A/N: Christian makes an offer.

Another nighttime visit.

Inspiration Song(s): Sting - Be Still My Beating Heart

All my worldly goods I thee endow.

CPoV

I'm glad that Taylor finally informed me of Ana's ruse. I was surprised she could be so sly. Unfortunately, she was right. I would have interrupted her several times before she could get her message through, and I didn't want to be a person of interest in this case.

I had no idea that the police were so set on digging deep. They had the suspect;they had the culprit. She was dead. But because Ana, and therefore I, were peripherally involved, they weren't going to let it be game, set, and match. Obviously, it was meant to be far more salacious. They were on a fact-finding mission. That they were right only pissed me off further.

But the biggest problem was that Ana seemed to be using every possible excuse to put me off. Finally, a few days later, I was no longer persona non grata, and Taylor was able to sneak me in. Sometimes I wondered if Ana was only humoring me so she wouldn't be left by herself in her hospital room in the middle of the night. She could no longer tell the difference between day and night, as she couldn't even perceive light. I found myself simply chatting with her, shooting the breeze, making small talk, telling her about my day at work. She seemed to nod or even smile at all the right points, so I figure she understood at least what I did in the abstract now.

Whenever we would talk about her condition, she would become more contemplative, often taking a very long time to answer, if at all. I knew that this would be a topic of contention between us. Possibly forever. Suddenly out of the blue, she just asked me, "why didn't you tell me that Leila was out and about?"

"I'd gone through all this trouble to let you know that I wanted you. The last thing I wanted was for you to find an excuse to run away. At every possible occasion, it seemed like you were just looking for a reason to go, and I would've have been damned if I'd given it to you. I thought I had it all under control."

"You know what your problem is? You want to control everything in revenge for not being able to control your childhood. I get it. Your life was shitty. But this is my life, and I get to live it the best way I can."

"I just want to keep you from making mistakes. I need to protect you."

"No, you want to insulate me from life, Christian. Life is pain, and joy, hit or miss. But only I can live my life. No-one can control life. You thought by making decisions for me, I would be safe. I was in more danger, not understanding that someone unhinged was lying in wait for me."

"When I'd heard she breached Escala, I'm sorry to admit that it never occurred to me she'd go after you. All I was told was that she had frightened Gail before attempting to kill herself," I replied. "My only thought was making sure that Gail was alright and that Leila was contained."

Ana laughed, a full-on guffaw. "You actually believed Leila was trying to kill herself? Did you see how shallow and wrong the cuts were? I've had deeper papercuts."

If Ana was right, and she would know, Leila's suicide attempt was merely a ploy, a distraction to get herself out of the apartment uncuffed. "How do you know?" I asked curiously.

"Junior highschool trivia, really. A bit macabre, I know, but when trying to self-exsanguinate, you're supposed to travel down the road, not across the street," Ana explained. "She lightly scored her wrists sideways. And she left the hospital without stitches. It was theater."

When presented that way, it was clear Leila had fooled us all, except Taylor, who had wanted her shot on sight for scaring the shit out of Gail. He had never liked or trusted her. He considered her sneaky, and a security risk, and that was before she left.

Besides, she battled Ana pretty fucking hard for someone supposedly suffering from blood loss. "That's plausible," I admitted. Should I also tell her I wanted to neutralize Leila before she returned from Savannah? The last thing I wanted was an old association interfering with my relationship with Ana. I figured I would see Leila, and either send her back to Elena or have Flynn refer her to someone.

"You couldn't control her; you couldn't control me, you couldn't control the narrative, but you could control telling me the one thing I did ask! You told me it was incompatibility. I guess you were right about that much because her toxicity was obviously incompatible with common sense. And I know she got my information from records you kept in a place that she obviously had access. What can you do to change that? To make sure that she's not the only person gunning for me? I feel unsafe here. But I don't feel safe at my apartment anymore either. She destroyed everything! Everything I own! Hell, she even savaged the Charlie Tango balloon. She literally left no stone unturned. She destroyed things that were irreplaceable, things that were made by hand, things that can't be restored. So many memories, just gone. Worse, she told me so many things, not even just about you. I feel like there's nobody I can trust. Everything I thought I knew was wrong," she scoffed.

"I can't believe you thought it was Jose who attacked me!" she laughed. "If you knew Jose like I do, you would know he would never be capable of something like that."

