of overall indifference, "Isn't it obvious? Because of Chuck."

Hearing Blair speak his name felt like a swift punch to the face. It immediately stung and the pain that followed spread quickly throughout her body but this was all to be expected. Odette knew she'd have to get used to hearing his name and do her best not to flinch every time she did.

Looking cautiously between the brunette and blonde, sitting an unusually far distance from one another, Hazel probes for further intel, "Chuck, right... Did you two break up?"

"We were never together," Odette responds almost too quickly, and despite it being true by definition saying it still felt like a betrayal to herself and her feelings.

Carefully, and undetected by anyone else, Blair kicks against Isabel's back. With a small wince in response, Is directs her attention to Blair who signals for her to jump into the conversation immediately. Quickly catching on, and having previously rehearsed this bit with Blair herself, Is speaks up, "Probably for the best. He really enjoyed himself while away, if you know what I mean. It's beyond sad to imagine him hooking up with all those random women while you were alone here in New York."

Cortney had been watching the back and forth between her sister and the girls with muted amusement, but the comment from Isabel caught her by surprise and instantly wiped the smile from her face.

It was a complete lie.

Chuck had been too drunk and strung out on drugs to be able to get it up for anyone even if he had wanted to and beyond that, the only woman he had shown interest in was Odette, who he had called repeatedly throughout the trip. A fact only Cortney was privy to, but a fact nonetheless. She hadn't relayed this detail to her sister yet. She didn't know why but she knew Odette and Chuck were on the outs and was worried she'd upset her by bringing him up. However, now that he was being used as a ploy to hurt and, or, embarrass her, Cortney wished she had just told her the truth from the start. Now it wouldn't matter and Odette likely wouldn't believe it.

'-hooking up with all those random women...'

If hearing his name felt like a strike to the face, hearing this detail about his behavior on the trip felt like a punch to the stomach so hard that it knocked the wind out of her. Odette stayed silent for a beat, unable to formulate the right words at first. While sadness was the first emotion to hit, this was quickly and overwhelming replaced with anger and she knew she couldn't respond with that. The entire point of showing up here today was to show Blair that she didn't care about what happened anymore and that she was ready to move forward.

"That tracks. Sounds like typical Chuck behavior."

Despite doing her best to sound casual in her response, her tone sounded aggrieved. She recognized it instantly and knew that wouldn't work.

This couldn't be believable if she led with her emotions.

All of this was a test and she refused to fail.

Taking another sip of her coffee, Odette offers Isabel a small smile before continuing, "Besides, who said I was alone?"

"Well, for one, Gossip Girl." Penelope all but squirms in delight as the opportunity to address the pathetic Christmas Eve post is brought up. Within seconds of the notification coming through, she had screenshot the picture of Odette hugging the midwestern randos and sent it out to all the girls. She knew they would have received the Gossip Girl alert as well but she wanted their reactions in real-time.

"As I've already said, Gossip Girl was obviously having an off-night because that was not me. Believe me, I have more important things to do with my time than to go see that stupid tree."

"Sure."

Despite this response, Penelope didn't seem to buy Odette's plead of innocence. Recognizing this, Odette stiffens up before shrugging, "I really don't need to defend myself to you."

"Sure."

Penelope responds the exact same as before but this time her phony smile has grown tenfold as she realizes she's hit a nerve. Mission accomplished.

Normally, Penelope would have never been allowed to get this one-up on Odette. Blair would have shut her down the moment she tried but given the current, unknown, status of their friendship, it was clear Blair was throwing Odette to the wolves and watching how she would fend them off. It all was a test and at this moment, in particular, the test was to see if pushing her to her limits would make Odette turn on Blair in favor of her own pride.

So far, she was doing okay...

It was immediately clear to Blair what ploy Odette was going for in approaching her as if nothing had happened, and she could even respect that level of self-delusion and denial. However, if she was expected to trust Odette around her friends, and more importantly, Nate, she needed to know without a doubt she was serious about leaving the past in the past. More specifically, Blair's past.

So far, she was not entirely convinced.

It takes everything in Odette to not roll her eyes at Penelope's sneer so instead of giving her the satisfaction of further discourse, she directs her attention to Blair, "Did you have a good time, B?"

Eyeing Odette up and down, she is impressed and slightly perturbed by how quickly Odette is able to regain her composure after Penelope and the other girls' verbal sparring match against her.

"Yeah, it was okay. I need a detox though. All the alcohol has made me feel bloated."

She looks around the group, waiting for someone to disagree with her.

Recognizing this opportunity, Odette is quick to speak up, "You don't look it."

The others quickly follow Odette's lead on this and respond with varying, but similar, sentiments.

This time, Blair is the one to have to refrain from rolling her eyes. It's not that she didn't appreciate someone speaking up on her behalf but she hated that it had to be Odette and she hated that the others had been too slow and unaware of what she was seeking from them to say something before Odette did.

It was so hard to find good help these days. Especially in high school.

Offering a curt smile to the blonde, Blair is grateful for the sudden interruption of Nate approaching the group with coffee and a freshly baked croissant in hand.

