It was quiet for most of the trek back to the campsite, and with each footfall, Kona felt the tension growing thicker for her. Not only was this the first time they'd seen each other since their argument, but she suddenly realized this was one of the first times they'd been alone since the North Pole.
Zuko had been avoiding her for so long, she realized. He always made sure Iroh was there, or at least nearby, within hearing distance.
Her cheeks flamed, ashamed. They had promised to go back to just being friends—that they would forget what adrenaline had almost done to Kona's decision making, but here they were.
Zuko was still uncomfortable around her.
He must think of her as some sort of wild beast to always keep Iroh within arm's reach.
And now here she was, concerned about being alone with a boy, no not any boy, her childhood friend while Iroh could be anywhere, getting treated by what was essentially a group of strangers.
She was the worst.
They returned to the old campsite by midday.
Kona eyed the upturned earth from Toph's arrival the night before and couldn't help the lick of a smile that pulled up the corner of her lips. Between Toph and Sokka, she figured she shouldn't be worried about Iroh. They would help protect him while Katara healed him.
It was a scary thought, though, entrusting his safety to others.
She sighed, dropping her bag down beside the log that Iroh and Kona had used as a bench the night before.
The embers of the old fire pit were long cold, and covered in sand from their snuffing of it this morning. They would need new kindling and some logs for a full fire. She looked up at the sun that sat at the highest part of the sky. It would be best to rest while the heat was at its highest. They could work after.
"There are some rations in Master Iroh's bag," Kona said to Zuko, who was looking around the campsite, curiosity burning in his gaze at the signs of earthbending.
Zuko pulled from the bag a few sticks of jerky and a handful of nuts.
Until Kona could hunt that evening, it would do.
She eyed her surroundings and found two small leftover logs from the night. They wouldn't fuel the fire for long, but it would be enough for heating a kettle of tea. She turned to collect some of the dried grasses and weeds hiding in the shades of the rocky outcropping they took refuge beside.
Preparing the space, she turned to get her spark rocks from her bag, then hesitated.
Instead, she piled her collected kindling and cupped it in her hands. She raised her arms in Zuko's direction, catching his attention.
He paused in what he was doing, looking at her in confusion. She shook her out-raised hands at him and comprehension dawned on his face. He stepped forward to take the kindling, and Kona pulled her hands back.
"I just need you to light it, my–Zuko."
They had spark rocks. Kona could also do it on her own without spark rocks, but it seemed a waste of time when there was a firebender around.
"Oh."
He leaned forward and, with an odd expression on his face, he gently blew on the kindling. A single spark flew from his mouth, lighting some of the grass in a gentle glow.
Quickly, she pulled her cupped hands close to her face, blowing to help the burning spread before she delicately placed it in the center of what would be their fire. Hands still cupped around the small flame, she nursed it, blowing just enough to strengthen it until it caught on the logs.
Kona sat back on her heels, pleased.
"You know, it would have been easier to let me do it."
"We can't all be fire benders," Kona said teasingly, and blinked when she realized that the bitter feeling that accompanied the thought seemed faded. It was still there, but the barb was dulled, barely catching.
That was a welcome change.
Zuko didn't respond. He handed her a piece of jerky as he sat beside her, content to sit in silence. She took the food gratefully, chewing idly as she used their freshly filled water bags to make tea.
It was midday. The sun was scorching, but it only seemed right, despite Iroh not being present.
It almost felt like how it used to be until Zuko snatched Kona's right wrist and yanked it towards his face. His fury was impossible to miss.
She winced, eyeing the blistered and red skin. Kona had forgotten about the burn she had received that morning.
"Zuko," she said in almost a murmur, knowing he was going to be upset at her for "hiding it" from him.
"Don't," he said, voice quiet, though his eyes screamed his anger. He didn't release her wrist as he dug around his own pack for a moment, pulling out clean bandages.
Where he got them, Kona didn't know, but she felt bad using them for such a minor reason. It really was just a slight burn. She was sure it would heal in a few days.
She watched him use some water to clean it as best he could, wincing at the sting. The water washed away all the dirt and grime on her palm, allowing him to see there were no major blistering or open wounds. It wouldn't even scar.
