Desperate times called for desperate measures.
He was stuck, unable to make a decision, unable to decide how he wanted to proceed, unable to see anything beyond himself, here, in this clearing. Everything had seemed so certain that morning; sad, but certain. He'd been prepared to go and get this over with and die for his grandson to make his son proud of him. Even in death, his desire had been for his son's approval, and to get it would have meant everything. Even after he discovered that Bae was alive, his approval had been his goal. Hadn't that been why he'd let Bae take the lead? Hadn't that been why he'd stuck with his plans? Hadn't that been why he went against every instinct to kill Pan when he should have and instead let him keep talking, tearing and ripping to shreds the timid relationship that they had?
All he'd wanted was to make Baelfire proud and get back in his good graces so that he might die knowing his son thought highly of him. But now, their last encounter had him questioning all that. After the way things ended, he wasn't sure it was ever going to be possible to earn Bae's respect, to make him proud as he longed to.
So then…where did he go from here?
He still had Belle. She was still happy and alive back in Storybrooke. And his imaginary Belle had mentioned that he could always go back to her, that she was waiting, that they could have a family together. When he thought of those words, they made him breathless with excitement. But they also made him feel more conflicted than ever. Those thoughts just brought him back to the same questions repeatedly.
How would starting a family with Belle be of any help? The prophecy would still remain, even if he managed to leave Neverland. Henry would still be his undoing one day. He could do all that was possible to kill the child and avoid it, but the Seer was never wrong. How did one avoid the unavoidable? And even if he did manage, Belle would find out what he'd done. If anything ever happened to Henry in the future, he'd be the first person Bae would suspect. He'd ostracize himself from both of them. What was his future without Belle? What was his future without Bae? There was none. But as far as helping to save Henry had gone, Bae had made it clear that he no longer trusted him and would not be letting him assist him. So how was he to assist in an operation where he wasn't permitted to give his assistance?
What was he supposed to do now?
Desperate times called for desperate measures. He'd been here, hoping, praying, that the Seer might speak to him, that she might show him something, that she might give him a hint of some kind. She'd done it before, he just hadn't realized it. Before he'd gone after Pan, he'd sat down and tried to prod her, tried to get her to give him anything. He'd thought that he was just distracted, that was why he kept seeing his son in his mind's eye. But now he knew…the shirt Bae had been wearing in his "mind's eye," it was identical to what Bae had been wearing when he'd been reunited with him. Maybe, just maybe, if he sat and concentrated hard…she'd give him something.
Nothing.
Try and try as hard as he could…all he saw was the blackness of his eyelids.
He raised his hands. He hadn't tried that technique in years. Long ago, when he'd been learning to use this power, he'd tried to mimic what he'd seen the Seer do to receive visions, the way she'd raised her hands. That was before he'd learned to let the power use him instead of the other way around. The fact that he was willing to try showed just how desperate he was for something.
But there was nothing. Nothing but blackness.
He took a deep breath and tried again, desperate for anything, an image, a sound, a name, anything that might give him some clue as to what to do next! He wasn't going to give up. He couldn't give up. He had to keep on-
"You can't see the future here."
The voice made him jump off the stump he was sitting upon as his eyes flung open. He didn't need to search long for the source of it. Pan was there, on the other side of the fire, staring him down. He'd gotten through the barriers he'd crafted. That was disturbing.
"It's impossible to see the future in a place where time stands still," he commented when he was silent.
He took a deep breath and tried to center himself and focus. No matter how it had happened, Pan was here now. And he was the Dark One; if the Seer wouldn't give him a vision, there was more than one way to get information.
"I may not see the future here, but I can make one happen."
For half a second, Pan seemed shocked. He shook his head and took a slight step back before he broke into a smile. "Was that a threat?" he laughed. "And here I made you your favorite breakfast…eggs in a basket."
Pan motioned to the fire he'd started, and he followed his gaze to find exactly what Pan said was there: a skillet sitting out with two eggs slowly cooking.
For one brief moment, a memory flashed before his eyes of sitting outside their run-down old home after the roof had collapsed. He'd crawled out of the tent his father had made for him one morning to find a couple of eggs cooking just like that. Eggs in a basket wasn't his favorite food, but it had been so long since he'd eaten anything that he'd looked at his father and told him it was the best thing he'd ever eaten. His father remembered that? He was shocked that even he still had that memory!