Despite the fact that Nate meeting them here was a rare experience, Blair doesn't seem to share the rest of the group's initial excitement and she doesn't stand to greet him. Instead, Nate crouches down to be on her level and plants an affectionate kiss on her forehead before pulling back and offering her the treats he had brought specifically for her.

"Awe, I'm avoiding gluten right now but thank you, sweetie."

Taking the drink from him, Blair blows on the contents of the steaming cup before taking a small sip.

"B, you have the best boyfriend ever."

"I wish I had someone to bring me breakfast."

"Hazel, you wish you had someone, period. They wouldn't even need to bring you breakfast."

"True."

Nate chuckles at the alternating conversation before focusing back on Blair with a smile, "I wanted to make sure your first day back started off right." Without another word, Nate kneels down once more to be at eye level with Blair and kisses her on the lips this time.

Watching the entire scene unfold, Odette is taken aback, and slightly triggered, by the affection being displayed by Nate. Where was the brooding pretty boy she knew? Evidently, long gone was the loveless relationship between the pair, and Odette couldn't help feeling annoyed that their bond seemed to have only strengthened since Cotillion. She had to assume that was all part of Blair's plan though.

Slightly embarrassed by Nate's decision to conduct in such a public display of affection in front of her friends, Blair pulls away from him mid-kiss, "You're sweet."

It wasn't exactly how most people would respond to their gorgeous boyfriends wanting to get a morning makeout session in, but Nate seemed unphased by Blair's lack of desire.

Watching his footing, avoiding accidentally scuffing anyone's designer bags with his shoes, Nate takes a step down and in doing so does a double take of Odette who he had missed in his initial look over of the group.

"Whoa, hey stranger."

Immediately clued in that Nate was addressing her, Odette directs her attention to him and is quickly put at ease when she sees the warmth behind his calming green eyes. Finally, someone that was genuinely happy to see her. Pushing herself off the steps, Odette stands to greet him so that he won't have to continue to crouch down to their seated level, "Hey, you."

"I didn't even recognize you." Wrapping one arm around her, Nate pulls Odette in for a small side hug. It was just enough to be considered a tender greeting for one of his oldest friends, while still lacking the needed affection that would upset the temperamental Blair, "We missed you on the trip."

He wanted to emphasize that he meant Chuck, mostly, but this didn't seem like the time or place to go there with her. Especially when he still wasn't sure what had happened between the two of them.

"Yeah, I missed everyone a lot," it was difficult to get that last part out, "I definitely won't decline next time."

Never the most aware, a lot of things tended to fly over Nate's head but as was the case with Chuck, he had known Odette long enough to really know her and was able to pick up on the melancholy tone of her voice and realized it didn't at all match the smile plastered across her face. He also was quick to notice that she refused to hold eye contact with him for longer than a minute. Her gaze was constantly shifting from Nate to the ground, to the crowd of people moving down the street beneath them, before focusing back on him to start the process over.

Slightly weirded out by Odette's strange behavior, Nate opens his mouth to ask her if she's feeling okay but before he can get the words out, Blair interrupts, "I thought you had to meet with your dealer this morning?"

Turning his attention to his girlfriend, Nate is slightly bemused. Typically, Blair would never remind him of such a thing. She loathed his bad habits and the fact he spent so much money on them. Money, that in her own mind, would be better used in spoiling her. This was something that used to annoy him about her but now he found it sort of endearing.

He really was a changed man - new year, new Nate.

Blair loved almost everything about Nate - at least, the version of him she had created in her own mind. However, his relationship with cannabis had long been something she detested. After The Captain's accident he had cut out the harder drugs he used to occasionally partake in, which she was thankful for, but she wondered if it made him rely on weed even more heavily. Despite them being in a, perceived, much better place, Blair could never forget the fact that Nate used to have to get high to get through spending time with her. She never saw it as a way for Nate to calm his own social anxieties but rather took it as a slight - her boyfriend had to be stoned to deal with her. How romantic.

However, despite her disdain for his habit, Blair would have much rather had Nate off getting high somewhere with his loser friends, like Chuck, instead of here talking to Odette, who she still wasn't sure she could trust.

Watching them go back and forth was causing Blair's stomach to work into knots. She felt on edge. As if she was preparing for the moment Odette would halt the pleasantries and spill the truth to Nate. For once, she really wanted - no, needed, Nate to fuck off.

"I had Chuck take care of it. I wanted to see you."

He flashes that charming smile he's so well known for and she can almost hear all the girls swoon. Everything about Nate was perfect. His looks, his voice, his charm, and she knew people were envious of her relationship with him. This was something she used to both revel in and also find insecurity from. This version of Nate - the doting and affectionate boyfriend was everything she had always wanted. He was playing the part of her leading man to a tee. However, the movie that Blair constantly had playing in her head had long stopped rolling. It had stopped in Croatia after they slept together and never started up again.

Everything she had ever wanted was right in front of her, smiling at her with pure adoration, and she had never felt more suffocated or unhappy.

"Speak of the Devil." Kati peers around where Nate and Odette are standing and nods, "There's Chuck."