Nevertheless, he took the time, wrapping her right palm with a gentleness that was just as common in him as it was uncommon. Kona felt her chest tighten at his care and attention. She was glad that he was so focused on her hand that he didn't see her flushed cheeks.
"You have to know that he cares the same for you, despite your argument." Iroh's voice said in a whisper in her mind, and she clenched her eyes shut for a moment.
He doesn't care the same way that Kona did, but that didn't mean he didn't care for her.
Kona's resolve hardened.
She had promised Iroh, she had promised Toph, and, most importantly, she had promised herself that she would try to share her thoughts and feelings.
"I'm sorry," she finally choked out, but it surprised her when the same words came out of Zuko's mouth. She opened her eyes and saw Zuko's eyes snap up from his attention on her hand, which was now fully wrapped, but still grasped in Zuko's hands.
After a moment of silence, Kona snorted and Zuko let out a huff of amusement, shaking his head.
They were too similar.
"I'm sorry I've been so angry lately," Kona offered in his silence. Hesitating before verbalizing what she had been holding in for weeks. "It's silly, but I was feeling rejected. By both you and Master Iroh. It didn't feel like my opinions or presence were being valued and instead of talking about it, I held it in. Then I lashed out when neither of you noticed."
Zuko frowned, but nodded. He seemed to fight saying something before he just sighted. Kona waited patiently, just as he did with her. It was easy when she felt so light, so heard. He had denied nothing and didn't make light of her. He just heard her.
Finally, he seemed to find the words. "I'm sorry about your hand and I'm sorry about what I said what I said to you," Zuko said. "I, of all people, know why you act the way you do. It was a low blow… I was hurting, and I knew it would hurt you, and that's why I said it."
Kona sighed, releasing the breath she didn't know she was holding. She looked down at where his hand tenderly held hers, his thumb stroking the back of her bandaged hands absentmindedly. She hesitated again before forcing out the words before her cowardice held her back.
"That's not what hurt from that conversation," she said, voice quiet, and his eyes snapped to hers. She looked away. "It made me angry that you would use it against me, but it didn't hurt my feelings."
She could feel his eyes on her, trying to read every inch of her face. He was always so good at that. "When… when I told you that you should leave, I expected–I wanted you to stay. I wanted you to realize how much I–we care for you. And I wanted that to be enough."
A gentle hand lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze, and her heart nearly broke with the sadness in his eyes. "You are enough. You are," he said, and Kona wanted to believe him. "I just… I was raised to be perfect for my father. You know that. Then after…. after my mother left, he took the throne and suddenly I was the heir to an entire nation. I had all these new expectations, this new future, and… and it's hard when I think about how much I had compared to how little I have now."
"You have Iroh. And you've always had me." Kona's face reddened as soon as the words left her mouth. Agni, she was so stupid. This was why he never wanted to be alone with her.
But he didn't back off like she expected. He didn't pull away or push her away. He pulled her bandaged hand up and placed a featherlight kiss on the palm side, the burned side.
"I know."
If it were possible for Kona's face to get warmer, it certainly did. She couldn't meet his eye, but she also didn't want to pull her hand from his. Agni, she was such a mess. So she changed the subject. That was the safest route.
"Can we promise to talk? No more sneaking off, no more lying, just talking." Kona offered, quietly.
"No more secrets," Zuko agreed.
Kona's stomach immediately turned. Was she already breaking that promise? She hid so many thoughts and impulses from him every single day.
No, she didn't think she was; she decided with a deep breath. He already knew about her feelings. They had already talked about them, already agreed to stay friends.
"So," Kona said, and with a gentle motion, removed her hand from Zuko's grip. She was silently thankful that the water had boiled beside her, so she could start serving the tea.
Space was best, Kona repeated to herself.
"The Blue Spirit…"
Kona had been so distracted in the North Pole, at realizing that Zuko was alive, that she had almost missed Admiral Zhao's accusations. She thought it was a wild accusation at first, but then everything started showing up at camp. In her anger, she had followed him one night, and saw that familiar blue mask.
Kona laughed behind her hand, actually laughed. She couldn't remember the last time she had done that.
It was Zuko's turn to flush, frowning in embarrassment. Though she could tell by the look in he wasn't upset. His eyes were bright. "It just happened, Kona! It was the only option, and I had to stick with it."
