I don't own Twilight, I do own the rest.

4.

Leaning against the window sill in the cafeteria, I think there's a girl on the other side of the window, looking in at me. She stares - a dull ache in her eye. Her fingers look like white spiders, splayed and clinging to anything they can hold to. There are red rims around the edges, evidence that she's been crying.

Behind the girl sits a man with a mustache in the shape of a comb. It's dark brown with a little white and gray roping their way through the dark. The man also looks tired, rings etched around his own eyes. The girl had those eyes once. Though, in the recent months she tosses and turns - fearing the black seep that comes from the walls and the red eyes. They have been white-washed into the translucent color they are now. Always bloodshot, stained with crimson weaves that web their way on the outer sclera.

"Bells," the man behind the glass states with a sigh.

Is her name Bella too? My mouth widens in shock and so does hers, as we both blink a few times. "Bella," comes out in more of a whisper this time and I turn away to give them privacy - but when I glance up I come face to face with the same man from the glass.

"Who are you?" I breathe.

"Bella please, it's me. It's Dad."

Something in my head clicks like a lock turning in a huge wooden door and I try to push at the familiarity of the memory oozing out of the corners of my mind. It's stuck - the man is wearing a uniform.

I know this.

"Daddy, look! I caught one," the little girl holds the fishhook up to her father's face as though it's some kind of trophy. "It's so slimy." She wrinkles her nose up at the small fish, avoiding staring directly at it for fear that the glazed over black eyeball will wink at her.

Her father takes the hook from her and plucks it out of the rubbery skin. He then proceeds to toss the fish in a bucket near them. It makes a flopping sound and the man grins at his daughter. "God job, Bells. See? Fishing isn't so bad."

The door finally caves in and the memory flings itself out in full force, waking me up and dragging me back. I stand and walk around the table, throwing myself at Charlie. "Dad," I croak out, trying to apologize for my blind lapse.

He leans in and gives me a half-sided hug. "It's just the disease, Bells, it's just the disease. So...how are things?" Charlie mumbles out, trying to make things less awkward.

"Fine," I lie - which has become much easier than it used to be.

"You know, your hair looks exactly like your mom's when -"

"Dad, don't."

"It was never your fault, you know. No one knows when their time is up, she -"

"Is that what you think? That it's my fault?"

"No I just -"

"Dad, I didn't...I didn't do anything when she died. I didn't even mourn. You know what the last thing I told her was?" I hiss over the table.

I'm sure I'm making a scene but I don't care. Charlie looks over his shoulder to make sure no one is watching us or listening in.

It may sound strange, but it's almost like a comfort to know that he stays away - it's better this way. Defense, and I suppose I couldn't handle watching him drive everyday to see me, sheltered from the world and suffering in this dark abyss. He might break down himself. I can't lose him too.

"What? What was the last thing you said? I'm pretty sure thinking about it isn't going to help anything. Dr. Thompson -"

"He's not a doctor," I growl.

Charlie looks at me sternly. "Yes, he is Bells. And you should address him as such."

"Fine," I lie again easily. He may not know the truth, but he forced me into this hell hole to begin with. Getting up, I start for the exit. "I told her I didn't need her to take care of me."

"Bella!"

"What?" I whirl, trying to figure out what the world wants from me. It's so tiring, existing without purpose from day to day.

"Have you at least heard anything from the Cullens?"

"Why would I care about a bunch of people who don't exist?"

"What are you talking about? Of course the Cullens exist."

"No, Dad. Vampires aren't real."

"Vampires? Hey what -"

"The Cullens I knew wouldn't have left anyway."

"Don't shut everything down, Bella. You're not a robot!"

"Yeah well, I'm not exactly a person either, am I?"

He looks at me confused, "Who told you that?"

"The man you told me to call doctor. I'm not a robot - just a shell with an illness. You want me to live normally? I'm doing it - I'm living the only way I know how." Tears stream down my face and into my hair. Keeping myself together as I clutch my sides, I wonder, if the truth is all I have now then why does it wrap me in chains? If the truth sets me free, shouldn't I feel liberated? Instead I'm weighed down by sex, madness and drugs. "I'm not going to be miserable to be stable like you. I'm going to be hollow."

A low blow, ripping him into shreds like a ribbon falling to the floor at one's feet. Instead of waitng for a reply, I sin the way I did with Renee. I leave him - I hit and run. I let the venom spread; paralyzing the mouse.

Alice's POV

Dropping to my knees on the pavement, it hits me like a semi-truck. White walls surrounding her, people drowning in sheets and tubes in their beds. Some are being dragged to a room with an electro-shock system -screaming for help because they know what's coming.

She sits in a corner, the visions flipping and zooming by like some sort of static TV set. The soft curls of her coconut hair fall everywhere and then she turns and smiles vacantly at some man I don't recognize. They share music tastes and talk about pickles and philosophy.

Jasper's panicked, calling my name over and over but I ignore him. This is the first time I have seen her in months, ages. It's forcing its way through the tight lid I screwed on the jar of our memories. All because of Edward. The damn is broken.

But I throw my arm out to Jasper as the next thing I see shakes me so deeply within. A doctor leans over her naked form in his office. Not a regular physical but something else, something dirty and wrong. The curtain behind my eyes closes off and I fall the rest of the way to the ground, panting for breath as if I were human and running for miles.

They kneel in front of me, concern on their faces. Emmett and Rose at my sides, and Jasper in front of me asking what on earth could I have seen to cause such a reflex. I struggle on my feet and stare my husband in the eyes.

"Bella, something's wrong. We need to get to Seattle, now.