AN: Hold onto you hats. This is a long chapter, but hopefully worth it. And I could not help myself. Joni Mitchell performed this week for the first time in 9 years and I have to just dedicate this chapter to her. Her songs always remind me of EO Love and angst.

Chapter 3. Cloud Illusions.

Bernie and Elliot stood at the loft front door fighting over grocery bags that had been delivered and not taken in the house yet.

"I thought they were discharging you from the hospital at noon," Bernie bellowed.

"They got to me early," Elliot said as he slowly picked up a bag from the floor with his good arm.

"Elliot, you shouldn't be lifting, let me carry the groceries in," Bernie nagged from the hallway.

"Moma, I'm fine. Why didn't you have the guy bring them in for you?"

"Because your job makes it hard for me to trust anybody knocking on my door, especially the grocery man."

"It's Paul, he's 19 and 100 pounds wet."

Bernie pulled the bag from his hand. "Just go lay down."

"You guys, I got the groceries." Liv said with soft authority and a smile from the stairwell. She was carrying Elliot's hospital bags and flowers. Noah poked his head from behind her holding a bunch of balloons and 'Get Well' coloring pages.

"We got it, Grandma Bernie."

Bernie placed the bag on top of Olivia's already full arms and smiled at Noah coming up the stairs. "Oh good, you brought yoru little cherub! Look at the hair. Did it grow longer since last week?"

Noah shrugged. "Maybe."

Olivia gave Elliot a tense look from behind the bags, as Elliot's mother tended to make things more chaotic than they needed to be.

"Thank you," he whispered. "You want coffee?"

"I want you to go sit down, please," she snapped in an exhausted monotone fashion.

"Ow, she's sassy this morning."

Elliot sat in his recliner and watched Bernie boss Olivia around the kitchen.

"Noah, you like video games?," he said nodding for Noah to come to the couch.

"Yeah."

"Look under the tv. I have an old Nintendo. That's my favorite thing to do when I'm having a sick day. There are some great games in there. Paper boy. Rad Racer. Duck Hunt. Pick one."

Noah sifted through the games. "Rad Racer looks cool."

"Pop it in and hand me one of the controllers."

Olivia finally gave up on pleasing Bernie and let her take over the kitchen. She watched her son and Elliot bound over a racing game, while she made a pot of coffee. It filled her heart with so much joy to see Noah have a positive connection with Elliot. She'd imagined it in her mind many times over, but to see it unfold melted her heart.

Elliot caught her smiling at them and he gave her a wink.

Bernie was endlessly talking about nonsense in the background.

"You have to wash the vegetables right away or I forget and then who knows what kind of chemicals you're eating if you forget. Olivia, I was thinking of making chicken parmesan for dinner. Are you staying for dinner?"

"Yeah let's stay," Noah jumped from the living room.

"I have to go to work for a meeting this afternoon. It might be too hard to get back for dinner. And your other babysitter Grace is coming over. You haven't seen Grace in a long time."

"What time is your meeting," Elliot asked.

"3pm. IAB evaluation," she sighed, pouring the coffee into three mugs.

"Why don't you leave Noah, and come back after."

"Yeah!," Noah insisted. "Yeah mom yeah! Will Eli be home later? I want to play hacky sack with him again. That was so fun at the hospital."

"He will be here after school," Bernie smiled. "Leave him with us, Olivia. Save the babysitter money. Making you dinner is the least I can do for all of your help over the last two weeks. I don't know what Elliot would do without you."

Liv glanced at Elliot.

"Leave him," he smiled warmly.

"Leave me, Mom," Noah grinned with puppy dog eyes.

"Okay, then. I've been out-voted," she smirked. "He stays, but Noah I want you to be a good helper. Don't just it around. Help...Mrs. Stabler-"

"Grandma," Bernie nodded.

"Help her, okay. And you're going to school tomorrow, so you've been warned."

"Got it, mom," Noah replied.

Elliot walked Olivia to the door and when they got to the hallway he pulled her close to him. "Thank you for staying next to me for two weeks at the hospital. It meant a lot to me."

"You're welcome. I rather enjoyed being your candy striper," she blushed.

They stood face to face unsure how to proceed as two lovers in the real world. Both of them vibrated with anticipation as Elliot pulled her in for a kiss that neither of them wanted to stop. The light petting started to go further and Liv pushed him away.

"Mmm, we need a date night," she breathed.

Elliot puffed his chest and adjusted himself. "I'd take a room with a door, at this point."

She laughed as she started to leave and he snuck in one more quick kiss.

"Go give IAB hell."

"Yep."

