Disclaimer:
Mrs. J.K., I am going to try to do the song and dance without rushing it. Yes, I'll even try to make Dumbledore into a good guy… until I lose my temper on the creep. As always, for free. Ofc.
1 Year one. Getting sorted.
Hello, I am a Harry Potter fanati...fan. Can you believe that when Truck San ran me over, I ended up here? In Harry's cupboard! I am totally Isekaid! When I calculated the date, today it is Dudley's birthday and the trip to the zoo. I can hardly wait.
Regaining Harry's memories was disturbing, man, that boy got starved. Not a lot of beatings, only at accidental magic and neglect to a criminal level. But I want to play this out.
Just like canon, the fat ass wanted more presents to add to his pile of broken junk. His friend Piers Buttkiss came for the trip, and I was forced to come along.
I tried to get out of it by asking Petunia: "Aren't you afraid people look down on you for not having money enough, so you have to dress me in these rags?" I could have avoided the slap, but I would have gotten two more after. She said: "You follow us five steps behind you freak."
That is a nasty cow. Anyway, canon followed except for the snake scene, I am not a fan of the hunger games. All in all, a wasted day. I tried everything from fan fictions to getting wandless magic, but nothing worked, I knew I am getting shafted here.
The letters came, I kept a few for evidence, and let the rest play out like canon. Hagrid came in the middle of the night, even when you know he is coming and he is big… he is freaking huge!
When that fat ass ate my birthday cake I got angry, they didn't feed me for two days! Hagrid fed me eventually, the fun of being Harry is cooling down though.
Xxxxx
We arrived at the Leaky Cauldron, I think they put a lot of effort into letting it look like a shady pub, that or cleaning spells need a Masters' degree in household spells. I spotted purple stutter, when Hagrid introduced him I tried to take his hand and shake it, but the naffer acted like a scared virgin at the sight of her first dick. Meh, I'll smoke him some other time.
Gringotts, I skimmed the graffiti, I've seen better poems on public restrooms. Griphook took us with the fun carts to my vault, this time I explored my vault for goodies that my parents could have left. At the pile of gold, I asked Griphook: "How am I supposed to carry this? It weights a ton."
Griphook answered: "A mokeskin bag cost fifty Galleons Mr. Potter." I said: "And you happen to have one that I can buy?" the greedy ass grinned and said: "I have one for fifty-five Galleons." I grinned back: "For ten Galleon I will tell you something to prevent your bank to be embarrassed."
Meh, the naffer didn't catch the bait. I filled my bag with a shit load of Galleons and moved back up. I kept my key though.
When we passed a store with trunks, I said to Hagrid: "Can I buy a trunk first, then I can store everything directly in my trunk. Hah! Manor trunk coming up!… fuck these are expensive, it takes five months at least, and are custom made. I settled with a five-compartment trunk, one has an apartment completely equipped, spelled with all bells and whistles, and a bottomless bag for my schoolbooks, I was set for seven years. Hagrid was already getting drunk in the leaky.
I shrunk the trunk, hey that rimes! And went to Malkins for the robes. The blond ponce left the store when I arrived. Inside the store, I was the only client. A shop assistant came, and a half hour later I left with a complete wardrobe, muggle and wizarding alike. I made an excuse that I had a growth spurt, although that didn't fly, I am shrimp sized, but I think she understood when she could count my ribs.
The bookstore sold me the standard package for Hogwarts, and some more when I asked for the Slytherin supplement package. I browsed some more books about Household spells, etiquette, and the Noble Houses. Yes, I am seriously influenced by fan fiction… I hope Snape doesn't want to bugger me. That is a scary thought. Or Draco! In eighty percent of fan fiction starring him, he is gay or shagging Hermione.
Anyway, it is time to buy my wand. Again, cleaning charms have to be difficult going on the dust in that shop when I entered, I directly looked behind me, surprising him to find him out.
He said: "Ah Harry Potter, I was expecting you, I remember your mother had.." I tuned him out and explored the shop with interest, when I didn't hear a voice anymore I said: "One wand please." The old fossil was offended I did not listen to his speech.