"You have to admit the last time I saw the fucker, he was trying to stick his tongue down your unwilling throat, so forgive me if I worried that someone familiar to you would take advantage of your goodwill."

"The only person taking advantage of my goodwill was you. What I want to know is why she came after me considering we'd broken up. It's not as if I could have told her anything about you. But according to her, she emailed you and you emailed her back. I thought after your arrangements were over, there would be no contact. Have you lied about everything? Is nothing you told me the truth? How can I trust what you have to say now?

"Is that why you're here? Guilt? I don't need that from you. And if all you have for me is pity I wish you would not come anymore."

"You know that that's not true. You know there's more between us and that we're not over. Even Leila, as batshit crazy as she was, knew that you and I weren't over. Honestly, that's the only reason she would have come at you. She felt you were in the way, and she was right. But you weren't ever in her way. I was never going to take her back. Everyone who knows me can sense how I feel about you. Do you think that there's anybody who I would have flown out on Charlie Tango, soaring or all the other things I planned for us to do? You had my most important asset: my time. I'm a very busy man, but if you recall, I always made time for you."

"But she was your favorite. She told me just how very special to you in minute detail."

"What she was was a ball of crazy wrapped around wishful thinking. She was married, you know."

"So was the bitch troll. That didn't stop you."

"The fact that I ended the relationship, and she walked out says it all. I didn't chase her. I moved on soon after. I never would have imagined chasing her."

"Until you did. You left me to go chasing after her, you left Savannah. You were supposed to meet my mother and my stepfather and spend time with us. Instead you went rushing to her side and she wasn't even there! She was busy looking me up so she could destroy my life."

"Ana there's only so many times I can say I'm sorry. It's not as if you want to hear it, or even believe my apologies at this point, but what I am asking you to understand is that I'm here! I'm here for you, and I'll remain here for you, not out of guilt but—"

"Please don't say it! Not now, not like this. This is your guilt talking. You just want to fix me and, trust me, I want to be fixed, but there's no hope."

"Yes, there is hope. As long as we're together, there's hope. And all these bills and things that you're probably worried about. A place to live. I'll take care of it. I'll take care of you. Whatever you need, whenever you need it."

"I'd ask for that in writing if I didn't need to hurry up and learn to read Braille," she replied sarcastically.

I wanted to be angry, but I totally understood that with all these drastic changes in her life, her path had been utterly derailed. And yes, it was my fault. Yes, I did feel guilty, but that wasn't the reason I wanted to be with her. If all I felt was guilt, I'd just cut her a check.

I wouldn't be here or try to spend every night with her without fail. It was enough just to be with her, but her confidence was utterly shaken by this experience. She'd been terrorized in her own home, and I didn't know if she'd ever get over this.

"Are you still there?" she whispered.

I think she had fallen asleep, then suddenly woken up. The headaches sometimes make her groggy. Sometimes we just simply sat in the quiet with nothing to say. I was afraid if I told her how I really felt, she would make it where I could never come back.

By the time I had admitted to myself what I wanted, she was gone, and by the time I'd gathered the courage to chase after her, Leila happened. I wondered if we were simply cursed with bad timing.

When Ana started asking about what she was going to do with her life, how to start over. I wondered if she was including me in these plans. I wondered what kind of plans I would have to put in place besides simply paying her medical expenses. I don't know fully what her arrangement with Katherine Kavanagh was, but I know that there was no way Ana would be living with her after the way she treated her. And I didn't want Ana to feel beholden to her in any way.

I may not have known much of what went down when Katherine showed up at the hospital, but I do know that she was very cold, rude and unfeeling towards Ana. I was so pissed because Ana bent over backwards to do things for Katherine, yet the moment she was in need, all Katherine had to offer was a poor attitude. Nothing she lost in her room or even her apartment couldn't be replaced. And obviously, I would have forked over the cash. I had already started to have the entire apartment renovated. A full remodel with many extra amenities. You would think she'd be grateful for that, but it actually seems like she's pissed that I would go out of my way for Ana. As if Ana doesn't deserve me or some stupid shit.

It never occurred to me that Katherine was jealous of Ana until now. But that must have been it. She was jealous. She envied Ana, and that she had managed to garner my interest. Even though she suspected that I was just using Ana for sport, and often tried to cockblock us, she was jealous of the crumbs.