SCENE

That evening Olivia got back to the loft much later than she expected. Noah had fallen asleep on the couch and Bernie put a blanket over him and went to bed to give the budding love birds some space.

"I'm sorry it's so late. There was a month's worth of paper work on my desk," Olivia whispered to Elliot as he motioned her away from the hallway.

"Don't be. He had a blast. We saved you dinner. Come in, relax, take a shower if you need to. I put some towels and some comfy clothes on my bed for you. I'll heat up your dinner, get you some wine, while you wash the day off."

Olivia looked at Noah asleep on the couch and then the candlelit room.

She had not planned on spending the night after her day, but she was too tired to object or play hard to get. He could see the stress and conflict on her face, and pulled her into his arms. She welcomed the embrace and buried her head into the unbandaged side of his chest.

"That bad," he asked, holding her and rubbing her back with his one good arm.

"I will definitely take you up on that shower, " she touched his bandages lightly and let out a sigh of relief, not moving from his arms.

"No pressure to stay if you're uncomfortable or if you need to be alone."

Her voice remained quiet and muffled in his chest. "I'm just… tired," she heavily sighed.

"I get it."

After a moment of taking in the silence and the sway of their embrace, she headed to his room to freshen up. " I hope you took things easy today. Your body is still healing."

"Yup, " he sweetly grinned, getting great joy out of her still doting on his health.

Fifteen minutes went by and she returned in one of his white t-shirts and baggy yoga pants. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun, and her lacey nude bra peeking through the light cotton.

"Originally, I wasn't planning on spending the night, but these pants just sealed the deal. I may not give them back," she whispered as she tiptoed past Noah.

He nodded toward the patio where he had twinkling lights, candles, dinner, and wine set up on the table next to two chairs. "I would have liked to have taken you on a formal date before giving you my pants, but my heart was recently ripped out of my chest, so I hope this doesn't seem too presumptuous."

She gave him a playful glare. "You say that as though I ripped your heart out."

"Oh make no mistake, Wheatley may have given it his best shot, but you shattered this old ticker way before he made it to the scene. He never stood a chance."

"Ha," she half laughed taking in the patio and the warm air. "I think this might be better than a formal date. After how many years of formal dating, let me tell yeah, it's highly overrated. This patio is charming."

"I can't even remember the last time I was on a real formal date, so it could have been a real train wreck." He cleared his throat and held the chair for her. "Sit, eat, relax. Those are handmade fettuccine noodles, and Bernie's famous red sauce. You'll never want grocery store pasta again," he smiled watching her take a bite.

"Oh, my…god," she swooned. "incredible. How have you been keeping this a secret for two decades?!"

"That's Italy, baby. We had a tiny market down the street, and they only sold produce and ingredients. Forced us all to do things old school."

"You mean Amazon stops at the boot?"

He laughed. "Apparently it does. I would love to take you there sometime. Maybe for a summer break with the boys."

"Yeah," she smiled. "That would be nice."

"I know you might not believe me, but I thought about you often when I moved there."

"Yeah," she responded quietly.

"So many things I know you would have appreciated. And my job over there…you would have thrived at that job."

"Fin said you did a lot of sex traffiking cases."

"Yes. Several. The biggest job…I helped take down three rings in three countries with one hit. It finally felt like I was making a dent, where I felt unheard and useless in the states at SVU."

"I hear that."

"There was one case in particular that really got to me, I actually… tried to call you. I got your voicemail and…chickened out."

"Mmh," she murmured.

"British girl was kidnapped while on vacation in Prague. National news. There's a documentary on her. She'd been missing for 5 years. We thought we had her. She was in with this group, but she was long brainwashed, and I…I was so close to getting her out. I was working with her parents. And then…well…she killed herself."

"Oh, Elliot…I'm so sorry."

"I knew if I had… I couldn't help think that if you had been there with us…you would have had the words I couldn't come up with….I wished you had been there..."

He stopped in contemplation and she touched his hand.

"I think you give me too much credit. Sometimes you just can't win them all."

"Yeah," he nodded. "That one haunts me the most. And I thought about you a lot during cases like that."

She nodded. "I'm sorry about the girl…and you could have called me. You know I would have caved."

"You say that now. You're an intimidating woman when you're mad."

She lost herself in the food and the silence for a moment, trying to figure out how much of her past pain she should bare.

"If it makes you feel any better I thought about you more than I care to admit," she muttered.

"Tell me. I want to know," he asked as he watched her eyes glittering next to the candles.