He did the tape measure thing until I grabbed it away from my dingeling. I looked suspicious at him, is this creep a pedo? That started to give me different wands, twenty minutes later I asked: "Was there a point for that tape measure? I tried half your shop already!" At this point, he did not like me anymore, five minutes later I left with Voldemort's brother's wand. I parted with: "Keep this a secret Mr. Olivander, even from the headmaster, agreed?" He sputtered: "Mr. Potter, he needs to know."
I looked at him and returned the wand: "Is there another wand shop in the neighborhood? This one sells the secrets from his customers." He sighed: "You win Mr. Potter, I make a vow to keep it a secret."
The rest of the trip went like canon, when I passed Gringotts I went inside and changed some Galleons into Pounds. So when Hagrid put me on the train, I took one back at the first station.
There is no way I'll go back there this month, so I made a call to Petunia: "Aunt, I'll stay in London, see you next year." I am happy, they are happy. At the Leaky Cauldron I rented a room until one September and asked Tom to keep it silent, I did not want to get mobbed.
That month a scrawny kid did some more shopping, a Nimbus is a must-have, nutrient potions and growth potions, I let my eyes check out, a potion fixed it, so why… of course, the skinny kid needs to have glasses to look pitiful. I expanded my library with a book about occlumency and several about potions and herbology.
Magic theory, Wandless everything that looked interesting, and was mentioned a lot in fan fiction. I think I never studied that hard in my life. The potion regime let me grow a couple of inches and put some meat on my bones.
I focused on household charms and hygiene charms. I am getting good at that
Xxxxx
1 September! I took the floo to the station ten minutes before eleven and boarded the train I passed several empty compartments, so Ronny was on a mission to be my sidekick, I passed a compartment with a blond and a black-haired girl in it, I thought why not? It is better than spending time with a fanboy. Some fiction made him gay and crushing on me…
I knocked on the door, when one of them let me enter the compartment, I asked: "Do you ladies mind that I travel with you? My name is Harry Potter." Of course! If you are famous you have to use that. The girls looked at each other, the blond pretty one answered: "You may Heir Potter, My name is Heir Primary Greengrass, and this is Heiress secondary Davis." Ok… I am kissing hands here. Not the proper way it seems.
I did some damage control: "Pardon me if I did something wrong, I grew up with muggles and have not a clue about wizarding etiquette. I suppose the Heir Potter stands for something?"
Davis said: "You lived with muggles? You are the boy who lived don't you?"
I looked offended: "Of course, I am a boy and very much alive thank you. What does that have to do with where I grew up?"
Davis almost shouted: "Everything! There are books about your life in a castle with friends and house elves." I shrugged: "Well, that was not about me, I lived in a muggle home, had no friends or servants, and had to work hard to get fed. Maybe there is another Harry Potter alive."
Greengrass said: "Impossible, you are the last of the line. The last of the Potters."
I smiled sadly: "That seems not like a big deal, I got treated like dirt for ten years, nobody came to see me and now I am supposed to be the last Heir of a family? Did they hate my family? Nobody wanted to take me in?"
I shook my head and said: "Enough about the soppy stuff, what can you tell me about your customs, I noticed I did something wrong when I kissed your hands."
Greengrass was shocked, an ignorant Heir from an important House will cause problems but also create opportunities: "Alright Heir Potter, first, you don't kiss the hands, you just brush them with your lips. But if you want us to tutor you it will cost you."
I looked her in the eyes and said: "Obviously you both don't need money, so I guess a favor or my influence as the boy who lived."
Greengrass nodded: "Socializing with you will raise our standing in school among our peers."
I asked: "Did you consider the downside? That man that tried to kill me had a herd of followers, I think they are not happy I sent their boss to where ever dead wizards go too. It could make you a target"
Davis said: "There are ways around it. Both our houses are high up the hierarchy, so is House Potter, we can let it appear we have an alliance between our families. That way we can socialize without the interference of the Dark faction"
I thought for a minute and asked: "And the people that dropped me with my aunt? They are powerful enough to keep me there."
Greengrass answered: "Our families have a lot of influence, yours too by the way. The way I see it, they broke several laws to put you there."