Blair could feel her stomach churn, causing the knots to contract, at the mention of his name. The two of them had barely spoken since she made a complete fool of herself in Croatia. They had carried on as if nothing happened - they were both pros at that by now but Blair had shown her cards to him that night and now felt more vulnerable around him than she cared to admit. That kiss was proof that their indiscretion wasn't a one-time mistake. At least not on her part. Even after all the drama and stress, it had caused, she had been more than willing to go back for more.

She was still actively chasing that feeling.

Did that mean she was chasing him...?

The thought caused a cold shudder to run through her body.

Blair Waldorf was not some love-sick puppy dog who chased after the likes of Chuck Bass. Just the thought of it caused her stomach to churn further, nauseating her in the process.

Why would she want him when she had Nate? Perfect, gorgeous, Nate, who brought her coffee and croissants. Chuck would never...

Blair, seated at the highest point of the steps of anyone in their group - it was a rule, after all, watches as Chuck talks on the sidewalk with one of his and Nate's buddies, Roger Paine. The two of them briefly make eye contact but Chuck is quick to direct his attention back on Roger. Following his lead, Blair shifts her focus to Odette who seems to be doing her best to look anywhere but in Chuck's direction.

Odette could feel Blair's eyes on her, watching her and, most likely, judging her reaction to all of this. Feeling her hands become clammy, she discreetly wipes the cold sweat against the sides of her pleated skirt. She knew she'd be forced to face him at some point but she hadn't expected it was how she'd be starting her day.

She had thought she was ready but now that it was happening, she wasn't so sure.

As nerve-wracking as approaching Blair had been, pretending and forcing pleasantries with her seemed much easier than having to see Chuck.

Who she felt more hurt by in this situation shifted from day to day and apparently today it was Chuck.

She wasn't ready for this.

"I totally just remembered I have an organic chem test today that I didn't study for. I should probably go do that."

It was such an obvious lie that the girls, including Blair, felt embarrassed enough for Odette to let her get away with it.

Most of them, anyway.

Whether she was just playing dumb to be cruel or truly that daft was not immediately clear, but regardless, Hazel asks the obvious, "You don't want to see Chuck?"

"Who wouldn't want to see me?"

Having just finally broken away from the ever-rambling Roger, Chuck had only caught the last bit of the conversation as he approached Nate and the group of girls he mostly considered quasi-friends.

"I don't know, try every girl that's ever slept with you and work backward from there." Despite her tone being ice-cold, Kati offers him a smize as if to show it's all in good fun.

"As if he could even remember that far back." Isabel's response is less playful than her counterpart. Her personal history with Chuck was a forever sore subject that bled into a lot of their day-to-day interactions.

"Good one." Sarcasm drips from Chuck's tongue as he reaches forward to grab a blueberry out of Penelope's fruit bowl before sitting down on the steps next to her, "What can I say, some are more memorable than others." Tossing Is a knowing wink, he is satisfied when she rolls her eyes in a disgruntled manner.

New year. Same Chuck.

Replacing the plastic lid of her fruit bowl in disgust, Penelope is the one to finally clue Chuck in, "We were actually referring to Odette. She tried to scamper off the minute she heard your name."

Caught off guard by the direction of this conversation, Chuck's eyes grow wide at the mention of Odette's name but he is able to instantly regain his composure before anyone has a chance to notice. While still down on the sidewalk, he had specifically done a look over of the group to make sure she wasn't there. It was the only reason he felt so confident approaching them. From where he is seated, he does yet another scan of the familiar group of faces but plays it off in a casual way, lounging back against the stiff, concrete steps, with both arms crossed behind his head, so that it's not completely obvious that he's in fact looking for her.

Soon enough, he realizes that she's the blonde standing next to Nate. He hadn't recognized her from the back due to her haircut but once his eyes landed on her face there was no denying who she was. Somehow, she looked even better than she had the last time he had seen her.

She had yet to meet his gaze but he watched as she stared down at the ground, cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and he could feel his heart rate rapidly pick up. Whether from nerves or for the fact she looked so damn good, he wasn't sure. A mixture of both, most likely.

Odette was mortified to say the very least.

She hadn't been ready to face Chuck and this was certainly not how she wanted their first interaction to play out. Swallowing the embarrassment, just as she had swallowed her pride even showing up today, Odette rolls her shoulders back before facing her adversary, "Great, thank you for that."

With a small shrug, Penelope smiles up at Odette sweetly, "You know how I like to keep it real."

Despite the pounding in his chest growing so rapidly that he could almost hear it like a ringing in his ears, Chuck manages to remain completely blasé towards Odette, "You don't have to run away on my account."

"No one's running?"

Except you... all the way to Croatia, you big coward.

She would give anything to be able to throw that in his face.

What a smug asshole.

Odette wondered if he would continue to act unbothered by her if she told Nate everything that's been going on? Probably not. Feeling her anger start to spike, Odette catches sight of Blair watching her with a peculiar expression. It was almost as if she was watching the moments prior to a terrible car wreck that she knew was coming but could do nothing to stop.

It reminded her of the look on Jordan's face the night of the New Year's Eve party. That moment when he knew Odette held all the power and had the ability to make everything crash and burn if she wanted to. She had thought there would be some satisfaction in letting it all implode - even for just a brief moment, but she had been wrong. It had done her no good then and it certainly wouldn't help her in this situation either.