Flashes of her attack came to mind first, but she wasn't ready to tell that story. She pushed it away and thought for a second. "Mmm, well, some of my stories would really kill the mood, but usually I would think about you every time I had to make a hard decision, like when I adopted Noah, I almost had him baptized, and I wished that I could have had your advice or blessings…. Um…the day I was approached about my promotion to Captain. I needed an extra push, and everyone was supposed to meet me at the bar that night, but they all got called in, so I…huh…," she stopped and laughed at herself and took a sip of wine.

"I drove to your old house to see if I could run into you. I didn't, of course. There was a new family living there."

Elliot watched her with sad eyes and she tried to think of something lighter.

"Or, oh, you'll like this story. I was in Paris with Ed. He took Noah and I on a Paris trip. It was everything you could dream of at first. Eiffel tower, art, amazing food, Noah was an angel on the plane and through most of the trip, but there was a moment on the last day. Noah was young. He was three. And he was having meltdown after meltdown that day. He needed a nap. And in the middle of the square outside of Cirque d'Hiver Bouglione there was a street performance with a puppet show and Ed wanted to stop and watch the Puppet show and Noah did not, and he lost it and knocked the puppet show wagon over. Ed lost it. Shook his hands and arms in anger. He had no patience for children, really, and we got into a huge fight about it, and I thought about you the rest of the trip. I even accidentally mentioned you, which turned a fight into a volcano. Thinking about how different that trip would have been with a man who liked and understood kids. It ruined the whole end of the trip, and was the beginning of the end for that relationship really."

Elliot didn't laugh the way she thought he would.

"Geez, I guess all of those stories killed the mood, but you asked for it."

Elliot leaned in to grab her hand and pull it to his lips for a kiss. "No, I want to know those things. I didn't know how many people I let down when I ran from my fear. I don't want to ever be in that deep of a dark head space again. You all deserve better from me. You…my kids, you all deserve better."

She smiled. "You're here now, and you've put the work in, and we all know how much you love us, so I appreciate that you asked about that time, but I don't want you to dwell on it. Okay? I decided a long time ago not to dwell on it. So let's all just…do better. Start over."

Elliot nodded in agreement, both sighed, relieved to finally be at a place of peace with each other on all accounts.

They stayed silent in their stare for a moment and Elliot sat back and smiled trying to hold back a laugh.

"What," she wrinkled her nose up.

"I'm so sad to hear that Ed's romantic Paris trip got ruined by a toddler. That's just a damn shame."

She swatted at him and they both erupted in laughter. "See I knew you'd like that one."

"Poor Ed, god rest his soul. Speaking of IAB, did you get your badge back?"

"I did…" Olivia nodded. ", but it's really just the beginning of a long trial. Dana Wheatley is…she's got an agenda and she is 5 steps ahead of everything. It was almost like she planned for her father's death, so she could use him for a lawsuit."

"Well that's not far off. I called Belle after you left this morning. Dana's inheritance is untouchable. She can't get to any of it and she's broke."

"How does that happen?"

"Wheatley, recently, willed all of the money to the baby of a prostitute in Queens."

"What?"

"He willed his money to some woman who's been collared more than 5 times for prostitution. She has a baby. The money is in the baby's name, but can't be touched until the child is 18 years of age. We don't know why or how yet. We don't know if he's related to this child or what the deal is. Iona has the team on it, but there is no way for Dana to access the funds. It's just sitting in some bank account."

Olivia pondered that. "Just when you think he couldn't get crazier, he's still weaving a web of evil, even in his death. That is...doesnt' even make sense..."

Elliot took a sip of her wine. "Yeah. I'm going in for a bit tomorrow. I want to see what they have and consult."

Olivia gave him an over protective glare and took the glass from his hands.

"Elliot!"

"What?"

"You will not be going in tomorrow. The doctor did not give you permission to work."

"Liv, I'm fine."

"You're on a slew of pain meds. Open heart surgery! Absolutely not. You cannot stress yourself. Please let us handle this."

He almosted argued it, but gave a little pout instead. It was nice to be taken care of again. Relieving even.

Olivia downed the rest of her wine and sat up. "You know what, I don't want to talk about work tonight."

"Great," he smiled. "Done."

"This was lovely without work talk, and I want more Italy stories," she smiled. "Nice Italy stories. Tell me about Rome. Tell me about the smells and the stars and the people."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she smiled.

"We had a small apartment. Balcony looked over the town. You could hear the sea. When I was home we would play cards with the neighbors. They became like family right away. Fed Kathy and Eli almost every night. Kathy loved it. She never had to cook."

"Now those are the neighbors I need," Olivia smiled.

