A/N: Hey Readers, so I know this story hasn't been updated in over 6 years! I recently logged on to FF after a very long time away, and I saw that this story was still getting reviews for me to update. I was really encouraged by the reviews, and my muse struck again. I have so much planned for this story, but my confidence in my writing abilities is a little lacking. This was going to be a long chapter, but I wanted to test the waters to see if anyone was still interested. So here's a short chapter to get going again.Please Please review and help get my confidence up again.
I do not own Criminal Minds.
"Hotch!"
"Hotch, can you hear me?"
"Aaron, Aaron open up, it's Dave and Morgan!"
"Come on Hotch, open the door!" Morgan yelled loudly, anxiously banging on the door trying to get a response. "HOTCH!"
Morgan turned to Rossi, a hint of panic in his eyes. "I don't like this, something doesn't feel right Rossi."
"Me either kid, there is definitely something hinky going on. Hotch would never do this."
Rossi felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. This behaviour was so unlike Aaron. He would never take off in the middle of a case, especially a case as important as this one. What was even more unnerving, was that Aaron would never make himself unavailable to the rest of the team. Aaron was as reliable as they come, day or night you could get hold of him. He would never not answer them period. Not to mention he was always on time. Always. Rossi gave an involuntary shudder. The last time no one could get hold of Aaron he had been attacked by Foyet.
With a cold sense of urgency Rossi began banging on the door too. "Aaron! AARON! Open up!"
"Damnit Rossi, what if the Unsub has him? The bastard has clearly been targeting Hotch and Prentiss!"
Rossi felt a wave of dread sweep through his body, he knew it was a definite possibility. Morgan had just verbalised what he had been thinking. And as much as it pained him to admit it, they had no idea who they were dealing with when it came to this Unsub.
Rossi took a deep breath, the last thing he wanted was for Morgan to see his fear and uncertainty. Aaron had asked him to help lead the team on this investigation, and he needed to at least appear to be calm and objective. Even though it was far from how he really felt right now. Inside he was as close to a full-on panic as anyone could be.
"We need to get inside the room, Derek." Rossi said, drawing his gun.
"Do you want me to break the door down?" Morgan asked, drawing his own weapon.
"No, if the Unsub is in there we want to try and go in as quietly as possible."
"Quietly?! Rossi, we've been banging on the door, screaming for Hotch to open up for the last five minutes. If that son of a bitch is in there he already knows we're out here!" Morgan said incredulously, looking at Rossi with a mixture of disbelief and desperation.
Derek had a point, Rossi conceded to himself. Already panic was clouding his judgement. Rossi took another deep breath, and made a decision. He would deal with the Bureau's red tape about damage to property later, right now they needed to get into the room and get to Aaron. Something was definitely wrong.
Just as he was about to give Morgan the 'okay' to break down the door, he heard a breathless Penelope come hurrying up behind them.
"I'm here, I'm here, I have the key!" Garcia panted. When she reached them, she saw that they had their weapons drawn. Immediately she started to panic. "Why are your weapons out? Oh my god! Is Bossman okay?"
Both Rossi and Morgan briefly looked away from the door, and glanced at the frazzled Garcia.
"We don't know yet Baby Girl. Stand back, and keep away from the door while we enter. We don't know if the Unsub is in there. So do not follow us inside! Do you hear me?" Morgan's tone came out harsher than he intended, and he mentally cringed.
Morgan had felt his heart rate speed up at the sight of Penelope, his thoughts immediately jumping to her being in danger. His mind was already running wild with worst case scenarios for Hotch. They had no idea what awaited them on the other side of the door. If the Unsub was still in there with Hotch, they were all potentially in danger. If he wasn't in there, well Morgan didn't even want to think of the possibility of Hotch not being in there.
Bringing his focus back to the present, Morgan felt his heart break a little as he saw the terror on Garcia's face. Gently he guided her until she was standing with her back against the wall, next to the door.
"Stay right here!" He said firmly, giving her a steady look. He wished he could soften his tone, he didn't want to frighten her. But he needed her to understand the possible danger they were in, and more importantly, to do as he said.