So instead of saying any of the things she really wanted to, Odette decides to stick to her original plan. If she wanted things to return to a state of normalcy, she was going to need to make the first big gesture in doing so. She only hoped Chuck and Blair would be receptive to it.

"I have an organic chem test I need to study for," she explains her same excuse from earlier to Chuck, "Do you want to maybe walk me to school? We can catch up on the way and I can still study. Win-win?" She hadn't intended for that last part to be a question, but her nerves made it come out as one.

Chuck was completely taken aback by her offer. He had fully expected her to give him the cold shoulder or the silent treatment or any other negative possibility his mind had come up with during their time apart. Never once had he expected she'd be receptive and want to talk to him.

All he had wanted since the night of Cotillion was the opportunity to speak to Odette but he also knew he didn't deserve it and couldn't help feeling suspicious as to why she was offering it to him now.

Maybe the old saying was true and absence had made the heart grow fonder? That certainly had been the case for him. Regardless of how far he had tried to run, he couldn't escape her. And regardless of how much he tried to deny it, he had missed her something fierce.

Despite his initial nonchalant attitude, he was definitely willing to jump at the opportunity to speak with her, alone and away from everyone.

As if he needed any further persuasion, Nate, the ever-positive wingman, nods to him in an over-animated sort of way, enthusiastically egging him on.

"Win-win," repeating her previous sentiment, Chuck stands up, brushing imaginary dirt off his uniform pants and adjusting his signature scarf, before gesturing for her to lead the way, "After you."

---

Odette hated awkward silences.

There were very few people she could be alone with in silence and not feel instant dread and anxiety because of it. For a time, Chuck had been one of those people. But he wasn't anymore and the silence between them as they walked to school was quite literally making her ill.

Someone needed to say something, anything...

"Croatia was fun. H-How was your break?"

Anything but that.

She didn't want to hear about what a great, fun time they all had while leaving her abandoned here in the city.

And what was she supposed to say to that, exactly?

Great! My break was terrible. I was strung out on cocaine for most of it. I was miserable. I actually didn't know a person could feel that lonely.

All of that was her true, real, feelings but none of it were things she could say. That wouldn't be in the spirit of moving forward, which is all she wanted to do. But how was she ever going to really move on when she was still so upset with them?

She had to hope that eventually, this intense anger would subside.

It would, wouldn't it?

It had to.

"My break was surprisingly good." She manages to lie in a way that seems so effortless despite how difficult it actually was to get those words out and sound confident in using them, "I actually think I needed the break from everything."

"You mean, from me?"

Watching her out of the corner of his eyes, he notices her shrug in response as opposed to actually offering him a yes or no answer.

Reaching out to her, he takes hold of Odette's hand and pulls her to the far side of the sidewalk - out of the way of the heavy foot traffic and away from the busy street. He lets go of her hand but tries his best to force her to meet his gaze as he speaks to her, "Look, Sw-," Catching himself, he winces slightly before starting again. This time without using the pet name he had affectionately given her and that she had explicitly asked him to no longer use, "Odette, we didn't get to talk much after everything went down the way it did. I handled all of that so wrong and if I could go back and do everything differently, I would. But I can't."

At the thought of this 'what if' and 'what could have been', Chuck can feel his stomach drop. He had spent a lot of time wondering how different things could be if he and Blair had never crossed that line. Who knows, maybe Odette and Chuck would have even spent the holidays together?

Laughing about the silly relationship between her mother and his uncle.

Or, watching that corny as hell Christmas movie he had found out from her phone call with Coco was her favorite.

Maybe they could have even brought in the new year with a New Years' kiss.

Instead, he had brought in the new year, in some bar, surrounded by hundreds of strangers and feeling completely alone.

"I can't change anything that's happened but everything I said to you is true."

Odette hadn't meant to roll her eyes at this, but she did and he caught it immediately.

"I know, it probably means significantly less now given the extent of everything but it is true. I like you, Odette. It never stopped for me. My own fears and cowardice might have caused me to lose sight of that but it was brief." Taking hold of her hand once more, he notices she is no longer wearing the tennis bracelet he had gifted her on her birthday. He had become so accustomed to her wearing it daily that it did catch him off guard to see her go without it. It wasn't surprising that she wouldn't want to wear it. The jewelry was a constant reminder of how everything had started for them, and it likely hurt her to even look at it anymore.

Even knowing this, it still wounded his pride and hurt him, more than he expected it would, to see her go without it.

He immediately lets go of her hand once more and opts to rest his firmly by his sides before carrying on, "What can I do to fix this?"

This was something he should have asked her long before this moment but he had been an idiot. Now was, quite possibly, the only chance he was going to have to ask her this and he wasn't going to let the opportunity pass.

It always felt wrong to allow himself to be vulnerable but he had come to appreciate that he could share that part of himself with Odette. Given the current, unknown, state of things, it felt more intimidating than normal to break himself down for her in this way, but if he wanted a chance at them being able to return to normal he knew he needed to be open to her. Even if it meant leaving himself - his heart and his feelings, fully exposed.

Odette listened to everything Chuck had to say.

She took it all in, fully, and couldn't deny that his words tugged at her heartstrings. He was saying all the right things - all of it was everything she had wanted to hear from him all this time.

