Day 6
Jack the Ripper hummed a tune that Amakusa had taught her and the other kids, skipping towards her mommy's room. With their Servantube channel's recent success, the Chaldea kids had decided to ask Mitsuru to help out with another video idea. Thanks to her A+-rank Presence Concealment and B-rank Information Erasure, she would be able to sneak in and get out without him knowing, just so she could find an opportune time to get his attention.
After all, that was how it went the first time. Her Master or not, Mitsuru was still affected by her memory erasure skill if her high-ranked Presence Concealment somehow failed on her.
As she reached his room, something was off to her. Her mommy's door was not closed fully. Now, it wasn't like Mitsuru closing the door would have helped, she'd just materialize it there through spirit form like the rest of her fellow Servants. But they knew he valued his privacy, and most of them had the sense to knock before materializing inside. Of course, that in of itself had its issues when Servants as strong as Heracles nearly brought it down, but that was a tale for another time.
Jack peeked inside, calling out, "Mommy?" She could see the silhouette of the Master on his bed through the darkness, tossing and turning. It was probably not for the best, but the embodiment of aborted children stepped inside, her skill kicking in to silence her footsteps. "Mommy, are you okay?" she asked, though it was more of her talking to herself since she was still under the effects of Presence Concealment.
As she got closer, an unfamiliar sound from the Master could be heard. That of… crying? "No, I could… not again…" A closer look had her see the pained expression on his face, tears rolling down his face.
Jack quickly broke her concealment, shaking her mother. "Mommy? Mommy, wake up!" He only seemed to fall deeper into a sobbing mess, causing the serial killer Servant to panic. Unsure of what to do, the little girl ran out, hoping to find someone who could get her mommy to snap out of it.
To her relief, she bumped into Mash very quickly. Surely her mommy's best friend would be able to help. She gave the quick version of what was going on to the Demi-Servant. "Senpai's crying?" she asked with a slightly incredulous look, to which the young-looking Servant nodded. Sure, Mitsuru wasn't emotionless but that was the first time she had heard of him crying like that. "Do you know why?"
"We think he's having a nightmare," guessed Jack, "We can't wake him up from it though!"
"Oh dear. I'll see what I can do," she assured before heading off to Mitsuru with Jack in tow. To the latter's confusion, she stopped by her room to take something.
Already, many Servants had gathered, some of them inside. Jack winced, maybe she should have shut the door first.
"Well?" EMIYA asked the shrine maiden of Amaterasu as a few charms floated around the still tossing-and-turning Mitsuru.
"It isn't a curse," Tamamo confirmed, recalling her talismans. "I would have sensed a malefic force by now."
"It isn't anything I could heal by amputation either," Nightingale diagnosed.
"And neither would my potions work," Paracelsus remarked.
How their Master wasn't even waking up to the commotion, they weren't sure. He was a light sleeper at least in the singularities and while he did sleep in while inside Chaldea at times, he wasn't that heavy a sleeper. Whatever nightmare he was having, it refused to let him go just yet. Even Edmond Dantes, who protected him within the dream world, wasn't able to do anything about it, much to his annoyance.
Slowly pushing her way to her Senpai, apologizing all the way, the Demi-Servant tried what many of them had already done and failed in doing, shaking him awake. The Master's pained expression only worsened.
"I'm sorry for doing this Senpai," Mash apologized, pulling out an air horn. She had taken a detour earlier to get it, apparently it had been one of the prank items one of the Servants got during Halloween. Bracing herself and with everyone closing their ears, she pressed down on the button.
The blaring sound had the immediate effect of getting the Master to jolt awake, clutching his chest. "Gods above, what the hell was that?!" As he got his heart rate back down, he noticed the crowd, "Oh, hey Mash, everyone. What's up? Did you guys need me for something?"
All the Servants were at least a little bit unnerved at how he could switch his emotions on a dime, and that included the more mentally unsound ones like Phantom. "You're crying in your sleep, Anchin," Kiyohime slowly said, forcing herself to have more restraint at such a time.
"I was?"
"You have tears on your face," Amakusa confirmed, with the Catholic Japanese pointing to the tear streaks that the Master was somehow unaware of.
He touched his cheek. Indeed, it was wet. Wet with his tears.
Then his brain registered the fact that a good number of Servants were in the same room as him while that happened. His response after that? Mitsuru snarled, "Get out." The anger in his voice alarmed everyone; Mitsuru never showed hostility towards anyone who were his allies, even those who he faced as foes before.
"Senpai, what are you-"
"I SAID GET OUT!" the Master yelled, his voice raising much higher than what they had heard from him so far in the Grand Order.