Morgan sent up a silent prayer that she would be ok, that they all would be ok. He inwardly cursed as he felt the adrenaline coursing through his body. Where was Prentiss? Why hadn't she brought the key? Surely she knew the potential threat? Prentiss was trained for situations like this, and they could have used the back-up. Why would she send Garcia who was completely vulnerable? Damnit Prentiss!
Morgan knew he needed to try to calm down, he wasn't thinking straight. Fear was starting to get the better of him. He was desperately worried about Hotch, and now Penelope was here potentially in harm's way.
"Oh my god, oh my god, this can't be happening!" Garcia cried, tears starting to stream down her face.
"Calm down Garcia. Just give us the key and wait here!" Rossi said, as calmly as he possibly could, while wondering the same thing as Morgan. Why wasn't it Prentiss bringing them the key? She always rushed to Hotch's aid…. Besides that, the extra back-up would have been useful right now.
Pushing the thought away for later, Rossi took the key card from Garcia and carefully unlocked the door. Once he saw the light on the key pad turn green, he put his hand on the handle and counted down with Morgan. On three he flung the door open, and stood aside for Morgan to storm in.
"FBI, hands where I can see them!" Morgan yelled as he entered the room, Rossi close behind him. Morgan immediately entered the bathroom on the left to clear it, while Rossi went straight through to the main part of the room.
Almost simultaneously they both yelled "Clear!"
Seconds later Rossi's eyes found Hotch. He was crumpled on the floor next to the bed, unconscious, blood dripping from his forehead. Rossi felt as if his heart stopped beating, and for a split second he was frozen with fear at the sight.
"MORGAN! We need an ambulance in here! NOW!" Rossi hollered, as he rushed towards Hotch. Kneeling beside him Rossi frantically began trying to feel for a pulse.
Morgan rushed over to Rossi, and took in the scene; Rossi on his knees, and Hotch lying there motionless. His face covered in blood.
"Oh no! No, no man! Not Hotch!" Morgan gave an anguished groan, his hands instinctively rubbing the back of his head. "Tell me he has pulse Rossi?"
"He does!" Rossi could hear the relief in his own voice. Aaron wasn't dead. They hadn't lost him, and they wouldn't. Rossi was going to make sure of that. He couldn't let the shock get to him, not now. They were in a crisis and he, Rossi, needed his head to be clear and to be in full agent mode. Hotch needed him.
Firmly taking charge, Rossi called out instructions, "Morgan we need an ambulance. You need to call them NOW! And don't let Penelope in here, send her to tell Prentiss!"
Morgan didn't move, he was rooted to the spot, staring at Hotch with horror filled eyes. "Hotch! Come on man, we can't lose you!" Morgan whispered desperately. Hoping, praying, that his worst fears weren't about to come true.
"Morgan! NOW!"
Rossi's yell broke into Morgan's daze, and he jumped into action. Rossi was right he needed to act, he wouldn't be any help to Hotch if he just stood there.
"Yeah, I'm on it Rossi!" He called, already pulling his cellphone out of his pocket and walking towards the door. He felt a lump form in his throat, they couldn't lose Hotch. Morgan was dreading having to break the news to Garcia, especially when all he could focus on was praying Hotch would be okay.
"Aaron! Stay with me! Do not give up on us, do you hear me! We need you Aaron!" Rossi coaxed as he tried to wake Hotch up.
Outside he heard Garcia's sob.
"Come on Aaron! Aaron!"
"Haley, Hey, what are you doing here?" Hotch was surprised, but happy to see her.
"Your cellphone kept going straight to voicemail." Haley's voice was flat when she answered, and Hotch could immediately tell she was holding something back.
"Yeah, no. I was in a meeting." Hotch explained, gesturing to his desk with his bag on it. "Is everything all right?"
Haley glanced at the bag, "Going out of town?"
Hotch inwardly cringed, and apologetically explained, "Yeah we gotta go to L.A. I was going to call you from the car." Seeing Haley's disapproval, he tried to keep his tone light when he asked, "What is it?"
Shaking her head, Haley sighed. "You really don't know why I'm here?"