Well, mostly.

He hadn't actually said the words 'I'm sorry' despite practically spelling his own guilt out for her. But she didn't want him to be sorry because of how it made him feel, she wanted him to apologize for how he made her feel.

Regardless, this was probably the best she was going to get from him for the time being. It wasn't easy for anyone to be vulnerable but the task seemed especially challenging for the Bass men. It wasn't in their DNA and it went against Chuck's source code to display such emotion with her. She used to think that made her special but since finding out the truth of what happened, nothing about their situation felt that way anymore. Everything about them had lost the charm and dazzle that Odette was once so, privately, proud of.

He had sex with her best friend.

How close could they be?

How much could he really care about her?

These thoughts, which were never far from her mind since finding everything out, flooded her brain like dark, storm clouds. The threat of a downpour always looming.

Recognizing that thinking this way was her subconscious attempt at putting distance between her and Chuck in an effort to protect herself, she quickly pushes those thoughts down deep into a place within her where she wouldn't have to think about any of that. At least not while he was standing right in front of her, waiting for an answer she felt uncertain she could give.

Meeting his gaze, for possibly the first time all morning, Odette can recognize the silent plead behind his dark, brown eyes.

'What can I do to fix this?'

She really didn't know what to tell him. If she was honest with herself, she wasn't sure this could be fixed. The damage between them felt unrepairable.

If she was honest with herself, she knew things could never go back to the way they were before because she didn't trust him.

No amount of partial apologies was going to fix what had been done.

Chuck and Blair had broken her heart and she was never going to be the same.

The innocent love and care she had for them both had been destroyed and in the process of mourning that, she had become someone unrecognizable. To onlookers, the only difference about Odette was her hair but inside she knew the truth. She wasn't the same girl from that night at Cotillion. Regardless of how badly she wanted to go back to that, they never could.

But instead of admitting any of that, she offers Chuck a forced smile, "I really just want to pick up where things were before all this mess. I want to move forward."

Nothing about this interaction was going the way he had thought it would. He had been so preoccupied with preparing himself for the worst-case scenario that he had never even considered the alternative, "Do you think we can do that?"

No.

But she was willing to fake it if it meant staying in everyone's good graces.

She could pretend if it meant never having to feel as lonely as she had, again.

"I'm willing to give it a shot if you are."

Chuck is unable to contain the smile that breaks out across his face upon hearing this. He can feel himself release a heavy breath he hadn't even realized he was holding and in doing so he feels so much weight lifted off his shoulders.

Odette can see the relief in Chuck's eyes and she almost feels envious of it.

Doing her best to maintain her smile from before, Odette wraps her arms around Chuck before pulling him in for an intimate hug.

Being this close to him - touching him and being touched by him, used to make her body feel like it was lit on fire but now, she just felt...nothing.

Truthfully, she felt completely fucking empty.

---

Serena tapped nervously on the stone surface of one of the tables in the courtyard between the two schools. She and Dan had effectively run through all of her casual talking points. They had exchanged greetings, briefly discussed their Holidays, and even harped on how much it sucked to return to school after such a long break. All the superficial stuff was out of the way which left only the big topic of the hour left.

"Can you just tell me if you're breaking up with me or not?"

She had really anticipated approaching this subject in a different manner but the suspense of it all was killing her. She had been stressed about this conversation since their last phone call at the beginning of the break.

They hadn't talked at all since - not even through text and Serena had very little experience with relationships. In fact, she'd never had a real and proper boyfriend until Dan came along, but even so, she knew 'we need to talk' was never something good.

To her question, Dan scoffs and shakes his head in dismay which only confuses Serena further.

"Look, I get that you're giving me the cold shoulder. I deserve it. But I want you to look at me the way you used to, before all this. Before you thought I was this terrible person. What do I need to do to prove to you how sorry I am?"

Serena didn't deserve Dan, she knew this but she felt so lucky to have him.

He made her want to be different - better.

She wasn't perfect but she loved that Dan always looked at her like he thought she was. It felt good to know that despite her reputation, he could see her that way. It hurt to now realize that look was gone. She was no longer perfect in his eyes and maybe that was for the best - it was unrealistic and put a lot of unnecessary pressure on her, but regardless, she missed it.

Dan missed how things were before too. In joining Serena's world he had learned to stomach a lot - being around Chuck Bass a lot more frequently, for one. But he hadn't expected that Serena would put him in a position that would make him compromise his morals and he hadn't expected her to disappoint him in such a profound way.

Still, he can see the uneasiness behind her eyes and despite his disappointment, he knows he's still crazy about her because his first thought is to immediately comfort her and make that sad and worried expression disappear.

"I don't think you're a terrible person, I think what you did - what you all did, is terrible. But, I still care about you."

Despite the many advances that had been made in their relationship thus far, the two of them had yet to exchange the use of the L-word. Something he had recently confessed to his sister, Mackenzie, who had advised him that he probably overthinking it. This was likely true, but given everything that had happened, right now didn't feel like the time to start saying it.

Or, perhaps, now was the perfect time to make his feelings abundantly clear to her...

"So, you're not breaking up with me?"