All of the Servants looked at one another. The speedier members of the Chaldea team bolted out, the more tactful of them cast apologetic looks before leaving while the more aggressive or insane ones had expressed something akin to a wince from being yelled at each as they took their leave as well. Even the flippant Servants wisely chose to hold their tongues for once and left without a word. Mash herself apologized profusely once she was the last one to head out, and she made sure to close the door behind her as soon as possible.
Once he was certain all of them were no longer in his room, Mitsuru breathed heavily and shakily in an attempt to calm himself down. But as he did, the gravity of what he had done earlier sunk it. It didn't take long for him to bury his face in his hands and start crying again.
Romani knew something was wrong the second he knew Chaldea became much more quiet. With the variety of eccentric personalities that made up the Servants who had been called forth, it was almost impossible to have any peace and quiet. The silence was unnerving to say the least. When he walked around to ask any of them about the abnormal silence, he could find none of them. It wasn't unheard of for Servants to enter spirit form, especially when it was to conserve their Master's mana, but Chaldea's infrastructure helped to sustain their presence without outright killing Mitsuru in the process.
Speaking of the Master, he was nowhere to be found either, adding to the worrisome situation.
"Jeanne d'Arc? Cu Chulainn? Waver?" the doctor called out, hoping for some kind of response only to receive none. "Where is everyone? Hello?" His pessimistic mind went to one of the worst possible situations. "Did they all end their contracts? Now, of all the times?"
"Romani, there you are," Da Vinci said, with Mash right behind her. The smile on her face was strained, informing him of how serious she was though she was not reporting anything that was incredibly grave. "Don't worry, they are all still under contract."
"Thank God. Did you see Mitsuru anywhere?"
"No, but-"
"He's in his room," Mash answered, despondent. Roman had never seen her this dejected. It couldn't be a coincidence now.
"Is everything fine, Mash?" he asked the Demi-Servant gently. "Can you tell me what's going on?"
Mash bit her lower lip. Her Senpai's earlier behaviour hadn't been something she could explain, he had never been angry at her or the Servants he contracted after all. Exasperated, maybe, but never furious. "I don't know," she answered honestly. "Senpai was crying in his sleep and I think a lot of us saw him like that. He… yelled at us to get out."
Romani didn't know how to react to that. Mitsuru, yelling at the Heroic Spirits who could tear him limb from limb? He got that boys and men would rather not have people see them cry, but the Master didn't seem to be the kind to do that. He was already very open about his unusual hobby of crossdressing, something most individuals would never tell others. More likely was that he was far too kind to actually do such a thing.
"Come to think of it, I don't think I've seen him become vulnerable," Da Vinci said, putting a hand to her chin. She looked up at the doctor. "I would think that I would've seen an anomaly in his mental state recently if he's emotionally volatile."
"Yeah, it's pretty difficult to fool the system," Roman agreed. "Then again, the Servants did say they could never see what his dreams were like. Something like a conscious block. Regardless, I think I'll talk to him, see what's going on." It was only right and his responsibility as acting director to ensure all of the surviving staff were all in good physical and mental health, sometimes at the cost of his own.
Especially when one of said staff was humanity's last hope in restoring mankind's present and future.
Knocking on the door, Dr Roman didn't expect Mitsuru to respond. If he was that upset, he might not be in the mood to see anyone, much less talk. After a long beat of silence, he considered giving the teen more time to settle his emotions when he heard a very strained "It isn't locked" from the Master.
It had just occurred to the acting director that it was the first time he had ever visited the last Master's room. And it was pretty normal, all things considered; the various trinkets and souvenirs from singularities, major and minor, gifts from the various Servants to show their appreciation, and a photo with him and a few others who Romani could only assume to be family. Compared to the magecraft materials and mystic codes some of the comatose Master candidates have, it was comfortably mundane.
The only things that looked out of place were the costumes, one of which was Atalanta's dress and another, a replica of Magi Mari's outfit. Done to perfection, or at least from what Dr Roman had shown him. But that wasn't important then.
Lying on his bed was a very miserable Mitsuru, almost devoid of life. "Doctor," came his exhausted and strained greeting.
"Mitsuru, do you want to talk?"
Mitsuru forced himself to sit up, showing Dr Roman his bloodshot eyes and disheveled hair. The doctor fought the urge to flinch, he didn't know it was that bad. "Yes." His answer sounded forced, but at least he was receptive to any kind of conversation. "Sorry, I look like a mess now."
Romani didn't know where to start. If what the Servants had seen was just a hint of his true emotions on display, he had to tread carefully. "If you want to talk at a later time, I'm okay with it." It was good to at least give him the option of when to proceed, if he couldn't or was unwilling to open up now, they could always arrange for another day.