"Honey, I'm sorry, we're running late." Hotch didn't want to come across as impatient, but he just didn't have time to guess what he'd done wrong this time. It was unusual for Haley to show up at the BAU, so he knew it must be important.
Crossing her arms, Haley let out a long exhale, "I just got back from the hospital. Jack?"
Hotch could see the hurt and disappointment in her eyes as she spoke. He wanted to kick himself. Flooded with guilt, he brought his hand to his forehead.
"Oh my god, the tests!" he breathed out, tears suddenly filling his eyes. How could he have forgotten! His little boy was sick and had needed him. "What happened?"
"He's got a condition... It's treatable and he's going to be okay." The tears in Haley's eyes matching Hotch's.
"I'm sorry." Hotch said genuinely, "How was he?" Hotch felt terrible. His son! How had he forgotten his own son.
"Scared" Haley stated simply. "They put those electrodes all over him and he was wondering where his daddy was!"
The tears in Hotch's eyes grew thicker, he pinched the bridge of his nose to stop them from falling.
"Babe, you promised you'd be there" Haley went on, moving closer and putting her hands on Hotch's arms. Wanting to comfort him, but also wanting to get his attention.
"I know, I'm sorry" Hotch said looking directly into her eyes so she could see he was being genuine. Letting her see the remorse and self-loathing he felt about forgetting.
Hotch and Haley stood with their eyes locked until Hotch couldn't take the disapproval he saw in Haley's eyes anymore. He looked away and asked "Where is he now?"
"At home with my mom. I didn't want him here while we were talking..." Haley broke off and waited until Hotch made eye contact again. "Look I know this job is important to you, but we're important too." Haley's voice was desperate.
Hotch shook his head in denial. "You don't need to tell me that."
"I don't want you to wake up some day, in some random city, and realise you don't know your own son!" Haley said vehemently, with tears coursing down her cheeks.
"The team can go without me" Hotch said, attempting to make things right. He knew what Haley was saying was true, but he didn't want it to be. He could still change things.
"No, they can't" Haley stated, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Your team needs you Aaron. It's too late for Jack and I."
"Haley what are you talking about?" Hotch suddenly felt as if things were beginning to get distorted. This wasn't how he remembered this conversation going. He felt his chest tighten he was starting to feel panicked. Haley! He didn't want to lose Haley. She was here now, and he wanted to hold on to her.
"Aaron, Jack and I have to go. You need to be there for them now." Hotch tried to make sense of what Haley was saying, but he couldn't. He reached out to grab her, but suddenly JJ and Reid were in his way.
Pushing them aside, Hotch grabbed hold of Haley. "No Haley, I don't want you to go. I can't lose you and Jack." Hotch was barely keeping his tears at bay while he clung to Haley. He was clinging to her as if his life depended on it, or hers…
"Aaron It's too late for us, but it's not too late for them!" Haley said gesturing to Reid and JJ.
"Haley, no, please don't leave me!" Hotch sobbed.
"Your team needs you Aaron. There's nothing more you can do for Jack and I."
No what she was saying couldn't be true. It couldn't be! "Haley please let me come with you." Hotch knew he was begging like a child, but he didn't care.
"No Aaron, they need you." Haley said, trying to pull away. Hotch wasn't letting go, his instincts were screaming at him. He knew if he let go he would lose her.
"Hotch!" Suddenly Prentiss was there. "We need you!"
"Yeah Hotch, you need to save us!" JJ called out to him.
"Hotch, my father and Gideon left me. Please don't leave me too." It was Reid this time, and his voice sounded so broken.
Hotch's head was spinning, he couldn't keep up with all of them shouting at him. Turning back to Haley, who was still trapped in his arms, Hotch let out an anguished plea, "Don't make me choose! Please."
"It's not a choice Aaron. Jack and I have already left."
"Haley please!"
"No Aaron, the team needs you. You have Emily now Aaron, it's going to be ok."
Hotch hated the reassuring tone Haley was using, he wouldn't give up on her. He wouldn't choose. He had to make Haley understand. She had to understand why he couldn't lose her.
"But Emily wants to leave me too, Haley."