Dan watches as her eyes crinkle in delight - the way they always do when she's genuinely smiling. It was one of the first things he noticed about her all those years ago. Long before she even knew who he was. Back when he was just a lonely boy pining after her from afar.

"I'm not breaking up with you, Serena. But let's promise each other, no more secrets moving forward. Is that fair?"

"Fair!" Serena responds quickly, completely enamored as she throws her arms around him and pulls him in for a deep embrace.

They both had to admit how much they had missed this closeness. It was enough to make her not want to be away from Dan for that long ever again. But as the hug deepens, and she feels Dan relax under her touch, Serena's smile drops.

No more secrets.

She had agreed to this knowing that she was still harboring her own massive secret. They were mere seconds into the new and improved state of their relationship and she had already started it with a lie.

Serena had very little experience with relationships, but she knew enough to know that keeping such a big secret from Dan was going to ultimately destroy them.

She needed to tell him the truth but she didn't know how.

How was one supposed to go about delivering news such as that?

'Hey Dan, just thought you should be aware that I -'

The sound of several phones simultaneously going off pulls Serena out of her thoughts. Instead of checking for herself, she watches as Dan skims over the latest blast, "What's she on about now?"

Knitting his eyebrows together in confusion, Dan zooms in on the picture to the point that it becomes slightly distorted and grainy before fully processing what it all means, "Oh, you have got to be kidding me!"

---

ɴᴇᴡ ʏᴇᴀʀ. ɴᴇᴡ sᴇᴍᴇsᴛᴇʀ. ʏᴇᴛ ʟᴏᴛs ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴍᴇ-ᴏʟᴅ, sᴀᴍᴇ-ᴏʟᴅ?

ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴᴀʟʟʏ, ɢᴏssɪᴘ ɢɪʀʟ, ʟᴏᴠᴇs ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ʏᴇᴀʀ.

ɪᴛ's ᴀɴ ᴀɴɴᴜᴀʟ ʀᴇɴᴀɪssᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴘʀᴇsᴇɴᴛs ᴀ ғʀᴇsʜ sᴛᴀʀᴛ ғᴏʀ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ.

ᴛʜᴇ ғɪʀsᴛ ᴅᴀʏ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀᴛ ᴏғ ᴀ ɴᴇᴡ sᴄʜᴏᴏʟ sᴇᴍᴇsᴛᴇʀ ɪs sᴏʀᴛ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴍᴇ. ɪᴛ's ᴀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ɪɴ ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ᴀʟʟ sʟᴀᴛᴇs ᴀʀᴇ ᴄʟᴇᴀɴᴇᴅ, ᴇғғᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇʟʏ ɢɪᴠɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴘᴘᴏʀᴛᴜɴɪᴛʏ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪʀᴛʏ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴜᴘ ᴏɴᴄᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ - ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ᴀʟᴍᴏsᴛ ᴀʟʟ ᴏғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ. sᴏ, ɢᴏ ᴀʜᴇᴀᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴄᴄʀᴜᴇ ᴛʜᴏsᴇ ᴀʙsᴇɴᴄᴇs ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴀʀᴅɪᴇs. ᴄʜᴇᴀᴛ ᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ sɪɢɴɪғɪᴄᴀɴᴛ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀs. ғᴀʟʟᴏᴜᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴇsᴛ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ɪᴛ ᴀʟʟ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ (ʏᴇs, ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴘʀᴇᴅɪᴄᴛᴀʙʟᴇ). ᴊᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ sᴜʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴋᴇᴇᴘ ᴍᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴘ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʜᴏᴡ ɪ ʜᴀᴛᴇ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀsᴛ ᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs.

ᴡʜɪʟᴇ sᴏᴍᴇ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ғᴜʟʟ ᴀᴅᴠᴀɴᴛᴀɢᴇ ᴏғ ᴀʟʟᴏᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ʏᴇᴀʀ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴀᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀᴛʜ ᴛᴏᴡᴀʀᴅs ᴇxᴘʟᴏʀɪɴɢ ᴀɴ ᴀʟʟ-ɴᴇᴡ ʏ-ᴏ-ᴜ. sᴏᴍᴇ ᴏғ ᴜs ᴏᴘᴛ ᴛᴏ sᴛɪᴄᴋ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ.

sᴘᴏᴛᴛᴇᴅ: ᴇᴀsᴛ 𝟾𝟸ɴᴅ sᴛ

ᴛʜɪs ᴘᴇɴᴛʜᴏᴜsᴇ ᴘʟᴀʏʙᴏʏ ɪs ᴍᴏsᴛʟʏ ᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ғᴏʀ ʜɪs ᴡʀᴏɴɢᴅᴏɪɴɢs ᴀɴᴅ ᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ʙᴇsᴛ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴏsᴇ ʜᴇ's ᴅᴏɴᴇ ᴡʀᴏɴɢ. ᴇᴠᴇɴ sᴏ, ᴍᴜᴄʜ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ sᴜʀᴘʀɪsᴇ ᴏғ... ᴡᴇʟʟ, ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ, ʜᴇ's ʙᴇᴇɴ ʟɪɴᴋᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜɪs ᴘʀᴜᴅᴇ ᴏɪʟ ʜᴇɪʀᴇss sɪɴᴄᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ɪɴ ᴏᴄᴛᴏʙᴇʀ.