Maybe she thought Ana didn't deserve me because she didn't come from money or because she wasn't a spoiled entitled brat that opened her legs for anyone with an Amex. It pissed her off that Ana couldn't be bought and that she hadn't sold herself cheap. Before all was said and done, Ms Kavanagh would have her comeuppance.

The only thing that has stayed my hand is that where she has virtually abandoned Ana, Katherine's family has stepped in to fill the void. Eamon and Celeste have also shown willingness to aid Ana in her time of need. Though I'd appreciate it if their son Ethan kept his distance. He's a little too solicitous.

I'd make their apartment more accommodating for Ana if I could trust him not to spend his nights playing Nurse Nightingale. Now that he's home, he'd be living there, too. I'm glad Ana no longer wants to live there. Frankly, she should just move in with me where I can keep her safe and take care of her. I could—

"Anastasia, I know I can be hard to handle, and you think that we're not right for one another, but I hope you understand that this isn't just a whim of mine, being with you. I don't see us as over. Watching you walk out of Escala, the elevator doors closing, I felt bereft in a way I never realized was possible for me. I felt like I was living in perpetual night—"

"No, Christian, this!" she whisper-shouted, motioning to her eyes. "Being blind is living in perpetual night. I don't want to be some Magnificent Obsession. Your pity project. I don't think I like where this conversation is going."

Of course, she didn't, so she was attempting to deflect me. It was her little sneaky way of delaying it. Just like her ruse the other night, but this time I wouldn't let her get away with it. Every time she interrupted me, I forgot what I was trying to say. But exactly how do you go about asking a woman to run away with you, be your love and marry you? Especially when you've told her nonsense like "love is for fools" or you don't do relationships? The correct response was that I didn't do relationships before and love was for fools but I was okay with being a fool now.

She'd probably have me stuffed into a straitjacket and carted away. Especially now that she believes everything I'm doing is due to her condition. But seriously what kind of fool would I be to leave her like a sitting duck blind and not want to take care of her. Don't you want to take care of the people who you love? Why is she fighting me on this why is she being so proud and stubborn? And why do I love those things about her even though they work against me? Letting her leave Escala that night with the most stupid thing I'd ever done. I should have grabbed hold and not letting her go. If she ever came back to me I would never make that mistake again.

"Ana," I said seriously, "wanting to be with you isn't about you being blind. I wanted you back before you made it out of the apartment. I just didn't want to scare you away. I didn't know what to do with my feelings and it felt unfair to chase after you until I was. Then it became too difficult. But trust me, I was on my way. I was coming to you."

Feeling weary and discouraged, I moved closer to her bed, despite the tacit understanding that I kept my distance, which usually left me confined to the recliner nearest the door.

"I know how this looks. I'm blind, laid up in the hospital, and then you come swooping in to rescue me. I would look like some type of charity case. And you have needs. I can't do those things that you want, I can't be a submissive. I'd never been with anyone before but I still had some idea of what a relationship would be like and being with you just turns all those dreams on their head."

"You've gone through so many different women I mean I know you're monogamous but well not truthfully monogamous not dealing with that b**** troll but all those women that are willing to do all those things you want I don't want to compete with that I don't want to even imagine having to share or be unhappily married because you're dissatisfied. Also, I wanted to be just dating for a while, you know. I know you have this idea that I'm all about love and romance and picket fences, but those things for me, are pretty far down the road. I wanted to get established in my job. gosh you should see SIP I almost wished that I never accepted the job. It was miserable there. Anyway, the idea of you just moving me into Escala and that's being together forever sounds good on paper like a nice very good dream but I would feel beholden."

"We wouldn't even be getting to know each other. Because I barely know myself now. I'm going to have to learn how to do everything over from scratch. Feel like the Bionic Woman. I'm being rebuilt from the ground up. Do you know I even need help going to the bathroom? All those activities that I once took for granted, I'm going to have to learn again. I'm literally flying blind. I've never faced a challenge like this. And I'm not sure you would like the me that's left once all of this is finished."

What Ana did not understand is that I have never desired anyone as much as her, and I knew she was the one. Ana was essentially good. And she was driven to better herself and the people around her. Her essential goodness wouldn't change just because she couldn't see. It's almost as if she felt like her blindness made her a gargoyle but she was just as beautiful as ever even despite the bruises and scrapes. She was still my Ana.