Elliot stood up ", Yeah, Kathy and you had one thing in common, you both hated to cook…sorry, I didn't mean to talk about-."

Olivia cocked her head to the side. "El, it's fine. Kathy will always get that pass. What else?"

He grabbed her hands and pulled her into his body where he swayed her slowly. "Thank you," he said with full gratitude.

"Of course," she responded by pulling his hand to her heart.

"What else? Italy…hmmm…it's nothing like New York," he continued as they looked out at the skyline on his patio where you could see parts of the city from afar.

"Well, nowhere is like New York," she played. "What about the stars? I hear the stars are so much brighter over there."

"The stars...can you see that bright star right there next to the clouds?"

"Yeah."

"That's venus."

"Yeah," She smiled as he wrapped his arms around her from behind.

"In Italy…," He kissed her neck.

"Yeah," she sighed.

"It looks exactly the same."

She turned back to face him and gut laughed. "You're such an ass."

"What, it does," He laughed, holding her tight and laughing. "No really though, I don't know that I ever noticed the stars being brighter over there. But I do know that they are not bright here and I can usually only see planets. Like Venus. She will be out for another hour or so and then Saturn will pop up soon after that."

"Thanks for the astronomy lesson, Galileo. Noted, Elliot knows little about stars."

"I'm much better at the cloud game," he smiled and spun her around to face him. His fingers traced the clasp of her bra. He took all of her in. Her brown eyes, her sexy messy hair, her shoulders, her skin, afraid to move too quickly, but wanting to unleash all of his pent up urges.

"I want to make love to you," he softly breathed.

She didn't have to respond, her eyes said it all as she directed his hand to the shape of her breasts and unclasped the back.

His touch was immediate and she fell right into the rhythm of his mouth and body without hesitation.

23 years of sexual tension and 2 weeks of foreplay in a hospital bed was a testiment to outstanding self discipline, and as patient as Elliot had been, he was ready to take her.

"Mmm, it feels so good to be alone with you," Elliot growled through their kiss.

She could feel herself letting go as his hands explored the shape of her body under the soft nightshirt. Her back, her waist, her hips, and the lace over her breasts. He'd been wanting to touch that lace the moment it caught his eye

"I almost bought a hotel room tonight," she said between kisses. .

"Mmmm, this is better," he breathed.

"It is," she breathed back.

He was hard against her hips, and she had no inhibitions about going all the way tonight.

Her hand grazed up against his thickness and it nearly drove him over the edge.

"Whoa," he breathed, pulling away.

"Oh no, are you okay," she stopped with concern for his surgical wounds.

"Oh, I'm good. I'm great. It's…wooo…it's been awhile," he blushed. "Let's take this to my room."

She nodded, and he escorted her quietly through the back door, past the couch with her sleeping babe, and into the master bedroom.

He helped her on the bed and pulled his shirt off with one hand.

Olivia crawled over to him and traced the muscles on his arms and chest.

"I'm really liking your work out regime these days…by the way," she said all sultry.

He flexed his chest muscles in a playful manner, but then winced.

"Oh no," she touched his arm.

"Yep, I'm good. I will hold off on flexing my chest muscles."

She pulled away motioning for him to lay on the bed.

"You're looking fit these days too, Captain."

She softly laughed. "I had to keep up. I couldn't let you be the sexiest geriatric at the NYPD."

He nodded with an animalistic grin and maneuvered himself on the bed. She straddled him with her long legs and he ran his hands up her thighs.

"Damn. I've always wanted to do that."

She beamed and pulled his face to her lips again. Her tongue penetrated his mouth soft then wild, which drove him wild.

His hands touched the skin under her bra and she stopped kissing him to watch him enjoy the feel of her breasts. His thumbs grazing her erect nippels.

Before she lifted off her shirt she gave him a surprisingly coy expression.

"I love you," he whispered. "Is this okay?"

She warmly nodded, thinking about all of the times she compared a man to Elliot during sex, and now she was finally in this moment with him and the sentimental thoughts of making love to her best friend and long time life partner was starting to make her well up with emotion.

She could feel him pulsing beneath her, as he waited for her to make the next moves.

"I love you, too," she finally said, her eyes filled with tears and he stopped touching her and motioned for her to lay next to him on the bed.

"Hey," he smiled.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm crying," she breathed. "I just…you looked at me…and I got emotional."

He nuzzled his head up next to hers. "Happy tears?"

"Yes," she smiled.

They locked eyes and he kissed her nose.

"You're even more beautiful than I imagined," he softly said to her while wiping a tear from her cheek.