"There's time to fix things with her, and the team, Aaron. It's too late for Jack and I"
Hotch could feel her slipping away, he looked into her beautiful face. A face he had loved for most of his life. His best friend. "I'm so sorry Haley. I'm so so sorry." Hotch closed his eyes as tears ran down his face.
When he opened his eyes Haley was no longer in his arms. Hotch started weeping.
"Aaron! Aaron!" Haley was getting further and further away, but her voice was getting louder.
"Hotch!"
"Hotch!"
"Hotch!"
"Aaron!"
Hotch's head was pounding. He couldn't see anyone anymore, not just Haley. But he could hear them screaming at him for help. His tears must be blinding him. Why did he have to choose. "No! No! I can't lose them! Any of them!"
Hotch started a renewed round of sobbing. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. I'm so sorry"
"Aaron, come on wake up!" Hotch heard Rossi's voice in the distance, but he didn't want to listen to him. He wanted to stay here, to find Haley and Jack. He wanted to hold on to them for as long as possible.
"Aaron come on, open your eyes!" Rossi was yelling now. Hotch could feel someone patting his face.
"AARON!"
This time Hotch's eyes flew open. He felt dazed, and didn't know where he was. Trying to orientate himself, he felt something soft under his head, and realised he was lying down. He was aware of Rossi hovering over him. Slowly it dawned on him that he had just been dreaming. Haley and Jack were gone, they were never coming back. And it was all his fault.
"That's it Aaron. You're okay now."
Hotch looked at Rossi as he absorbed the words. Okay? Nothing was okay! He'd just lost Haley and Jack all over again. His dream had just been another reminder of how he had failed as a partner, and more importantly as a father. Haley had been right he didn't know where he was and he didn't have his son. He was so absent from his son's life that his precious boy hadn't even been there in his dream. Jack, I'm so sorry buddy. I should have been there for you more. I should have been there at the end. I should have saved you.
Hotch turned away from Rossi. He managed to prop himself up slightly before he vomited. A wound that was still raw had been ripped open. The pain of losing Haley and Jack again was too real. It was too much for him to stomach. He had let his family down. He had killed them.
Wiping his mouth with his hand, he turned back to Rossi. This time he noticed Morgan kneeling beside Rossi.
"The ambulance is on its way, just hang on Hotch."
Rossi and Morgan? Ambulance, what ambulance?
Hotch still felt dazed, but fought through the pain and tried to sit up. Morgan seeing Hotch struggling, reached out to help him. As soon as Hotch was upright, where he was, and what he was supposed to be doing slammed into him. The case! JJ and Reid! The knowledge knocked the breath right out of him, he wanted to be sick again. Haley had been right as usual, they needed him.
"JJ and Reid?" He managed hoarsely.
"We'll find them, Aaron. Are you okay?"
"Prentiss? I need Prentiss!" Hotch said urgently. She knew what was going on. She'd be able to help him. Help him find JJ and Reid, Hotch clarified internally. His thoughts still felt slightly muddled. Briefly Hotch remembered Prentiss was in his dream too, but he tried to brush the thought away. He was uncomfortable with Haley's insinuation. Prentiss was a colleague, and a friend at most. He did need her, but only professionally, that was all. Hotch rubbed his hand down his face, trying to rub the unwelcome thoughts away. Unfortunately his mind had other ideas. Instead of pushing Prentiss out of his thoughts, the memories of the early hours of the morning flashed through his mind. Prentiss comforting him, her arms around him. His anger… Anger he knew he shouldn't still be feeling when he thought about what she had done, but he did. Their confrontation…
Hotch inhaled sharply, she was thinking of leaving. Had he driven her away? Had she already left? Why wasn't she here?
"Where's Prentiss?" Hotch said again, not entirely managing to keep the desperation out of his voice.
Rossi and Morgan shared a glance. It wasn't lost on either of them that Hotch was calling out for Prentiss.
"She's ok, she's with Garcia." Morgan said soothingly to Hotch, trying to calm him down.
Hotch was about to respond when he felt something wet drip into his eye. He reached up and wiped it away. When he brought his hand to his face he saw that it was covered in blood. What the hell happened? Hotch probed his head gently and felt a cut. It stung as he touched it.
"Hotch did the Unsub do this to you?"