"No, no, I don't want to be rude." The Master proceeded to gesture to the chair pushed to his desk, where some pieces of paper with some things scribbled or sketched on were found. A quick look at them as he graciously took the available seat told the doctor that they were apparently the plans on how to pull off Magi Mari as perfectly as possible. He'd have to ask him about his progress on a later date. "Doctor, I think I'm having problems sleeping."
"He thinks?" the doctor wondered, jotting it down on the paper on his clipboard. "Mitsuru, can you elaborate on that?"
"I… I keep seeing their faces. All of those who I could've saved, pointing accusing fingers at me. From the former director to the people of Uruk."
Romani tried not to be surprised by that. "He had been having nightmares since Singularity F? But his mental state was fine from the scans. Was he hiding it better than we thought he could?" Regardless, having PTSD since his first singularity experience wasn't entirely improbable, he wasn't trained in resolving the irregularities like Team A, or any other Master candidate with various types of auxiliary skills. Based on his file, Mitsuru was just chosen to fill up the numbers and for his, and he quoted from the file, "perfect affinity with Servants" despite his low aptitude for magecraft. Then he also witnessed the death of Olga Marie, unable to do anything about it. Even trained soldiers would suffer from PTSD if they were dropped into that nightmare without warning.
"Mitsuru, you're barely nineteen, with no experience with magecraft compared to other Master candidates until recently," the doctor informed him gently. "Being tossed into this mess and having no other seniors to back you up, it's normal for you to be traumatized." 'Normal' might not be the best word for it, but it was true. "And even then, you managed to pull through for so many singularities now, I dare say you are a walking miracle."
"It's not just that. I… Doctor, did you know how I ended up in Chaldea?"
That question was something that caught him off-guard. "You were selected as a candidate?" he answered slowly.
"If only. I was kidnapped by Chaldea operatives."
Romani almost dropped his pen and clipboard at this revelation. That was definitely not in his profile, but Mitsuru sounded too serious to be lying. Surely he must have misheard something. "Pardon?"
"I was kidnapped by Chaldea operatives," the Master repeated, his voice becoming shaky as he placed emphasis on the keyword. "They promised I'd be safe if I helped Chaldea out. They said it was better than what the Clock Tower would've done if they found out I had perfect Servant compatibility."
That was undeniably true. While Chaldea did have some unsavory members, most of the staff were grounded unlike the magi who worked in the Clock Tower. He'd only heard of rumours, but human experimentation on non-magi by one of their own was met with the same indifference as scientists testing new drugs on lab mice. Something about their perceived superiority over any non-magus. And sometimes, those were their tamer actions. The only real rule set by the Mage's Association was to not break the masquerade, otherwise they were free to commit whatever atrocities to further the art of magecraft, up to and including testing golems and homunculi on remote villages before razing them to the ground to erase evidence.
Only God knows what they would do to discover the secrets of a body with 100% compatibility with any Servant. Mitsuru might have dodged a bullet in that regard, but his situation now wasn't any better in a lot of ways.
"I… wanted to go home as soon as possible. They assured me that I'll be able to contact my family, albeit not regularly, and that I would only be playing a support role. Then the rest is history." He looked up at the good doctor and took a sharp breath before he continued, "Dr Roman, I'll be honest with you. I didn't want to trust anyone associated with magecraft back then, not even you, Da Vinci or Mash. I wanted to keep things cordial but not too friendly. Just do my job and take the earliest flight out."
He nodded. That was fair.
"But the whole bombing by Lev and the Incineration of Humanity happened and there was no other person who could be rayshifted into the singularities. Unless I risked my neck, there was no home to return to. I was just scared all the time, I am still terrified of what's to come tomorrow."
"None of us would have blamed you," Roman said, his voice still gentle and comforting. "Not the staff and definitely not the Servants. Seeing you keep on going is good, but holding it all in isn't healthy."
"I know that. But everyone's morale is just as important. If I had broken down after one singularity, do you know how discouraged everyone would be? I sure as hell ain't going to risk that!" Mitsuru might not be the most forward-thinking person in Chaldea, but even he knew that hope was sometimes the only motivation anyone had to continue onwards. A glimmer of light in the darkness could be the difference in lasting long enough to find success. That was how he kept himself going, the hope to see his family again.
If it meant bottling up every last bit of fear, frustration and stress in his body, he would do it. But it was clear to everyone now that he had long reached his limit. Then there was another thing that made it worse. "I said I wasn't willing to trust anyone before and wanted to make it easy for myself, but that's a lot more difficult in practice. I got attached to everyone who had played a part in the Grand Order."
