"Eric Matthew Ramsey!"
Hearing my full name being shouted by my future wife caused me to fumble and nearly drop the plate I'm currently washing. Even muffled through a wall and a door, the tone of her voice is clearly screaming angry woman.
Before I dropped and broke the dish, I set it back in the sink and grabbed a towel to wipe my hands. The sooner I find out what I did to tick her off, the sooner I can hopefully fix my mistake. I'd just walked out of the tiny kitchen when the bathroom door flew open and my extremely pissed off fiancé stormed out while pointing to a spot on the base of her neck.
"Look at what you did," she damn near snarled at me. Obeying her command, my eyes tracked to where her finger was pointing. The deep red, almost oval mark on her neck is about two inches long and at least an inch or more wide. It's the same spot on her neck I've pretty much been sucking on since Friday evening when we returned to the cabin after getting engaged. Considering that was over thirty-six hours ago, and with as often as we've come together during that time, I'd just assumed she'd already seen it by now.
From the incensed look on her face, that apparently wasn't the case. "It's a hickey," I replied.
So, by the fact that her eyebrows just climbed up her forehead, I'm guessing that wasn't the response I should have given.
"It's not just a hickey," she snapped. "You marked me, and you did it in a place that I can't hide it."
I'm trying, but I'm really struggling to understand what the big deal is. "Sweetheart." I reached out and grabbed her left hand, holding it up between us. "Even if they couldn't see the hickey, everyone is going to see this, which also makes you mine."
Obviously frustrated at my lack of understanding, she yanked her hand free. "I know that, but the engagement ring isn't going to automatically confirm to everyone that we had sex."
Oh, now I got it and I'm sure this aversion she has to people knowing she's had sex is based in more of that damn burg conditioning. The problem was, by the looks of her, there wasn't any way of getting around the evidence. "Have you taken a really good look at yourself in the mirror?"
Her brow knit. "What do you mean? How do you think I found this?"
"No, Steph. Right now, you're glowing brighter than the sun in the middle of July." The only time she's ever glowed like that was when she and Ranger would manage to get together. While none of us besides Lester, had both the balls and the lack of sense to say something to her, we all noticed, and we all knew. Funny thing about that was, none of us ever saw Steph glow like that when she was with Morelli.
A stricken look crossed her face as she turned and raced back into the bathroom. Knowing I would most likely need to administer some damage control, I followed.
"Oh God," she murmured as she inspected herself in the mirror. "You're right. I am glowing and you guys are trained to noticed everything. Everyone is going to know we've had sex."
I sidled up behind her and slid my arms around her waist, pulling her against me. "Even if you weren't glowing and didn't have the hickey, the ring is going to give them enough evidence to come to the same conclusion."
"Yeah, but-"
I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her temple. "What's gonna happen when you're pregnant?"
She frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Being pregnant is a pretty good tell that we've had sex."
She wrinkled her nose. "That's different."
"Ah, but is it really?"
She stared at me in the mirror but when she didn't answer I continued. "Stephanie, we are two grown adults who are very much in love and are going to get married. There is no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed over what we've shared."
She quirked a brow at me and because it was in the mirror, we both witnessed how she'd actually managed to do it correctly. "Hey, I did it," she cheered for a minute causing me to laugh.
"Yes, you did do it. Nice practicing, sweetheart."
"Thanks," she said, then her brow knit again. "But you just don't get it. You get to strut around preening like a damn peacock, because you've given me that fucked into happiness glow. Meanwhile, the guys will be teasing me and making jokes."
"Not if you hold your head high and not be embarrassed, they won't. I am proud as hell, Steph. I'm proud and humbled and I feel so blessed and lucky that you picked me and of what we've shared. I have no problem letting the world know that I'm your man and you make me happy. You just need to let the world know that you're my woman and you make me happy, because you do."
She turned her head to press a kiss against the bottom of my jaw. "Okay, smooth talker. Are you going punch Lester out for me if he starts in with his sex jokes?"
"I promise he will be handled." It of course was in that moment she noticed my sling missing.
"Wait." Her frown deepened as she pulled away and turned to face me. "Where in the hell is your sling?"
After a week of being bound to it nearly twenty-four hours, I've come to hate that fucking sling. "It's in the kitchen on the counter," I replied as I fought to keep my voice steady. She was already in a mood and whether I was wearing my sling or not, shouldn't be another point of contention, right now.