I looked at them: "An alliance between House Potter, House Greengrass, and House Davis? I am all for it, what about your parents? What if they disapprove?"
Davis had an evil grin: "Our parents encouraged us to make connections with other Houses, including yours. Forming an alliance between Heirs is a normal step to make, although it mostly happens after our Owls." Somehow I feel like prey they are stalking, herding me in a certain direction.
I took my chance, I might as well have some fun: "Alright, let us form an alliance, how do we do that?"
Greengrass started to explain: "We set a contract up, in that contract we stipulate the conditions, mutual cooperation, and aid, also, as a fail-safe, an agreement not to enter a marriage contract without our mutual permission. That is necessary to prevent forced contracts. We are prime targets for fortune hunters, this agreement cancels it out." And there is the trap.
I looked puzzled: "Why didn't your parents do this before you board the train?"
Greengrass blushed: "We asked our parents to let us choose him ourselves." Well, whatever, I am going to spend seven years with them at school and I'll bet they are prettier than Weasley.
I said: "And you chose me? Well, to be honest, I need you more than you need me, so I am honored to be an ally for both of you, can you set the contract up?"
Davis looked around: "This compartment shakes too much we have to wait until we are in Hogwarts."
I enlarged my trunk and opened my apartment: "In here it is shock free. Let me first lock the door."
An hour later we formed an alliance, with a list of tasks and duties. Last came with mutual aid and an option to be the first choice in partners. Signed with our blood, yeah, a contract with the devil… pretty ones though, in threefold.
Daphne, yes I may call her that now, said: "I will send this to my account manager and let him set the two other copies to Tracey's and your account manager."
The rest of the trip was calm, I forgot to unlock the door, I shared my food and candy from my trunk, I stocked up with all kinds of things. The conversation came up the houses to sort in, I am not eager to enter the snakepit, if I do then I have Dumbledore watching me like a hawk.
Tracey said: "We thought to enter Slytherin, but now I am not so sure, there are a lot of sons and daughters from death eaters, I don't think you will be left alone, especially the albino idiot. So Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff? Griffindor is out for me, they are the opposite of Slytherin."
Daphne said: "Ravenclaw if possible, they let us study in peace." I shrugged: "Ravenclaw is fine by me." The girls took their job seriously, the rest of the trip was a study session. when the train arrived, Daphne's owl flew away with the contracts.
Xxxxx
The boats were fun, I managed to avoid Ron and Draco until we were in the chamber. Ron was talking about fighting Trolls, I mocked him and said: "You need three grown wizards to fight those mate, I think they set something on your head that reads your deepest thoughts and secrets, if you are a criminal or a daddy's boy, or even plain out stupid, they can refuse you and have to be homeschooled."
Sorting was fun. I whispered to Tracey: "Demand Ravenclaw, it will listen if you say the cunning ones sort in other houses."
Daphne also went to the claws, I felt sorry for Hermione and whispered: "The Ravenclaws have a library in their common room, the others do not, I even heard Gryffindors are bullies. The Claws dorm needs to be expanded because Hermione got Clawed.
My turn came up, the Hat said: "Hmm? That is new, Isekai is it called? WTF? We are in a children's book? Bloody fuck? Horcruxes? Alright, call on me if you need aid, you will need it. Better be Ravenclaw!"
The Griffs were disappointed, the Claws sheered, I sat between my Allies and all was well. When the food appeared I went over it with my ring, I bought one that could detect potions, once it was clear, I stacked my plate. Everyone was curious, a Chinese girl could not hold it in: "What did you just do with your ring?"
I answered: "checking for potions, it is easy to put a loyalty potion in your food, and the next thing you know you are worshiping the headmaster." Everyone protested, I nodded: "See? Loyalty potion, done over the years can cause your mind to be numb, and you even agree with the most stupid ideas."
An upper year said: "Name one stupid idea."
I looked at him and said: "The most stupid one I heard was that muggles stole our magic. The one that came up with that is almost brain dead."
He was offended: "How do you explain that muggles get their magic? There is no other way than to steal it from us."
I looked at Daphne and Tracey and said: "I thought this is the house of the smart?" I said to smarty pants: "Listen, and listen good mate, where do you drop your squibs? Where do you drop your criminals after their magic is bound?