Hotch looked at Morgan. The concern in both Morgan and Rossi's voices and faces was unnerving him. Hotch searched his memory. Had the Unsub done this to him? The last thing he remembered was getting dressed after his shower. He had been upset about the videos the unsub had sent. Oh god the videos!
As the Unsubs words played themselves through Hotch's mind he felt his stomach churn, and his heart rate speed up. It felt as if his heart might burst from the pain. He was feeling more than just upset, he was completely overwhelmed with grief. How had the Unsub known so much? He had used Jack's last words against him. Each word from the video was like a stab in the heart, and he didn't want to have to re-watch it. But then he thought of JJ and Reid, if he wanted to find them he needed to face the video again. Oh god, they needed him, but he didn't know if he could do it. He didn't even know where to start. The same gut wrenching feeling of helplessness from his dream was back, why did he have to choose.
Mentally shaking himself Hotch realised it wasn't a choice. Jack was gone. Like the Unsub had said, he had chosen wrong. His family was dead because of him. All he had left now was the Team. JJ and Reid were now his top priority. He had to do whatever it took to find them. He just hoped this time he would be there in time. Hotch held his face in his hands in an attempt to stop himself from falling apart.
Morgan and Rossi watched the unusual display of emotions flicker across Hotch's face. Their concern for him increasing the longer he was silent.
"Hotch?"
Morgan broke Hotch out of his musings. Pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind he tried to focus on Morgan's question. No, there definitely was no unsub here. If there had been Hotch knew he wouldn't have been the one, or at least the only one, to be hurt. He did remember feeling dizzy though.
"No. It wasn't the Unsub." Hotch was slightly offended that Morgan thought he could be taken out that easily, but he knew Morgan was just concerned. He would be too if the situations had been reversed. Besides, it wasn't as if Morgan's concern was out-of-place, it had happened before…. Not this time though.
"I think… I think I just passed out." Hotch was mortified at having to admit this. Shame flooded through him at how pathetic this made him look. He was a mess. He couldn't look Morgan or Rossi in the eye. He didn't want to see the pity in their eyes, or even worse the doubt. The doubt about his abilities to handle himself, or his abilities to solve this case. Hotch was filled with a deep sense of self-loathing, they had every right to doubt him. Here they were wasting precious time because he was weak!
He was letting JJ and Reid down the same way he had let Haley and Jack down. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he protect the people he loved. If anything happened to JJ or Reid it would be all his fault. Hotch could feel his desperation and anguish mounting. He couldn't let his mind go there. He still had a chance, if he could just pull himself together.
Trying to shift the focus off of himself, and back to more important matters, he said "There's new videos! We need to watch them. We need to find JJ and Reid."
With a renewed sense of urgency, Hotch tried to get up. They didn't have time to waste!
"Aaron, calm down. We know about the videos. Let's first get you checked out, and then we can get back to the case." Rossi said gently, but firmly, preventing Hotch from getting up.
"Dave, I'm fine. Let's just get back to the case…"
Rossi held up a hand to stop him. "We're going to get you checked out first Aaron."
Before Hotch could protest any further the paramedics came rushing in, and immediately swarmed all over him. Hotch felt humiliated.
"I really don't need this." Hotch said, trying to pull away.
"That's for them to decide Aaron. Look the less you fight the quicker it will be over with, and the quicker we can get back to the case." Rossi was resolute.
Giving up on Dave, Hotch looked to Morgan for help. "No way man, if it was anyone of us you would insist."
Hotch closed his eyes in defeat, and prayed it would be over quickly. "Fine, but whatever they say I am not going to the hospital. I need to get back to the case!"
Rossi and Morgan shared a relieved look, at least it was the same Hotch. They didn't care that he was being stubborn, they were both just thankful he seemed to be ok.
A/N: There we go, I hope you enjoyed that. I know this chapter was short, but there is plenty more angst coming up, with some cute snaps of the kids!
PLEASE leave a review, they really keep me motivated, and it will help me so much in getting the next chapter done.
P.S: I'm looking for a Beta Reader, as my dear friend GoodGodHenry is not available to beta for me right now. PM me if you're interested.