ᴀɴsᴡᴇʀ: ᴡʜᴏ ɪs ᴄʜᴜᴄᴋ ʙᴀss ᴀɴᴅ ᴏᴅᴇᴛᴛᴇ ʀᴏᴄᴋᴇғᴇʟʟᴇʀ? [+ᴀᴛᴛᴀᴄʜᴍᴇɴᴛ]

ᴀғᴛᴇʀ sᴇᴇɪɴɢ ᴏ ɴᴏᴛɪᴄᴇᴀʙʟʏ ᴀʙsᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ʜᴇʀ ᴜsᴜᴀʟ ᴄʀᴇᴡ's ᴠᴀᴄᴀʏ ᴏᴠᴇʀsᴇᴀs, ɪ ᴡᴀs sᴜʀᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ʜᴀᴅ ғɪᴢᴢʟᴇᴅ ᴏᴜᴛ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ʜᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄ ʙᴜᴛ ᴀ ᴘɪᴄᴛᴜʀᴇ ɪs ᴡᴏʀᴛʜ ᴀ ᴛʜᴏᴜsᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴏʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜɪs ᴏɴᴇ sᴀʏs ɪᴛ ᴀʟʟ.

ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ᴏɴ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀɪᴛʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜɪs sɪᴛᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴ-sʜɪᴘ ʜᴀᴅ ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜsʟʏ ɢᴏɴᴇ sᴛᴀʟᴇ, ʙʏ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴋs ᴏғ ɪᴛ ɪᴛ sᴇᴇᴍs ᴛʜɪɴɢs ʜᴇᴀᴛᴇᴅ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴊᴜsᴛ ɪɴ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ʏᴇᴀʀ.

ɪ sᴜᴘᴘᴏsᴇ, ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɢɪᴠᴇɴ ᴀ ᴄʟᴇᴀɴ sʟᴀᴛᴇ, sᴏᴍᴇ ᴏғ ᴜs ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʜᴇʟᴘ ʀᴇᴛᴜʀɴɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʙᴇsᴛ.

xᴏxᴏ ɢᴏssɪᴘ ɢɪʀʟ

---

Throughout the remainder of the morning, Dan had made the point to refer back to the Gossip Girl post. He knew he wouldn't see Odette until their shared journalism class after lunch and he wanted to make sure he maintained the frustration he had when the post initially came through. Walking into the familiar classroom, he quickly spots Odette at the center table, proofreading the sports section.

As he approaches her, she doesn't even bother to look up at him which only irritates him further, "Uh, hey."

"Hey. I get that seniors get to delegate responsibilities but is it really so much to ask that a basic requirement to write for the paper be that the person can read beyond a fifth-grade level? Look at this, 'He throws ball. He's fast.' What is this?"

Dan waves his hands in an effort to get her to stop. He takes the proof away from her, and sets it aside before beginning, "Don't really care about that right now. What was that, that I, and everyone else, saw on Gossip Girl this morning?"

"I know, I can't believe Maya made it into Brody Jenner's cell phone."

"No, not that. You and Chuck. Hugging. Why?"

"Oh, that..." tilting her head to the side, Odette looks at him with a perplexed expression, "We made up. Why are you acting personally slighted by it?"

Astonished, Dan lets out an unamused chortle, "I mean, for one, I put my relationship on the line to defend you, and for what? So you can crawl back to an asshole that doesn't care about anyone more than he cares about himself? Please tell me you aren't actually this stupid?"

"Wow. Just curious, how does it feel to always be so self-righteous?" Crossing her arms over her chest, Odette's entire demeanor becomes rigid as watches Dan through narrowed eyes, "I didn't ask you to defend me or risk your relationship in doing so."

"I know that. I was looking out for you. Silly me thought we were friends."

This comment triggers a flashback of Dan and her dancing at Cotillion, something he had done to get her away from Chuck. Odette recalled his exact words from that night too, 'What are friends for if not to buy each other really expensive suits and get each other out of bad situations?'

Shaking her head as if it would physically clear the memory from her mind, she pointedly remarks, "Yeah, silly you. I didn't buy you that suit because we're friends. I bought it because I pity you, Dan."

Her words cut deeper than he had anticipated they would but mostly because he had never expected such hostility from Odette. Even long before Serena had brought him into the mix, Odette had shown him a kindness that was rare from any of their peers but that was long gone now. Perhaps Dan had overstepped but it had come from a place, ultimately, of concern and care for Odette. Something she evidently didn't want or need from him, despite all their recent, previous interactions pointing to the opposite of this.

"If I considered you a friend, maybe I would have taken you up on your offer to hang out while everyone was gone but instead I chose to be lonely. Because being alone was more desirable than hanging out with you."

She really didn't need to continue but she had done so just to be mean.