"You looked a little down in the dumps," Pan commented.
"I'm fine."
"Sure you are, Rumple. You've lost your son, Neal, again. And Henry's unattainable because…well, you'd have to go through me, and we both know you can't."
Pan shrugged the comments off, turning toward the cooking eggs, but he struggled to breathe through them. Information. Whether or not he knew exactly what kind of information he was surrendering, he couldn't tell, but he was taking it in. The information he'd just shared, it was bad. It was very bad. He knew that he and Neal had separated. Ordinarily, he might not have been that shocked by that; after all, anyone could see that he was here and Neal was not, but Henry…
The information about Henry was what truly lit terror in his chest. To get Henry, he'd have to go through Pan. The last he'd seen of Henry, he was with Baelfire. If Pan was saying that he'd have to go through him, that meant…Pan had Henry again. And if Pan had Henry…
Where was Bae?
"You still like the yolk runny, don't you?" Pan questioned, picking up one of the egg-topped pieces of toast. But the second he moved closer to him, he stepped further away from him. Considering what he'd done to his father the last time he'd seen him, he wasn't about to accept anything he had to offer him.
"What do you want?"
"Well, if you won't eat, then I will," he shrugged, taking a bite.
He didn't respond to him. He'd asked the question he wanted to ask, and now he needed the answer.
"I'm just trying to point out the silver lining in your cloudy life."
"That by killing you, all our troubles end?"
Pan laughed. "We both know that's not going to happen because the only way to do that is for you to die, too. And you can go, leave the island."
More useful information. Not only had Pan correctly guessed the best way for him to kill him, but he'd also stated something even more useful. No one left the island without Pan's permission, and he appeared to have it. But it was useless.
"And abandon my son? And Henry? I don't think so." He wasn't his father. He'd not be making that mistake again.
"Look, even if you did save them, which you won't, what would be the point? They'll never forgive you for all the horrible things you've done."
"You don't know that."
He expected Pan to snap back quickly, not take two steps closer so that he could smell the egg on his breath as he looked him in the eye. "Have you forgiven your father?"
Rage. He wanted to rage. He wanted to choke and kill, and his body was shaking from the effort he put forth not to do those things. It was a bold and hurtful question coming from him, especially when the answer should be so easy. Of course not. Of course, he hadn't forgiven his father. How could he? Why would he? What behavior had his father shown that suggested he wanted to be forgiven? None. Absolutely none. And as long as he showed no remorse, he could see no reason to offer than forgiveness, only accept what had happened in his past, give thanks for his aunts and Mr. Oak and Margery and Bae and Belle and Henry and everyone who had ever meant something to him and made him who he was today because he refused to believe that he was the product of his father.
"You see my point?" Pan questioned in his silence. "Back to that silver lining…you have a nice girl waiting for you back in Storybrooke. Belle, is it? Stop this foolishness and go back to her. Make a new start. She looks fertile. Maybe a new child?"
Another knot formed in his stomach. Information, this was all just…information. And that…that was a lot of information he hadn't had before. That was a lot of information he hadn't thought about before.
Pan knew Belle? He knew that she was nice. That she looked fertile. It didn't matter how much the idea behind that sentiment made him want to gag or how much he wanted to use his magic to blast him back against the rock simply for suggesting that he forget all this and just have another child as if it would so easily replace Bealfire. It was how he'd stated it. Pan had seen Belle?
"You and I both know that's the only future for you…assuming you want to live," Pan cast his gaze down at the fire as he tried to make his tongue move in his mouth and speak. But he couldn't. It was hard to speak when fear was the only thing on his cowardly mind. "Enjoy the eggs," Pan muttered in a closing remark before turning and walking away into the forest, outside of the false protective bubble he'd tried to make for himself without success.
He struggled to swallow all of what he'd just absorbed. Pan had Henry. Baelfire was gods only knew where perhaps even a captive of Pan as well. Pan knew and had likely even seen Belle. It was the information he needed, but not the information he wanted.
"See Treatian. Pan says right there that you can't get visions of the future in a place where time stands still." Yes, yes, yes, I know. And I still say, worry not, I will propose a workaround to it in a later chapter that neither invalidates this statement nor the vision he had before. I promise it'll happen just stick with me!
Peace and Happy Reading!