Where do the students go that have their wands snapped? Don't you think there are wizards that go into the muggle world to have a good time with women with or without their consent?
And do you think if they have children that they are not magical? Now tell me, do you still believe they steal our magic? You are giving our magic away dum-dums!"
I smelled at the drinks, and said out loud: "Elves, can I have water, please. Thank you. This is another enigma, why do you all drink pumpkin juice? This smells and tastes awful. Maybe it is to mask the taste of the potions."
Tracey grinned: "We are going to have so much fun with Harry." Daphne nodded, setting the Ravenclaws in their place the first ten minutes after sorting was impressive. She added: "I am asking my father for such a ring. I think it is going to be useful."
I put my twenty cents with it: "Ask for one against mind magic too, I heard there are professors that can use Legilimency without that you can notice it. I heard the headmaster and a man called Snip are specialized in it."
An upper year asked: "How do you know all that?" I grinned: "I spent last month in Diagon Alley, you be amazed by the things you hear." The seeds are sown, now I just have to watch them grow.
Dumbledore's speech ended with certain death in the third corridor. I commented: "See? Loyalty potion, there is no other way he won't get fired for getting students in danger. What does he have there? A Cerberus?" Man, I have a blast. This is fun, messing with these airheads is easy.
at the riddle doorknob, the thing asked: "What comes first, the chicken or the egg?"
I was first to answer: "Neither, they evolved from a single cell to entities that can reproduce with eggs, you can say they came at the same time. There are also the theories of Darwin versus the religions that create controversies… The door opened while I was still lecturing! I was not even half done!
I winked at the girls and whispered: "Even if you don't know the answer, over bluff them with facts they can't check."
Daphne said to Tracey: "You are right Tracey, this is going to be fun."
I am very happy now, those Ravens have private rooms! Well, they are doubles, but those wimps are afraid of my intellect. When I lay in my bed I thought: "It has been a productive day, I made contact with the upper class, made the claws doubt themselves, and have a contract with two pretty girls."
I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
Xxxxx
One of the first spells I learned was to set an alarm, it went off at six, so I could do my exercises, who told you that you need to train something like parkour? There are enough things that get you tired that can be done in a small space. An hour later I took a shower and dressed. At seven twenty both came down and inspected my clothes. Daphne said: "This is not acceptable, show us your room."
Fifteen minutes later I was 'barely acceptable' Tracey commented: "We will make a list and send it to Malkins, you just have to sign it and press your vault key on the signature. The magic recognizes it.
Penelope Clearwater guided us down to the great hall along the way, Granger's mouth did not stop talking for a second. Finally, I asked: "Miss Granger, when you are nervous do you hide it by talking? Because I think you are very nervous. Calm down and give us time to answer your questions. For your information, everyone is nervous, me too, we just are better at hiding it."
That stopped the talking, I sat between Tracey and Daphne, are they shielding me? Protecting their property? Anyway, Flitwick passed the schedules out, when he reached me he said: "Mr. Potter, after breakfast you need to see the headmaster."
I asked: "Why sir? What have I done? It is my first day here!" he answered: "I don't know, never the less he is expecting you after breakfast."
Daphne interrupted: "Any meeting of a student with the headmaster must be attended by the head of House. It is in the rules." I smiled gratefully at Daphne, that contract is paying itself already.
Flitwick frowned: "I have a class right after breakfast." I cut in: "The headmaster will understand if you rescheduled it, sir, after all, teaching students is more important than chatting with a celebrity student. You may inform him that I don't like to be famous, and don't hand out autographs. So if it is for an autograph tell him not to bother."
Flitwick went to the headmaster to reschedule, I said to Daphne and Tracey: "Girls, going into your compartment is the best idea I ever had." Flitwick came back: "Mr. Potter, the headmaster asks that you make an exception this one time."
I looked at him and asked: "Did he inform you of the subject of the conversation? No? Then I am sorry Sir, being called to the headmaster is a serious thing in the muggle world and I suspect here too.
As miss Greengrass said, it is in the rule book. Does the headmaster want to break the rules just for a talk? Then it is a conversation that I need your presence as my head of House for Sir."