"Ana, this is not something you have to worry about. Don't overthink this. We could start slow."

Damn, what was I saying? I knew that there was really only one speed with Ana, running full tilt, diving right into the deep end. As certain as gravity.

I was mentally selecting an engagement ring for Ana and a wedding set. The only reason I never offered any of the rest more was that the nebulous more inevitably led to expectations of a permanent nature.

"Christian, this isn't something we should do on a whim. You need to really think about what you're promising. Consider the demands and changes in both our lives."

I was already putting a trust in place for her medical and daily needs. Marriage would actually streamline quite a bit.

To think she was still worried about me she didn't understand that that made me love her even more because it would be very easy for her to just take on a simpler life instead she was still giving me the choice, offering me the out I didn't even want.

"Exactly how much time did you envision?" I asked impatiently. "How much time will it take to prove this is a serious offer? It's simple; I want you and you want me."

You're talking timelines; this is real life. I don't want to get married only to become a statistic! I'm not Carla, hopelessly romantic. But I'm not signing up for a relationship of convenience. If I ever g-get married," she stated, stumbling over the words, "I want it to be forever. And I don't think you can give that to me."

"Marriage is a contract. And I honor my contracts," I rebutted.

"Do I really have to say it?" she asked sarcastically, "because you may honor your own contracts, but you certainly didn't honor Mrs Robinson's."

And it was back to Elena. Would everything always lead to her? Would Ana ever trust me with our affair as part of my history? What does it take to explain to her that every fuckup has an origin story? It wasn't necessarily anything I was proud of, it was just the truth. I know it was ugly and wrong, but it was the only thing at the time that made me feel halfway normal.

She's making it seem as if everything was Elena's fault when I was the one who consented. "Let's not talk about that," I coaxed. "I understand that that was wrong. I never should have touched another man's wife, and the adult me would never do so. What will it take for you to trust that I'll take care of you? Do you at least trust that I'll take care of you?"

Without that small sliver of confidence, none of this would work.

"I guess we could have a prenup drawn up," she suggested hesitantly.

I didn't want a fucking prenup! Why was she putting an expiration date on us? But her eyes, even slightly unfocused, were determined. But still. Progress. At least we are in negotiations, which meant maybe she considered my offer somewhat favorable. I hated the fact that some of her acquiescence might be out of desperation, but I would take that. I could work with need for now, because I know she responds to me. She still has feelings for me even if they're buried under anger and frustration right now. Ana would never be with anyone just for money.

"Come here," she demanded. I reached out my hand, as I was already next to her bed. She grabbed my hand with surprising strength. "I need you to think, really think hard about this, Christian! Is this something you can commit to? No matter what? If you can't, that's not a problem. We walk away. But if I was to marry you and it all fell apart, it would break me. It's best not to start something that we can't finish," she ended with a whisper.

"It's almost like you want us to fail. That you don't trust me at all."

"It's not about trust, maybe I trust you too much. But your words and your actions say different things. Most of the time with you, I couldn't tell up from down, right from wrong; you downshift so quickly it's like whiplash. I don't know how to manage your expectations. And I'm going through a lot of stuff right now and I would need someone who is patient and you, you're the antithesis of that."

"I've waited for you. And yes although I do have very hair trigger instincts, it's only because I care about you and want you so much and I'm frustrated because it seems as if you're breaking away. I don't want you slipping through my fingers."

"You think putting a ring on it is going to solve all our problems? What about your needs? I can't go into the Red Room of Pain anymore—" she countered.

"It's being dismantled," I interrupted, as her face took on a strange expression. Then I recalled what she said. Not my playroom. She has a problem with my playroom. Not my dominance. Was she afraid our relationship would tank if I couldn't cane her? I'd already pulled that heavy shit down.

"No rules. No punishments," I entreated. And no fucking contracts either. The women I'd contracted in the past tried to ignore them anyway. The vows would cover the most important bits anyway. Love, honor, obey. Then she'd be safe.

I wasn't quite sure what love was. I've always been afraid of it because it seems so fucking undependable. Unpredictable, unreliable, false, temporary. Anastasia said she loved me, and the one thing I could say about her was that she was the truest thing I knew.