"Thank you," she whispered. "I'm so embarrassed I'm crying."

"Don't be," he pulled her up close to the side of his chest and wrapped himself around her. "I think I just fell in love with you even more, if that's even possible."

She laughed at him. "I need a kleenex."

He grabbed her nearby shirt and wiped the tears from her face.

After a moment of listening to his heartbeat through the bandages she slowly started to rub him between the thighs. "Don't stop."

She guided his hand to the drawstring on her pants and pulled them down over her hips.

He directed her eyes to stay connected to his, while he touched her gently. He wanted to watch her reactions. His finger slid under the silk fabric of her underwear and traced around the already wet and ready area. She instantaneously reacted to his experienced touch. A wave of orgasim twisted around her insides as he messaged and circled in and out of her.

She moaned, sat up, straddled him. Taking in his face as she pushed him inside of her.

Her own eyes fluttered from the tingling energy jolting through her body as she writhed on top of him, feeling him slowly move in and out of her.

"Liv, you're so beautiful. This is amazing. I'm not going to last," he groaned wishing he had the chest muscles to whip her on the bed and finish her ravenously.

Her whole body tensed as she held back the vocal cries of orgasim.

"Where can I-," Elliot breathed as he held himself from letting go.

"Just come," she moaned heavily, and he let go inside of her.

They both pulsed against each other and then fell on the bed buzzing and breathing in a mess of love and light.

"What's that Joni Mitchell song about clouds and love, " Elliot said in a haze of afterglow.

Olivia just started to laugh uncontrollably into the sheets.

"What?," he grinned like a little boy. "The tune is in my head."

"You are…pretty," she giggled.

He started to half sing. "I've looked at love from both sides now

It's love's illusions I recall. I really don't know love at all."

They laughed and sighed and held each other close as they fell into the deepest of sleeps.

SCENE

Rollins poked her head into Olivia's office where Fin was scribbling on paper at the desk.

"Hey," she whispered. "She's back, and…."

"What?," Fin looked.

"She's….just come here," she waved.

Fin and Rollins stepped into the hallway to see Elliot and Olivia sweetly making out and saying their good byes next to the elevators.

"Nice," Fin smiled.

"Right, I mean geez…I guess they opened that door."

"Ain't no going back now. They intense people just let them be."

Elliot whispered in Olivia's ear while his hand rubbed the side of her hip. The two of them were all smiles and moonbeams.

"This is getting graphic, should we break up it," Rollins questioned.

"I'm not messing with that," Fin responded.

Finally Olivia pulled away from Elliot beaming from ear to ear, and the two detectives jumped out of their skins and ducked back into the office like they saw nothing.

"Good morning," she smiled. "I'm officially back."

"Welcome back, Cap," Rollins smiled.

"Fin," Liv moved. "You can go back to fighting crime on the other side of the desk."

"Thank god. Do me a favor, don't ever leave me that long again. People are needy up in this building. I don't know how you haven't lost your mind."

"Who says I haven't," she laughed.

"And," he added as he motioned for Rollins to leave the office with him. "Glad you and Elliot finally broke the seal."

She blushed and nodded at him wryly. "Thanks, Fin."

As she sat at her desk her cell rang. "Captain Benson, how can I help you?"

"Is this Olivia Benson?"

"It is."

"I'm with the First Steps Fertility Clinic. I'm calling today to let you know that we did donate your eggs a year ago."

"Oh."

"And the client was successful and…would like us to reach out to you to see if she could connect."

"Oh…is there a health concern?"

"No. No, not at all the little girl is beautiful and healthy."

"The…little girl…"

The words took Olivia's breath away.

"Yes, and the mother would like to connect-"

"but I thought I checked to remain anonymous unless the child had questions or health concerns."

"You did. And this is an unusual situation that we wouldn't normally-"

Olivia's heart beats pulsed hard in her ears, she couldn't even hear the rest of what was being said to her. And if matters couldn't get more complicated Barba barged into her office with a newspaper and on the front page was her and Elliot passionately kissing in front of the building where Elliot had his check up last week.

"Killer Kissing Cops Conspiracy," Barba practically shouted at her, throwing the paper on her desk.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said to the woman on the other side of the phone. "I…I have to call you back."

"You want to tell me why you two are making out on the front page of the Gazette?"

"Barba…"

"Dana Wheatley is having you both followed everywhere. You cannot be seen canoodling in public with the man who wanted her father falleted over a firepit. Do you want to spend the rest of your life behind bars!"

Olivia sat in silence for a moment and shook her head. "And here's the chaos…"

To be continued….

AN: review if you want me to renew.