"Why aren't you wearing it?" she asked in that tone of voice I've come to understand means she's still spoiling for a fight.
"I was washing the dishes we used, so everything would be clean when we checked out."
"Ram," she sighed as she shook her head. "I told you I'd do that." She started to walk past me, but I'm not ready to just let her go. Something is still bothering her, and I damn well am going to find out what it is.
"Now hold on, pet," I said and shifted to keep her pinned against the bathroom counter. "I've been in that sling for a week."
"Six days," she corrected, and I could damn near taste the blood in my mouth as I bit my tongue. She's purposely picking at you. Don't take the bait.
"Fine. Six days," I agreed. "And if we'd decided to go straight back to Rangeman, Bobby would have most likely had me out of it and doing PT by now."
"But Bobby isn't here and until he's looks at your shoulder and gives the okay, I don't want to risk you hurting it unnecessarily." She slid her hands up my chest, resting them over my pecs. "We've already done way more that we probably should have, considering you had major surgery less than a week ago."
Once again, she's right and that fact is irritating me just a bit. "Yes. Okay. I agree that we haven't exactly been following doctor's orders, but as you can see, I'm just fine. I reached down took one of her hands in mine and brought it to my lips. "Now, how about you tell me what's really got you this upset?"
For a moment, she closed her eyes and then let out a heavy sigh as she opened them again. "Sometimes, I hate that you can read me so well."
"That goes both ways, baby. Now what's bugging you?"
She pulled out of my grasp and headed back out into the main living area. Putting some distance between us. She walked over to the window overlooking the cabin's back porch and stopped, her focus on nature's picture beyond the glass.
Tension is radiating off her frame, along with fear and dare I say, sorrow. Knowing she wouldn't appreciate being crowded again, I leaned my hip against the footboard of the bed and waited, watching her. My heart began to hurt when silence continued to fill the room. I thought we'd reached a point in our relationship where we could talk about anything with each other. To sit here and watch her suffer in silence hurt more than I thought was possible. "Steph? Please talk to me."
"I don't want to go back." She finally said after another long patch of silence. Her voice was barely a whisper, but the message came through loud and clear.
"Why don't you want to go back?"
She turned now, with fresh tears on her cheeks. Fuck! I need to stay put and let her come to me, but all I really want to do is gather her against me and protect her from the world. "It's all going to change," she said as she fought back a shudder. It's obvious she's trying so hard to contain those tears, but she'd probably feel better if she just let them out.
"What's going to change?"
"Everything," she replied. "Being away from Trenton, with you and your family has been so…refreshing and enlightening. Even with the stabbing and your surgery, your family rallied around you. Nobody chastised you for the decision you made to involve yourself in Connor's dispute. Nobody questioned what you did or why you did it or took bets on what you'd do next. They didn't laugh at your misfortune or tell you you're incompetent. All they did was love and care for you."
I was beginning to see where this conversation was going, and I didn't like it one little bit. "Go on," I urged, when she again stopped talking.
"You see me." She said as she pounded her fist against her chest, the emotions now pouring out of her like water through a broken damn. "The real me. The woman who despite her fears and foibles loves without conditions. The little girl who's been hurt by those who were supposed to love and protect her. The grown woman who desperately wants to be independent and self-sufficient. The woman who only wants to be loved. You see them all."
She wiped a shaky hand over her face, swiping at her tears as she stared at me. "You listen to me. Respect me and love me for who I am," she said, the end of her sentence morphing into a sob. "Not some hypothetical image of me you made up in your head of what you think I should be."
She began to pace as all her fears and frustrations continued to bubble up and out of her. Yet, I remained firmly rooted in place. She needed to get this out of her system and as much as it was killing me to see her go through it, I had to let it continue.
"These past two days with you. Here in this cabin." She paused to gesture to the room. "They've been the best two days of my life and I don't want to give them up. I don't want to go back to being the center of the betting pool at TPD, or a source of amusement for the guys at Rangeman. I don't want to be a line item in Ranger's entertainment budget anymore and I just want my mother and Joe to leave me the hell alone an let me live my life. They don't have a clue of what makes me happy or what I really want." She spun to look at me. "You do."
I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't sit by and allow her to continue like this. I needed to hold her. "You're right," I said as I pushed up from where I'd been sitting and slowly crossed to her. "I do."
Her sobs started in earnest now as she came to me and wrapped her arms around my waist while I held her against me. "Go ahead and let it all out, pet." I whispered against her hair. "I've got you."