Flitwick was conflicted, my logic was sound, he turned back to the headmaster I asked: "How many times does Professor Flitwick go up and down before the headmaster accepts his loss?"
Flitwick returned: "I am afraid the headmaster insists Mr. Potter, he said it is important."
I shot back: "But he still did not inform you what is so important? Sir, if it is important then it is essential that you are present in that conversation, and sir, I am getting more and more nervous about the intentions of the headmaster.
So I will say it loud and clear sir, I will never talk to the headmaster without your presence. If the headmaster is willing to skip over the rules then he is not to be trusted."
Flitwick was between a rock and a hard place. Daphne came to my help: "I will inform my father that the headmaster has an unhealthy interest in Heir Potter and needs investigation. Being headmaster does not give you the right to break rules, Sir."
Flitwick let his head hang down and returned to the head table, wishing he was somewhere else. We looked at our schedule, History was first, the older students warned us about the professor, and to make teams take notes. They are trolling us, he just reads from the textbooks, so an easy class.
Flitwick came back, I sighed: "I am sorry I make it hard on you Sir, you seem like an easy going friendly Professor. But can't you see for yourself that this is not right? Why is he so obsessed with me? Does he have romantic feelings for me? If he insists I will transfer to another school. I don't like to be bullied." And Flitwick was off again.
Tracey asked: "Would you leave for another school?" I joked: "What and leave you both behind? I just found you. No seriously, the only reason he can have me to his office is our contract from yesterday, which means he has a spy in Gringotts." Daphne added: "Or he is your guardian."
I smiled sadly: "Then that is all the more reason to never meet him alone. I had a crap childhood, and never had a visit from my guardian, so why bother now. Or he is stealing from me." Yep, I am throwing accusations left and right for everyone to hear.
Flitwick returned: "Mr. Potter, the headmaster is insisting to talk to you in his function as your magical guardian."
I sighed and raised my voice: "Sir, if he is my magical guardian, where was he for the last ten years? Sitting on that blasted throne, eating three meals a day, while I had some table scraps? Is he sleeping in a comfy bed sir?
Well, I was sleeping in the cupboard under the stairs for ten years SIR. If he is really my magical guardian then he can fuck off and die for all I care, SIR.
Was he ever punished for accidental magic SIR? Well, I got beatings for that SIR, My nephew had a fun game called Harry hunting, if they caught me, the grand prize was a good beating, SIR.
Were was my magical guardian? Sitting with his lazy ass on his throne, or worse, he knew it and didn't do shit about it. So tell him to fuck off! SIR" I practically screamed the last sentences. That will set tongues in action.
Flitwick was stunned, with a calmer voice I said: "The deputy headmaster knows about it too. My Hogwarts letter was addressed to the cupboard under the stairs. Ten years I slept there, nobody came to help me, now I am suddenly a celebrity? I am famous?
Why did nobody check up on me? Do Wizards like to abuse their orphans? Not a word, not a letter, and now I have to jump for that creep that dropped me off on the doorstep of my aunt? He didn't even knock on the door! They found me the next morning half frozen.
Well sir, is that a man to be alone with? I rather have the Aurors present or, Daphne, Tracey? Can I ask one of your parents as a witness during the meetings of the headmaster?"
It didn't escape Flitwick I was on a first-name basis he sighed: "I will reschedule the meeting Mr. Potter. You will never be alone with the headmaster if I can prevent it."
Penelope guided us back upstairs to get our books, I joked: "Well, going on Miss Clearwater's example, doing those stairs every day will give you nice legs. Sorry, miss Clearwater, that was out of line, I just wanted to lighten up the mood. My personal problems should not be the reason to ruin everyone's day."
Penelope smiled and answered: "That is alright Heir Potter, it is nice to hear a compliment once in a while."
Tracey pinched me in my side: "No flirting with other girls Harry, that gives the wrong impression." Damn, one day and already jealous? That is fast. I leaned over to Tracey and whispered: "Then flirting is allowed with you both?" Hah! I got her blushing!
Daphne softly said: "It is allowed and expected Harry." Crap! What contract did I sign again? Was there fine print?