Tears had started to run down his face again, but he didn't notice it like when he awoke in the presence of the Servants. Even then, he tried to sound composed. "I don't have any friends I can speak of back home. People don't like individuals who get into the occult, who knew? And don't get me started on how they treat crossdressers. Here, I'm at least not a complete oddball, even if I can't do much on my own. And I made friends here, far more than I'd ever have if I never crossed paths with Chaldea. But if I failed them or if we fixed this mess and I head back home…"
Roman didn't need to hear the rest. Everything made sense now, why the last Master did everything he could to avoid the Chaldea staff during celebrations and why he wanted and managed to keep everyone from reading his mind or access his dreams. And why he fought so hard in the face of everything the singularities were throwing at him without letting the horrors get to him. But it was precisely because of that that he had reached his breaking point.
But Dr Roman was glad in a sense that was the case; it was a sign that he was still human. Any other "true" magus would have become increasingly heartless from the ordeals he had experienced, so to see that he held onto his kind, human heart was reassuring. Of course, the fact he had almost snapped at the most critical moment in the Grand Order was something to work on, but at least for now, he could be free to vent his emotions safely.
"I know, and that's why we'll trust you no matter what. You stayed true to your own beliefs, never letting your experience compromise them. But I don't want you to think you're alone here, or that you'll be alone when you leave Chaldea. Nor do I want you to believe you have to be brave for everyone all the time."
Mitsuru seemed to want to say something else, but turned to the door. "Guys, you can come in if you want." In came Da Vinci and Mash, the latter's presence had the Master give a very remorseful look. "Mash, I'm sorry for earlier. I didn't mean to blow up at you and the others. I had too much bottled up."
"It's okay Senpai," Mash told him with a small smile. Romani was glad her mood was improving, if little by little. "I'm just glad you're feeling better now. I know it's rude to eavesdrop, but Doctor Roman's right, there's nothing wrong with being vulnerable. All of us will understand if you need some time to let it out."
"You're right to want to maintain good morale, but you need to be emotionally healthy as well to make the most of it," Da Vinci agreed. "More importantly, we're all in this together, no matter how it ends."
One by one, the Servants he had contracted returned back to their physical forms.
"Master, you've done a lot for all of us," Gawain told him. "Some of us might be a bit of a handful-"
"-If you're pointing fingers at me-" Mordred snapped, but the Knight of the Sun ignored her.
"-but you gave us the chance to be ourselves and deal with our personal problems. We'll be happy to do the same for you, even outside of battles."
"Even if you have to confront the worst of yourself, we'll be there for you. You taught us that, after all," Arjuna added.
"Stand strong, but never have your heart turn to stone or be afraid to let out your feelings," came Scathach's sage advice. "That's what it means to be human."
"We won't forget all that you've done for us," Asterios said. "If you're lost, we'll be your guide."
"If there's no light in the darkness, we'll illuminate your way," Tamamo assured.
"As long as you don't stray from what you stand for, we'll always be there for you," Hata Mari chimed in.
"Even if you do, we'll make sure to pull you back onto the right path," Ushiwakamaru affirmed.
"Can you trust us as you did for us, Master?" Jeanne asked.
"You guys…"
"And if you need to be a crybaby every now and then, we'll hear you out. Probably," Jeanne Alter said smugly.
Saber Alter smacked the Avenger at the back of her head. "Now's not the time to mock him, brat."
"Oh yeah?! What are you going to do about it, you ice bitch?"
Even in his current emotional state, Mitsuru couldn't help but find the two Alters' interactions a tad amusing, if very dangerous. The only reason they hadn't gotten to the point where they were actively firing their skills and Noble Phantasms at each other was his normally timely intervention, usually leading to him being nearly blasted.
The acting director cleared his throat. "Ahem. And on the behalf of Chaldea, know that everyone appreciates your efforts," Dr Roman told him, a sincere smile on his face as he placed a hand on the teen Master's shoulder. "If there's anything you need, from a shoulder to cry on to some small talk, we're all here for you."
The waterworks kicked in, far harder than it did in his sleep. All he could say was a soft and simple "Thank you" through semi-incomprehensible babbling.
"That's right, I'm not alone. I won't be alone, right till the end."
Day 6: When Tears Need To Fall
And that's it for Day 6. A hard right into something serious, but I had been wondering how the last Master of Chaldea had always managed to keep themselves sane in the face of everything. Of course, this is merely my take on it and everyone else is free to have their own interpretations of events.
As for the next and final day, I have a real doozy for you in the works.
I do hope all of you have been enjoying this so far, but I'll appreciate it as much, if not more so, if I can get a review or two to see what I'm doing right, or where I can improve. A writer always have to strive to improve with every work, after all.
Once again, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and that you're looking forward to the next one! Cheers!