Several minutes passed as we stood in the middle of the room, holding each other while she cried. When her tears finally began to slow, I pushed her back just enough to be able to see her face. "Better?"
"A little," she said as she sniffled.
"Come here." I pulled her over to the bed and sat down next to her, so we were facing each other. "I know you're worried about all those things happening, but it doesn't have to continue to be that way."
"But that's how my life is," Steph said. The sorrow in her eyes tore at me. It was obvious she felt stuck in a life she hates because the people around her refuse to allow her to grow. I can't believe I'd never seen before what a negative toll we've all taken on her self-esteem.
"Then it's time we change your life."
"How?" she asked as her breath hitched.
"One step and one person at a time," I said as I held her hands in mine. "You're not alone in this anymore, sweetheart. I have your six and I will be right beside or behind you every step of the way."
For a moment I could see a flicker of hope in her eyes. "You think I can really get people to listen to me?"
"I know you can," I said. "You're a formidable woman when you want to be. You're strong, sweetheart. A lot stronger than you think you are."
"But what if I'm not?" she whispered as her doubts once again crept to the surface. "What if I have a moment of weakness?"
With my good arm, I reached out and curled a knuckle under her chin, forcing her to look at me. "Then I will give you my strength and support. I meant what I said, Stephanie. You're not alone anymore and if I have my way, you'll never be alone again."
Once Steph calmed, we finished packing and cleaning, then checked out of the cabin and headed into town for a quick stop at the cemetery. With my arm back in the sling, we made the solemn walk around the sacred grounds, paying our respects to the men who'd sacrificed everything so we could remain free. Then we headed out of Gettysburg toward the interstate.
Her breakdown this morning has provided a much-needed opportunity for further discussions, which I took complete advantage of as she drove along Turnpike. We continued with our conversation on how she could make the changes in her life she wanted. Color me shocked when she admitted that she had absolutely no desire to ever return to that crappy apartment of hers.
While I wanted to yell thank you to God for finally having her see the light, I didn't figure she'd take took kindly to a happy dance in the passenger seat. So, instead I suggested the next logical step. For now, she moved in with me on Four while together we looked for a house to purchase. I didn't bother to hide my smile when she readily agreed.
By the time she took the exit for Route one, we'd settled on what kind of house we wanted and where we would start looking. Much to my surprise, we'd also agreed on getting her a better car and when we would get married.
"I'm going to give Ranger back his fob for Seven."
Her statement had me cutting my attention to her. "You don't have to do that if you don't want to. I know you and Ranger are friends and I trust you."
She shook her head. "Keeping it, would give him the wrong impression. Yes, we're friends and I will always love him, but we're no longer ever going to be friends with benefits again. If I kept the fob, it might make him think you and I are not as serious as we are. I'm not doing that to you."
I know just how much her gesture means. She's had that fob for years. It's been her lifeline to sanity when the world around her would get too crazy. To give it up, means she now feels comfortable enough to allow me to become her lifeline instead.
"Thank you," I said with as much sincerity as I could generate.
She shook her head. "No thanks needed. I love you. It's really that simple."
Her reply had me smiling as we crossed the Trenton Morrisville Bridge. I grabbed my cell and dialed Lester, putting him on speaker.
"Yo," he said a moment later. "I was beginning to think you two had run off together and weren't planning on coming back."
Steph smiled as she once again arched a brow at me. Lester had no idea how close he was to being right with that statement.
"We just decided to take every bit of the vacation as we could," I replied. "However, we'll be back at Haywood in about ten minutes and we're gonna need some help. So, if you wouldn't mind sending some guys down to help with our bags and boxes that would be great."
Lester smirked. "What, you think we've become some sort of fucking valet service? You've just been on vacation for over a week. I don't want to hear how you can't carry your own damn bags."
"Actually," I replied. "I've kinda got a bum wing right now. So, I really can't carry them, and I don't want Steph to have to do it again all by herself."
"What the fuck?" Lester said. "You're hurt?"
"You could say that," I replied.
"How?"
"We'll explain everything when we get back. See you in ten." I intentionally hung up before he could ask any more questions.
Steph smirked. "We definitely have to work on your phone manners."
"Only with you," I replied, causing her to smile even wider. Hopefully that smile survives the next few hours, because big changes are about to happen and I know exactly how nervous she is right now.