"Okay, I get it." Dan's head drops, his eyes drifting down to his feet as he thinks over his next choice of words. He was a writer, after all, and his words were his weapons, "You know, I always thought you were the nice one and it never made sense to me how you could be so close with someone like Blair, or how you could have feelings for someone like Chuck, but now I get it. You're just like them. You use people until they no longer serve a purpose and you're cruel for sport. But regardless of all that, I pity you too. I can't imagine how low your sense of self-worth must be to be willing to overlook the fact that the guy you're into slept with your best friend behind your back. I might not have many friends here but if the alternative is having the kind of friends that you do, I think I'm better off. At least I have enough confidence to stand alone on that though. You're so terrified of being lonely that you're settling."

"You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Okay. Good luck with everything, Odette."

Without another word, Dan walks away from their shared table and takes his new place in the far left corner of the room. In this new position, he was completely out of Odette's field of vision but was still forced to look at the back of her head. Staring at her, he felt a familiar twinge in his chest as he replayed the conversation.

Truthfully, all of this time, he had thought he had a genuine connection with Odette.

Silly him...

---

After the final bell had dismissed everyone from classes for the day, Blair sought to find Odette.

Despite her taking advanced classes and being on track to graduate early, she was technically only a sophomore and therefore her locker was in the sophomore wing and away from all the other girls. Even though Blair, herself, had only just been a sophomore the year prior, she moved through the hallway as if it was foreign to her.

Blair pretended not to notice the way the younger girls gawked at her presence but secretly she loved it. She felt she could bottle that feeling and get high on it. If it felt anything like this, maybe she could understand why Nate enjoyed getting baked all the time. Although, she was pretty certain a body high and ego high was not the same thing.

Finally spotting Odette at her locker, Blair makes her way down the remainder of the hallway before she's able to approach the younger girl. Once she reaches her locker, she leans against the adjacent one and offers a small, friendly, smile, "How was your first day back?"

Caught by surprise, Odette is jolted from her thoughts. Looking between Blair and the series of textbooks before her that she was sifting through, Odette sighs, "It was...okay."

That was the first time she had been honest with someone all day.

"I know. While away, I got so sick of everyone that I couldn't wait to come back to school, and now that we're back I would give anything to be back on vacation."

Nervously shifting her weight from one foot to the other, Odette does her best to react warmly to Blair, but she can't help wondering if this was how things were going to go from now on? Her friends talking about how much they enjoyed or miss the Croatia trip and her having to smile and nod along like it wasn't one of the most traumatizing experiences of her life.

"I saw the Gossip Girl post."

"Apparently, everyone did. Yes, Chuck and I are good." She hadn't meant to sound so short. She wanted Blair to be aware of this development and she had hoped it would show her that Odette was prepared to really move forward. However, after her fight with Dan and faking it with everyone all day, she was exhausted and in desperate need of a very specific pick-me-up.

"I was actually referring to the development on Maya but I'm happy for you and Chuck too." Blair stares at Odette as if she's searching her face for the crack in her foundation but once she realizes Odette isn't breaking character quite that easily, she smiles so prominently that her dimples show, "Serena and I have plans to go shopping and grab dinner and drinks. Or maybe just drinks, depends where the night takes us. Care to join?"

It was the exact set of plans the trio had partaken in many times before everything between them had become so messy.

Blair hadn't directly addressed the fact she was willing to move forward too but she didn't really need to. This gesture said it all.

All except, 'I'm sorry'.

Which she had yet to receive from either Chuck or Blair.

Still, this was close enough to everything Odette had been hoping for.

"Sounds perfect. I need to use the restroom first but I'll meet you both up front."

"That works."

Odette waits for Blair to make it down the hallway and around the corner before booking it towards the nearest girls' restroom.

She only had a small window of time for this.

Once inside, she goes into the stall furthest from the door and sits down on the closed toilet seat. Pulling one of her textbooks out she lays it across her lap, before reaching into her purse and pulling out the dime bag of blow she had scored off a St. Judes freshman during lunch. She had promised herself that she wouldn't use it while in school and while she was still technically on campus, the school day was over... so this was really all fair game.

Besides, she deserved this reward.

Today hadn't been easy, and she knew she was going to need to stay heavily medicated if she was expected to have more days like this, moving forward. In the end, it was all going to be worth it though because her life was slowly returning to normal. Which is what she wanted.

Pulling out her student ID and a pre-rolled bill, Odette quickly cuts two lines across the surface of her textbook before going in for the first inhale.

Well, as normal as this new normal could be.

She can immediately taste the bitter drip in the back of her throat she had come to crave so ferociusly and smiles to herself, the first genuine smile of the day, before going in for her next line.

New year, new normal.

---

This was somehow one of my shortest chapters as of recent. I know that 15K is still considered lengthy but after pushing 20K+ on some others, it feels somewhat like a disservice. But I also recognize that I'm overly critical of myself and so I'll leave it at that.

This chapter might not have had all the drama you were hoping for but I can assure you it's all coming. This update was all about reunions between these characters that have been separated for two whole chapters now. We needed to set the scene and establish the playing field and now that you all are aware of how Odette is planning to deal with her problems - basically, she's not going to, I'm sure you can picture the various drama and turmoil that will follow her.

There are about ten chapters left of this story and there is still a lot that needs to happen so prepare yourselves! Some of these future updates are going to be real angsty, chaotic, messy... basically, all the stuff that is torturous but that we also love lol.

As always, thank you to anyone who read down this far - if I could give a toast about how wonderful you are, I would.