Kona sighed dramatically and poured his tea, handing it to him. "That's a real shame, Zuko. Kai was always my favorite hero in Love Amongst the Dragons. He was so brave and mysterious behind his mask."
Zuko huffed behind his teacup. "You're so lame. You know that play is the worst!"
She giggled.
He may say that now, but she knew that he always watched with rapt attention as Kai fought the Red Spirit in his love, Lien's honor. It was the epic climax of the play; Kai did everything he could to win back her love, not realizing he never lost it. Then Lien defeated the Red Spirit herself, becoming equal to her Blue Spirit.
"There's nothing wrong with a cliche romance, Zuko. Besides, your mother loved it as much as I did, so you can't argue with me!"
Zuko huffed again, but the amusement this time was clear. "Yeah, that's true."
They sat in their amusement for a few moments, enjoying the lack of tension, the easy banter. They were even laughing. Kona grinned to herself, sipping her tea. When had this become so rare? Something to be nostalgic about?
"Hey, Zuko?" He looked at her, face soft, question in his eyes. "If we get the chance to see it again, can we? I promise I won't make fun of you anymore if we do."
"Sure, Kona," he agreed with no hesitation, a smile curling one corner of his lips.
Kona couldn't help the little excited wiggle she did, humming happily to herself.
"... imagine if your mother knew you were imitating the Blue Spirit."
He didn't even try to hide his laugh.
The rest of the day passed quickly with the light air between them. Zuko accompanied her on her hunting trip. She was able to catch two squirrel-mice, which made for a large dinner by the current metrics, especially since Iroh wasn't there to split with. Zuko even gave her a few spices to marinate her food with—gifts from the family he had stayed with the last couple of days.
He told her all about Lee, and Kona tried not to kick up a fuss about the coincidence in his name. Zuko told her how he had covered for the kid after he had thrown an egg at an Earth Kingdom soldier, and how Lee had offered to let him stay with him in return for Zuko's kindness. She laughed when he told her how pushy the kid was, how he asked every question under the sun, then had the audacity to steal his broadswords while he was sleeping.
In typical Zuko fashion, though, he had helped the boy when he found him. Trying his best to coach him in better techniques, to protect himself. It didn't end on a cheerful note, though.
Zuko told her that the family was told that Lee's older brother, a soldier, had been captured in the war, so Lee's father went to find him. Lee had begged him to stay, but Zuko knew he couldn't, so he left behind his pearl dagger, so he had a means of protection.
Kona knew the dagger well. It was her first dagger as well. It was a gift from Iroh to Zuko during the siege of Ba Sing Se. Zuko had thought it was so cool. That pearl dagger inspired his love of broadswords.
Kona and he had practiced dagger forms for hours, and not even Azula had sullied his mood on those days.
"Never give up without a fight" was engraved proudly on the blade, and Zuko lived by it. He always had.
Lee had pulled the knife on the soldiers when they tried to return to his home for food. Lee's mother begged Zuko to help, and Zuko compiled, feeling guilty for giving him the dagger in the first place. He fought the soldier to protect Lee, and he did his best to only use his broadswords to avoid detection. The soldiers forced his hands, and he had to firebend to protect himself and Lee.
He had given his title to the soldiers to scare them into submission, to keep them from harming the villagers ever again.
The villagers turned on him.
Lee denounced him, and Zuko left.
Kona watched Zuko pull out that pearl dagger and eye it sadly, but willed herself to stay quiet. Zuko admitted that the main reason he left in the first place wasn't so he would do whatever he wanted. He left so he wouldn't disappoint Iroh or her anymore.
He wanted to be a better person. He wanted to be relied upon.
Kona wondered if Zuko understood that by admitting that he had already grown so much.
Kona was so proud of him, and she told him that. He said nothing to her for a moment, before he sent her a ghost of a smile and told her he lost the ostrich horse soon after, so she shouldn't be too proud of him yet.
She could only shake her head.
The evening turned to night, and beneath the stars, the two teens lay back to back, voices quiet as they talked about everything and nothing. They eventually slipped into peaceful slumbers, knowing that no matter what may stalk the night, they had someone they trusted unconditionally watching their backs.